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Joined: 10/13/2009
Msg: 1
Some advice on how to court a young lady please - not sure if she is even interestedPage 1 of 1    
Hi all I’m just looking for a little advice to assist me with my possible desire to begin courting a young lady.

Yesterday I had the first meeting with the young lady in question. We have been emailing for about 3 weeks and had a few longish online chats over the past week - now that we have met I want to move away from this approach as it is quite suffocating. To all intents and purposes she seemed like precisely the kind of person I was looking for… as much as in personality as well as looks – the bonus is I think she is quite gorgeous. Previously when I have had a first meeting I have been able to tell whether it went well or not, and tend to know why. Generally speaking, I find myself uninterested in the other person and if they are interested I am in a position of power. In this instance I do not feel I have this power, and this concerns me as I am fond of her and definitely would like to get to know her better.

In a way the meeting went well, but in another way it has left me feeling confused as to whether or not she is interested in me. I think we got on rather well, there we’re no notable pauses in conversation and we probably chatted very pleasantly for 3 hours or so. I did most of the listening, and she didn’t ask me that many questions (something I am concerned about), though at suitable times I did share my opinions and experiences.

I am unable to determine whether or not she is interested. I already know from both previous messaging and chatting yesterday that she does not and will not chase men. She is old fashioned and wants any relationship to develop slowly. Currently she is very very committed to her studies, and I am very committed to building my career, and as we are both busy people I think it may be difficult to schedule meetings in the future. I don’t really want to have to change my plans for her as this would make me seem desperate, and I don’t expect to see her until she has a window which could be some time away. That said I really don’t want this to fizzle out, if there is the possibility that it may lead somewhere.

I have a lovely idea for a second meeting (or dare I say it, date), but it isn’t something that could be done in an evening. Near the end of the meeting she informed me that she was busy for the next 2 weekends and has to submit her dissertation in a few weeks time (I was aware of this before we met), therefore I respect the fact that she doesn’t have many free spaces in her diary at present, nor in fact do I. Ideally I would like to spend a day with her to see how we connect. Even though we got on well yesterday, it was more in terms of finding out we have similar traits, ambitions and expectations than actually having a laugh. We giggled a few times, but not as often as I’d have liked. For some reason I was more serious and gentlemanly than funny, but that seemed the right approach at the time.

As we parted, she went to give me a hug, instinctively I went to give her a peck on the cheek, I’m not sure if she realised and I just kissed her hair and really it was a hug. She verbally agreed to meet again and I texted her when I got home to ensure she had arrived home safely (she declined my offer of a lift), and she sent a chatty reply. I responded to the text message went to sleep and haven’t heard from her since (I wouldn’t expect to).

I am the kind of person, who wants to build a loving relationship through courtship and I think she wants the same – something like in the movies, rather than the way most people get together these days. However I am unsure as to whether or not she is fond of me and I expect that I will be the one doing all the chasing. I am happy to do this but do not want to come across as clingy as I am not, but I would like to maximise my chances of success. I am planning on contacting her tomorrow and I was hoping that some kind people may be able to offer me some advice based on the above. Ideally I would like to hear from older fish for whom courtship is the norm informing me of the potential pitfalls ahead, or girls with a similar outlook to this lady.

Thanks in advance for your kind assistance, and please accept that I prefer the old fashioned approach of courtship, to any wham bam modern dating styles.
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 2
Some advice on how to court a young lady please - not sure if she is even interested
Posted: 1/12/2010 11:50:17 AM
You seem on track so far. Just don't crush this delicate rose in your hand by gripping it too tight. But make sure to keep pursuing her so she knows you are definitely interested.
Joined: 12/12/2009
Msg: 3
Some advice on how to court a young lady please - not sure if she is even interested
Posted: 1/12/2010 11:56:19 AM
I made it thru your post....

My advice is to send her a message later this eveing saying something along the lines of - I had a great time with you last night and when you have finished your dissertation I would like to take you out to celebrate. If you have any any free time before then maybe we can catch a cup of coffee.

This would be better if you called her...espescially if she like to be pursued.

So what if you cant tell how much she digs you right now. If she wants to make future plans then she is interested enough.

Dont overthink it. If you like her then let her know. I dont think a msg a day is too much. I think a show that you support her studies and are willing to be patient will be a big plus to her.

Happy Fishing!
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 4
Some advice on how to court a young lady please - not sure if she is even interested
Posted: 1/12/2010 1:12:07 PM
Relax buddy.

Did you have fun on your first date? I think you addressed every other detail of your date save for the most important one....did you have fun? Was she fun? Reading into things too much and taking things too seriously at first is the best way to scare off a woman.

Courtship? Buying dinners and gifts till she says she likes you? Perhaps this is a cultural thing but in the U.S. that doesn't work. The movies are just that...movies.

My humble thoughts.....

Go out and have fun. Check up on her and see how her dissertation is going. Make her laugh, then get off the phone. Date other women. Use the same formula that got you the first date with her on other women. This was you won't come off needy. Besides, are you sure you even like this girl yet? There might be a better one out there. Then ask her out. Make sure that date is fun!! Even better...make sure the date brings out your "fun" self. If you're having a blast and are at ease she will too. If you like movies, think of yourself as prince charming picking up Cinderella(?) after she had a long day doing house chores. You're the cool guy lending out a hand to brighten her day. And after the date is over.....don't ask for another one. Wait a few days then ask her out again.

In all bluntness from what I read she's only "sort of" into you. How do I know?

She didn't ask many questions of you. Is that a bad thing? No. Some women get really nervous on dates and telling you their life story eases them. But if she asked a lot of questions about you then there's no doubt she's interested.

She verbally agreed to meet again. Is that a bad thing? No. But all women will say that. It'd be terribly awkward if she said "no". If you had a specific date then you'd know for sure that you'd see her again.

She knew you were trying to kiss her. She's a grown woman. Adults kiss at the end of dates. Is that bad? No. Perhaps the timing was off. Maybe she doesn't kiss on the first date. But not likely.

But in the end her feelings as I've read them are pretty ambiguous. That's why you want to court her. Just remember you don't know her yet. This is infatuation. Happens to me once a week!
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 5
Some advice on how to court a young lady please - not sure if she is even interested
Posted: 1/12/2010 1:15:56 PM
First of all, do not go to the movies. Movies are for people that fear connecting, and what you need to do is connect, talk, get to know each other. Also realize that a dissertation is a huge thing and that is probably what is on her mind.
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 6
Some advice on how to court a young lady please - not sure if she is even interested
Posted: 1/12/2010 1:42:27 PM
If a woman likes you... courting her will be awesome.

If she doesn't she will give you an excuse that you are clingy.

You *must* try or you will never know.
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 7
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Some advice on how to court a young lady please - not sure if she is even interested
Posted: 1/12/2010 5:57:28 PM
I don't see anything wrong with calling her the day after a great date, saying that you enjoyed her company and would like to see her again whenever she's available next. Nothing pushy about that in my book.

I like for a man to do the pursuing, and the man I'm with now asked whether he could see me the next day before our first date ended. We've been seeing each other every chance we get since then.

If she tells you she's too busy to even schedule something right now, ask her when it would be ok to call her to schedule something after her dissertation.

Ask her whether it would be ok to call her just to chat in the meantime.

If you're going to be the pursuer, you're going to have to go out on a limb to a certain extent. But if she wants you to pursue her, she'll give you some help along the way.
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 8
Some advice on how to court a young lady please - not sure if she is even interested
Posted: 1/12/2010 6:35:28 PM
The three ladies above gave good advice.
Take it.

You both are very busy, so don't stress that.
I mean you both want to go slow and do the courtship thing....
well with yall's schedules, you both have no choice.

She played her cards too close to her chest as too liking you.
She is probably undecided.
A few more dates will do the trick one way or another.

So here's how you should play it.

As the smart ladies above said, send her a note saying you had a great time
and want to see her after her dissertation is done.
(celebrating that is a smooth idea)
Yes tell her you'd like to talk and text her in the meantime.
Just chit chat and stuff.

and then ....wait and be patient.

You will spend more time apart than together for a few weeks.
(maybe months)
Hardly catch each other in text and on the phone.
ACCEPT that and don't sweat it.
Being too clingy is the #1 potential relationship killer.

As long as you're casual when you do talk, text, meet and act like it's no big deal then you'll do OK.
Try to talk on the phone more than text(if you can).
And don't plan big dates at first. Quick lunches or meet ups till things
simmer down will work wonders. Working around someone's schedule at first
and giving em space wins you points.
If she likes you, she'll make more time for you or ask you to schedule her in more.
Until that point, play it cool.

Good Luck!
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