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 AUTHOR
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 4
Friendship!Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Jeez - he didn't "communicate" with you in the way you wanted. That's not the same as "not treating you right." And he was lousy in bed. I've been lousy in bed with partners I didn't click with. That doesn't mean I'm always lousy in bed.

You have no feelings for the guy, but that doesn't mean your friend won't.
 stone-1
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 9
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Friendship!
Posted: 1/20/2010 1:12:38 PM
Hm... She asked what you thought... not the same thing as asking for your permission.

Don't see the problem... You were through with the dude...

Wouldn't you go out with someone interesting that she didn't 'click' with?
 TotalityofFive
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 10
Friendship!
Posted: 1/20/2010 1:17:51 PM
Well, I'm no doctor but in the beginning you guys either entered the relationship because

1. It was totally physical, in which you put up with it for 4 -5 months in hopes the other parts of the relationship matured....so, his bedroom behavior must've not been that bad; or

2. there was initially a spark or something that attracted each of you to the other....

that said, did you really break it off or did he? it sounds like you have a few relationship issues which could be construed as totally subjective depending upon the person....

I guess, if you're truly a friend to your GF, educate her IF she asks and leave it alone....ya know relationships end for a myriad of reasons, and 99.8% of those reasons differ depending upon which partner you talk to.....so, let them be....and if they don't work out......plz don't be the first to tell your GF, "I Told Ya So".....

besides, you appear to be a stunning woman.....whatcha worried about.....you go knock the socks off some other guy.......BTW, I'm single.......
 TotalityofFive
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 13
Friendship!
Posted: 1/20/2010 1:38:23 PM
Now what?

let it be and go about life.......hint, hint.....you're in a part of the world where there's definitively no shortage of men.......
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 21
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Friendship!
Posted: 1/20/2010 2:20:57 PM

Because obviously you and she are different, but the difference should not be enough to make her like the guy so much more than you do, and for him to like her so much more than he showed liking for you.

Now that's just weird. People who know twins say that they are extremely different from each other. That these two women are friends doesn't mean at all that they should be attracted to, or attract, the same man.

OP, you decided he had too many negative qualities for you to keep. In essence, you tossed him out. Therefore, you have no right to demand your friends keep their hands off him.

Had you fallen in love and he cheat on you or in some way you ended up the injured party, maybe not. You think he was out with someone not a client, but there are such things as female clients and perhaps you're just too jealous.

Bottom line - what she and he do is none of your business now. You don't own him. He doesn't have your brand on him. He's your reject, for pete's sakes!!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 25
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Friendship!
Posted: 1/20/2010 10:23:10 PM
My G/F's and I live by the code of "Chicks before D!cks".
(I believe some guys have the "Bros before Ho's" code)
We do not date each other's ex's. Period.
I don't care how or why a G/F broke up with a man....I will not go there.

My sister is married to an ex-boyfriend of mine.
Talk about uncomfortable!!
It will always be between us no matter how well we get along now.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 26
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Posted: 1/20/2010 10:54:48 PM
I would never date a friend's ex, too much drama and too easy for hurt feelings to crop up. Then again I don't happen to find friend's exes to be attractive in the first place, so it's easy for me not to go there. The fact is that you don't like it, even though you really don't have a vote and they are going to date. So either dump the friend or learn to live with it.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 35
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Friendship!
Posted: 1/21/2010 7:41:36 AM
You don't want the guy, you didn't describe him in a very flattering light, hellooo, you don't want him so your concern should be that she is wasting time with someone not good enough for her. But look at what you wrote, you are being territorial about the guy that again, you don't want.

Your concern should be that she is in no emotional condition to start a relationship, not because she shouldn't want your leftovers.

You and he were not compatible, if they are, why do you care? You don't want your friend to be happy? Some people are like oil and water, with another person the fit is great.


If you read the original entry, they had been "chatting"! That leaves me to wonder how long? We have all been out together, how long have they been attracted to one another? Questions that should not even enter my mind. The trust of the friendship has been broken and the friendship is over!

Your original entry didn't remotely indicate that they had been involved previous to your split nor that the guy was a douche that was evidently still dating.


i just hate it when a gf doesn't honor our friendship......happens to the best of us. when one door closes another opens.....you'll meet a better friend soon enough. no worries!

Color me stupid, but I don't blame the outsider, I would blame the friend but it took like 3 reposts for the OP to actually elucidate that this guy had treated her badly and that her friend apparently did too.

But yannow, OP, I made the first part of my post based on your OP, but even given the additional information, while you are obviously upset that this woman seems to have engineered this relationship rather than falling into it, it is really unattractive for you to now be bemoaning your entire relationship with this chick. She's a mess, you chose to be her friend but considering the way you are behaving atm, were YOU ever that great a friend really?

If you don't want to be a good friend, then don't, but don't be "supportive" to someone's face and then sit and b!tch about all of their negative qualities, etc. From your own words, you were miserable together and I imagine that neither one of you was functioning well and needed the other. Some people take longer than others to get their shit together. When a friend becomes a bit weighty, we can either end the friendship or back off, lend an ear but keep our emotions out of it.
 reboot1010
Joined: 3/9/2009
Msg: 37
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Posted: 1/21/2010 9:04:37 AM
hilarity

Are you sure he's the selfish one?
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 55
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Posted: 1/22/2010 9:59:17 PM
Well, op.. I'm sorry you're feeling all put out about this ~ you'll come to terms with it soon enough though.. In the scheme of things there's really no reason to hold a grudge or regret your decision to break up with someone who you obviously have no compatibility with...

IMO: Worrying about a friend going out with someone that I was completely over wouldn't bother me. If there was still some residual hurt/pain though, I would hope that a friend would at least take that into consideration before making her decision to court my ex.. I think most true friends, if knowing her friend was hurting would, at the very least hold off on any dating of her ex

That being said: I'll never understand how you could spill your guts in the manner you did and then have absolutely no clue how sour grapey and superficial you come off sounding. I wonder why you just didn't pose your question for what it was. Such as: "What are your thoughts on a bff going out with your ex." I suspect if you had have left out the less-than-subltle, catty narative, you would have generally gotten a less hostile thread ..

.. Better luck next time ..
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 59
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Posted: 1/23/2010 1:14:11 PM
You have no interest in this man. It would be different if you were in love, broke up and still have feelings for him and then your girlfriend went out with him. It was considerate that she gave you the consideration to let you know she is interested in him. If you have no feelings for him----then he and she are free to date each other. If you did have feelings for him and were in love at one time and she went out with him when you are still healing from the breakup----that would be wrong. Women need to be loyal to eachother---and be happy when their friend finds someone that they are compatible with.
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