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 andy510
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 1
Step children .Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I never met a woman who loves her step son or her step daughter . I have no idea why there are so many resentments between the two . Love is supposed to be including in all the family . Some women just want the man but not his kids . Also some men want the woman but not her kids . This attitude from both men and women is terrible , irresponsible and very selfish . what were your experiences and your hearsay about all that ?. Thanks folks .
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 2
Step children .
Posted: 1/20/2010 4:35:41 PM
You need to make friends in a more quality crowd. People can certainly and regularly do love someone else's children, take on responsibility for the children and raise them. I can't imagine living with or even being regularly involved with a child and not growing attached and caring for them.

Nutt
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 3
Step children .
Posted: 1/20/2010 8:14:39 PM
I was an unwanted stepchild. Yes, it was very cruel. That was the main reason I stayed in my first marriage so long. However when I did leave, I meat a wonderful gentleman who treated my children just as his own. (We had one more together).

It is a shame that some people don’t realize the pain and anguish they can cause in a relationship where there are incoming children. Myself, I don’t want any more children. Been there, done that, loved it, but now it is time for me. Men with young children are a deal breaker for me. If it is not for you, then be honest. Find what you truly want. Don’t hurt the little ones because you are too stupid to know where you’re at in your life.
 andy510
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 4
Step children .
Posted: 1/21/2010 4:51:11 AM
As I said in the opening of this thread, i never ever found a lady who loves her step children . I just wonder why : it might have something to do with culture or education.....etc . I am usually interested in highly educated ladies with a university degree at least . I am attracted to highly educated ladies because we can discuss politics, religion, philosophy......etc with no hypocricy attached . Some ladies all they talk about is their crappy Jesus, moses, Muhammad, Buddha.....etc. And who needs these figures these days anyway ?. I hope and I wish no offence meant here and I am just trying to clarify some issues .
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 5
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Step children .
Posted: 1/21/2010 7:37:46 AM
I live with the BF and I actually look forward to his kids arriving for weekends and week day visits. Their Weds overnights are the highlight of my week! They liven up the house and my kids seem to get along with them pretty well. Honestly, had you asked me a year ago I would never have believed it myself.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 6
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Step children .
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:26:44 AM
I love my stepson, he loves me, calls me mom even though he has a good relationship with his bio mother. Kid made my life hell when he was a teenager but that was his job, lol, and he actually told me he was sorry for all the shit he put me through a couple of years after he moved out. His father was pretty much a non-entity in his life.

I know a lot of families that are the way this should be, with the steps caring for and taking care of all the kids regardless of who sired them. There is a small difference I think but it is not related to the biology, I missed the first 11 years of my stepson's life, something I actually cried about one night when I was looking at pictures of him when he was a toddler and small child.

I don't understand why anyone would stay with someone that didn't love their kids but I have encountered people that seemed to shine it on until the wedding and then started treating the stepkids like shit, that is way more sucky than never liking them to begin with.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 7
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Step children .
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:38:35 AM
Well, I know many highly educated ladies that aren't incapable of loving stepchildren.

If you are running into religious fanatics I also don't know what that has to do with people's capacity to care for others.

Maybe you should worry less about the discussions you have with someone than the quality of the person you are dealing with. I need an intelligent man who has either some education or has educated himself but I don't put on my profile must be able to discuss current events and philosophical ramblings.

I think if you have never found a woman that loves her stepchildren, the common denominator there is you. Maybe you pursue stuck up ****es? Idk, because I haven't run into too many people that don't care about and don't parent their stepchildren.

I also think many people put an odd spin on all things step-related. Kids are a pain in the ass and hard on relationships in many ways. I love my children, I like them most of the time, and sometimes I really would like to clock all three of them. If I didn't feel the same way about a stepchild, that to me would be because I didn't care. I loved my stepson and I also wanted to kill him many times because of the fairly typical teenage b.s. he was doing at the time. He's now 31, we remain close, I am a resource whereas his father isn't.
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 8
Step children .
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:57:48 AM
I've been a stepmother, and my children have had a stepfather and a stepmother.

I have to give kudos to those who say they love their stepchildren as much as they would their own biological children. Personally, I haven't known a step parent who said this and actually HAD biological children (altho I'm sure they exist) but I take them at their word and they certainly adored their stepchildren. My oldest daughter (and I) were fortunate that she liked her stepmother very much and they got along well; however, there was considerable distance between between the households and they saw each other only once a year.

As a stepmother I found my stepchildren rather difficult to love, not so much because of their own actions but due to the parents. They weren't terribly bad children but the parents were unwilling to correct them so I fault the parents and not the kids, but I do admit some feelings of resentment when (away from the children) I was called a b**** for expecting them to put their dirty clothes in a laundry basket instead of on the floor or obey other simple household rules.

My now deceased partner did in fact love my children. Many people never guessed/knew that they were not his biological children. So I know it IS possible; however, I will agree with the OP that instances of discord in instances of 'blended families' seem to be more prevalent.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 9
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Step children .
Posted: 1/21/2010 9:17:55 AM
Wind, I think you have to be able to separate some of that crap. While my stepson didn't, and his mother didn't when she got over her own personal stuff, my ex I think saw me as somewhat the evil stepmother because I butted heads with my stepson so much during those difficult teen years. He on the other hand I think recognized that if I hadn't cared about him, I would have let him go back and live with his mother and/or just ignored his butt. My ex actually said something more than once about me having different expectations for him than our daughter, who was hellooo 13 years younger.
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 10
Step children .
Posted: 1/21/2010 2:16:01 PM
Package, in hindsight I think my ex had a stepmother whom he said was an evil, mean b****, and he projected his past and feelings about the experience onto me. His kids (all girls, ages 12, 8 and 6) really were likeable. It's just that their mother did everything for them and expected nothing of them. How a divorced, working mother can even take care of everything like that is beyond me but not my household and not my business. All I asked was:
1. Put dirty clothes in the basket, not in the floor right next to it.
2. Don't let the dog out of it's area at night unless you wanna clean up its accidents.
3. The youngest, a bedwetter, keep her diaper on all night instead of ruining the mattress and creating a load of sheets to be washed every day. She wore a diaper all night at home with her mother so I don't think I was out of line to expect the same thing at our house.
I also told them what the consequences were for not following those directions. Their father was present and did not object at that time. But when I tried to enforce it, he bucked.
Other than that I got along well with the girls. I wasn't used to being a SAHM and cleaned like a fiend out of boredom so didn't ask much of them in that regard, just pick up their messes when they were done with something. We had one soap we all watched together. We had a playground right behind our house and they often had friends over. We shopped for school clothes to send back home with them after their summer visit and I spent time making alterations to those and they liked my sense of fashion. We listened to alotta music together and compared artists. Some "old" artists were putting out new stuff and they would ask "Have you heard that new band so-n-so," at which point I would have to bust out my old vinyl. LOL!
I don't know anything about boys so I guess I would just have had to go nuts in your shoes.
 andy510
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 11
Step children .
Posted: 1/21/2010 2:29:22 PM
It is encouraging and enlightening to hear that some women loved their step sons and their step daughters . In my experience it was always a war between the step children and the step mothers . My friends told me the same thing and could not understand why some folks are so hard hearted and love the man but not at least to try and like his child .
 andy510
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 12
Step children .
Posted: 1/21/2010 4:18:10 PM
To : oonamomof2 :

Unfortunetely the world is full of hatred, envy, jealousy, and irrational elements .
 Mud-N
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 13
Step children .
Posted: 1/21/2010 5:52:17 PM
Aint it great ahmed1914
You forgot racist people!!!!! Crazy people!!!!!!!! delusional!!!!!!!
smart, dumb, stupid, genious, bums, rich, terrorists, helpers, ignorers, gays, straights
 legal_e-gal
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 14
Step children .
Posted: 1/21/2010 6:10:33 PM
well lets see... I'm well educated, and I love my soon to be step-children to death! They are really great kids. IF I met a guy and found his kids to be so bad, that I couldn't love them, then I would dump him, not try to get between him and his kids.

I think it would be hard if the guy only had visitations and saw his kids once every other weekend to really form a bond with that child. My boyfriend has sole custody of his kids so I see them all the time and really have had a chance to get to know them.
 andy510
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 15
Step children .
Posted: 1/21/2010 6:33:36 PM
It is very wide spread that some people want their partners but not their partners' kid or kids . I find this fact as very tough on the kids who do not understand why mom or dad loves someone who does not let say....like them and not love them because here the word love will be stronger than what is meant .
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 16
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Step children .
Posted: 1/21/2010 6:34:35 PM
As my boyfriend told me he knows by dating a single mother he has to accept my kids. He actually said he wanted to find someone with kids since he has 3 of his own. I have only been around his kids once as he doesn't have sole custody but he sees my kids quite often and is always patient and understanding with them. He told me he doesn't want to play favorites and treats my boys as well as he does his own kids.

One of the first things that really attracted me to my SO was how well he was treating my youngest son when we first met. He met my boys right away and I was not feeling well, he let my son jump all over him so he wouldn't bother me. He said he played with his boys that way and could tell I needed a break. If a man can't accept my kids and treat them well then I couldn't be with him.


edit: I see my boyfriend already answered this question.
 andy510
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 17
Step children .
Posted: 1/22/2010 11:04:49 AM
I know a friend of mine who was divorced and then met a woman and got married . He has one boy with his first wife ( ex wife ). He has two boys with the second one ( the present wife ) . The craziness here is that the father can go and see his ex wife and his son with his two boys and his ex wife is delighted to see them . Crazy enough, the second wife does not even allow his first son to come and visit him in his home so he meets him outside in restaurants, parks or even in his mother's home . I just can not understand his second wife . He told me that she told him that she is jealous of his first son because it seems he cares more about him than her and their two boys . However this is just an excuse and knowing him I can assure everyone that her say is pure garbage . Can we really understand how some people think ?!!!.
 Calientecutie
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 18
Step children .
Posted: 1/22/2010 1:27:03 PM
i know four females who have had stepchildren...yes two have had problems...but the botoom line...those children have been treated with respect and care...lot has to do with the mother...if she is resentful of the other woman...it will reflect on the relationship...hopefully people will mature and accept the fact that everyone should be treated with respect and consideration.
 andy510
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 19
Step children .
Posted: 1/22/2010 2:12:36 PM

she does not ALLOW him to have his own flesh and blood in his home?

What's with the need for permission? I'm very confused why would anyone produce 2 kids with someone who doesn't accept the first child they have? He's a liar who needs to grow a set.

I know this guy very well and he is not lying to me . I found the problem with his second wife who is irresponsible, immature , envious, jealous and maybe a little bit crazy too . When we get our Rum and Coke and he starts telling me his inner problems I could see the tears in his eyes . He certainly loves and loves very much his 3 ( three ) sons .
 andy510
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 20
Step children .
Posted: 1/22/2010 4:51:30 PM
Messages # 26,27, and 28 just show that people are different . Also maybe some cultures are different when it comes to step sons and step daughters due to insecurity.......etc. Hey no one is saying all six billion people on our planet are the same . Thumbs up and thanks to those who if they do not love their step children, at least they do not contribute to their misery in one way or another .
 daydreamin_honey
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 21
Step children .
Posted: 2/11/2010 8:04:47 PM
Sometimes, no matter how much you try to love a child (step, adopted, fostered, whatever), the child doesn't want to receive that love and makes you wish you'd never set eyes on them for all the heartache they subject you to. I have helped raise roomy's kids, my nephew, and my ex's daughter. The only one of them that ever made me regret opening my heart was my ex's daughter. No matter how much I tried, she knew exactly how to manipulate people and I just couldn't allow that to keep going. Putting my children (one half sibling) at risk with her behavior, outright disrespect for me, my rules and my things, injuring the other children, ... there is a breaking point anyone would reach.
Sometimes it's not the adult simply not loving the child, sometimes it's the child's resistance to the love.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 22
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Step children .
Posted: 2/12/2010 6:59:24 PM
The problem with step children is that right from the start the step parent is expected to gain acceptence,to apply for it,to appeal for it...the child being a child is under no obligation or expectation.The biological parent usually is of little or no help,requiring nothing of the child but to be the "little angel" they always are.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 23
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Step children .
Posted: 2/13/2010 8:19:02 AM
It can happen. I once dated a woman who, to this day, loves her step-daughter (from her second husband's first marriage) as if she were her own flesh and blood, even though she and the second husband are now divorced.
 country_gurlny
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 24
Step children .
Posted: 2/13/2010 4:13:32 PM
I can speak about both sides of the topic, I decide to have a realtionship with a man that had children with an ex-wife, my rule to him was once he felt comfortable and he taught our realtionship would be long term he would have his children meet me and let them decide if we should be together, he children are wonderful, bright,smart and funny. after a couple of months they had asked about our realtionship and was comfortable if we were together, but I always made a rule to always to ask about their mom and never said a bad word about her, (i didn't kow her, so had no right to past judegment, also made it a rule the father wouldn't say anything bad about their mother.) I also would make sure that they knew when they weren't around we did think of them when we went somewhere, (i.s if we went to the store and seen soemthing they wanted, bought it.) anyways the father and I are not together anymore but no matter what I am still going to be part of their live because I have a child with their father, so for christmas I do buy them gifts, (not as much) call them for their birthday, etc....
About two years I got into a realtionship with my now husband, and I wanted to make sure that he wasnt just looking for a one stand and told him if he didn't like children then i was not the person for him, well to my surpise he went out and bought everything I would need for her and surpised me with it, and when my daughter was in the hospital he cry with me as she was admitted. I also think what alos comes into effect I thin the new boyfriend, is scared that they are going to get close and then the child going to get rip from them
on that note I would say it all depends on the relationship, and everything
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