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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > What kind of man turns his back on his child?      Home login  
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 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 3
What kind of man turns his back on his child?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
You're better off without him. My child's father hasn't been involved in her life since she was a few months old. I have explained to her that sometimes when people have babies they just aren't ready to be parents, and that her father is one of those people. I assure her that this has nothing to do with her, and everything to do with his inability to be a dad right now.

Do not every bash him to your child. Like it or not, your child is still half his and bashing him is putting down half of who your child is.

I don't know about your situation, but I decided when I became a parent that I needed to focus on being the best parent I could be (especially because my child only has one parent). I went back to school, got a couple of degrees and support myself and my child with no help from her father.

I took a few years off of dating (5 years actually) so that I could focus on my studies and young child. This may not be the answer for everyone, but I felt that by focusing on myself and my child I became someone who could have something more to offer someone else.

Don't put yourself down. These are his issues, not yours. If you are confident that you made the right choice for your life, then things will turn out the way they're supposed to be.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 4
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/26/2010 4:41:36 AM
"all i can think of is he must be half gay or something"

So because he does not want a kid or to be around you any more he must be gay or at least half gay. Could it be he just wants to bang some hot chicks and you in the kid could hurt his odds? Why do you think he might be gay again? Is it because you kept a child he did not want? I wounder what nice things he has to say about you.
 carterscutie85
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 5
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/26/2010 5:14:36 AM

so I was dating this guy, ended up pregnant and when i told him, he flipped. He wanted me to get an abortion but I couldn't


Why on Earth did u think this guy was going to stick around if he said he wanted u to get an abortion? That should have been your first hint that he was not going to stick around. I'm sorry, but I just do not understand why u are surprised he is not there when he told you he wanted u to get an abortion-telling u to get an abortion says it all right there.
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 6
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/26/2010 6:01:46 AM

so I was dating this guy
Just a guy? How long were you dating? Were you in love with him? Was he in love with you? Had you discussed where you wanted the relationship to go (marriage/starting a family)? Or were you just two kids enjoying each other's company?

ended up pregnant
Sorry, Darling... We don't 'end up pregnant'... we make conscious decisions that make pregnancy a possibility, or not.

when i told him, he flipped. He wanted me to get an abortion

He was not interested in being a father, or was not interested in being a father to your child. He was honest with you, and he gave you this information while there was still plenty of time to do something about it. (No, I don't love the idea of abortion, but then again, I don't love the idea of overpopulating the world with unwanted children either. I think that the fetus 'belongs' to both parties equally, and he should have as much say over the disposition of said fetus as she.)

no I didn't want his child

Great, another child being brought into the world that nobody wants... What a wonderful way for a child to begin the sacred journey of life. I wonder why you're painting him as a bad person for not wanting the child, when you acknowledge that you felt the same way? It's done now, there's no changing it, but there is a lesson to be learned here. (You can't buy love with sex, and attempting to trap a man into a relationship by having his child usually backfires.)
I know what I'm saying might seem harsh, but it's true, and life gets much less complicated when we start taking some responsibility for our own behavior.

I just don't want to explain to my son why daddy didn't want you or why he isn't around
Just tell him you and his daddy weren't ready to be a family, and couldn't get along with each other, so you thought it would be better if he left. And be very discerning about who you allow into his life. If he has reliable, loving male role models, he won't feel like there's anything 'missing' from his life, and it won't be a major issue.

all i can think of is he must be half gay or something

I suggest you drop comments like this from your repertoire.... It says a lot more about you than it does him... Haven't you ever seen that drunken slob at the bar lamenting that every girl who doesn't want him pawing and drooling all over her must be a lesbo? You don't wanna be the female version of that guy, do you?
This is an opportunity for a lot of growth and maturing on your part. No, it's not cool for a guy to knock you up and take off, but you have as much control over whether that happens to you or not as any guy does.
 BLUEMISS
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 7
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/26/2010 6:14:49 AM
Less than lovely leonard....Why Attack?Did you not read the part where she said she didn't think she could get pregnent?He could have insisted on a condom also.

OP.His loss,he sounds cold hearted and selfish.Enjoy your child,and hopefully one day this guy will wake up and realize what he is missing, the Love of his son. Bad Karma on his part.
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 8
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/26/2010 6:22:11 AM

no I didn't want his child but at the same time, a child is a blessing. . . Long story short, I'm due in one week

You are correct, a child is a blessing. Have you considered all the happlily married couples in this country who are desparate to adopt a child? You have the opportunity to allow your (unwanted) child to be wanted, loved, cared for and provided for in a manner you may never be able to match. You even state in your profile that you 'don't want children'! You have a week to further consider your options, for the child's sake.
As for what kind of man turns his back on his child? The kind who never had any intention of having a child with you in the first place. You say you didn't think you could get pregnant. . . which one would presume you told him. . . or he probably would have taken better precautions. And no, he's not gay. **shakes head**
 KarmicEvolution
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 9
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/26/2010 6:54:39 AM
What kind of man does that you ask? Ummm, lots of different kinds. Perhaps you havnt noticed the increased number of parents raising their children on their own. Due to the fact that women carry the child its much easier for the man to get up and go, but women do it too so dont fool yourself into thinking this is a mans issue.

Talking sh!t about him isnt going to make it any easier for you. It just makes you look like an ass. Plus, gay men and women often want children so your statement doesnt even make sense.

What you need to be focusing on right now is preparing for your child, not what someone else is doing. If you plan on asking for child support get the ball rolling now, changing addresses and phone numbers doesnt stop the government from finding you (drivers license, SSN etc...). Be prepared to be asked for DNA testing and have it drawn out in court though because by the sound of he made it pretty clear he didnt want or plan to be the father of your child.

You didnt do anything wrong keeping your child, but you need to open your eyes to reality. Looking at your profile, you say "yes" you have children, you dont mention that they arnt born yet, that your hella pregnant or that the child is a newborn. Having a 2 year old is a lot different then having an infant and makes me think youre not good at disclosing all the information you have available.
 CommonSensible
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 10
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/26/2010 7:06:27 AM
What kind of woman:

Tricks a guy into going bareback to test the OB/GYN's diagnosis of infertility?

Keeps the zygote from a spermdonor she didnt want

Keeps the zygote that the SPERMDONOR doesnt want, never did, especially with HER

Casts aspersions on the spermdonor's sexuality cause SHE doesnt get her hallmark moment?

Says it's all confusing?

Ahhhh.. just an IMMATURE LITTLE GIRL.

The real question is:

Why did YOU turn YOUR back on this kid-to-be and NOT plan for a better life like growing up first, getting a career, finding and MARRYING a man (you know, no backturning but a COMMITMENT) before having unprotected sex?

Find an adoption agency and have a CLOSED ADOPTION. Leave the guy you suckered alone. He WANTS to be left alone.

This kid-to-be needs TWO mature, committed ADULTS. THAT would be an act of love.
 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 11
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/26/2010 7:47:33 AM
god shoot me now, I agree with just about everyword of commonsensible's post
 CommonSensible
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 12
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/26/2010 7:57:58 AM
I adore you too, JustSimplyMe. Nice to see some female common sense exists out there, at least in you!
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 13
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/26/2010 8:02:31 AM
Because he does not/did not look upon it as his child. You made the decision to carry the child of a man that you barely knew that did not care about you. Now face the reality, he is not interested in being a father. You will be raising this child alone.
 mcalgary
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 14
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/26/2010 10:56:19 AM
Now this opens up an entire other can of worms but i have to say it anyways. Now, what if he wanted you guys to have the child but you wanted to get an abortion?? You would have just gotten the abortion because it is your body and he doesn't matter, right. So why does he have to stick around if you CHOOSE to have the child. He obviously did not want to be a father so if you tried to force him to stick around he would probably have been a lousy one anyways. You are probably better off without him. Now if there was a medical reason that you could not have an abortion than my response may be different but I think both people in making a child should have the same rights when it comes to abortion, not that any guy could force you to have one but he should be able to abdicate his rights as the father for the price of one.(in the first 3 months only).
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 18
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/26/2010 10:40:42 PM

I didn't want his child

Yet, you are having his child.
*sigh*

so I was dating this guy... so when i told him I wasn't getting an abortion, he broke up with me

So... move on with your life. He was only a date.


all i can think of is he must be half gay or something...

^^^ Yes... that must be it! (sarcasm).
It's possible he's a baby-daddy to more than your child.

Why tell your child anything more than you had an unplanned pregnancy with an irresponsible man? Don't tell the child:

I just couldn't bring myself do laying on that table and having the life sucked out of me..

The child would probably move out of state as well.

I recommend you send a photo of the newborn to him..... provided he's not questioning paternity. Certainly seek child support. I kinda think this guy is a runner and hasn't a stable income to collect from.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 21
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/27/2010 7:58:58 AM
I commend you for not getting an abortion and giving the baby a chance to live.
What kind of guy....well one that doesnt want kids thats for sure.
Yes a child is a blessing, and if you can love and nurture and provide for the child, i see no reason you have to give it for adoption.
About the father, well no disrespect meant, but you werent married to the man, and didnt both make a decision to get pregnant together, so when you have a child in that scenario, its a crapshoot on if the father is going to stick around and be a father, or not.
Sucks, yes it does. Is it reality, absolutely.
As women we do need to be extremely careful who we get pregnant with, and about birth control if we do not desire a pregnancy. But since its already after the fact and the childs is about to be born, just enjoy being a mommy and keep that in mind as lesson learned for the next time you start dating.
Forget the guy. Focus on being a strong woman and strong single parent, and give all the love you have to your new child, and have a happy life with the child.
 Mistaken
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 22
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/27/2010 11:49:48 AM
Well im a single Dad with custody of both my children now 12 and 5 daughter for 6 years now son for past 2 years fought long and hard would not change a thing, unfortunately there are DEAD BEAT DADS still out there.
Think of it this way you wont have to worries about being let down when you need something or arguing over who is doing what etc..... and the best thing is you have the most important thing in your arms....as far as telling him who his father is and so on you have lots of time to deal with that enjoy the moment now cause its a blast .... don't worry about Mr. Dead Beat.... Karma will deal with him good luck and congrats on your son.

 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 23
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/27/2010 2:25:59 PM
The op could have chose to abort the child and had this guy tried to stop her most and save what he considered to be his child most would be condemning him for it as being controlling or trying to make a decision that he has no right to make.The op decided she wanted the baby therefore it is given the definition of a child and he is condemned for doing something she could have done to start with...and most would have supported her in it....a "child" is a child only when a woman declares it to be so.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 25
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/27/2010 6:00:19 PM

I just don't want to explain to my son why daddy didn't want you or why he isn't around

It's only going to be an issue if you make it one. Children know that which they see and/or are taught. Between now and later (whether a month or 18 years) you have to option to assist in your child's emotional/mental and physical growth. If you are a positive role model, enrich both your lives with positive people ~ this child will not be consumed with where someone else is. You make it forefront? You're going to have issues. (Yes, disclosure need to be made at some point in time, that time is so far from now it's really a moot point, in my opinion.)
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 27
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/28/2010 10:04:45 AM

At 22 you didn't think you could get pregnant? Did a doctor tell you that you were infertile? Sorry hon, I don't buy your story


I know, I never buy that one either. Why on earth would a teenager/young girl get fertility tested or have ultra sounds to determine something like that? I swear some of these ninnies think that just because they have irregular periods they are sterile.
 InNCsearching
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 28
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/28/2010 12:22:49 PM
well you wanted to keep the child and he didn't so why does he want the child to be in his life? I'm so tired of people saying "all children are a blessing" hello half grow up to be ass#oles especially if they have no father or bad DNA.

Bottom line is...he didn't want the child, your child so your child....way to go!
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 29
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/28/2010 2:14:54 PM
Taken....that may be,this forum is a small portion of the population,my post was in reference to the fact that a man will always be condemned for turning his back on his child or harming his child in any way...as he should be,he has no other options if he is to be a man and considered a man by most of society and not a scumbag as this thread clearly illustrates...again this is how it should be,but we both know women have other options available to them should they choose not to be a parent...these choices can be made and they move on as if it never happened,free to choose a better time in which to become a parent.
 InNCsearching
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 30
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/28/2010 3:56:07 PM
I agree in part strings6 but...if a woman does not include the man in the decision with her option then he's no scumbag. he says...i'm not ready. if she chooses to keep it then it's selfish and irresponsible because everyone knows and statistics prove that men without a father do not fair well. If it's her option then the child will be her own to bear and don't condemn the sperm donor because he voiced his opinion and why would a woman want a child where there's no father. makes no sense.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 32
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/28/2010 5:07:05 PM

(manicmelanie) Congrats on your pregnancy and baby. I hope you are VERY happy as you learn about each other. Focus on taking care of yourself and raising your child well.


Bets on how long before OP starts a, "Why won't men date single mothers?" thread...

Tozaar...
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 33
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/28/2010 8:03:22 PM

hes 2 years younger than me..never worked a day in his life

I don't think you can expect a guy who hasn't worked and spends time in and out of jail, to be financially stable and/or emotionally available for you.

In many of these type threads, the women seem to hook up with losers and then act in a huff because he continues being a loser once she's learned she's pregnant. I don't know if you should be upset with him or if you should be extremely pissed off at yourself? Having sex with guys like that is like placing a fox in a hen house. You already know what to expect from him if you get pregnant... you simply don't want to admit you screwed up.

You turned your back on your responsibility to yourself . Therefore, you're kind of setting a double standard. I'd focus on the baby and examine how it is you let yourself get involved with that kind of person.

Finding fault in him isn't going to change things. He's been a loser since the day you met him.
 mcalgary
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 34
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/28/2010 9:52:45 PM

i personally feel like were better off. and if the guy doesnt wanna be there for your baby...then its his loss. as long as the child knows you love it then thats all that matters. and im sure youll find someone who will be more than happy to be your childs daddy:)


Exactly right on this point. Move on and forget about this guy and focus on what is important and what you can control.
 SBM4U2
Joined: 12/22/2009
Msg: 36
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/29/2010 10:14:30 AM
He obviously had his reason for not wanting a child and you didn't respect that. It's also obvious that he wasn't considering getting serious with you. He's not gay, you already know that. Why make an excuse for poor judgement? Be happy that you have a child and not AIDs.
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