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 kissmyasthma
Joined: 12/4/2009
Msg: 1
Dead Beat Dads????Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Two people meet in a club, have a couple of drinks and start to really hit it off.
Couple of dates later they end up having sex, screw like monkeys for a week or two then something seems to fade and they do not end up having a relationship.

She gets pregnant. Reason not important, it just happens. He bolts becuase he doesn't wish to be father. She keeps child.

He will labeled a dead beat while she will be annointed sainthood for keeping said child. Why?
When either of them went into the club was either really thinking to themselves, Boy I sure hope I meet someone to have a baby with!!!"??????

Why is it that she holds a higher standard than he does. Or is that really the case? Are both somehow looked down upon still in this day and age?

What factors if any would change any ones opinion on how they are labeled?
 KarmicEvolution
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 2
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Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/27/2010 6:24:10 PM
People will call her a slut, a tramp, a drain on society. Say she tried to trap him or just wanted his money. Since she will have the child people will always ask about the father. Since he wont have the child, unless people know the mother he can walk away from the stigma.

Now a man who steps up to be a single father never seems to get the same stigma as a single mom does. They are looked at as heros for stepping up and doing what they are supposed to do.

No matter what the reason, single parents (all parents) work their asses off and deserve some respect.
 KarmicEvolution
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 3
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Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/27/2010 6:42:57 PM

He doesn't get a pass because he didn't "intend" to impregnate anyone...he had sex and that is how babies are conceived usually


LMFAO.. you just gave me this mental image of a guy talking to his penis "Dammit! I told you this was a trial run! You dont send the good swimmers on a trial run!"
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 4
Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/27/2010 8:08:58 PM
Someone getting labeled as a "dead beat" has absolutely nothing to do with how the child was conceived and EVERYTHING to do with taking responsibility for one's actions. Not accepting the consequences of one's actions is what makes someone a dead beat, whether it's the mother or the father. Yes, she would have been just as irresponsible as him to get into that situation, but she, in your example, also took responsibility for her choices whereas he did not. THAT is what makes him a deadbeat.
 inbruges
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 5
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Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/27/2010 9:29:12 PM
First off, I should say that I'm a dad to fantastic twins...

But, why don't couples who don't know each other that have casual sex and get pregnant have abortions anymore?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 6
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Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/27/2010 9:53:49 PM
I don't know about sainthood but there are people that see it as noble that while neither one was thinking child going in, she was accountable for her actions in choosing to have and/or raise said child.

I think this is the only area wherein it seems that women are viewed positively compared to a dead beat dad and btw, many people don't consider bailing in that situation in the same way they do a man who was in a committed relationship cohab or marriage, and bolted when baby made 3. The knowledge that abortion was an option the man didn't have factors to the level of dead beat that would be applicable in this case.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 7
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Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/28/2010 4:57:29 AM
"Now a man who steps up to be a single father never seems to get the same stigma as a single mom does. They are looked at as heroes for stepping up and doing what they are supposed to do."

This might be how it seems in the forum world sometimes, but the forum world and the real world are not the same. In the real world there is no hero treatment. I have gotten unbelievable stereo typical comments from both men and women, after they know I am the full time custodial parent. Comments like: "but kids belong with the mother how could you do that to her/them", "the mother must of been a real mess for you to have gotten custody", "men don't know how to raise children (girls) right" and from women I have heard "I would never go out with a man that took kids from the mom", " I don't date single dads" (from single moms) (this one is a personal decision and I get it but not hero treatment lol) and even more messed up stuff that single men with kids are going to abuse them or sexually assault them or must be gay. I am still waiting for my hero parade.

Now to some of the flak women get it is because the numbers support it. Women single mothers much more likely then single fathers to be on welfare or other public assistance, much less likely to have a full time job, much more likely to be getting child support then are single fathers and for some of the religious types they were much less likely then single fathers to have been married at the time the child was born or ever married (does not matter to me, but it does to some). I don't think men need to be treated like heroes, but I think the criticism we get is completely of the mark for the most part. I do not believe single mothers need to be dumped on for being single mothers, but the welfare and some of the other things are real issues and are open game for criticism if you ask me.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 8
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Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/28/2010 6:17:58 AM
Labels are for cans of vegtables not people. But hey, thanks for the angry guy thread. We all love those.
 Deuce Light
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 9
Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/28/2010 7:23:38 AM
Let me flip the script for a second here. I don't disagree that men who bolt when a woman get pregnant are pussies and can hardly be called men; man up and own your actions. What I don't get is why they get labeled as such though and women who get abortions (except in extreme cases where it's understandable) and moreso who use the morning after pill don't receive similar labels. Men are labeled as such for running away but a woman doesn't have the option of running away from a pregnancy because it's inside her. OH WAIT, YES SHE DOES AND IT'S CALLED PREG-AWAY! I know of women who actually keep a set of pills on hand for random encounters just to be safe. Uh, why not avoid the random encounters or simply take some precautions and suit up!

I don't annoint any single mother as a saint just because she's raising a baby on her own because do you have any idea the conviction a person must come to in order to abandon that child after carrying it for 9 months, delivering it, and holding it in your arms? I can't imagine. It's a much easier choice for a man to just walk away and I bet if the tables were turned you'd see women walking away often just like men do. I still think it's shady and gross but it happens unfortunately.
 myblueshadow
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 10
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Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/28/2010 11:02:07 AM
If she had chosen to have an abortion, would she then be a dead beat?

That’s where I see the greatest discrepancy. Mothers have the option of opting out after the “oops.” Fathers do not. She then also gets the option of forcing at least financial responsibility on him. He doesn’t get either the option to force her to be financially responsible or to opt out of financial responsibility. Both parties made the mistake, but only one of those parties has access to any follow-up options.

So what exactly is it that makes a man a dead beat dad? From what I’ve seen it’s when he doesn’t accept his financial responsibility. So, using that logic, a woman receiving government money would also be a dead beat because she isn’t providing for the financial needs of her child. It can also be that he doesn’t accept the child as his own and chooses not to take on father role. Again, using that same logic, women who have abortions or give their children up for adoptions would be considered dead beats because they don’t accept the role of mother. So, I am asking, what defines a dead beat dad or mom?
 Bablynbrook
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 11
Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/28/2010 12:31:25 PM
The defination of a dead beat dad is a man that knows he has a child out there but is too selfish and self-centered that he decides that he will not man up and take responsiblity in raising that child. It doesnt matter if you wanted to have a child or not it IS your child. Running away from your responsiblities to your child is cowardly and be happy that dead beat dad is the term being used. I have a lot more words that I could share that sum up my feelings on these cowards.

The only reason that a woman has less of a stigma (and believe me, there is a stigma) in regards to being a single mother is that unlike the coward that ran away, she is taking responsibility for her actions.

The thing I could never understand is that having a child is a blessing, no matter what the circumstance. I feel sorry for the dead beat dads because the have ran away from what life is all about. The are so scared of responsibility that they end up missing out on something truely amazing. It really is sad.
 Bablynbrook
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 12
Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/28/2010 12:38:57 PM
So what exactly is it that makes a man a dead beat dad? From what I’ve seen it’s when he doesn’t accept his financial responsibility. So, using that logic, a woman receiving government money would also be a dead beat because she isn’t providing for the financial needs of her child. It can also be that he doesn’t accept the child as his own and chooses not to take on father role. Again, using that same logic, women who have abortions or give their children up for adoptions would be considered dead beats because they don’t accept the role of mother. So, I am asking, what defines a dead beat dad or mom?


myblueshadow
It isn't just about financial responsibility. They don't accept responsibility period. Money is a problem, yes, but a child without a father is more of the concern. A woman receiving money from the government IS looked down on by many. Maybe she needs that money to cover the amount that the dad should be responsible for, but isn't paying. Maybe she is a dead beat mom. No matter what the scenerio she still deserves more respect because she is TAKING CARE OF HER KID.

As far as women who have abortions they aren't technically a mother. There are many views on what stage an abortion is considered murder, but it is legal, a no child is born. They haven't offically become a MOTHER so they offically arent a dead beat MOM. They are irresponsible and are labelled many things (murderer to be one), but that child was not born. Dead beat dads KNOW they have a child and still run. They are absolutely deserving of the title of dead beat dad and much worse in my opinion.

A dead beat mom is someone who takes no responsibility for her child. Has left them with the father or grandma or another family member to raise. They are just as bad as dead beat dads.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 13
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Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/28/2010 1:01:13 PM
Again this comes down to rule of law. If a parent does not provide what the law says they should they get the label dead-beat. Percentage wise there are more dead beat mothers then there are dead beat fathers. What I have not seen a name for but it happens quite often is a parent that will not let a father have visitation with the child. Happens to moms also, but not nearly as much. Lots of reasons given in the forums, he is living with a new woman, he does not have a job, not paying support or even more trivial reasons like can't breast feed the kid. To me this is a crime the courts should take more seriously. What would be a good name for a women that will not let a child visit with his father or a father that will not let a mother visit with the child. This should have a bigger stigma then it does. A nice name could help.
 Bablynbrook
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 14
Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/28/2010 1:22:29 PM

What would be a good name for a women that will not let a child visit with his father or a father that will not let a mother visit with the child. This should have a bigger stigma then it does. A nice name could help.


She is called a ruthless, immature, selfish mother who likes to use her kids as weapons and stick them in the middle of any petty fight because even though it makes her kids miserable and emotionally scarred because she gets off on being withholding and having "power".

Okay, maybe thats too long. Hummm....need to think about it more.

Karma will rule in the end. The child will eventually know that it was the mom that kept their dad away and it will backfire.
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 15
Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/28/2010 4:47:36 PM
"What would be a good name for a women that will not let a child visit with his father or a father that will not let a mother visit with the child. This should have a bigger stigma then it does. A nice name could help."

I have few ideas for names for this situation..but none are nice. Unfortunately all would get me a one way ticket to banned camp.

On second thought how about an acronym yeah MVP ( Manipulative, Vendictive , Parent) Hows that sound?
 SBM4U2
Joined: 12/22/2009
Msg: 16
Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/29/2010 10:11:29 AM
He's not a dead beat until he decides that he doesn't want to take care of his responsibility. He should have taken the time out to wear protection if he didn't want a child. What he's paying for is his irresponsiblity. As far as she goes, she's irresponsible too, but in making the decision to keep the child she has decided to do her part financially. I don't know who's pedestal you see her on? For the most part a single, unmarried mom is still a bad thing. It's just a little more acceptable now than it was 30yrs ago.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 17
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Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/30/2010 5:32:15 AM
"He doesn't want the baby,he leaves-dead beat dad,scum of the earth
She doesn't want the baby,she aborts-her body her choice,liberated woman"

I brought this up in another thread..in this situation women have choices while men have responsabilities.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 18
Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/30/2010 10:21:17 AM
You are forgetting scenario 5: two parties decide to have sex and options of birth control but the chosen form of birth control fails. They had discussed what would happen if a pregnancy occurred, but the MAN is the one who changed his mind and walked away despite saying he would step up.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 19
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Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/30/2010 11:20:15 AM
Taken...it is acknowledged and men do have a choice and responsability...the term "deadbeat dad" illustrates that fact....what term should we use for women who have sex and then decide the consequences are too much and can eliminate them entirely for all time...any suggestions ? since the child is gone deadbeat moms wouldn't work....women have more power ? how complete and total power..power to tell a man no,i mean according to most women here it's a woman that chooses a man,power to tell him to wear and condomm if she says yes....and of course power to do away with it should she choose to.....sounds like total power to me.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 20
Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/30/2010 12:10:01 PM
Walking away when the child is 3 months old and you've been involved does make you a dead-beat. Once you've taken responsibility for the child, you don't have the right to walk away without consequence.



He just decided to leave, it is his prerogative afterall..otherwise he would be trapped..and that in itself is illegal.

It is illegal to expect a man to help raise (financially or through actions) the child he helped to conceive?! Expecting someone to take responsibility for their actions and choices in NOT entrapment. Maybe if there is a possibility the man is not the father, you MAY have an argument for the entrapment theory, but when there is no doubt as to paternity, he doesn't have the right to walk away. Legally, people are obligated to support the children they bring into this world. No one has the "right" to walk away from that (whether they are the father OR the mother). We have a word for this: abandonment.
 JDB 67
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 21
Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/30/2010 12:47:39 PM
Here you go on dead beats... My story: Married 14yrs divorce didnt want to be alone..Big mistake hook up first thing that came along... She got pregant I stay she was doing drugs while pregant. Tried to get here off drugs, she wouldnt. She got my two older kids drunk and arrested. Kick her ass out, tried to get custody of my youngest daughter. Nope I paid child support she drank it a dope it up on what suppose to be for my daughter. Daughter 23 months old she gets molested by her boyfriend. Fight for custody again lose again... I then quit paying child support, but still seem my daughter paid for everything she needed. Just a month before my daughter turns 7 she molested again... guy goes to prison...I fight for 7 months longer to get my daughter... Finally I did.... 60,000 thousand dollars later after 7 rs of fighting I get her...and thanks to the wonderful state of Illinois my daughter get molested for 5 yrs that I know of... So am I deadbeat dad for not paying my child support... There a lot that I havent told just the just of it...
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 22
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Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/30/2010 6:35:54 PM
Taken....my solution is called a vasectomy...but it would amaze you,or perhaps not, how many men won't get one because they actually think it makes them less of a man...he finger points both ways does it not.
 Deuce Light
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 23
Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 2/1/2010 9:47:52 AM
Rossjackson....

Are you for real? it's his prerogative to leave? Without his seed she never would have gotten pregnant. Nine times out of 10 an unwanted hookup pregnancy is not because of failed birth control but primarily because the idiots didn't use a condom. You can't pay me to ride bareback, even to pull out and cum, with someone I'm not in a relationship with and I don't care what I might miss out on. If she says no condom she's on the pill/IUD/etc I say no sexytime because I'm on the avoid-stray-babies-at-all-cost train.

The definition of dead beat isn't a sloth who doesn't work and drains on society my friend. Dead beats come in all shapes, sizes, and walks of life. Lawyers, doctors, school teachers, cops, construction workers, the unemployed, etc. Society defines a deadbeat parent as someone who doesn't own up to their actions and take responsibility. Yes, it's the parents prerogative to leave but jesus jones what kind of person walks away from a child? You make the mistake of knocking someone up, you at the very least pay support. If you can't be there personally to help raise and mould the baby or at least provide a father figure for it then you have to sleep at night, not me. And by you I don't necessarily mean YOU, though maybe you are this guy. Your message says no but in that display it's hard to imagine someone with a child thinking the way you just did.

And he's not trapped by a girl unless she maliciously got pregnant on him. If she sabotaged his condoms with a staple remover, or lied about birth control or she's wearing a 6-year-old IUD, or she collected his condom and spoon-fed herself in the bathroom later on after he went home then yes she's tried to trap him and I kind of agree there that it's her responsibility, though it's not fair to the child.

I'll tell you I was trapped at 17 and was given a complete out by the courts to take full custody and have the mother removed from the birth certificate altogether and I declined it for wanting to give him the ideal family. Let me say if the same thing happened today I'd screw her so hard in the deal and she'd be spending years in therapy and parenting classes before she ever saw that child again outside of a social worker or counselor's office. Fool me once...
 one man band
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 24
Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 2/1/2010 10:27:58 AM
I say let them go. Deadbeat dads or moms... just go... and don't come back.
My kids mother bolted when he was 8 months old. At first I was overwhelmed somewhat by the whole idea of being the sole caregiver to such a young fella'. I never thought about giving him up for adoption or anything like that but I did have some tough days.
He's 7 now and I can't imagine my life without him... we're the bachelor dudes that our friends are jealous of :) The parenting part is easy now.
We don't have any contact with his mom but do get the odd phone call from her. She's now a drug (coke, meth and heroin) addicted jailbird now with no fixed address.
One word... karma.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 25
Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 2/1/2010 3:08:39 PM

Two people meet in a club, have a couple of drinks and start to really hit it off.
Couple of dates later they end up having sex, screw like monkeys for a week or two......She gets pregnant.

Given their brief history I would think a DNA test should be mandatory before acclaiming him father and labelling him a deadbeat. If it's deemed he is the father, he has an obligation to participate in the the raising of that child, in some way, shape or form.

In regards to choices. She has the choice to abort, or not. He has the choice to have an active role in the child's life, or not.

If a child is born as a result of their fvck sessions, they both need to do what is right. They need to rid the personal feelings and focussing on making a wrong, a right. She raises the child; he financially supports the child, at the very least. Ideally, they'd both be very active in the child's life......... but that doesn't seem to be the case.
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