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 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 1
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Men in their 60sPage 1 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
Color me baffled. What are men in the late 50s to late 60s looking for? If they say they are looking for friends and hope one will turn into something more, what is the something more? Is it a long term FWB they want? What’s with all the ‘soulmate’ garbage? Personally, I don’t need someone else to make me ‘complete’ - I’d just like someone else to share lives with. It’s bewildering to me to read in a man’s profile that he’s looking for his ‘other/better half’ or his ‘little girl’ - see above, I’m a complete person, no halfs missing, and at my age, I’m sure as hell not looking for a Daddy. Same thing with ‘spark’ and ‘chemistry’ - those are nice, but they’ve gotten me into quite enough trouble in my life! If someone says they are looking for an ltr, what do they mean by it? Is ‘long term’ a week, a month, a year, but no more? Is it just until the better ‘next’ shows up?

In fact, forget about baffled, color me out of commission. Latest case in point - a couple months of emails and phone conversations every night, seems like a nice guy, lots in common (on the same page in life experience, as someone else put it), planning a visit in late spring, then - poof. Gone. No goodbye, no excuses, explanations, nothing - just “I’ll call you tomorrow night” which didn’t happen. I’m really tired of having long email conversations - and I do mean long - just to have someone say at some point “Oh, I’m not planning to MEET you, I have plenty of dates lined up, I just like the stories you tell.”

So, the question remains: what DO men in their 60s want?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 2
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Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/28/2010 5:37:04 PM
I hear you Kari, and have experienced such of the same ole.

People get annoyed here at pof because I try to ask people to look at the stats of how many older people are actually going to end up with a forever partner at our age.

Long gone are the days where I even think about all the point you brought up OP. For some time now, I think in terms of what I want. If future partner falls into my arms, great, if not I will be too busy to worry about what men my age want, or why they act the way they do.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 3
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Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/28/2010 6:11:51 PM
There are indeed people in the 45+ age group who don't know what they want. I don't understand it, but then I don't have to understand other people. For my money, people who don't know what they want, or can't express what they want are too high maintenance. Let them go off figure it out (as if that is going to happen after all these years), and they can get back to me
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 4
Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/28/2010 7:19:01 PM

There are indeed people in the 45+ age group who don't know what they want.

I think many people know what they want. The problem is they know what they have to give up in order to attain it - and that is where the problems start surfacing. I don't believe most who say they don't know what they want. I'm more apt to believe they realised what they must give up... thus playing the stupid act (excuses) as the OP states.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 5
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Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/28/2010 8:06:36 PM
Have to agree with MI. We over 45 know what we want for sure. The difficult thing is finding it without complications from another's previous life...onward and upwards as they say! Thanks MI!
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 6
Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/28/2010 8:07:12 PM
Op, what you are looking for is a guarantee...no one knows...you met someone or met them online and as you talk to them and they talk to you...you end up figuring out what the other person is about...

What one man might want from you could be completely different from what he would want from me....I might be the best friend of someone and you might end up the love of his life but until you get to know the person...you dont know what you will be to the person...

The issue is that no one wants to get to KNOW someone else without a guarantee that it is going to work, so they handicap themselves and everyone else by having a passive approach..they dont show who they really are cause they dont want to risk..the hurt, the time, the energy or whatever...or if they have been trying really hard after a few failed ventures they now hold back to see what the other person is going to do...
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 7
Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/28/2010 10:18:02 PM
Actually, at my age, if they "just disappear" I start thinking ICU. And that's usually been the reason. And it ain't going to get any better, either. So either I give up the idea of a mate, or I learn to sit still, and wait. Waiting is hard. A lot of peeps prefer not to do it.

 Cedarwinds
Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 8
Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 1:12:41 AM
Okay, first stop wasting time with emailing more than 1 to 5 days if they live in the immediate area. Meet as soon as possible. This will eliminate a lot of garbage.

Men in their 50 and 60s are looking to get laid. If not immediately, then soon. So if you're not attracted to them, then move on.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 9
Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 3:17:38 AM

In fact, forget about baffled, color me out of commission. Latest case in point - a couple months of emails and phone conversations every night, seems like a nice guy, lots in common (on the same page in life experience, as someone else put it), planning a visit in late spring, then - poof. Gone. No goodbye, no excuses, explanations, nothing - just “I’ll call you tomorrow night” which didn’t happen. I’m really tired of having long email conversations - and I do mean long - just to have someone say at some point “Oh, I’m not planning to MEET you, I have plenty of dates lined up, I just like the stories you tell.”

So, the question remains: what DO men in their 60s want?


Good rule of the thumb.. Don't email too long before meeting.. Unless you have extra time on your hands to take a chance on the same scenario happening.

Men in their 60's want different things.. Some want FWB, some want a live in companion to share life with and some want marriage.. They do not all want the same thing no more than all of us do in our 50's and 60's?

thecatsmeoww
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 10
Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 5:30:34 AM

Men in their 50 and 60s are looking to get laid. If not immediately, then soon. So if you're not attracted to them, then move on.


Boy you summed it up rather quickly that is indeed what most of them want. So the next time you meet someone for coffee say to yourself is this someone that I think I could possibly share the night with in the future????

thecatsmeoww
 jmw86able
Joined: 10/17/2009
Msg: 11
Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 5:47:51 AM
Thanks ^^^^ you are a breath of good aire. javascript:smilie('')
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 12
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Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 5:52:52 AM
Well, its certainly true that a man's first question to himself when he meets with a woman is along the lines of "Can I ever see myself getting into her culottes, and if yes, how long will it take?" followed fairly closely with the question "Would I want to nail her more than once?".

However, presuming positive feelings on the above essentials, which you should be able to easily detect by the nature of the CONTINUING conversation, he would be trying to discover if it would be possible for him to be happy having you around all the time, hold hands with you, and live life together with you. In other words, he would be trying to decide if he could bond with you and grow into a mutually loving relationship. He would be trying to discover whether he could get out of meeting strange women, most of whom are seriously bizarre in their behaviour and attitudes, and be able to move on the other things in life because he no longer had to worry about his relationship.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 13
Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 6:31:40 AM

In other words, he would be trying to decide if he could bond with you and grow into a mutually loving relationship. He would be trying to discover whether he could get out of meeting strange women, most of whom are seriously bizarre in their behaviour and attitudes, and be able to move on the other things in life because he no longer had to worry about his relationship.


While she is doing the very same thing as he is.. Unfortunately one can feel it and the other may not be..So the beat goes on.

thecatsmeoww
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 14
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Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 6:54:03 AM

It's pretty simple, really. Female companionship for starters. Not emails, not phone calls, companionship.

To get a bit more specific, companionship with a female who will accept us, at our age, with all of the attached problems...

...limited, fixed income, somewhat reduced physical capabilities, a few aches and pains, hair that is gone from places where it belongs and appearing in places where it doesn't belong, musclature that has turned to something more like "sludge", some bodily functions that are not as dependable or regular as they were years ago.

We know what we are looking for, but experience shows that we have a better chance of finding a leprechaun riding on a unicorn.

Oh my goodness! I see you are a newbie to this site - well okay, at the very least this incarnation as a newbie.

By reviewing your post, I see you have much to learn from the other men who post in these fora. Do you realize that you have probably sent the majority of men that post in these fora into a complete tailspin! The majority of them consider themselves to be nothing short of stud muffins who are in the greatest physique possible and who all want to take a go at doing the horizontal bop all night long at the first meet.

And you say that men in their 60's have problems such as like "musculature like sludge" or "undependable bodily functions" or "reduced physical activities". I say "pffffft" to that. No man in these fora is going to admit to any of this.

Having said that, I do think you are right on the mark when you say men 60 and over are looking for companionship but, let's face it, finding a leprachaun riding on a unicorn might be fun too!
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 15
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Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 7:01:47 AM

No man in these fora is going to admit to any of this.


Well, I certainly am willing to admit to the hair thing. Eyebrows with long springy sprouts, same thing coming out of my ears and nose.

But, I am still a "stud muffin", at least a couple of times a year, if I have lots of warning.....
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 16
Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 7:09:27 AM

.limited, fixed income, somewhat reduced physical capabilities, a few aches and pains, hair that is gone from places where it belongs and appearing in places where it doesn't belong, musclature that has turned to something more like "sludge", some bodily functions that are not as dependable or regular as they were years ago.

We know what we are looking for, but experience shows that we have a better chance of finding a leprechaun riding on a unicorn.


Good gravy with that list you might remain celibate for the rest of your life.. Have to hope you bring some depends on your coffee meets?

Focus on all the good things you will bring to her table.. and you might just find that leprechaun riding on a unicorn..

Good luck and refocus..
thecatsmeoww
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 17
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Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 7:57:23 AM

This nicely sums it up, at least for me in my late 50's. Two days ago I met a woman introduced to me by one of the lady friends I used to date. I arrived at the restaurant early and as she walked in the door I knew I wanted to and probably had a good chance to jump her bones. Our lunch extended to two and a half hours and our next date I have set up at a restaurant having a romantic ambiance where a combo shows up at 9:00 pm so people can dance. When I asked her if she wnated to meet me there or have me pick her up at her place she opted for the latter. My hopes are high and you all know what is on my mind.

Oddly enough my cell phone rang during our date because I had left it on in case she needed to call me for any reason and in "the heat of the moment" I had forgotten to turn it off. Of course I did not answer and it was a call from another woman I used to date who had shown up at my house to say hello and found I was not home. After we dated we were fwbs for a couple of years and she used to drop by unexpectantly in the afternoons when she was in the neighborhood. She met another fwb by doing that! Although the other fwb stopped providing benefits after that she remained a friend and has remarried to a wonderful man. Although I have not dated this woman for some years and she is in a 4 year long relationship her son is in his last year of high school and she is having second thoughts about the guy. She wants to get together again. When it rains it pours for men in their 50's nearing 60! I love it!

Gosh, I am completely baffled at why such a self-proclaimed sauve and debonair ......ah......errrrr.......gentlemen such as yourself would be spending so much time on the computer on a free dating site when you could be otherwise engaged and entertained by jumping the bones of multiple women. I guess everybody eventually needs some down time to rejuvenate your get up and go before it's gone forever.

I do believe that most gentlemen actually look for female companions who have and are able to utilize the gray matter that is between their ears. I'm not saying that one can't f*ck the brains outta someone but intelligent conversation is everlasting when the dipstick surpasses its "best before" date.
 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 18
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Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 8:00:10 AM
Oh geez: I see that "my" age group has suddenly achieved primary post status... Just because one member of pof happened to have some kind of baffling or disappointing experience with one??? So now...(?) I guess all of us simply fall into that same gatagory. Typical reactions for here on the forums.

Speaking for myself, as a MAN over 60, I am moved by the "same" basic set of Human needs that everybody else is. So what I want is no mystery. Its really not about what we want... is it? It never is. Its all about "how" we go about attempting to get it. It is within this process that 'everything' is determined.

I have expereinced the disappearing acts from women with whom I thought I had a great communication going. Yes, its baffling and frustrating. But should it have any bearing on who and what I am? Hell no! And do I immediately begin classifying all the women of the age group with which I had the problem as screwed up or something? Hell no! Thats ridiculous.

Heres an observation about a lot of you women in the personals: I see what is allmost an obsession about declarations of (no casual sex!) or things along those lines. Then, I see these same women being suspicious and even sarcastic if the guy wants to spend 'too' much time emailing ect? Make up yer mind. The truth is, just relax and enjoy the ride. get rid of the unreasonable rules.

This is what I have discovered. People who have become reasonably authentic and functional don't have to have all the rules and declarations. Their identities and behaviors are not influenced by others. Develope a powerful sense of who you are and the confidence to be able to actually take care of yourself. then, the 'baffling' correspondents who disappoint or upset you, won't have any power to actually affect you in a signifigant way. (ie: I'm outta here...ect.) Get tough... have fun. Don't give up.
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 19
Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 8:42:17 AM

Men in their 50 and 60s are looking to get laid. If not immediately, then soon. So if you're not attracted to them, then move on


Havent you heard men in their 50's and 60's have ED and that can lead to some pretty sad being laid on the women's part.
 silverfox1070
Joined: 1/15/2010
Msg: 20
Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 4:09:15 PM
For me it is a matter of the distance factor. I have a home, family and a business in my community. I am also involved in community. All this is the culmination of time and effort and something I don't want to turn my back on at this point. I am really looking at someone close enough to interact with and become part of each other's life. As far as the long-term idea is concerned, I would want to become an integral part of the relationship with marriage as the ultimate goal. But then, that's just me.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 21
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Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 4:29:32 PM
Seems the human race is hell bent on focusing on what they DON'T WANT versus what they do want. If you keep focusing on the negatives, you'll get plenty more of it. Too, the longer the laundry list, the slimmer your pickings will be.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 22
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Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 4:45:42 PM
To answer some of the issues brought up:

There is NO ONE local. Sorry, I take that back - there is one, count him, one man who is younger than me who wants someone to keep him company in his matching rocking chairs on the porch. Sorry, I'm not done living yet.

If you look at my profile, you'll see that I can't drive. Can't, not won't, not don't know how, but can't. So any man I meet is going to have to come to me, and I do find it somewhat frustrating that while they are willing to drive an hour or more to have lunch in the city, they aren't willing to drive 10-15 miles to meet me. (that was the one who, after a few emails and several phone calls set up a lunch date and didn't bother to show up or call to cancel)

Even so, I have met some. One wanted a FWB who could drive him home after the bars closed, and once he figured out I really wouldn't be able to do that, phht. Another one was so off-feeling, I had a background check done on him, and the conclusion was that if he ever showed up again, I should call 911 asap. He's on POF, by the way.

Of the ones I haven't met, one says in his profile "we can only find out if we are a match if we meet" but he's not willing to drive 20 minutes to meet. Another one - who has 'long term' on his profile, says what he's looking for is "someone who wants sex 24/7" - I was tempted to ask him who with, because it sure didn't look like it would have been him.

I've been invited to move into someone's condo - he obviously hadn['t bothered reading my profile beyond my age, because there's no place in a condo to keep a horse. She's no longer an issue, btw, she's in her forever home now.

I've been ranted at for wasting the time of the men who read profiles, because I don't seem to need anyone to take care of me. Well, yeah, I've spent my life taking care of myself, why would I suddenly expect someone else to start doing it for me? But there's a major difference between 'needing' someone and 'wanting' someone.

As for the email things, I do it because I think what the men have had to say is interesting. But they drop off as soon as I say something they don't like or disagree with - one of them because I said I didn't like butter beans, of all things.

Every single one of the men I've carried on email conversations - and phone conversations - with has claimed to be looking for someone long term. I'm not pushy or aggressive, but I do have a mind and I use is. I've also discovered that most of the men I've had extended email correspondence with have changed what they are looking for from 'long term' to 'dating' or 'friends' or something elsle.
 Profile-Writer
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 23
Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 4:47:00 PM
I knew a carpenter in his 60s... he left no wood go unused.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 24
Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 9:24:26 PM
Funny, I started twice to write an answer, both times I erased it all....The first one, I described what I was looking for...the second time was to explain that men go thru just as much and get as frustrated as you are.

I think a simpler answer might help....I noticed here and on another site...that seldom do you see men post questions...with the content of say...a post like this.

I guess that gives the impression, we don't have the same hassles.

The reality is....we do...there's a couple of reasons why men generally don't do this....and its kinda a shame, because women could learn so much about us...thus, having some answers to very valuable questions...such as this one.

One thing is if men do this, they are going to upset the ladies, get labeled, and that will upset their chances....lets face it there are more men then women on these sites, the competition is fierce...

Here, a woman can pretty much post as she pleases, rarely will it get deleted, even if its a redundant post..like, we had sex, then he backed off...what to do...geez how many times do we read this.....a man post anything with women in it thats not positive, and its deleted as a sympathy post.

Then we get back to the old neandathal way of thinking....he has to be manly, suck it up....live up to an image etc....whatever happened to we want him to show his feelings? It can't just be limited to what we want to hear..thats not fair....same as honesty, it can't just be for what we want to hear.

Hey, I don't make the rules, and this might be a slight exaggeration to get the point across, but in some respect its true....

So, perhaps a lot of valuable information is lost, buried...not only in the question, but the responces....maybe a forum not attached to a dating site would be the answer, then everyone would feel free to express without any incomberances.

I want someone real, capable of real feelings, not just wanting to settle cause times running out or they are tired of working. Don't have to be exactly alike, but bring out the best in each other....to share lives, not just a roof.

I don't believe in perfect people, so I don't expect to find one....understanding will handle the little things.

Hey, I could write a long list, but this will do for a start.

Look I know your frustrated, many are, and men too, its not easy on any of us....

I think its best to look for someone real and go from there, seems like that makes things easier...question is...how, do you tell that?
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 25
Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 9:49:09 PM
I think i was just in one of those moods today...actually I have to admit this site and its people are more fair than some I've seen....

Really I can't answer for anyone else but myself....I still belive in love and want someone real, thats a good start....but believe me men who are real have a hard time too.
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