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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!      Home login  
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 farcal hollis
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 1
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
The "Men In Their 60s" (what do they really want?) thread brought this on, so it may be deleted as "redundant", but the focus is different. It's more about "what can we really expect?" Since it seems that no subject is off-limits as long as it is approached respectfully, I'll take a chance.

"Self Pity threads, redundant Questions and threads with no point/chat threads will be deleted. Use the search to see if your thread/question already exists." Not self-pity here, just being honest. I didn't find anything exactly like this in a search so hopefully not redundant, and I hope asking for honest replies is not "chat".

I realize that we all age differently, and there may be a few guys out there who are still as "good as they once wuz", but I'll be one to freely admit that I'm not...in so many ways!!
I used to be able to play all of the fiddle licks of "Devil Went Down To Georgia" on guitar pretty impressively, but my fingers have slowed down. (But I can still teach the young guitar-slingers a thing or two with taste, like ol' "Slowhand"). I am a much safer and more cautious rider on my Harleys these days, although I think the 1,000 mile days are behind me.

But relating to "dating over 45" issues...

As I mentioned in the other thread...the hair that once was on my head has moved to places it never was before...ears, nostrils, etc. I can shave my head and be in style, but keeping up with those other places is a bit more difficult. I still weigh about the same as I did twenty years ago, but what once was pretty firm, has softened up a bit, and relocated a bit farther south. Remember, muscle is heavier than "sludge", so I'm a bit "thicker", even though not heavier.

I find that sometimes when I sneeze, it's not just my nose I need to worry about. I'm making trips to the men's room a lot more frequently. Parts of me are beginning to give off "less than pleasant" aromas, in spite of good hygiene, which might make certain romantic activities also "less than pleasant".

The last time certain parts of my anatomy were in direct contact with those of a female was before dirt was invented, so I'm pretty sure that the principal of "atrophy" applies here, as in "if you don't use it, yer gonna lose it". I'm relatively certain it's lost, but I'd welcome the opportunity to search for it, and I'm tired of "searching" by myself!

That's the whole point. What lady, of ANY age, is going to accept all of these "shortcomings" in a guy my age (63), whether it be to search for that which is probably lost, or to even just to share company? I'm pretty sure the only thing pleasant about the company might be the conversation, if even that.

So forget about this ol' fart chasing younger women. Yes, I love to look at them, and dream about what I'd do if I could ever catch one! And the gals my age certainly ain't chasing me, as if I could be running to be chased! They're out there chasing the much faster-moving (in every way) young studs!

And I do believe that with very few exceptions, most guys my age are in the same position and condition. And those who won't admit it are kidding themselves.

Sometimes I kid myself, too! I don't really want to connect with a lady who looks like I remember my grandmother, in spite of the fact that when I look in a mirror, I see my grandfather looking back at me! I really want to connect with the gals I remember from years ago, but as I said, I'm kidding myself, too!!

So, the bottom line question is not "what do men in their 60s want?", it's "what can men in their 60s reasonably expect?"

Guys, you can rip me apart if you want. Gals, I'd like some answers or opinions. Also, do any gals happen to have the same thoughts about themselves?

Am I a fool for being open and honest? Would I sound more attractive if I claimed I was still "just as good as I ever was"? Should I be dishonest about myself in hopes of being more attractive?
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 2
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 10:10:51 AM
Brutally honest approach, huh? Well, I'm not as old as you - but certainly older than I ever expected to be (longevity does not run in my family - I've always been of the 'live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse kinda mindset). I've frequently wondered who would look back at me in - oh, not so many years now. . . When my mother passed away, she was still in pretty good shape at 50 something - now I'm just a couple years shy of where she was, but I think I'm holding up pretty well. At 47, I've recently been recognized by people I went to high school with. .. That was 30 years ago! So I take that as a compliment. The sex is better than it ever was. And my SO, although a few years older than I, I find smokin hauuuut!!
Can't say I'm looking forward to the 'Flomax' years, but honestly, I don't find older men repugnant. Look at Harrison Ford, Tom Selleck - I mean, aging gracefully for a man is a hell of alot easier than for us ladies! But consider the alternative. . . So, overall . . . um, what was the question again? Damn Alzheimers...
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 3
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 10:14:14 AM

Sometimes I kid myself, too! I don't really want to connect with a lady who looks like I remember my grandmother, in spite of the fact that when I look in a mirror, I see my grandfather looking back at me! I really want to connect with the gals I remember from years ago, but as I said, I'm kidding myself, too!!


I don't think the problem is that you're not as good as you ever were.
It's that you realize this but still expect to attract someone younger.
What's a person my age supposed to think when they read something
like the above?
I guess you're proving what I've pretty much thought right along
Men my age just aren't interested in women my age.
I guess we'll both stay single.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 4
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 10:17:50 AM

Parts of me are beginning to give off "less than pleasant" aromas, in spite of good hygiene, which might make certain romantic activities also "less than pleasant".


This not only happens to older people. It also happens in rare cases to some people when they hit their teens. It requires a certain change in diet so do check into it. I was watching a program on this very thing just recently and if I recall which program it was I will find the doctor that is well versed in this problem. This poor girl went until the age of 35 suffering from it having her sweat glands removed only to find she still smelled.

Hair in your ears nose and nostrils get a good electric grooming tool that removes it.

Men that want things to change normally go after doing something about them. So do check into your loosing it and perhaps a change in diet and moderate work outs would help you tone up your sagging muscles and increase your testosterone level.

Now do I share some of your thoughts myself? Yes I do realize I have gotten older but I also have not given up. But then again I am kind of the stubborn type.

thecatsmeoww
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 5
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 10:20:57 AM
Oh and hiding your profile will not help you either. Unless you are permanently throwing in the towel.. if that is what you want so be it.

thecatsmeoww
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 6
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 10:21:25 AM
Sorry, but if a man your age can't see the beauty in you, browneyes, that's his loss. Maybe it's that little part of our brains that thinks we're still young? I recall someone asking me 'Quick, without thinking, how old are you?' My response was "23, er 8, 30...7?..40-shit!"
I think older men (active, interesting older men) are very attractive. I find it hard to believe they wouldn't find a woman their age (active, interesting) attractive as well.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 7
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 10:32:51 AM
I find it hard to believe that you cant realize something about yourself that is soooo much better than it ever was...what about the inner part of you...the part that learned the lessons of life thru tears?

Seriously, I find a man my age who knows who he is, where he has been, what he still wants to do in life so hot! Those who are just waiting on death to appear and looking at themselves as a "has-been" hold no attraction to me.

It is in your perception of you that others truly see who you are...
 farcal hollis
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 8
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 11:36:48 AM



Sometimes I kid myself, too! I don't really want to connect with a lady who looks like I remember my grandmother, in spite of the fact that when I look in a mirror, I see my grandfather looking back at me! I really want to connect with the gals I remember from years ago, but as I said, I'm kidding myself, too!!


I don't think the problem is that you're not as good as you ever were.
It's that you realize this but still expect to attract someone younger.
What's a person my age supposed to think when they read something
like the above?
I guess you're proving what I've pretty much thought right along
Men my age just aren't interested in women my age.
I guess we'll both stay single.


You misunderstand me! First, I did say that I was kidding myself, didn't I?

I don't know your age, but I am definitely more interested in women my age than I am in kidding myself by chasing after younger women!

And no, I don't expect to attract someone younger! Where in heck did I ever say that I EXPECTED to? He77, I don't even expect to attract women my own age...that's the whole point of my topic!! Sheez!! I thought it was pretty clear!
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 9
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 12:00:53 PM

And no, I don't expect to attract someone younger! Where in heck did I ever say that I EXPECTED to? He77, I don't even expect to attract women my own age...that's the whole point of my topic!! Sheez!! I thought it was pretty clear!


Take heart is was clear to me at least that you expected to attract no one.. By the way are you from PA perchance?

thecatsmeoww
 flowerforce
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 10
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 12:03:20 PM
We are none of us as toned as we once were. So what! At my age I have learned to love myself as I am and I hope I would love my man the same way. We can still look good as we age Ie. workout and keep the extra pounds off but we will still sag in certain spots. Also joint pains and slower physical reaction time may put a damper on things but we do not need to stop altogether. I would not want to date someone younger. I like men my age. Hopefully we have a little wisdom and contentment to offer our potential SO. I think that is way more important than a toned body. A man can reasonably expect respect, humor,wisdom, patience, friendship, caring, sensuality, sexuality from an attractive middle aged woman. Now what do you offer?
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 11
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 12:24:17 PM

What lady, of ANY age, is going to accept all of these "shortcomings" in a guy my age (63), whether it be to search for that which is probably lost, or to even just to share company? I'm pretty sure the only thing pleasant about the company might be the conversation, if even that.


Yeah, I think you're kidding youself and us. I realize there are plenty of women here at POF who claim to be as sexual as ever. There also are those who honestly admit they're not all that interested in it if they ever were. And don't underestimate the value of good conversation.

Good luck!
 farcal hollis
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 12
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 12:32:53 PM

Oh and hiding your profile will not help you either. Unless you are permanently throwing in the towel.. if that is what you want so be it.


To try to clarify, Miss Catsmeow,....I have been on this site many times with many names...and little success. My profile is hidden (it's also pretty empty of facts and pics) for the time being, as I hope to get some ideas from the forums so I can re-write it in a way that might be more effective. And are you saying that if I have these kinds of questions that I must be from PA?


Hair in your ears nose and nostrils get a good electric grooming tool that removes it.
Yes, that's taken care of. The point is, that it used to be on top of my head, not growing out of those "old man" places!


I find it hard to believe that you cant realize something about yourself that is soooo much better than it ever was...what about the inner part of you...the part that learned the lessons of life thru tears?

Seriously, I find a man my age who knows who he is, where he has been, what he still wants to do in life so hot! Those who are just waiting on death to appear and looking at themselves as a "has-been" hold no attraction to me.

It is in your perception of you that others truly see who you are...


All very good words and thoughts, Miss Sapphireeyes. Yes, there are a few things about myself that may be better than they were years ago, but those inner things are not visible...not what make that impression to "attract" someone. I do know who I am right now, and what I want to do in the future...I'm not sitting here waiting for the grim reaper, nor have I totally given up...

I am just questioning what it is reasonable to expect. I personally think it is unreasonable for a 63 year old guy to expect that he can attract and keep a 40 year old gal, unless he has one heck of a bank account and that is what she is looking for. I think it is unreasonable for a 63 year old who has obviously lost a lot of attractiveness in recent years to expect a 63 year old lady who is an athlete, fitness trainer, etc....I'd never keep up with her!
My heart, mind, and soul are still still the same, if not better than ever...it's just that they happen to be living in a house that is obsolete and falling apart!
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 13
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 12:46:18 PM

o try to clarify, Miss Catsmeow,....I have been on this site many times with many names...and little success. My profile is hidden (it's also pretty empty of facts and pics) for the time being, as I hope to get some ideas from the forums so I can re-write it in a way that might be more effective. And are you saying that if I have these kinds of questions that I must be from PA?


I had a feeling you used to have another handle. You see I did get a glimpse of you with a Pit Bull or a bulldog.. The photo was small so am not sure which kind of dog it was. You also stated you were a biker.. So bulldog with bike reminded me of this gent from PA? He like you also had no hair on his head.. You see I remember people quite well.

I would not worry about being bald.. lots of younger men are bald and some in their 40's. Check out a thread on bald men and you will see most women don't mind it at all.

I see how you answered Sapphireeyes and sometimes we pick the wrong age people that we think we should be with. My son says I should date men between 47 and 55 and so does another good friend of mine that is male. If I asked a woman likely she would say someone my own age. It makes me stop and think why men (my children included) see you differently then women do as far as dating goes.. So am trying it their way now since I really have struck out doing it my way.

thecatsmeoww
 farcal hollis
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 14
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 1:03:06 PM

You see I remember people quite well.

...sshhhhh, don't give my secret away. I'll have to run away again.

Yes, I know, that was chatting , so to bring it back on topic, it's not BEING bald that bothers me, it's just what it indicates...age, and that losing of everything young, including hair.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 15
view profile
History
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 1:05:20 PM
Is the issue about being as good as we were, or is it about not being a complete person. Complete people have enough balance in their thinking to know what they are miss has been replaced with things of equal value or more.

Are people our age still hung up of how other people see us? That is a question for them to ask themselves.

I for one don't give a thought to how other people view me. I do care about how positive, and balanced I see myself as being.
 breath~
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 16
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 1:48:13 PM
OP... very good post, and I totally understood.



Also, do any gals happen to have the same thoughts about themselves?
Yep.
Absolutely.
I admit to having nearly all those thoughts, just reverse the gender.
(no hair in my nose, though. LOL)
And it has nothing to do with being in this chair.
It has to do with being mighty close to 60, plain and simple.
We age! No one much wants to talk about that, not really... or at least not without saying something to gloss it over.
You really do hear a lot of "good as I ever was" stuff around here. And even some "if not BETTER" stuff!

My dad, when he was about 65, kept complaining that the radio stations weren't broadcasting as loud as they used to. He wasn't joking around... he was in denial and blamed the radio stations.

He just wouldn't admit, to others OR to himself even, that he couldn't hear well anymore.

This is a dating site.. people trying to show mainly their good sides.
Plus, a lot of people acting like my dad did about his hearing.
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 17
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 1:50:21 PM
^^What was that? Speak up, girl!!!

This ageing thing totally sucks, OP. But the alternative isn't pretty, either...lol..
Ahhh, we're just a bunch of shell-shocked baby-boomers.
 farcal hollis
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 18
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 2:17:21 PM

This ageing thing totally sucks, OP. But the alternative isn't pretty, either...lol..


It's pretty obvious that most of you ladies have kept your youthful attractiveness, as I see above me...not only directly above me, but all posts.

And Miss M...there is some importance to how others perceive us, in many ways. I may perceive myself as the most qualified for a job, but that means nothing if I don't make a good impression on a prospective employer. I may perceive myself as the greatest male in the world, but if the ladies don't agree, all I'm left with is a big ego.
 abby156
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 19
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 2:23:30 PM
Some positive things come with age. I no longer have to consult the weather person to know if it is going to rain.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 20
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 2:31:41 PM

Guys, you can rip me apart if you want. Gals, I'd like some answers or opinions. Also, do any gals happen to have the same thoughts about themselves?

You bet!
Time erodes us in many ways.
Some stuff is not how (or where) they used to be. I hope that the lower parts go first, so my mind will outlast them.
I am noticing that life is not like a perfect dinner setting, where "there is an ass for every seat", but more like a game of musical chairs. Some of us will be left standing, when the faster ones are seated...
And like the game goes, there are more and more of us left standing as time goes by..

 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 21
view profile
History
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 2:52:33 PM
"And Miss M...there is some importance to how others perceive us, in many ways. I may perceive myself as the most qualified for a job, but that means nothing if I don't make a good impression on a prospective employer."

Having always owned the company has many rewards............



"I may perceive myself as the greatest male in the world, but if the ladies don't agree, all I'm left with is a big ego.'

I don't keep my ego rolled up in what the opposite sex thinks. If I did, life would be no fun at all.

I swear people read my energy, and not what is in front of the eyes, whether or not I am limping that day.
 farcal hollis
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 22
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 4:07:08 PM
Make the ladies laugh; they'll love you for it!


Making the ladies laugh ...no problem! It happens every time I approach one!
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 23
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 4:18:51 PM
it's not BEING bald that bothers me, it's just what it indicates...age, and that losing of everything young, including hair.

Only if *you* look at it that way, lol! My dad was bald by the time he was 20. My mom never knew him when he had hair. . . .

Old joke: A couple of guys having lunch got to discussing the subject. Finally, the bald guy said: "Fine. God only gave each of us so much testosterone, if you want to spend yours growing hair, well, then. . . ."

For the record, in the last decade, I've been in love twice. Both fellas were over sixty-five when I met them. They both had health issues, as do I. And? Can't see that it's changed anything except I lost the first one to death three years ago. And if that scares you, quit *right now* no matter what age you are.

 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 24
view profile
History
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 4:25:27 PM
OP - don't think of yourself as getting "old". Think of yourself as being in middle aged puberty!!! Hell, I know I'm going thru mine - got a little bit of the middle age spread; my hair isn't as thick as it was; and I even notice I get a few odd hairs in places they shouldn't be. Chalk it up to middle age puberty. The way I see our physical attributes is either "Murphy's Law" or "The Law of Gravity" will catch up with EVERY ONE OF US! It is, what it is. There is no fountain of youth.
 farcal hollis
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 25
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 5:21:21 PM
Wow, a lot of good comments, advice, and observations. I think it's kind of funny that no guys have spoken up!

I'll admit that many of you know me, but I'm just trying a new approach to this, and to a lot of things. I've offended a lot of people with my posts and my opinions, here and elsewhere...I've been very close-minded, and starting this thread with an honest admission of my own self-doubts is just a step...a step towards understanding myself and others a little better.

It's a pretty good bet that my attitude may have been a bigger obstacle than my age and my failing physical features. Since I can only makes changes or improvements on one of these, I'll attempt the former.

"There is no fountain of youth" said Miss Suecat...that's okay with me, as long as I still have a little water in my own well.

Miss Wooby, you have an outlook that will always keep you young. I'm not throwing in the towel yet...just re-evaluating my "strategy".

I am purposely keeping my profile hidden and empty, to learn what I can from the forums, whether responses to my posts, or general reading. I appreciate the words I've read, and anticipate reading more, that will help me to find that point where I can feel like writing and posting a real profile again.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!