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 AUTHOR
 Estival
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 2
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The Legal Separation....Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
The very first thing you need to do is talk to a lawyer. If this guy is capable of pulling this, your first priority needs to be protecting yourself and your child, legally and financially. Do NOT got to the cheapest lawyer in town. Ask anyone you know and trust for recommendations, and choose a good one. Borrow a little bit if you need to, to afford this. I can tell you from bitter experience that allowing your sadness to get you to you let your guard down is something you will regret a lot, later on.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 3
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/30/2010 1:14:45 PM
First...

I'm very sorry. You are going to go through some serious shyt, regardless of what you do.

What do YOU feel is right? Did you ask your husband why? I mean why now, why unhappy, why a separation...why any and all of it.

If there's a legal separation, are you considering going to counseling? Does he want to leave or is he testing something out? Do you suspect anything?

I'm asking these questions not because I want to know but because I hope that you've asked him the same questions or some that are close to those.

Do you want to be with him? Not just because of your baby--which is a HUGE factor of course-- but there are a lot of single moms out in the world--but because you and he love and respect one another enough to work through whatever's going on.

You should look inside and then look at him. No one here is going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do--for example, I'd say ask all of the questions I just posed you, get some counseling and think long and hard. It's a big decision to separate or divorce.

I wish you well sweetness...no answer will be right or wrong.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 5
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/30/2010 1:20:23 PM
OP, sorry to hear of this.
2 words...
LEGAL COUNSEL.
Cindy O
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 6
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/30/2010 1:20:45 PM
He's lining up his ducks - get your ass to a lawyer.

Pretty damn weird to be doing this when the two of you have a newborn. I wouldn't close any doors, but definitely find out what you should be doing.
 Puppydog54
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 8
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/30/2010 1:26:15 PM
First, I am truly sorry. I have been where you are and I know the horrific pain. It WILL get better in time. I promise.

I'm with the others regarding an attorney. I'm not a big fan of them in general, but in a situation like this you must be clear on your rights and obligations. Try not to let your heart dictate how to proceed.

Hang in there, hon.
 singleagain66
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 10
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/30/2010 1:40:28 PM
Well since he is going that route then you need to go get Child support order on him and make sure youhave all the papers you need when you go to the court house. Then am sure everythings else will fall in to play for you as the days goes by.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 12
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/30/2010 2:00:35 PM
He wants to leave. Live separate lives... and maybe - MAYBE - one day in the far future date again.
Yeah, right. Tell him the name of the game is "sh*t or get off the pot."

I suspect he wants to have inappropriate relationships with other females.

I suspect you suspect correctly. Having a new baby in the house is a huge adjustment/reality check. Especially the first one. It's not unusual for the man to get his nose-and his weiner out of joint. Most men manage to pull their heads out of their asses and deal...sounds like yours can't go the distance.
DO NOT let his concerns for his underexercised willy put you and your baby in the poorhouse. This is not "revenge", this is not "manipulation"...this is a human mother doing just the same as animal mothers do; protecting and taking the best care possible of her offspring.
If you are not working,which wouldn't be unusual with an infant...that doen't mean you have to go live in some roach motel or move back with your parents. His sorry ass owes you child support.

I think what upsets me most about the baby is that he is only 4 months old. He will be doing all of his "firsts" soon. First tooth. First word. First time crawling. Then walking. And it hurts so bad to think that one of us will always miss one of those things because we will be apart.

Baby girl, we GET that. But right now you have to put on your titanium panties and look out for that baby-and yourself. Very possibly, when Wandering Weiner realizes that a divorce costs money and is a helluva lot of hassle, his BIG head will regain control.
If legal separation is an option in your state and you really feel more comfortable with it, fine. But this 'live separate lives' and 'someday date again'? BAH-FREAKIN'LONEY ! MY ASS. He's been finding out that a new baby is a lot of work, distraction, disruption,expense, and that Mommy and Daddy don't have much time for each other. Again...boo-freakin'hoo.
And forum friends, there is a method to my madness here. The OP has to put her broken heart on hold for now and see to it that she and the baby don't end up suckin' hind tit while daddy parties around the countryside. HOPEFULLY, when he finds out that this is gonna be a difficult and expensive proposition,he'll call his proctologist(to help him find his HEAD) and this little family will NOT get broken.
Cindy O
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 13
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/30/2010 3:00:54 PM
~OP~ Here is the law (in short) in Utah:

Legal separation

The parties live separately, but remain legally married to one another. The couple's rights and duties to each other are set forth in a Decree of Legal Separation, which covers matters such as custody and child support, spousal support, division of property and payment of debts. The legal procedures are similar to those for divorce, except that there are grounds for legal separation only when one spouse is deserted by the other, or when a person refuses or neglects to provide for his or her spouse. If the couple later decides to divorce after they have been legally separated, they must file a separate action for divorce.

Why on earth would you consent to a legal separation (in Utah or anywhere in the US for that matter?) He wants out, get a divorce and move on.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 14
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The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/30/2010 4:52:36 PM
In Texas, the one who is the bigger earner will usually wind up picking up all of the legal fees so outside an initial retainer, most lawyers will work with women more quickly than they will work with men, look into that aspect of things. With the attorney, do the scraping because having been poorly represented in the past, you get what you pay for and word of mouth is better than anything else. One lawyer I assumed was competent because he was board certified family law but found out from a colleague at municipal court that in Texas, board certification requires like six hours of specialized classes and literally no actual family court experience for that certification of expertise. I also think that he filed for divorce, you can respond to that initial filing unless he has withdrawn it, and just conclude the divorce. I think you can also respond to a petition for separation by stating that the differences are irreconcilable and you want a divorce. He deserted you, I suspect that he is trying to get around whatever legal liability he created for himself by doing that.

OP, legal separations are usually entered into to protect both individuals and to provide for child support, etc. while the people are deciding definitely to divorce or they have issues like property that need to be ironed out before the divorce. Divorce might be delayed now, by the poor housing market so that neither one of you takes a bath on the house, for example, by disposing of it now rather than when the market picks up. Your legal interests are protected in the interim.

If you two aren't getting back together, if there is nothing really to deal with relative to property settlement, if it is just the kids, etc. there really isn't a reason for the legal separation. This may be a stupid question but have you asked him why he is considering the legal separation rather than a divorce if he was the one that wanted out?

I too btw am sorry you are dealing with this, it sucks, but you should be able to access Utah's child support, custody and separation statutes so that you can see for yourself what the law says and what could be the benefit to him of doing it this way. In Texas, in addition to child support, the non-custodial parent is responsible for paying half of medical expenses, putting the child(ren) on insurance, etc. and I am not sure whether those things are required in a separation or if it would be a way to avoid some of the things that divorce will require.

I suspect there is some way he intends to screw you in this just because that would be the general reason for changing course and he doesn't sound like a particularly nice guy at the moment (I hope that this will change for you because many people do become more reasonable the further they get from the split and they do start doing things to positively co-parent). Please remember that no matter what happens, you should always try to take the high road and think about what is best for the kids. You need to do certain things to protect yourself and the kids but it is easy to get sucked into things by the other person's crap that winds up with you inadvertently using the kids as pawns as well. This being a grown-up isn't always easy.

Anywho, find out the advantages for him for doing separation instead of divorce because it is highly likely that there are some. Also, you should have gotten enough information in initial consultation that you know if you want a situation that has you with primary custody and him visitation rather than 50/50, you need to be careful about how much time you and he spend with the kids. If you are agreeable to certain things in a separation agreement relative to time spent with the kids, etc. it can come back to bite you.

Sweetheart, I just looked at some of your reposts. You are totally cutting yourself off at the knees with the wishing. I know it is hard to do and some of it is related to your background but with my kids growing up with a home that was pretty volatile from the time they came into it, your child will be better off with two happy parents who are working well as a team in two different households. You can't change what is, you can't undouche him, so you move forward and IMO, I think sometimes it is easier on kids that parents split when young because if the parents are acting properly, the child just gets used to what he lives. It is really not that much different to me than kids that spend a lot of time with grandparents. They get used to rules at both houses, they get used to different people tucking them into their own beds at their houses.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 15
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/30/2010 5:23:45 PM
Get that retainer for that lawyer.

I would strongly recommend against a legal separation: just go for the divorce. Be very careful and don't agree to anything at all. You are in UTAH! Women don't really have a whole lot of rights in states that tend to be led by patriarchal politics (was that PC enough?). You could very easily end up losing custody of your baby. I've seen it happen to lots of lawyerless women here in Idaho, a state with a similar political bias.

Don't worry about your baby not having two loving parents. Chances are pretty good that his bio-dad isn't going to be the greatest parent if he's capable of filing for divorce before telling you he's going to do so. Parenting is about partnership, and a good partner doesn't dissolve the agreement without taking it to the table first. And chances are also pretty good that a more family-oriented man will be in you and your baby's future.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 16
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The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/31/2010 8:08:58 AM
i dont know..... for my sons mother and i,we choose to place our sons needs above our own,
we did not go through court we went through mediation, then had a court order that was fair
that was years ago, i have been a really good dad, she a really good mom,we both always did our best, even his step father has had a great influence on him
now we have a son who is getting ready for university, most of which is paid for all ready, we chose to start saving early for that
family law usually becomes very rough on people, lawyers usually love it when a couple fight over everything , for them its a matter of making more money, and if its ugly, and love a fight lasts long , its really only good for them
another good idea is to take a parenting class together, but please put your feelings aside, or into therapy,and do whats best for your child
 txredbull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 17
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The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/31/2010 9:43:43 AM
Some bad advice here.
Go to a lawyer "only" to understand the law. Read books as well..quite a few manuals some divorce attorneys put together to entice your business.

However, having said that, stay away from lawyers if you can. The only thing a lawyer means is that whatever both of you will have to split up....the lawyer is going to get a huge chunk. The first thing lawyers due is to seek to intensive an atmosphere of distrust and one of I'm right the other person is wrong...which is 100% NEVER the case. They create an advisary process where perhaps one does not need to take place. Once in it, its impossible to get back out of it. If you have children, it will kill any chance of working together on the behalf of children peacibly. If he is interested in a legal separation, he is already showing you that he is interested in trying to find a way to soften the process.

You need to talk with your husband and see if you both can amicably come up with something that both of you can live with. Yes, a divorce...a separation is an interim processs waiting around for the divorce to finish or to determine if a reconciliation is possible. Now if there is no way you and your husband can reach 50:50, then you have to use a laywer. The only thing the lawyers are going to make sure of is that it IS 50:50 (as required by the law) and take a huge chunk of money because you couldn't get to a point where you have to get to legally no matter what.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 18
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The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/31/2010 10:00:49 AM
Is going direct to divorce legal in your state? It isn't in mine. If you have the option, and you are sure it's the course you want, I'd go for the divorce, just to save the cost of going through a bunch of lawyers twice.
What ever you do, DON'T rush into a decision until you see YOUR lawyer, who can explain clearly what your options and your areas of danger are. My ex planned for over a year to divorce me, before springing it on me with a vicious grin for personal gratification. I had to speak to a lawyer of my own to stop her from arranging the entire separation and divorce to suit her selfish greed and revenge motives.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 19
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/31/2010 10:37:25 AM
just a note...in some states legal separation is included in the code as a way to facilitate plural marriages by legally protecting the intial family. She's in Utah....
 Estival
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 20
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The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/31/2010 1:25:39 PM
OP, one other thing I need to say here. You say your baby comes first. If that's really true, then YOU come first. The very best thing you can do for your baby is take care of yourself - s/he is helpless without you. YOU need to be as healthy and protected as possible, or you can't take care of the child.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 21
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The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/31/2010 3:26:29 PM
WTT, you are very lucky and your son has benefited from the maturity of two parents that cared about him, kudos, and also for recognizing the positive input of step-dad. Some people's egos won't allow it.


OP, one other thing I need to say here. You say your baby comes first. If that's really true, then YOU come first. The very best thing you can do for your baby is take care of yourself - s/he is helpless without you. YOU need to be as healthy and protected as possible, or you can't take care of the child.

This is really the bottom line. Sometimes we do what we have to do not what we really want to do. If your motives are purely about your child, you can look yourself in the mirror and your child in the eye, all you really need to worry about.
 x_file_
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 22
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/31/2010 5:52:41 PM


So after two years and one baby (now 4 months old), my husband tells me he isn't happy.


Did you ask him why? He isn't happy, or he isn't happy with you?



Not only that, two days later I find out he already filed for divorce behind my back.


This is an odd behavior for a man who has just become a father.

1) Is he the father of your child?
2) Have you had an affair?
3) Did he want children?
4) Was the child planned?
5) How good has you sex-life been?



Reaching out to you guys in the hardest moment of my life.


No, you are not. From what I see, you are reaching out to women in order to learn how to best cover your ass. When it comes down to it, "take him for all he's got" seems to be the common advice.... so go for it. Teach him a lesson! Marriage is for fools.
 txredbull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 23
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The Legal Separation....
Posted: 1/31/2010 7:17:15 PM

txredbull. This advice entirely wrong. You sound angry and bitter. Most lawyers generally push the parties to an amicable division without the need to go to court. In this and many states there is a mandated mediation process that urges the parties through mediation so that proceedings are uncontested. Most lawyers here are quite happy to have their clients go through mediation and settle everything amicably. As far as lawyers pushing right wrong atmosphere, that is absurd. No fault divorce takes that entirely out of the equation for the most part.

Why would I be angry or bitter?? Anyway, bbbmmmppp wrong guess. I just know the legal process up and down and as a business owner I'm either in court or about to be in court....its the nature of the American business process of today.

Attorneys MAKE money by litigating. They don't make money by "compromising". The only time a lawyer will comprise is between 1 day and 1 hour of a court date. The longer the process, the more money they make. The more complicated the process, the more money they make. Try watching the "War of the Roses" and a little bit of TV. Things aren't as bad as that anymore thank goodness...however, if you are rich they will be close.

You don't need a lawyer to mediate for goodness sakes.... Mediation mean reaching a "middle ground". All you need is two parties and a mediator. The only thing the lawyer will do is "slow" mediation down, antagonize the process, delay the process which will cost you in attorney fees and more mediation fees since the mediators charges by the hour.

Lawyers "have to mediate"...its a requirement of the court...they don't have a decision in the matter whatsoever.

There is a place for lawyers....and thats "in court". Hire them when your court date is a week away. Have the judge grant a continuance and then put the lawyer to work. However, you will find very few lawyers that want to do this....why? Because most lawyers suck in court....and they make all of their money "outside of court" playing games with the system.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 25
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 2/1/2010 3:20:04 AM
I don't think it's healthy to stay in an unhappy relationship but I do believe that if there's any chance of repairing a marriage, every effort should be made, particularly when there's a child. I think x_file (msg 42) asks some very good questions that could help determine the root of the unhappiness. Frankly, if I had a four-month-old I don't think I'd be all that happy either. Women get the excuse of postpartum depression if they're struggling with a newborn but guys don't get a pass if they're having difficulty adjusting to being a parent and it would be a shame to break up a family over something that could possibly be a temporary problem. Then again, the fact that you didn't delete your profile on an online dating site after getting married hints to me that maybe this unhappiness existed before the baby was even born.

But based on what you've shared, my advice would be if the separation is for the purpose of resolving some issues-- perhaps through couples' counseling-- then go that route. But if he's just trying to drag out the inevitable, get the divorce.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 26
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 2/1/2010 9:35:42 AM

I just know the legal process up and down and as a business owner I'm either in court or about to be in court....its the nature of the American business process of today.

wow...then considering your advice would be about as smart as asking the big bloody SPLAT down there on the rocks how NOT to fall off the cliff.
Regardless of who did what to whom, there is a 4 month old baby who bears no responsibility for the situation, who is going to have to be housed, clothed, fed, medically cared for and educated. Maybe the OP should agree to the divorce if she can dumb the baby on Daddy, so she can party and chase d*ck?
Cindy O
 x_file_
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 27
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 2/1/2010 7:29:34 PM

What a bunch of crap! I hate to say this, but you are way off base here. - The OP is merely trying to figure out how to protect herself and her child and here you are playing the Judge, Jury, and Executioner here.


Protect herself from what? Her husband? You are playing the judge, the jury and the executioner, only it is less obvious.

Btw, "protect herself" is another phrase for "covering her ass". Spin it, or phrase it whatever way you wish, she is still being advised to "cover her ass" and take him for whatever she can.



I am not saying that she is totally blameless for her marriage falling apart as it takes two, but she damn sure shouldn't be taking all the blame for it like you are illustrating here.


What blame did I illustrate (assign to her) in my last post? I simply ask few questions because I can't help but notice that many replies, especially from women, seem to have assumed her husband is the villain - which is why she needs to protect herself. That seems to be the unspoken assumption. Yet, I can't possibly see how anyone can rationally come to this conclusion without, at the very least, knowing the answers to the questions I asked.

Maybe he filed for divorce because he knows she had an affair which she is not telling us about. Maybe he filed for divorce because he knows the child is not his. Maybe he filed for divorce because she has radically changed in a bad way.

Shall no one check her integrity and the quality of a person she is? After all she is on a dating website, not just seeking advice, but has several "exotic" pics on her profile.


I think you need to take a look at some of the other responses here before you start finger pointing and name calling.


I think you need to learn to read with a bit more depth and patience and with little less prejudice.



If anyone needs a lesson on here, it's you.




See above.

I never said she needs a lesson.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 29
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 2/2/2010 11:05:31 AM

I can't help but notice that many replies, especially from women, seem to have assumed her husband is the villain - which is why she needs to protect herself. That seems to be the unspoken assumption. Yet, I can't possibly see how anyone can rationally come to this conclusion



So after two years and one baby (now 4 months old), my husband tells me he isn't happy.
Not only that, two days later I find out he already filed for divorce behind my back.

Umm,since he's the one who filed for divorce BEHIND HER BACK...what else SHOULD we presume?



Maybe he filed for divorce because he knows she had an affair which she is not telling us about. Maybe he filed for divorce because he knows the child is not his. Maybe he filed for divorce because she has radically changed in a bad way.

This may not be "assigning blame",in the strictest sense of the phrase, but it is certainly unverifiable speculation.We cannot go by anything other than what the posts and the profile say,unless the poster gives conflicting information or contradicts themselves.

The following are quotes from the OPs' posts.


I did ask my husband why. He said he just isnt happy .



He wants to leave. Live separate lives... and maybe - MAYBE - one day in the far future date again. I suspect he wants to have inappropriate relationships with other females.



I want whats best for my baby.



but not to the point where this tool is going to screw me over. My child comes first. FIRST. Before anything.

It isn't about 'taking him to the cleaners', it's about providing for this infant.

Following are comments from some of the MALE posters


The very first thing you need to do is talk to a lawyer. If this guy is capable of pulling this, your first priority needs to be protecting yourself and your child, legally and financially.



He's lining up his ducks - get your ass to a lawyer.
Pretty damn weird to be doing this when the two of you have a newborn.

(I might interject here, that this ISN'T all that 'damn weird', Unfortunately there are couples that just can't adjust to the changes that come about with that first baby)


I'm with the others regarding an attorney. I'm not a big fan of them in general, but in a situation like this you must be clear on your rights and obligations. Try not to let your heart dictate how to proceed.



Well since he is going that route then you need to go get Child support order on him and make sure youhave all the papers you need when you go to the court house.



hi my advice to you is, is he worth fighting for. to be honest he does not sound like it, for a man able to file for divorce just after you having a baby. My advice get rid of him full time . your better of without him



First thing you need to do if file for spouse and child support if he's moved out.



OP, one other thing I need to say here. You say your baby comes first. If that's really true, then YOU come first. The very best thing you can do for your baby is take care of yourself - s/he is helpless without you. YOU need to be as healthy and protected as possible, or you can't take care of the child.

It is NOT just the women who've spoken up here in support of the OP.
But if you want to pull stuff out of your butt to accuse the OP of, then how about if we women go ahead and speculate that the husband was a lazy ass who left all responsibility for caring for the baby to the wife, and then went around all pissy because HE wan't getting enough attention and sex from a stressed and exhausted wife.?
Let's try to provide the OP with the help she's asked for, not go off into seeing how we can assign all blame to her, and turn this thread into a gender war.
Cindy O
 x_file_
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 30
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 2/2/2010 1:57:39 PM

Umm,since he's the one who filed for divorce BEHIND HER BACK...what else SHOULD we presume?


How about "nothing"?

He filed for a divorce so he is automatically the bad guy? Maybe he knows something we don't and he feels it needs no discussion but rather action (divorce). Maybe she cheated on him, she thinks he doesn't know, yet he does, and he doesn't want to discuss it, but end the marriage. I don't know. The silent prejudice that her husband is the evil one, is, in my opinion, wrong. It's a too great of an assumption based on nothing, but this woman's word.



This may not be "assigning blame",in the strictest sense of the phrase, but it is certainly unverifiable speculation.


That's right. It is speculation, just like "her husband is the bad guy" is speculation too - thought many have basically assumed it to be true.

The guy maybe a dirt bag, but what's the evidence for that? He filed for divorce without discussing it first with her? That's the evidence? So every woman who has filed for a divorce (without talking to her husband) is a dirt bag then?



It isn't about 'taking him to the cleaners', it's about providing for this infant.


It was another poster who suggested she takes him to the cleaners, and yet another for her to kick him to the curb.

Also, it's one thing for her to worry about her son/daughter, and another of how to "protect herself" apparently from her husband as if he is going to take half her stuff.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 31
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 2/3/2010 8:03:54 AM

Maybe she cheated on him, she thinks he doesn't know, yet he does, and he doesn't want to discuss it, but end the marriage.

You keep coming back to this...with absoluely no substantiaton. Having been a party to many households with infants,while not an impossibility, the mother having the time and energy to cheat would be a stretch in the average household.

The OP also doesn't mention nannies,servants,or living in an extended family where there would be lots of free time for her.
But if we are going to speculate, let me speculate,based on a fairly common scenario witnessed as a social work technician, as one half of Aunt Cindy and Uncle Larry,as a friend and neighbor.
That first baby,in the average young couple's situation is a HUGE adjustment for the new parents. And unfortunately, all too often the new father starts feeling quite neglected. This is partially understandable, I'm not trying to make new dads out to all be 'the bad guy'. But sometimes new dads don't handle this transition real well.
So, if we are going to just pull shit out of the air,I think the scenario I posited, that the new dad's nose and weiner have been put out of joint by the necessity of baby coming first, is more likely than the mother of a 4-month old infant having the time to cheat on her husband.

The silent prejudice that her husband is the evil one, is, in my opinion, wrong. It's a too great of an assumption based on nothing, but this woman's word.

it's a 'prejudice' arising out of awareness, that all too often new fathers can tend to feel neglected. Often both of the new parents are continually sleep-deprived , and yeah, sex can become a scarce commodity. But instead of trying to talk this through, work it out, the hubby just goes behind his wife's back and files for divorce. How can there NOT be a tendency to make him 'the bad guy'?

That's the evidence? So every woman who has filed for a divorce (without talking to her husband) is a dirt bag then?
Yes-unless discussing it would put her safety at risk!- I feel that women who 'blitz' unsuspecting husbands are also in the wrong.

It was another poster who suggested she takes him to the cleaners, and yet another for her to kick him to the curb.

Also, it's one thing for her to worry about her son/daughter, and another of how to "protect herself" apparently from her husband as if he is going to take half her stuff.

Look, you have some reason to believe that this wife has wronged her husband and that's why he's divorcing her. Is it not possible that other posters here may have had experiences of financial struggles caused by the male parent cleaning out bank accounts? I saw this with sickening regularity when I was in the social work field.
And as for anybody kicking anybody else to the curb...it sounds like the OP's husband has done that to her.Then comes back to try and dangle a far-distant, highly unlikely "carrot" of "maybe starting to date again someday." I suspect he wants to dial back to "legal separation" as a way back to the social and sexual safety of marriage if all that available p*ssy out there in 'Single
Again Land'turns out to be a mirage. Or maybe he's trying to assuage feelings of guilt.
All anybody can speak to here in this thread, is what we're being told. Unfortunately, it's not exactly a rare situation. And while certainly NOT impossible, the idea of a marriage with an infant breaking up because MOM was out fooling around, seems less likely,to those who have raised or been in close contact with infants.
Cindy O
 cuban delite
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 32
The Legal Separation....
Posted: 2/3/2010 8:13:05 AM
This is an odd post...if you were a man ,everyone would have noticed that you joined POF early in your marriage.....

just saying
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