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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Rushing too fast      Home login  
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 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
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Rushing too fastPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
1. You don't know him well enough yet to know if he is lying, when he claims that he has never done this before.
2. he is behaving as one who is either JUST out of another serious relationship (rebound), or is desperate to marry, due to an internal time-clock which has NOTHING to do with you. In either case, his rush to commitment is a delusion of his.
3. He "keeps telling [you] he will back off" . This indicates he has told you more than once, and has failed to live up to his promise.
You cannot judge someone by what they SAY they will do, or who they SAY they have been, or what they MIGHT mean to you in the future. You have to draw your conclusions entirely upon the facts of the here and now.
Here and now, he is unreliable, unrealistic, self-deluded, and contradictory. That is sufficient information for ME to conclude that he is NOT a wise investment of your time, and may well be unpleasant to deal with if you wait to "give him a chance."
Thus, if the only choices are "give him [yet another] chance," or "run a mile," I would also vote for the healthy, exercise option. Run.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 8
Rushing too fast
Posted: 2/1/2010 5:43:01 PM
Does any one know why guys act this way? Is he a psychopath? I wish i did not commit to exclusively dating him now. I feel im not ready or maybe he is too pushy. He told me to hide my profile on this site, as it is the right thing to do.

He's just trying to stake his claim before a claim jumper comes along. He feels that he needs to exercise exclusive rights under his terms in order to feel safe.

What a catch!
Two dates is not what a relationship makes...
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 9
Rushing too fast
Posted: 2/1/2010 5:56:40 PM
He ended up asking me to marry him and live with him and asked me if im interested in having kids, in only 3 dates!


He is being controlling


He is extremely impulsive. The controlling or being manipulative - big red flag.
Tell him he is virtually a stranger to you, and he doesn't know squat about you yet.


The last guy I dated a couple of times got pretty presumptuous - told me I was the 7th woman he went out with and that was some kind of a sign to him. It came to a very quick close at the end of the 2nd date when he casually strolled into my bedroom and took off his clothes like we were an old married couple when he never even tried to kiss me previously.


I wish i did not commit to exclusively dating him now.


Yes - but he pulls the crazy card, then all bets are off.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 11
Rushing too fast
Posted: 2/1/2010 6:06:34 PM
If the guy's behavior is turning you off, then your decision is simple. But I totally disagree with the people who think you should run away just because he's overenthusiastic. Maybe you seem like his dream girl and he truly hasn't acted this way with anyone before. I think if you still have some interest in him, keep seeing him, just be wary of any sort of controlling behavior.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 12
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Rushing too fast
Posted: 2/1/2010 6:23:27 PM

He is being controlling and being a real try hard.
Because that is who he is.
He told me he has never been this way with any woman before
He's lying and saying that so you won't end the relationship.
and that others he has dated have usually been this way towards him and that he ran a mile!
He's manipulating you by saying he understands how you feel and your feelings are normal. He'd do the same thing. It's to relax you and make you think he understands and you're the exception to his rules.
I am very put off by him, but he seems like a nice bloke. He keeps telling me he will back off.
Listen to your instincts. The relationship is new. This is the good part. It will only get worse and your relationship intensifies. I agree with the rest... Run and run fast!
 HappinessOK
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 14
Rushing too fast
Posted: 2/1/2010 7:53:49 PM
Op,

Having recently broken up with someone because of what you are experiencing.. my advice to you is RUN LIKE HELL. Sounds like he is a sociopath and controlling. They are usually very charming and mirror you. Once they know you have an interest they will move in to own your soul very quickly.

Deep down they are insecure and worthless jerks who will try to destroy you emotionally.

RUN!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 15
Rushing too fast
Posted: 2/1/2010 8:13:31 PM

What do others think about this situation and has any one gone through it?

Too many times to count (except the children part.) I think the situation is, well, what it is. Only you can determine if you want to go down that road or not. I met the romantic love of my life and there was NO need to ask a bunch of strangers what to do because I knew what to do, so did he. Since you are asking, it must not feel "right" to you. JMO
 prezmic
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 19
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Rushing too fast
Posted: 2/2/2010 5:02:40 AM

If the guy's behavior is turning you off, then your decision is simple. But I totally disagree with the people who think you should run away just because he's overenthusiastic. Maybe you seem like his dream girl and he truly hasn't acted this way with anyone before. I think if you still have some interest in him, keep seeing him, just be wary of any sort of controlling behavior


You are just not into him. If you were, we would be hearing about the "love at first sight" fairy tale and all the posters would be "you go girl". Instead they want to label him as a psycho.

Maybe he figures you are "the one". Maybe he has dated plenty and finally found his perfect woman. Timing is everything. He could be ready to settle down, but you are not. No big deal. How many "why can't he commit" posts tell the other side.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 22
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Rushing too fast
Posted: 2/2/2010 8:37:10 AM
Date the other guy, this guy is either lying and he always acts like a clingy stalker or he is just a douche, either way if you continue to see him it will only increase the amount of effort required to get rid of him when things get bad enough to start checking your pots for bunnies.

Hope you left the door open with the other guy.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 25
Rushing too fast
Posted: 2/2/2010 2:53:00 PM
I'm just sitting here wondering - Is there such a thing as rushing too slowly?
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 30
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Rushing too fast
Posted: 2/3/2010 3:31:47 PM

He ended up asking me to marry him and live with him and asked me if im interested in having kids, in only 3 dates! I am interested in all that stuff, but thought it a bit too soon.


Did you seriously need to ask this question?
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 33
Rushing too fast
Posted: 2/9/2010 3:36:17 AM

now we have heard from all the red flag crowd ... who say run Forest run ... they are the same people that see red flags when the guy is reluctant to commit


deerdog - The key element missing is common sense. A woman who continues to date and give everything to a man for an extended length of time knowing she has no future with him indicates she is lacking in common sense.
A man who jumps the gun in wanting to marry and plan a future with a virtual stranger simply because he is horny indicates that HE has no common sense. No woman wants to marry a fool and he has already proven that he is one.
It all boils down to getting to know someone thoroughly so that we can make an intelligent decision of whether or not we want to spend our life with that person. That would cut down tremendously on divorce and unplanned pregnancies. Anything else does indicate a RED FLAG.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 35
Rushing too fast
Posted: 2/9/2010 11:53:37 AM
Well it's been my experience that it's totally possible to meet someone
and feel an instant connection with them, and to instinctively know that
this is the person you were meant to be with.

I've had guys suggest we move in together (and a few said we should get
married) and the only time it freaked me out was when I really didn't like
the guy. When I did like them...we turned it into a joke and sort of moved
on. The guys I didn't like, I couldn't get past it and couldn't get far enough
away from.

I think one's tolerance level for this sort of stuff is directly related to
their level of fondness for said "pyscho".

But that's just my opinion of course.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 43
Rushing too fast
Posted: 2/17/2013 2:35:48 PM
The original post is 3 years old, so she either ran for the hills or she married the guy and is busy popping out babies.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 44
Rushing too fast
Posted: 2/17/2013 5:00:41 PM
i did not commit to exclusively dating him now. I feel im not ready

You are not ready. Stand your ground, don't let him push you into a relationship you're not ready for. He doesn't even know you yet. And you don't know him man yet, but from what I see so far, this is a big red flag right here. Follow your gut instincts.

He told me he has never been this way with any woman before
I don't believe that. He didn't suddenly become this way. He has done this before.
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