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 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 1
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Women faking orgasmPage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Ladies, have you ever had a lover you COULD NOT fake an orgasm with? i.e. they caught you every time. Guys, have you ever found out later that a lover had faked an orgasm, but you weren't aware of it at the time? Nearly every woman I've ever talked to states that she HAS faked and orgasm; and that the guy was never aware of it. I'm not a woman; so I really have nothing to judge an opinion on but what they have to say; and...I believe them. I had a lover fake an orgasm on me, and I totally missed it. When we were talking later, she admitted it. Turns out she was a bit miffed at the fact that I was counting her orgasms (yes, I sometimes count, shoot me), and faked one in the middle somewhere. The fact that it happend once tells me it could very easily have, and almost certainly has, happened before. What are your experiences?

Anyone who thinks this thread is "redundant" needs to ACTUALLY READ the other faking threads. This is a different question, from a different perspective.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 2
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/2/2010 9:57:43 AM
I don't know, this is a pretty dicey subject. I believe she can fake it only with a fairly inexperienced guy. Men with more time in the sack know things about a womans physiological responses like, vaginal convusions, goose flesh, flushing; things the autonomic nervous responses control( things she CAN'T concsiously control).

Personally, I seriiously doubt if I could be fooled and don't believe that it's ever been tried on me, as the women I've known have all been, whether we've gotten on well or not, the very straight forward types, very much not inclined towards deception of this kind; Certainly not the kind to "spare" my feelings for things like this.

If for any reason, and there were those times, any of them didn't want to continue and needed to pull the plug, they just pulled it...So? I've done that too; Never experienced any bruised egos over it, from either side.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 3
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/2/2010 10:06:29 AM
Windloverr... I have NEVER faked it. Not ever. I would rather say "it's not working for me" or "I don't want to" then fake it for the sake of his ego. I have never seen the point to faking it. No one gains from it.
 anunu
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 4
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/2/2010 11:00:43 AM
I don't even have the capability fake it if I tried! I orgasm so easy. If I am in the mood and you stroke my arm in the right way, I'll have an orgasm.
My ex husband used to actually count how many times he could make me orgasm. He found it interesting. Sheets were changed a lot in my house!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 5
Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/2/2010 11:01:48 AM
I can't say that a woman has ever faked an orgasm with me. And the reason is not so much of my skill to tell which oh, my god, oh my god, was fake, and which one wasn't, but more a rather of principle. First of all, I do try to please them and have told them that if they are not getting an orgasm, to let me know. But where's why I do not think they were faking. The times that they did not come. They told me so. So when they actually came, we sat down and talked about it and how it happened so we tried to do that again. Then with other women that were very orgasmic that usually come about 8 times. Why fake number 3, or number 5. It serves no purpose. Even in those times when I couldn't come and were going on for an eternity. They did not have a need to fake it.
So, no, I have never had a woman tell me that she was faking it.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 6
Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/2/2010 11:06:38 AM
I have done this - mostly when I was young and felt pressured to deliver some sort of outcome. Being in my 20's most of us were clueless then, so either guys didn't notice or didn't care.

As I got older I realized I was taking pleasure away from myself (how dumb is that?) and I also realized while it was awesome to have one, it wasn't the end of the world if I didn't and I started to appreciate a larger range of experience. Naturally with that came the ability to have one no matter what - as it's not really about their skill so much as your mindset - as a woman, anyway.
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 7
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/2/2010 1:18:42 PM

I have never seen the point to faking it. No one gains from it.
Thank you! As a matter of fact, everyone loses.
I don't know what's more ridiculous..faking an orgasm or counting your lovers orgasm.
Ok, I'm busted. However, she started out just this side of militant about only being able to have ONE orgasm; with all of the, "You're not a woman...", "I know my body better than you...", and "Some women can only have one, and that's it. Period." yada, yada, yada. It was a few weeks before I could get her to have 4; a while later before we got to 10; soon after that 25; and after twenty five she enjoyed it when I counted, because she had never experienced anything like it; and didn't think she ever could. She eventually got to where she could literally have unlimited orgasms. I started laughing saying, "I've created a monster!" LOL. NO, I DON'T COUNT EVERY TIME; but I do find it a helpful yardstick when I'm helping a woman discover her capabilities. Also, knowing what she is capable of, helps me as a lover, make sure she gets it. So, sometimes you have to go through"...18-19-20..."; before you get to, "OMG my legs are shaking...I literally can't walk to the bathroom..."
So, no, I have never had a woman tell me that she was faking it.
and they NEVER will until they are p1ssed, LOL. It's a question you have to ask, and I STRONGLY
recommend waiting until you are very comfortable with each other. In this case; I don't remember what prompted me to ask; but it was NOT while we were having sex, LOL.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 8
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/2/2010 2:03:35 PM
Is it a bigger ego stroke the more orgasms a woman has?

And.....is it an ego blow when she doesn't?

If so....it's no wonder women fake it and men count.

Actually, no...not like that at all.

I don't know about other guys, but for me if I'm doing any counting it's because of the fact I'm kind of just along for the ride when she'd popin' off one after the other. What I mean is A lot of the things she needs or does or that I help her with, won't neccessarily be all that physically pleasurable to me. In fact they can be downright violent in the ferocity of their movements and there are times I'm hangin' on for dear life. So, while I'm most happy to oblige in any way I can, that doesn't mean everything she does while getting hers is fun for me in terms of the physical pleasure I might feel.

So I guess what I'm saying is, it's at these times I might be inclined to count, only because the kind of action going on is allowing me to be a bit detached. This may sound terrible to some, but must we have the "Vulcan Mind Meld" kind of sexual connection all the time?
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 9
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/2/2010 3:03:55 PM

Can't blame the woman you mention for being a bit miffed that you were counting her orgasms. I should imagine anyone would be turned off if placed under that sort of pressure...
Never said I blamed her. However, my counting gave me what I needed to take her from only being able to orgasm after an extended, exhausting, session; to being able to orgasm every 30-40 seconds. Which would you prefer, 2 orgasms from a man who doesn't count; or 15 from a man who does?

Pressure? No pressure, none, zero. Whether she orgasms, or doesn't, I'm learning. I'm learning her body, her reactions; what works, and what doesn't.
Is it a bigger ego stroke the more orgasms a woman has?
Hey, we all have our issues; I'm owning mine. FYI:I DON'T count out loud; and keep her posted. With that particular lover, I was trying to help her understand her own body and potential. Is that a crime?
And.....is it an ego blow when she doesn't?
Ego blow? Not at all. It tells me I need to listen more closely to the clues she's giving me. Why didn't she orgasm? If it's because, "I really don't want to, or need to, I just want to make love to you." No problem at all. If it's because I didn't "hear" what her body was telling me she needed; then I need to make changes.
If so....it's no wonder women fake it and men count.
The funny thing is she only faked one. Women don't usually know I count until after we're finished; or we take a break from exhaustion, LOL. Again, I own the issue; if after 6-8-10 orgasms, I look at her and smile, and say that was 8 orgasms; and she get's pissed and wants to leave. We wouldn't have gotten along anyway.

Just curious ladies; if a guy tells you he has never had more than one orgasm in a night; and that night with you he has three...does your ego take a boost? Do you think you would be laughing, joking, and talking to him about it? or do you think you would never mention it, or bring it up in his presence? What are the odds that you would go to sleep, and not even remember how many orgasms he had?

If there is anybody on these forums who, because I count orgasms, decides not to have sex with me...no problem, I'll go dancing.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 10
Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/2/2010 3:11:26 PM
Yes, I have faked orgasms, numerous times with different partners, and none of them 'caught' me. Most men can't tell when a woman is faking or not. That's not a put-down... just the truth. It's not as obvious as when a man' climaxes. Remember the movie...'When Harry Met Sally'? Great scene in the restaurant... "I'll have what she's having".
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 11
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/2/2010 3:36:28 PM
At the risk of sounding like a sexist bastard . . .

. . . if a woman I'm having sex with is faking an orgasm, I really couldn't care less.

My attitude with sex generally is that I like to see my woman have hers (or her multiples) long before I have mine. She knows this before sex begins. So if she feels like faking it--that's no skin off my nose, and I'm not going to bother contemplating whether or not she had one or if she just faked it in some sort of bizarre gesture that's supposed to benefit both of us. It's WAY better that if she doesn't really care whether or not she has an O during our lovemaking session, she should just be upfront with me and tell me "hun, I don't have to have an O tonite necessarily; but let's have intercourse anyhoo and whatever happens, happens". Otherwise I'm gonna try my damndest to get her off before I get off.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 12
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/2/2010 8:13:53 PM
Good Lord I have no idea if I could pull off a fake orgasm.
I'm sure I could simulate the breathing and clenching......but I have absolutely
no desire to find out if I could!

I'd much rather just be honest and teach him how to get me there......or just
let him know it's not gonna happen that night - let's try in the morning!
Any mature man is not going to have a personal issue with that type of honesty.
 Khamrun
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 13
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Women faking orgasm.........AKKKKKKKK.........
Posted: 2/2/2010 9:45:53 PM
No, but I faked a solid relationship once with someone I make believed that cared seriously about my emotional and spiritual well being. Does that count..... Oh, maybe we'd better not count on that as fake. Sorry, could you whine me the question again please. She really didn't fake it, she'd already had hers in the bathroom before you got yours. PIG! (and GAWD I'm a guy here). Is this baiting or what. Oh, that's right Plenty of "F" (fake). And yea, I wanna shoot you. Let's just count you out, k.


Oooooo Babeeee ur the best............ Wheeeeeeeeeee.............. How's about some Jewelery?
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 14
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/3/2010 7:10:18 AM

I'd be seriously put off by anyone counting or showing any other type of competitive behaviour.

Mort74,
please re-read windlover and my response concerning this aspect of the topic. It's not about competition at all.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 15
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/3/2010 8:41:48 AM
I don't know, because I can honestly say I've never faked an orgasm. I *have,* on at least one occasion, had a partner misinterpret my reactions. I didn't realize this until later conversation about the experience. He obviously thought I had come when I hadn't which means he was "fooled" but not by my intention.

I've been thinking a lot about "faking it" lately. Not orgasms, but other ways in which we (women) leave men thinking they've done a better job than they have. On one hand, you don't want to walk around constantly busting their egos. On the other hand, when we *don't* tell them, they believe they are doing a better job than they are. In a sense it's not terribly different from "faking it." I don't have a definitive answer, it's just part of an ongoing process of trying to keep communication clear and honest.
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 16
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/3/2010 10:39:40 AM
I used to fake it quite a bit when I was with my ex (I got pretty damn good at it too) but then I learned that I wasn't doing either of us any favors. I almost never fake it now, if its not working for me, I will say so. Notice I said almost never. I do still fake it every once in a blue moon. Why? Because there are a lot of guys out there that don't believe they have done their job if I don't come multiple times. Sometimes all I want is one and then I want to go to sleep. It has nothing to do with bad technique on either of our parts. There are also some times when outside influences are going to keep me from coming (might not be feeling up to par, might be stressing over work or kids...) and even though I have stated that I might not come, they will keep trying, not understanding that it isn't them, its me keeping me from coming. So in those instances I might fake it, and , no, they won't know the difference.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 17
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/3/2010 12:25:04 PM

I used to fake it quite a bit when I was with my ex (I got pretty damn good at it too) but then I learned that I wasn't doing either of us any favors. I almost never fake it now, if its not working for me, I will say so. Notice I said almost never. I do still fake it every once in a blue moon.

"Faking it" is lying, straight up... B.S. pure and simple, a deception, bearing false witness, dishonesty.
In your profile you readily admit to "white lying", hell you don't even care if the guys in your life lie to you; you say so...you want them to B.S. you about how you look in certain clothes. So faking orgasms seems to go along with your agenda nicely.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 18
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/3/2010 1:18:19 PM

A guy finding out years down the road that his gf/wife has been faking all this time would be mortified and devastated.
Not me. If this were to happen to me, I'd be wondering why my partner acted like an idiot all those years. Why wouldn't she want orgasms when having sex? What's mortifying about this is that it is mortifyingly stupid to go to all that trouble and NOT get off.
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 19
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/3/2010 1:40:11 PM

It has to be a sense of accompishment though, when a woman is coming multiply vs. a sense of "failure" when she doesn't come at all.
I get really happy when I'm helping a woman discover things about herself that she never knew; but I'm happy FOR HER. In that regard, yes, of course, there is a "sense of accomplishment"; but a "sense of failure" if she doesn't orgasm? Not at all. As mentioned numerous times in this thread, and others, there are MANY reasons a woman, or man, may not orgasm that particular time; I'm not going to take that personally; and as long as she enjoys herself, and feels the connection/love she's needing/wanting, I'm very content.
Even as a woman, who only ever gives one orgasm at a time,I'd rather be with someone who could come ALOT, over someone like me.
Oh my! NO! The pleasure, joy, passion, interconnectedness, (in short, the essence of making love) does not change in the least, whether she has one orgasm, or 40. Sex can be, and IS, mindblowing and overwhelming, whether she has one, or many. Numerous orgasms just ads anogher deminsion; it can't change the whole dynamic.
Good Lord I have no idea if I could pull off a fake orgasm.
There are certainly some topics that do not apply to some people. From a woman who could orgasm changing lanes in traffic, I sincerely believe that you have never seen a need to fake. :peace
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 20
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/3/2010 2:31:13 PM

On one hand, you don't want to walk around constantly busting their egos.
First off, don't worry about their egos. Don't think for a minute that he wouldn't tell you what he wanted/needed; or go get it. Although HOW you tell them is critical. WHATEVER you communicate, come up with a POSITIVE WAY OF SAYING IT. "OOOOOOOhhhh...a little softer, (or, a little slower)" says the same thing, but in a MUCH better way than, "Not so HARD!" or "Too fast, too fast...slow down some!" "...a little softer" is giving guidance. "Not so hard!" or "Too fast, slow down." is critcizing. HUGE difference! Or simply reach down and GENTLY move his hand where, or how, you want it. YES, you have GOT to stroke his ego. DO NOT tell him what he's doing wrong; tell him how to do it better. The benefit being, you "train" a much more conscientious and attetive lover. And don't be afraid to give instructions/feedback, (oral or by touch) at ANY time. Personally, I get really turned on by whenever I sense she is getting close; that increased arousal may lead to me doing whatever I'm doing harder or faster. All she has to do is very lightly touch my hand, and I know to slow down, or lighten my touch. The key to "training" a good lover is effective communication; and positive reinforcement.
when we *don't* tell them, they believe they are doing a better job than they are.
BINGO!! If a woman fakes an orgasm; she has JUST TAUGHT that lover that whatever it was he was doing, WORKED GREAT! Result: He's going to think he's good; and he's going to do that more!

Bottom line: If you want good sex; and you want a good lover; you are going to have to communicate your needs and desires in an honest, positive, and reinforcing manner.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 21
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/3/2010 2:46:53 PM
i HAVE faked orgasms, alot of them. not to boost ego or anything like that but more for my own benefit.


These are some really inexperienced guys you've been putting this over on...Of this I'm reasonably certain. I stand on my ability to spot a fake and call BS.

Not for nothin', but I've been at it almost twice as long as you've been living, and yeah, experience counts. Restrict your faking to the greenhorns out there that'll still believe anything out of ignorance. To do otherwise could cause embarrassment.


So while I'm sure SOME of the men who are on this site claiming they listen to their women, very few do in real life.

And you, may I suggest that it's time for you to widen your world a bit, what you refer to as "real life" is just a bit on the narrow side IMHO.
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 22
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/3/2010 3:01:46 PM

"Faking it" is lying, straight up... B.S. pure and simple, a deception, bearing false witness, dishonesty.
In your profile you readily admit to "white lying", hell you don't even care if the guys in your life lie to you; you say so...you want them to B.S. you about how you look in certain clothes. So faking orgasms seems to go along with your agenda nicely.


You might have read in my profile that I said I don't lie with malicious intent, its so as not to hurt someones feelings. Have you never recieved a gift that you didn't like? Did you lie to spare their feelings or were you completely honest and hurt their feelings or possibly embarrass them? Being completely honest in all things doesn't always make you a better person.

So in the case I mentioned where outside influences are affecting my ability to come (and I already told him I might not come) do I continue to let him try for hours, leading to both our frustration and him feeling inadequate?
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 23
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/3/2010 4:21:07 PM

you're told to hush, they know what they're doing.
You desreve better than that; and don't have to accept it. I've heard that line from lovers in the past; and at that moment know that we will not be together much longer. I have zero tolerance for a selfish, or self centered lover; and anyone who is not willing to listen to what does is for me; needs to pick up their toys and leave. A good love will not only listen to what you have to say; they WANT you to tell them.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 24
Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/4/2010 9:53:27 AM

First off, don't worry about their egos.

Boy, that's the most inaccurate statement ever. It'd be nice if we could just disregard it since it's an outdated thing nowadays, but sadly it's still prevalent in a lot of social male interaction.

Don't think for a minute that he wouldn't tell you what he wanted/needed; or go get it.

Agreed.

Although HOW you tell them is critical

Why? Ego sensitivity, right? Yep. So turns out it's something we have to worry about after all.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 25
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Women faking orgasm
Posted: 2/4/2010 10:09:43 AM

Being completely honest in all things doesn't always make you a better person.

Uh.. yes it does.
Through honesty one learns tact and diplomacy. There are a great many ways of handling awkward and/or embarrassing situations other than being dishonest. The gift; "How very nice of you to think of me,and I must say that I wish this color was more flattering to me...If you've got the receipt, I'd love to pick out something I would enjoy more often." Honest; for the life of me, I can't see an offence there.
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