Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Separation to Reconciliation the time in between was?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Separation to Reconciliation the time in between was?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I'm not an advocate of getting back with exes... but to answer the question, I'd say use the date of reconciliation... that way the guys she's boffed during the break won't be an issue since you're not spanning the relationship over that time period.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Separation to Reconciliation the time in between was?
Posted: 2/3/2010 7:19:58 AM
I would count from the original state date.

So will the court.....
The OP is in Canada, the laws are different up here. The separation for over a year is a legal dissolution of their relationship and as such, legally, the relationship began anew at the reconciliation.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Separation to Reconciliation the time in between was?
Posted: 2/3/2010 7:38:50 AM
I can understand the mental gymnastics on the whole thing but who cares?

If she wants to say you have been together for a year, let her. You want to tell people we have been together for four years sans the year we went separate ways until we figured out how to be together in a better way.

Does it matter if you are happy? I was with my ex for a little over a year before we married, many people that were together several years before they marry essentially have the same quandary and often they will tell people, we were married for 12 years, together for 15.

Maybe you can say we have been blissfully happy for a year, and we were trying to figure it out for three years before that. I would probably have fun with it. Well, we did the trial thing for two years, and that didn't go particularly well as we opted to be apart for a year but we have come back together and knock on wood seem to have figured it out.

I'm glad you're curious instead of fighting but she should do what makes sense to her and you, you. I think the only way it would matter if someone was sort of trying to erase the period that came before. Doesn't sound like that's what's in her head just what makes sense to her.


Years ago, I had a gal pal who received a bouquet of roses at work for her anniversary. There were 14 red ones and 1 white one. I asked her the significance. She said they’d been together 15 years, but early on in their marriage they had a HUGE falling out and were apart for a year. Since that time, her husband always included one white rose as a testimonial to their undying love that was so strong, it enabled them to persevere and ultimately triumph over adversity. I thought that was super schweet!

Agree, that is really sweet.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Separation to Reconciliation the time in between was?
Posted: 2/3/2010 9:33:30 AM
I would suggest that your break up gives you the opportunity to celebrate TWO dates when you got together, instead of one.
Unless, of course, this is really all about something that happened during the break, and ONE of you wants to chastise the other for it (such as...if you count the relationship from the FIRST time you linked, and during the breakup, you had sex with someone else, she would be able to claim that YOU CHEATED ON HER. Whereas if you say the relationship started over after the break, she could NOT claim a grievance). I only bring this up, because we've had threads from people here before, where that was EXACTLY what they were concerned about.
Separation to Reconciliation the time in between was?
Posted: 2/3/2010 9:42:39 AM

I would count from the beginning, from the original start of the relationship. The preceeding years are still part of the history of relationship, even if there was a break in the relationship. But it's awkward to account for the "missing" years.


My husband counts the entire relationship. Like the above quote mentions, the separation counts because it is part of the history.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 25
Separation to Reconciliation the time in between was?
Posted: 2/3/2010 11:06:39 AM
1. Does it REALLY matter?
2. If you were on for two years, off for a year, then on for a year then your options are: "Together for three years," "Off and on over four years," "Started dating four years ago." You can twist your story however you want but it doesn't change the facts.
3. Keep arguing about stuff like this and you'll have a second breakup to add to the equation.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 27
Separation to Reconciliation the time in between was?
Posted: 2/3/2010 11:36:32 AM

So is she right? Am I ? Or do people use both interchangeably? We're both curious....


I think you should use this discussion to develop a new fight, by which you never agree, and split again for another year.



Does it really matter? You're happy together.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 32
view profile
History
Separation to Reconciliation the time in between was?
Posted: 2/3/2010 3:33:46 PM
Simple; you met in X year and have been together for Y years since.

Next question.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Separation to Reconciliation the time in between was?
Posted: 2/3/2010 6:24:46 PM
Well, I broke up with my sweetie once, we handle the dating by which ever way is the most convenient to count it. If he thinks he is going to win a feeble point over me (as if) he'll count it one way, if I think there is an edge to be gained by counting it the other way, that's what I'll do. It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.

We also had a discussion (must have been a very slow night on the forums) about when to count the start of the relationship... from the first email or the first meeting or once we became exclusive? We decided nothing counts until you meet. 'sides, it was a much more convenient date to have an anniversary.

And then, just cuz people love to complicate things... once we moved in together, did we count the anniversary from then, from when we met, or *gasp* both? Although it was tempting to squeeze the guy for two events, I said I figure our anniversary is from the first date and where we live is not relevant. 'sides, then we'd have to decide if it should be the day he was supposed to move in officially or try to figure out the date he snuck his stuff over here, almost a month early.

OMG, this stuff is too complicated.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 37
view profile
History
Separation to Reconciliation the time in between was?
Posted: 2/7/2010 4:02:00 PM

I would suggest that your break up gives you the opportunity to celebrate TWO dates when you got together, instead of one.

This sounds like kind of a win win and while BDJ indicated your split was longer than a hiccup, to me it was short enough that five years from now it really will BE a hiccup.

I was pretty bad at keeping track of when I met someone, when we were actually dating or a couple or whatever. I worked for the city at the time I met my ex. That first night coincided with a public hearing that is held once a month and permanently marked on a calendar with the city. Easy to remember if I ever forgot. My daughter was born a couple of weeks early and I'm not sure when it dawned on me, she was born 2 years to the day we met. I celebrate the anniversary of our first meeting even if I'm not consciously celebrating it, lol.

Would have really sucked if I had had to nix the kid's birthday, lol.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Separation to Reconciliation the time in between was?