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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone el      Home login  
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 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 2
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Not to be fresh....but sometimes it's wise to ask well before you are intimate. Dating is very different than when I first began doing so---I don't think dating rules have changed but people sure have. I know it's hard when that special moment arrives and you just go with what you are feeling---been guilty of it a time or two---but if I'm seeing someone I'm truly interested in I always ask if I'm it or are there others.

I have to hope and trust that what they tell me is honest and sincere---follow your heart but think with your head----best of luck.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 3
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 5:50:59 AM
Baby

If you started sleeping with him and didn't ask BEFORE THEN why are you hesitating to ask now? I ask that but I know the answer...you're afraid he's gonna bolt and you will look stupid.

If you sleep with someone and can't ask that question before you sleep with them you damn sure you to ask it now. Ask it and don't accuse. Ask are we monogamous? If he stutters or hesitates one bit you know your answer. If you don't like it then it's up to you to decide on how to proceed.

I'd rather him be "scared away" than you getting hurt because of him

And please, I hope that you're using condoms.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 6
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 6:12:43 AM
I'see him exclusively since we've become intimate.I would like to know if he is seeing other women, and especially if he is having sex with them as well..when is it a good time to ask



How about BEFORE been intimate? Save a lot of problems and headaches!
 sushi0004
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 8
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at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 6:20:34 AM
Sorry to hear about your loss 5 years ago. It's good to see that you are back out there and having fun

It's 100 percent fine to ask if he is sleeping with anyone else BEFORE you sleep with him, for your own piece of mind. Same goes with asking if he is dating other people.

Since you didn't ask, be prepared for him to say "yes" to both questions.

Generally I feel it is a good idea to find out these things before sleeping w/someone as it prevents any misunderstandings/hurt feelings from both parties having expectations that were not shared. Basically, SET THE GROUND RULES FOR SEX BEFORE SEX.

People go a lot of different ways on exclusivity. Make sure you are on the same page before you sleep with this guy again, or you may be setting yourself up for heartache. Of course, to do this, you need to know what YOU want/expect as well.

Good luck and enjoy the ride!!!
 singleagain66
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 12
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 7:08:13 AM
It should have been the same day you became Exclusivley Intimate Involved and if he gad got upset with you asking then I guess from there you would know what to do. And being that it has been two months already its better late than never to ask that very question.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 13
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 7:23:03 AM
You're entitled to know before the knickers come off. And any time after that.
 el lagarto
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 14
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 7:55:16 AM
Whether or not someone is sleeping with another ( or others) , besides you - should ideally be brought up during the STD/birth control discussion . And THOSE issues ideally should be talked out BEFORE any intimacy !

Ok - so you did the cart before the horse thing . Now - value YOURSELF , and find out right away ! If he's gonna bolt because of it , he's very likely not someone who gives a damn about you .
 iherdcats
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 15
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:07:02 AM
Sorry to hear of your loss, and good on ya getting back into dating...
Honestly, I do not think that the dating situation has changed that much in 20+ years when it comes to exclusivity.
The time to have that conversation is before becoming intimate.
If that would scare him away, then so be it.
What that would mean is that you would have dodged a bullet.
Now, now is the time since better late then never.
I get that the conversations may not be completely comfortable for you, but it is necessary and overdue.
Plan to have this conversation in person and out of the bedroom.
Be prepared to hear that he is still dating or has another partner.
Learn from this, and be aware for the next... good luck.
 e*Musing
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 16
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:32:31 AM
Ahhhh...gotta love all that great hindsight...sheeeeeesssshhh...she knows what she should've done...but so glad to see so many critics pointing in the wrong direction...she's thinking about the future.

I think the fundamental issue is...

I don't want to scare him away.

Listen...if you (without him) are good with the idea of your b/f being as physically and emotional intimate as he is with you with someone else...then don't worry about it.

And if not...then be an adult and tell him these are things you need to know...not because you are afraid of losing him, but because he's given you cause to ask and you are concerned for your health, safety and whether you should be investing time in this relationship.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 17
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:46:42 AM
You want what you want: you want an exclusive relationship with the man.
Anything else you think is just rationalization.
Be true to yourself.
Ask the hard question, react in a way that is true to yourself when he answers.
 Samantha44
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 18
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:48:23 AM
I'm with the other posters here, that should have been established before you decided to become intimate. You need to have some value for yourself, if you feel approaching this question now will scare him off then he wasn't really there to begin with...best find out now before you become more invested.

Remember OP your worth it and any guy should know it right out of the gate that you don't compete, or share because "You don't have to!!!!" Only woman that have NO value or respect for themselves agree to sharing. ( or in yor case not asking the question...don't ever assume)
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 20
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at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 9:31:17 AM
Probably would have been a good idea to have the exclusivity convo before you became intimate but yes, ask.

You are intimate with this man and afraid that a simple question that you have every right to ask given health concerns will scare him away?

You are sleeping with a man you are afraid to talk to. Dating hasn't changed all that much. Failing to figure out how you wish to be treated before you get involved leaves you open to this type of scenario.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 21
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 9:33:41 AM
Definitely before I start sleeping with him (outside of the typical test drive, that is). I don't ask before an exclusivity talk what he's doing - I assume he's dating and or sleeping with others because he's single and that comes with the territory. If he's not it'd be a pleasant surprise, but that's seldom the case.

All you can do now is take a step back from the situation and sit him down for a talk.
 tango590
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 23
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 9:40:35 AM
Sista, Steve Harvey has all the answers that you are looking for...."Act like a Lady,Think like a Man"Run to the store and get it. Best wishes, Tango590
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 24
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at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 9:41:41 AM
One would ask before they had sex, along with tests for STDs and knowing someone well enough to do these things/know they aren't married/etc.
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 9:44:56 AM
I'd say at the point you think the relationship is going to progress beyond friendship. Otherwise it's not really our business.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 27
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 9:50:47 AM
Once again my standard answer to this type of question. If you can be open enough to take your clothes off and yet not intimate enough to speak or ask frank questions, you have no buiness getting naked in the first place. This is like shooting and asking questions later, closing the barn door after the horses have gone, etc. etc. You may not have cared at the time you had your first sexual encounter with the individual if he was dating other people because you got caught up in the moment but for your own safety, it's a question that HAS to be asked beforehand and you have to be able to judge by various means if there's honesty backing up the response. Even if he isn't with others now, everyone he's slept with before is sleeping with you now - play safe, both physically and emotionally!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 28
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 9:54:51 AM

Sista, Steve Harvey has all the answers that you are looking for...."Act like a Lady,Think like a Man"Run to the store and get it. Best wishes, Tango590

No need.

http://randombooks.net/ebooks/index.php/PsychiatryPsychology/act-like-a-lady-think-like-a-man-steve-harvey-free-ebook-download.php
 dynamite1727
Joined: 5/17/2009
Msg: 29
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 10:06:55 AM
Wake up everyone! Looking silly, getting hurt, being left and alone should be the least of everyone's concerns. Sleeping with someone before knowing if they are exclusive is dangerous. No relationship or great sex is worth putting your health and life in jeopardy. There are more middle age and seniors infected with HIV know-a-days than ever before because they are naive. They don't think it is something they need to be concerned about at their age and they feel too awkward and uncomfortable to have the important conversations. Just like it is important to talk with teens about sex and drugs we also need to have the important converstations with those we would like to be intimate with. Why treat yourself with any less value than you would want your own children, nieces and nephews to have in their intimate relationships. And, of course follow your instincts. There is nothing wrong with asking someone if they have ever been tested, when the last time was and how many sex partners they have had since. It is your life and you have every right to protect yourself from someone that can take your life as you know it now away - ask anyone that is HIV posititve.

I wish you well in your new relationship and hope this man gives you the good honest answers you deserve.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 30
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at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 10:59:58 AM
^^^^ That book will ruin you forever, so far as men and dating are concerned. Just like it's predecessor best-sellers (among women, at least) "He's Just Not That Into You" and "The Rules".

In answer to the OP, she needs to discover the joys of stalking, because that's what a man would do as it's the only way to know fersure... <img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>
 MysticalAngel429
Joined: 11/7/2009
Msg: 31
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 11:10:29 AM
If you do not ask you will never know...

If you don't feel comfortable asking him than simply tell him...hey if you ever decide to go out on a date with someone else or anything of that nature...I would appreciate it very much that you inform me of that happening... If you have no desire to see anyone but him...than tell him...the truth you have no desire to see anyone else other than him.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 32
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at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 11:18:14 AM
Sometimes I'm really amazed at the naivete of people's answers.
Ask before you get intimate ?
Nobody ever does that !

Before anyone gets intimate with anyone else, man or woman, they should have been paying enough attention to figure out the answer to that question without ever having to ask outright.
Believe me, it wont be long before you'll find out.

Then you have to ask the really important question of yourself.

How important is it to you ?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 33
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 11:25:28 AM

That book will ruin you forever, so far as men and dating are concerned. Just like it's predecessor best-sellers (among women, at least) "He's Just Not That Into You" and "The Rules".

Hopefully with any common sense, self help book readers will not take a book like that literally.. The Rules is meant to center women who were so far off they were giving themselves to anything that showed interest - for the rest of us, it was interesting/had a few points to consider. With Greg Behrendt and Steve Harvey primarily being comedians, that some of it is naturally supposed to be about comic relief (same goes to those men who constantly like to quote Chris Rock - a bit is a bit for a reason).
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 35
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 1:10:21 PM
This is something I would have discussed PRIOR to being intimate. If you aren't comfortable enough to discuss whether that person is monogamous, then maybe you shouldn't be having sex with them. I wouldn't be intimate with a man who was still dating, much less sleeping, with other women. I suggest you discuss this with him soon. And I hope you've been using condoms, just in case.
 sosdd
Joined: 12/14/2009
Msg: 36
at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2010 5:48:29 PM
I saw on the doctors, I think it was, that the over 45 group was having more problems with STI/STD's because we weren't taught to be concerned like the kids are now. OP I hope you find out really fast about his testing and get yourself tested. I have read one too many stories on these threads where people have gotten HIV and one woman's friend passed from it. Sad
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > at what point is it ok to ask if he is seeing/sleeping with anyone else?