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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...      Home login  
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 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 2
She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
If you cannot handle what she wants you did the right thing (personally I wouldn't go for it either).
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 13
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She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/10/2010 6:43:33 AM

But she wants a 3rd person, preferably a male, do do all her slave bidding.


so, do you get to order slave guy around as well? i mean, if he'll wash your car, do your laundry, mow your lawn and so on, it might be worth it!

also, you said preferably a male, which indicates that she left the door opened to the possibility of a female slave.

i'd jump at the opportunity to have someone do stuff for me
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 17
She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/10/2010 7:09:49 AM
I'm amazed that this would be something you had no idea about until you were so involved there was attachment and pain from separation. The people I know into this type of lifestyle aren't that good at hiding it (and usually don't really want to, outside of work and family).

Sounds like a classic case of dealbreaker OP. You ended it already so there's no need to tell you that's what you should do. You'll get past it.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 18
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She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/10/2010 7:28:36 AM
I am one who believes very strongly in using logic, and using it CORRECTLY. Your lady friend is NOT using logic correctly.
All of her reasonings are basically disguised versions of "YOUR sensibilities don't matter. Only mine do." This includes "So, if you dont love this, then you dont love me unconditionally", and all the others you list.
I would suggest you tell her correctly, that because you DO love her, and want for her to have what she wants, that you will LET HER GO, to get it.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 23
She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/10/2010 10:24:32 AM
I just thought of something, OP. When you offered to be a slave instead of the other guy - did she say no? Is this about having more than one guy, or more about adding a dynamic to the relationship that works for her?

I'm assuming you offered it to her so that she didn't need a second guy.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 28
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She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/10/2010 12:01:57 PM
The best favor you can do yourself is just view it as incompatibility and don't waste your time and energy laying blame and asking why. Doesn't matter if she loved you, if you loved her, if she ever loved you, why she didn't love you enough, yada, yada, she isn't the right woman for you, period. Reasons are immaterial.

You'll be surprised how quickly one can move on if he wishes. Closure is a gift you give yourself by forgiving her, forgiving her, and deciding to move on.
 aliveone1
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 31
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She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/10/2010 5:59:20 PM
Wow! Just when I thought I had already heard the worst of the weird relationship stories!....lol! geesh! Yeah, you were definately right to run! What, so did she want him to just hang out in a black leather collar and leash sitting on the floor beside you guys while you ate dinner...throw him some scraps occasionally, then call him in to bed with you two?! What the...?! I can't stop laughing about the imagery....that's just wrong!
 siremike
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 35
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She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/10/2010 9:44:04 PM
dude it is already happening. she is just telling you about know so she can stop sneaking. she told you that "he ALREADY knows your my one and only" if its not for you them dont sweat it. also if she decided not to right now then sooner or later it will happen anyway becaue it is a fetish to her and like they say if you wont do for your mate then they will find someone who will
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 36
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She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/10/2010 10:10:17 PM
Does not sound like she was the right woman for you. It sucks for awhile, no way getting around that. Hang in there. You *will* survive. Hope the next one works out a lot better for you.
 Thunderstruck29
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 38
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She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/11/2010 6:33:06 AM
I think the term is BDSM or Bondage and Diciscipline/Sado-masochism.

I know how you feel. I was in a relationship once with somebody I loved. Turned out she was a swinger, and I was into monogamy back then (ha hahahahahahaha) and couldn't handle it.

We split of course and as the years went by and I never got into a relationship that meant as much to me again, it dawned on me that maybe I should have just accepted her the way she was instead of hoping-praying-trying to change her.
In time - you guessed it. I wound up becoming a swinger too.

Now, I am not into the BDSM thing, but from what I understand basicaly its not something you do all the time. Often somebody will come on over and put on a slave collar or other item to show their submissiveness to the dominant and do what they want for their erotic wants.
I don't think I ever heard of somebody putting a slave collar on their lady or stud muffin and saying "go wash the car and do the laundry."
But it might go down, I dunno.

All I know is that back in college I used to read those sword and planet "Gor" adventure novels that were all about bondage and discipline. In those days (1980s) they were very controversial because the main female characters were submissives and slaves. Femenists of course hated them.

I thought they were a lot of malarky....
Until I started dating a lot and found out that the majority of women I went out with had strong submissive streaks if not were down right into BDSM.
One lady wanted me to put my hands around her throat when we were intimate. Another liked to be slapped and spat upon, etc...
Problem is I wasn't into any of that stuff. (Still ain't).
My ideal of the perfect woman is somebody I can adore and treat as my equal, not a slave.
 TiffLS
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 39
She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/11/2010 6:39:49 AM
So many people in this thread seem to be making a value judgment on what she wants versus what you want, but I don't think that's really the issue. The issue is that what she wants in a relationship and what you want in a relationship are diametrically opposed. Isn't that really all you need to know to understand that you're not right for each other? Does someone have to be "right" and someone else "wrong"? "Incompatible" seems a better word to me.
She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/12/2010 7:08:59 PM
Your "comfort" should be knowing you're out of that disastrous situation. Don't ever try to justify changing your own morals and values for someone else's sake.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 53
She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/14/2010 10:59:14 AM
~OP~ Being an old man in a young body isn't what's happened with you ~ you just happen to KNOW who you are!! This woman should have stuck to and voiced her own interests in the beginning of ANY relationship. If she is of a "Domme" mindset, she should have been honest/mature enough to make that known very early on. If she somehow changed during this relationship, she should have discussed her changing mindset long before any demands of owning a slave and expecting someone to just let her do whatever she wanted to do. In my mind? She's a wanna be, bored and looking for a toy to play with. You're lucky to be out of the situation as she'll likely NEVER be fully satisfied with anyone. JMO
 DIVISION77
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 56
She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/14/2010 4:18:35 PM

Also, sexual contact is NOT necessarily the culmination of this type of role play


The majority of BDSM relationships have some degree of sexual interaction.

Otherwise, most men wouldn't ever partake.

You don't really believe that most of these people are closet masochists, do you?

In my experience, there is ALWAYS a sexual nature to these relationships, regardless of what these people say.

I attract submissive women, and whether they have B&D tendencies or not, it's definitely sexual or they'd never seek out a dominant.

Satanism has nothing to do with BDSM. It can be included, but it's not directly affiliated.

As far as these poly-relationships go, they tend not to work for the longterm.

Sign on to one of these fetish sites and watch how much turn-over there is. Half of the people don't last six months, because the relationships deteriorated and thus they dropped off.........looking for another "match".

Swinger relationships that last are like unicorns and bigfoot, they don't exist.......except in fantasy.


 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 57
She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/14/2010 4:29:14 PM
The problem is - you are monogamous by nature, and she is trying to force poly on you. It simply won't work. If she would have been straight about it from the get go, you would have been able to make an informed decision about being in a relationship with her. It's completely her screw up for changing the rules on you. She also may not realize, to be a GOOD FemDom it will require time and energy from her also. Male subs and slaves are eager at first but if they are not eventually getting their needs met also they will disappear as quick as they showed up.
 RK831
Joined: 5/4/2008
Msg: 60
She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/14/2010 6:33:17 PM
Dude, you need to get laid and get your batteries recharged. I suggest flying to Vegas with a few thousand and spend a week having fun with escorts. If you need the emotional experience, request specifically a RGFE (real girlfriend experience).
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 61
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She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/22/2010 10:48:15 AM
one thing is for sure, she was honest with you, rare..... nowadays,you also have to say she has an imagination.... also rare
as for old school, what do you meen about that, two people that hate each other more and more until they cant take each others company
she sounds like she was way more developed than you as far as being intelligent goes, not to mention much more creative sexually
sounds like you are on a one way street to the mundane
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 63
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She wants this lifestyle, but i cant handle it...
Posted: 2/23/2010 6:52:22 AM
had one steady girl in high school, and only 3 long term relationships,the first one ended in marriage, she was a wonderfully sexual woman, i blew it, because she wanted a child, i have some regrets, i only hope you wont
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