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 polaroid2
Joined: 10/16/2009
Msg: 1
who needs a partner without kids?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I am a soon to be single dad. Yay!!! I have been reading on this forum that single dads have it tough with women without kids. My question is are we single dads not better off looking for single moms? They have already gone through part of life's journey that adds layers called maturity. I can only imagine that they would be more understanding of the need to put kids first. I am hitching my dreams on the thought of creating a large family with a single mom someday. It is a really nice dream. I know that 2 exes are more of a pain than 1. But if you are committed who cares. Am I being naïve? Anyone out there who prefers single parents for these or other reaons? Anyone feel that the converse- singles without kids are a better option? Why? Just looking to understand all the pros and cons.
 KarmicEvolution
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 2
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who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/10/2010 6:20:24 PM
I personally have no desire to try and mesh two parenting styles. Parents dating parents means basically families dating families. The integration of lives is much more difficult.

Im not saying if I met Mr.Right and other people called him Daddy that I would turn and run, its just not something I seek out.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 3
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who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/10/2010 6:54:25 PM
Polaroid, you would think that would be a good solution to the problem but depending on the mom's situation, maybe not. People aren't automatically good parents so you could easily find a childless woman who would/will be a wonderful mother and would be great to have around your kids. One of those folks that just seems born to that role.

A woman with kids might be a frigging nightmare, so as Karmic noted, you may see something that seems good but you should just leave yourself open, period. Blending families can be difficult. If a woman has her kids all week and her kids go to dad's most weekends, those kids might get their shorts in a knot if their mom is spending time around your child(ren) on the weekends doing the fun stuff while for them, it is school, homework, maybe an occasional movie or something.

On the other hand, I have seen many families that seem to mesh and function quite well with the chaos of more people in the household. Just figure out who and what the right woman for you seems to be and find her, don't worry about whether she comes with kiddos or not. I know many single dads that are beating them away with a stick, don't allow yourself to fall into the trap of blaming faulty dating on your status as dad, they would find some other reason to bail and might be using that as a convenient excuse if it ever actually came up.
 polaroid2
Joined: 10/16/2009
Msg: 4
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/10/2010 6:54:53 PM
Wow! I am actually suprised at your response. Do you therefore only seek out non parent folks and are a lot of them interested? I know that before I was a parent nothing would have made me date a single parent. Now perhaps that speaks to my shallow nature in my youth. I am assuming that most of today's non parents are the same. Am I wrong?
 polaroid2
Joined: 10/16/2009
Msg: 5
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/10/2010 6:59:12 PM
Hmmm. You guys are opening my eyes here. When I look at a woman who is single with no kids and perhaps never married I assume a thought bubble that says, "why would they want me and my baggage?" So are experiences different between single moms and dads with respect to attracting single non parents?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 6
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who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/10/2010 7:04:46 PM
Like anything else it depends on the people. I have a stepson. I was 26 when I met my ex, it would not have occurred to me for his son to be a reason not to date him. I wanted kids, I had lived with a roommate who had a son, doing for the children of people I care about came fairly naturally to me.

Other people, not so much. Particularly if you are older and you are dealing with women that may have missed their window of opportunity to have children of their own, they would welcome a man's child(ren) as an opportunity to be a parent, not to in any way to take the place of the other bio parent, but to be another person in a child(ren)'s life that loves them.
 daydreamin_honey
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 7
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/10/2010 8:15:58 PM
I personally am open to single dads and single non-dads almost equally. My stipulation is that they have to at least understand what it means to have kids and not have the "free to play" lifestyle.
As the ladies above have mentioned, it can be hard to mesh two families into one, but it can also be extremely rewarding.
Single dads will have a lot easier time finding single moms over single ladies without kids... that i've seen first hand thru friends. I can't explain it.
 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 8
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who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/10/2010 8:23:39 PM
I've dated a few single dads...lived with one for over a year. I have absolutely NO desire to go through that again. I have dated more men without children lately, and find it much easier on the nerves and time restraints.
 repair-guy
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 9
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/10/2010 8:45:37 PM
Part of understanding the need to put kids first needs to take into account "who's kids?"
If two adults who loved each other and made their own kids can't put aside their differences until the kid is old enough to fend for them selves, what makes you think another adult in a similar situation will put someone else's child as a priority?
 seperate1
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 10
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/10/2010 9:31:09 PM
Part of understanding the need to put kids first needs to take into account "who's kids?"
If two adults who loved each other and made their own kids can't put aside their differences until the kid is old enough to fend for them selves, what makes you think another adult in a similar situation will put someone else's child as a priority?

very good point...

also alot of parents don't date other parents because they have a style or manner of parenting that might not mesh w/that of another parent and that can cause alot of conflict, someone w/out kids kinda follows your leads and looks for guidance. Not to mention if you want more kids, when a guy has kids and a girl has kids; it can limit the will or ability to have kids due to financial constraints and so on
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 11
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who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/10/2010 9:35:41 PM
I don't really care one way or the other. I don't seek out one over the other although all of my serious relationships have been with men that didn't have children. I've yet to meet a single father that I get on well with. This doesn't mean I don't like single fathers in general or that I won't date them - just that I've yet to have a positive experience with one.

The man is what interests me. A good man is a good man whether he has had kids or not.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 12
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/11/2010 4:45:21 AM
Polaroid, you should seek someone with whom you have a connection, chemistry and compatibility with. Wheather or not they have kids doesnt make a good or bad partner.
I have dated men with kids that were not right for me, and i felt no connection with. I have been with childless men that i had amazingly awesome relationships with.
On the flip side, some childless people can bring way more baggage to ther table than a parent. I have dated childfree persons whom their baggage sent ME running out the door, baby on my hip.
forget the idea that all parents are saints and will oly connect with other parents, and should only share their so called "baggage" with other parents.
Forget the idea that childless people are shallow and selfish party people and wont be interested in someone with kids.

Take each individual as they come, on a case by case basis
The love of your life might be childless. Then again she might come with 6 kids. WHO KNOWS? Just go with the flow of life and dont pre-judge. Take the time to get to know the woman as a person, dont just look at her child status.


I assume a thought bubble that says, "why would they want me and my baggage?"

Pop that bubble. Your kids are not baggage. They are your precious little ones, your family.Some people might see kids as baggage.
And some wont.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 13
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/11/2010 6:04:03 AM

When I look at a woman who is single with no kids and perhaps never married I assume a thought bubble that says, "why would they want me and my baggage?"


It is normal to assume that everyone thinks the way we do. Those of us with children do not consider the fact that we have children and the other parent to deal with as baggage. For us, it is simply a reality of our lives.

It is interesting that before you had kids you would never have dated a single parent. Now that you are about to become one yourself, you are carrying your feelings about single parents with you into this "new life".

The only advice I can give you is this....see each person and each situation as unique, do NOT assume anything about anyone. If you meet a woman you are attracted to, date her (assuming she is willing), regardless of whether or not she is a parent. You could just lose out on the love of your life if you exclude an entire sub-section of society from your pool.
 polaroid2
Joined: 10/16/2009
Msg: 14
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/11/2010 7:11:52 AM
Sweetness in love. You are absolutely right. My kids are not baggage. They are the most precious things in my life. Stupid comment on my part.
 repair-guy
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 15
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/11/2010 8:47:41 AM
Actually, they are quite a bit like baggage.
You (hopefully) take them with you when you go on vacation.
You fill them with all things you cherish most.
You do your best to secure them and protect them.
I even check mine in and out of school at the schools curb/drop-off like at the airport!
Some of them even have little wheels on the bottom of their shoes and
you can pull them around when they lean back on their heels...
Mine did until she grew out of them!!!
I love my baggage!
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 16
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/11/2010 11:40:15 AM
Op I think Sweetness made a good post and I agree with her on this one. It is indeed the way to go.

Best of luck to you.
 polaroid2
Joined: 10/16/2009
Msg: 17
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/11/2010 1:58:51 PM
Forum Phantom you make very valid points on maturity. I am loving this forum being new to it. I have been justifiably set straight on many of my comments in my post. Good for you guys. I like to listen and absorb from others.

PS I thought that you were a phone psychic! Not a teacher!
 KarmicEvolution
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 18
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who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/11/2010 1:59:15 PM

Actually, they are quite a bit like baggage.
You (hopefully) take them with you when you go on vacation.
You fill them with all things you cherish most.
You do your best to secure them and protect them.
I even check mine in and out of school at the schools curb/drop-off like at the airport!
Some of them even have little wheels on the bottom of their shoes and
you can pull them around when they lean back on their heels...
Mine did until she grew out of them!!!
I love my baggage!


OMG I LOVE THIS!
 hannity
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 19
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/11/2010 6:29:21 PM

I personally have no desire to try and mesh two parenting styles. Parents dating parents means basically families dating families. The integration of lives is much more difficult.



Polaroid, you would think that would be a good solution to the problem but depending on the mom's situation, maybe not.



I've dated a few single dads...lived with one for over a year. I have absolutely NO desire to go through that again. I have dated more men without children lately, and find it much easier on the nerves and time restraints.



also alot of parents don't date other parents because they have a style or manner of parenting that might not mesh w/that of another parent and that can cause alot of conflict, someone w/out kids kinda follows your leads and looks for guidance. Not to mention if you want more kids, when a guy has kids and a girl has kids; it can limit the will or ability to have kids due to financial constraints and so on


The aforementioned quotes above are all selfish, self-serving comments from single moms and shows their true intent and true nature. The statemensts above vividly show their delusional conceptions, warped misbeliefs, and blatant disregard for anyones concerns other than their own.

These women are divorced, average looking, with kids, exes, and have the life of soap opera BS, and still have the barefaced gall to dismiss and show prejudice towards their own kind. Unbelievable! I mean really....what man would put up with this clear ostentatious ideaology that anything done should be in the best interest of the single mom and her kid? She had her chance to pick the right guy, unfortunatley it didn't work out......by no means is it another guys obligation to make things right or her life easier.

The Universe has a why of recognizing all types of selfishness and will not let it prevail. As long as they insist on such self-indulgent attitudes they will never find the man they truly want.

Stick to single dads and enjoy the melodrama, complications, and strife, that is part of being a single parent, and stop trying to look for a man to make your life easier.


Wow! I am actually suprised at your response (from the single moms)


Don't be OP....it's typcial
 jenn8131
Joined: 11/7/2009
Msg: 20
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/11/2010 7:02:29 PM
Wow hannity what a way to nit pick parts of what people said. These posters who you so cleverly took parts of what they said about some of the troubles they have had with dating single parents... and left out the part where they said they might be open to dating single parents they just know the difficulties that come with it.


These women are divorced, average looking, with kids, exes, and have the life of soap opera BS


Really hannity your going to critque what people look like when u don't have the BALLS to put up ur own picture for public ridicule.

I know hannity ur god's gift to women...

I have no problems dating a single dad. I did before I had my child. I will not date a deadbeat dad. But it is important to discuss parenting views. Each relationship brings its own rewards and challenges.

As single parents we are all a little guilty of holding onto hostile feelings towards our exs and I think we have to make a conscious effort (both men and women) not to complain to our new SO.
 seperate1
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 21
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/12/2010 2:01:54 AM
I find this part interesting. Parenthood isn't an automatic ticket to 'maturity'. As a teacher, I've met countless parents who have no business being a parent - lazy, ineffective, lax, and uninterested. Having a kid isn't a magic formula for being an adult - and not everyone follows the same path.

If a woman with or without children chooses not to date you, for whatever reason - it does not make her 'immature'. People want what they want. It's their right. Dating a single parent isn't everyone's cup of tea - it's a real compromise for both childed and not. Not everyone wants that, nor should they. Don't label people just because they don't feel the same way you do.

great point forum phantom

everyone acts as if a person not wanting to date a single parent, somehow makes them a bad person or something of that nature and its not true at all: if that isn't their pref its just not their preference. Same as someone not dating a person who has another quality or experience that does not appeal to them, just cus your a parent doesn't make you a good or great person at all..
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 22
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who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/12/2010 4:53:36 AM
Separate, there is a difference between choosing not to date a single parent for many of the reasons that dating a single parent can be a problem, but people do have a problem with extrapolating that into somehow belittling single parents. Hell, my kids are teenagers, I want to run away from home and not deal with them, lol.

I also have great respect for someone that recognizes that the kid thing is just not something the should do. I had a friend who readily admitted that she should never have had a child, she was too selfish a person. What bothered me about her is that she should have walked the walk even if her heart wasn't in it, and she didn't even try. Her ex had her son every weekend, it shouldn't have been too terribly hard to show one child proper attention during the week.

I do not understand people who date parents and do not recognize that sometimes, not always as so many like to spout, children's needs do come first. If they cannot accept this basic fact, don't want to EVER spend time with you and your kids, etc., what is the point? They really think when your kids are grown that you never see them again?
 polaroid2
Joined: 10/16/2009
Msg: 23
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/12/2010 6:22:17 AM
Forum Phantom. I accept your good wishes and predictions as coming from a sagely psychic. I am therefore hopeful that all will be well. Lets conveniently ignore the fact that you are a teached for now.
 seperate1
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 24
who needs a partner without kids?
Posted: 2/12/2010 1:06:33 PM
Separate, there is a difference between choosing not to date a single parent for many of the reasons that dating a single parent can be a problem, but people do have a problem with extrapolating that into somehow belittling single parents. Hell, my kids are teenagers, I want to run away from home and not deal with them, lol.

I also have great respect for someone that recognizes that the kid thing is just not something the should do. I had a friend who readily admitted that she should never have had a child, she was too selfish a person. What bothered me about her is that she should have walked the walk even if her heart wasn't in it, and she didn't even try. Her ex had her son every weekend, it shouldn't have been too terribly hard to show one child proper attention during the week.

I do not understand people who date parents and do not recognize that sometimes, not always as so many like to spout, children's needs do come first. If they cannot accept this basic fact, don't want to EVER spend time with you and your kids, etc., what is the point? They really think when your kids are grown that you never see them again?

i agree package,

the point im trying to make is people who have kids are just as likely to belittle people who don't have kids as not being mature or being selfish; when they just might not prefer to make the concessions on time and/or effort when dating.

i don't think people should attack or belittle either group; but it happens, i just get tired of fellow single parents acting better than others because of the fact they have kids, your no better than anyone else. It doesn't make u any more or less selfish or caring or insightful or whatever.

also children's needs do need to come first, both parties need to recognize that.
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