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 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 1
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Lymerics ... Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Long time ago, around Easter time, I entered a lymeric contest ... and won ... everyone who read and/or judged this lymeric knew that the Chairman of the Medical Staff Credentials Committee at that time was a popular plastic surgeon named Dr. Jonathan Bitts ...


There was a young woman from Kent
whose nose was horribly bent!

She went to Jon Bitts
who gave her new (fill in the blank)!

Cuz he'd given up noses for Lent!


That lymeric won first prize! The runner-up lymeric was about me being angry with a pathologist, was chasing him but caught site of myself in a mirror, was so enthralled with my own image that he escaped!

Anyone else want to submit a lymeric!!!???
 Coffee Grinder
Joined: 2/2/2010
Msg: 2
Lymerics ...
Posted: 2/15/2010 9:23:27 PM
Two little rabbits hopped along
one stopped the other hopped on
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 3
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History
Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/16/2010 12:43:02 PM
this is NOT original ...

I sat next the Duchess at tea.
It was just as I feared it would be:

Her rumblings abdominal
Were simply abominable,

And everyone thought it was ME!


(most lymericks are ... predictably ... ... annonymous!!)
 Coffee Grinder
Joined: 2/2/2010
Msg: 4
Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/16/2010 10:33:44 PM
Upon the hill there stood a cow
It must have moved it's not there now

or another short twisted humour lymerick

Little dog , busy street
Speeding car , sausage meat

aint it mad what the memory retains , stuff from school days

agga dagga sandwich , cold meat pie
dead dogs liver , squashed blow fly

is that how it goes ? can anyone remember that one ?

Early in the morning late at night
two dead men got up to fight
back to back they faced each other
drew their swords and shot one another


 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 5
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 12:47:26 AM
“Come over here”, to me she cooed
(I’m one that’s easily wooed!)
- So … over I went …
- She took every cent …
My trip to the “poor house” ensued
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 6
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 12:49:00 AM
They’re always saying: “Take naps”!
(They in their starched nurses caps)
- But it’s hard to sleep
- Or comfort to keep
When I can’t move my straight-jacket straps!
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 7
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 12:50:04 AM
Geez! Stop complainin’, you goose!
Ya’ been doin’ that since you got loose!
- Ya’ **** an’ ya’ moan
- Just leave it alone!
Now … put your head back in the noose.
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 8
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 12:54:02 AM
With farts ‘t is not volume nor size
That most of us learn to despise
- ‘t is odor that taints
- and removes paints
Plus the pain of our waterin’ eyes!
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 9
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 12:55:32 AM
Batman and Robin met Kingpin
They were tied, on the road, in a sheepskin
- ‘long came a truck
- the sheepskin was struck
Now it’s just: “Flatman” and “Ribbon”
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 10
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 12:58:18 AM
At last! The FINAL on me divorce!
And … I lost everything … of course
- she’s not around
- my joys, they abound
But for income … I haven’t a source!
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 11
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:00:54 AM
I gave her this GREAT cabernet
$1k a bottle I say!
- but try as I might
- there’ll be “none” tonight
‘Cuz she threw the corkscrew away!
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 12
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:01:54 AM
Oh golly shucks and oh gee
Where is my memory?
- in the bathroom am I
- I’ve unzipped my fly …
Oh yeah! I’m here to go pee!
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 13
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:03:35 AM
“We can’t go on meeting like this
‘Cause my husband’s all in a hiss”
- I found out: She’s right.
- met her husband tonight
I think it’s my face I will miss.
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 14
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:05:30 AM
“YO!, Me name is O-Rourke”, said he
“And ‘t is I who’ll out-drink all o’ ye”
- True it is mate
- His capacity great
But ‘t is his BUYIN’ side that is wee.
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 15
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:08:07 AM
“Be this lipstick on your collar, McNeer?”,
The question inside him struck fear
- But, a lie he’d not tell
- “ ‘T was ye sister, Belle …”
He’s been buried now, for a year.
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 16
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:11:20 AM
In smoke went his “impression” I fret
When a young miss he was trying to “get”
- Laughed in his face
- (was such a disgrace)
He lit the filter on his cigarette
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 17
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:14:58 AM
“O’Reilly …what’ll I do with Miss Glamour?
She’s me wife, but I can no longer stand ‘er.
- She farts all the time
- for no reason or rhyme …”
That’s easy, mate … Buy a windjammer!
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 18
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:15:33 AM
F’er me I’ll have a pint of ye brew
And draw one for me friend here, McDew
- What’s that ye say?
- I’ve not paid all day?
‘T is me job to drink! Think I’ll pay for it TOO???
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 19
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:15:56 AM
Oh, my love, you’re so sweet
Bein’ with you’s such a treat
- But when my eyes water
- (an’ they shouldn’t ought’er)
I’m thinkin’ ya’ don’t wash your feet.
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 20
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:17:41 AM
I think it starts: “High diddle, diddle”
(then somethin’ about a fiddle)
- Oh my, geez …
- Help me please …
But how does it go in the middle?
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 21
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:20:11 AM
A miss with handsome curved thighs
From men she elicited sighs
- Try as they would
- None of them could
Ever lay hands on the prize.
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 22
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:20:33 AM
‘T was a young lass name of “Muffet”
Who always sat on her tuffet
- But was rough as a board
- All scarred and scored
Cause men kept trying to fluff it.
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 23
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:21:53 AM
From prison he tried to escape
But, had the IQ of a grape
… His rocket (mis-wired)
… Quickly backfired
Now he’s all over the landscape
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 24
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:27:35 AM
“Hold me knife”, (Brutus to Caesar).
“Oh, my …That’s gonna scar!”
… I’ll stick it in thrice …
… That ain’t so nice!
No, but it’ll read well in the memoir.
 PosterChild4Ugly
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 25
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Lymericks ...
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:31:57 AM
I bought me a new Chevrolet!
But your wife! What’d SHE say?
… she don’t know yet
… but won’t be upset
I’ll tell her it’s on “lay-away”.
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