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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?      Home login  
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 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 2
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
A guy I dated in college accused me of it. There was no convincing him otherwise and the biggest shock of all was that he had a new GF literally days after causing a huge scene in class over my 'infidelity'. I will never understand why he didn't just break up with me if he wanted out. I think she got off on rescuing him from the evil tramp Carol Ann!!!
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 3
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 1:46:47 PM
I had an SO accuse me of having an affair with the security guard at work. The security guard at the front entrance was the only other person in my building at night. Oh my, it came out of left field and was a silly thing and, putting aside the nonsensical part of it, it would have been physically impossible to carry out. The accusation failed in both logical and emotional terms.

Make me feel? Once I realized it was a serious accusation, I was absolutely flummoxed on how one addresses whimsy and insecurity. "You're nuts" doesn't exactly eliminate their concerns.

Nope, not with them. They had an affair a few years later which ended our relationship. After we broke up, I learned my SO was having an affair at the time of making that bizzare accusation. Maybe it is true that those who falsely accuse have the notion in their head for themselves.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 4
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 1:55:07 PM
It pissed me off, I had done nothing to deserve it otherwise I wouldn't have been pissed I would have been ashamed. No I am not still with that person, why be with someone who treats you like you are some tramp?
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 7
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:12:38 PM
I never experience this, either, but will give my opinion either way.
Say if I had been in a relationship where I was accused of infidelity, more than likely, I probably wouldn't take too kindly to such an accusation if I actually didn't cheat.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 8
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:13:45 PM
It's happened once.

I felt puzzled, mainly, and as if I ought to be offended, but I didn't have the emotional energy with him to actually be offended anymore. It was mildly amusing, in a "Well, that's stupid" sort of way (yep, I laughed when he said it). I do not think that my accuser actually believed the accusation. I believe that it was just an attempt at button-pushing.

I definitely was not giving it my all at the time. There's no "feel" about it, it's a fact, I wasn't. We were on our way out by then and both knew it.

We did break up right around the same time, but it was for all the reasons that were already present. I don't think the accusation constituted a tipping point. It probably only remains memorable because that's the only time I've heard such a thing.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 9
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:35:34 PM
I was never actually accused of cheating, but my ex husband was jealous and suspicious. I never did *anything* to deserve it. I allowed him to ruin my existing, sometimes long standing, friendships with men, including gay men, and even some women. Never again. The irony? HE was the one who ended up having several affairs. Perhaps the real reason he was so suspicious was that he himself was not trustworthy.
 bernta
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 10
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:55:50 PM
When I was two months pregnant with our fifth child, my then husband of seventeen years questioned whether he was the father of the child. A round-about way of accusing me of cheating, but an acusation none the less.

It was the beginning of the end. Something shut down in me that day that would never open up again. I felt so completely disrespected. Like there was now a gulf between us that was not able to be crossed. He went through the motions, bragged to his friends, acted the part of the proud dad, but I knew what was in his heart. And what wasn't.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 11
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 4:11:02 PM
I've never been accused of cheating and wouldn't take too kindly to it. But if someone inquired if I was being unfaithful, I would be concerned with what behavior of mine caused him to question that. If I determined that some innocuous actions on my part could be perceived as suspicious to him, I'd make every effort to ease his worries. Fishy behavior should be questioned. But if there was no basis for his suspicions and it was just a guy being paranoid, then I might let it pass once but couldn't deal with it on a regular basis.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 12
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 4:14:33 PM
~OT~ I happened to me. How did I feel? Humored. Deeply humored. I knew he was cheating and I simply looked at it as him projecting his silliness onto me.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 14
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 5:23:49 PM
Maybe there is something to it, i.e., that people who accuse others are often guilty themselves. When you think about it, it makes sense... If somebody has that in mind it could poison the whole relationship and he or she might even do it him/herself as a "revenge", believing that by doing so they'll feel better, or easier, in CASE the other one actually HAS cheated. It'll most likely turn out the other way. A cheater could keep at it a thousand times and still feel cheated upon if the other one just gave an innocent hug for example. So yeah, I think that you "know" others through yourself. Of course there are situations where somebody's truly pushing things way too far, so far in fact that even if it's still Okay in that person's mind, it certainly won't be in the mind of most other people.

There are so many examples of this, but the most typical are: questionable online behavior, going out to bars/pubs/clubs, being too "close" to so called friends of the opposite gender (as if men and women could be friends in the first place), a "weird looking", friendly attitude towards a co.worker, etc. etc. The list really goes on and on. I think that in a relationship there has to be limits, rules or whatever you want to call it. That's the only way to keep it "healthy".
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 15
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 5:53:46 PM
my ex-husband accused me of cheating with a friend of his. at first, i ignored it. but it continued for months. then i got p*ssed. my ex suffered with profound alcoholism and would imagine all kinds of weird stuff.

one evening he returned home unexpectedly from an out-of-town trip. he fully expected to find me doing something with my supposed 'lover.' i had to laugh at the look on his face when he burst in the house to find me scrubbing the kitchen floor at 10:30 at night.
 gstallion
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 16
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 6:47:44 PM
I say show me the proof !
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 17
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 7:52:44 PM
I think the way you react to it changes over time. I was head over heels for my ex when we met and I would not cheat under any circumstances so on one level, I never understood the accusations although I tried to be patient because his ex-wife had cheated on him and I could see where that would leave scars. Being relatively young and a bit naive, I didn't realize that his jealousy was not rooted in experience, but insecurity and the jealousy it produced and that it would not matter how many faithful years I put in, he would always accuse me of doing things I didn't do.

At first, it was probably primarily tremendously hurtful. And I tried out the kazoo. Initially, I was unaware of how much I altered my life trying to reassure him and to convince him essentially that I loved him enough not to cheat on him. Looking back now, my lifestyle was narrowed as much as he could manage. Friends didn't call or come over when he was home because he would give me crap about it. Male friends didn't call at all because they didn't want to create problems. One that I had trouble catching him on the phone literally died before I could tell him that he could again call me without fear. I even realized when I got out of the marriage that I had literally stopped touching people. It initially I think began with not wanting some innocent hug or a hand on the shoulder with a man to be seen as inappropriate and after many years, I realize that the only people I really touched were my children, and I was a hugger when I met him.

After a time, you become angry because it sincerely pisses you off that this person continues to question your love and integrity so you continue to do the things designed to avoid the fights, etc. but not out of love or trying to help the person get beyond his shit but because you just want that person in a sense to go away and leave you alone.

The hardest part, the person DOES NOT CARE how much his/her accusations hurt you because you don't matter, only their fragile egos are important in the relationship. No, I finally left. Stayed longer than I should have because of the vows I took and trying to decide whether the kids would be damaged worse by a divorce or by living with their dad. It is not a surprise that the fight that caused me to draw the get counseling or I'm done line in the sand was about him accusing me for more than a year of cheating with someone while he was driving in a NASCAR race in Chicago. This was followed with an hour long litany of how our children were going to turn out to be convicts, pregnant teenagers, etc. and I thought what kind of unmitigated bast*rd wishes horrible lives on his children to hurt their mother? And yannow, in addition to calling me basically a ho, he also evidently thought I was stupid because I was regularly accused of giving his vast fortune to my boyfriends, like if I had one and I was that type of person, I wouldn't be getting money/gifts from them, the whole thing was unbelievably ludicrous.

After a while I think you then move to pity. Here is someone that supposedly loves you, that may have told you they want you back, but will not get counseling and in the end no matter how much hatred they heaped on you, they are just pitiful people. This is a person who is essentially choosing to be unhappy for the rest of their lives. Now, I just see my actions as finally doing myself a favor.

This is why I tell people when you are trying to make character traits the product of a situation rather than the more basic psyche of the person, you lose the perspective to properly evaluate whether you are being treated well.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 18
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 7:55:17 PM
I've never given a BF reason to suspect me. Am I doing something wrong?
 Mmmm.Tony
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 19
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 7:57:00 PM
It was exhausting. I would tell her, "I can't fight ghost or prove I didn't do something.'' It would be a constant argument as to why some woman looked at me and I knew she did and was pretending that I didn't know her. Or who was that woman on the line etc. I would argue for 3 hours after a 18 hour day and a 3 hour commute home. I got burnt out and it was a great way to destroy my disposition. I gave up and just got out because it wasn't worth the arguments. I left her and went to live in the streets because it was always things had to be her way. She eventually cheated on me, I got involved in a work related accident that almost took my life. I was going to 300 doctors appointments to put Humpty Dumpty back together again and she wanted to move for the 3 time in a year and a half. I put my stuff in storage and moved into the front seat of my car. I needed peace that bad.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 20
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 8:00:35 PM
"been falsely accused of cheating"

Lol! it happened once:

The gag is:
- I never cheated on anyone, ever and in any way or form possible.
- I was 24/7 with her (living together), she checked all the time my e-mails, phones everything, she had all my passwords; I didn't mind as I got nothing to hide.
- She knew all my friends, which I even stopped to talk to because of her.
- Never been out once without her, she was always the center when we did go out.
- I Didn't spoke to anyone, didn't messaged, texted or e-mailed anyone while been with her, ever.
- she was always in the same room as me at home, always!
- I stopped all of my hobbies as she could not do them.

yak yak yak..to make a long story short: I ended that relationship on the spot and burned all bridges.

the dawn of my freedom!

How did I felt about been accused of cheating? At first I tote it was an insane joke or something, so I was amused, then I got pissed off.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 22
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 8:14:02 PM
Yup, Sabrosura: I gave up a lot for her and yes, I was feeling completely suffocated.

I believed that over time she will realize, that I could make the sacrifice to put myself on the second base for her until she come to conclusion etc etc etc

well, nope.

bah! I have no regrets! I did what I tote needed to be done and that's it.
 Opequon
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 24
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 9:58:00 PM
Yes I was once. I wasn't so much angry as I was hurt that he could even think that about me. The anger came when I found out the accusations came because he was the one cheating on me.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 25
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 10:41:04 PM
If at every instance you are going to accuse me of cheating, chasing another girl, or being overly jealous about nothing..... I am going to give you one shot to fix it. If I am not cheating but you incessantly think I am.... well then f'it, we arent in a relationship anyways. I aint cheating on you, there is the door. I am done with you.

If I were to want to sleep around on you, there would have been the talk. I dont feel that this is performing to the needs that I see a relationship needing. I need more/better/creative/kinky sex. Do you think we can work on it, or do I need to seek other positions. Yep, you just been put on notice. I aint sneaking around behind you back. Get over it.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 27
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 11:06:04 PM
In the beginning I was trusting, but I've been cheated on more than once. Between that and all the talk about cheating every time one turns around I find it fed (and can still feed) my insecurities. When I am dating someone I will get that bad feeling. I used to go nuts and sabotage myself. Now I'm much better at the self talk when something silly gets me going.

In the beginning I was puzzled when accusations of cheating started. Turns out the cheaters always accused me of cheating. Now if someone were to accuse me I wouldn't stick around.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 29
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/12/2010 5:52:01 AM
see, thebugisback, I now follow that same line.

Am a proud man; I have many huge and complicated accomplishments that I've done during my life time without any support nor the help of anyone, I own them fully. I've seen Heaven in many ways and I've seen Hell in combat. Always took responsibilities for all my mistakes and errors. I live my life according a strict personal code and with integrity no matter what. Am willing to do some abnegation of the self, to go beyond or to endure more then most in order to help , share and understand ; so call it pride if you must (but I think I've earned the right to be pride), but I will now not let anyone challenge my honor or integrity.

False accusation? You do not know me at all and anyway, never will: as you're out of here faster then you can say "whaaat?".

I will not take it personally or it will not bring me down, as I know whom I am and know my true self worth.
 CookieLady66
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 30
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/12/2010 7:53:58 AM
The people who do the accusing are usually the ones who have cheated...they just want to place the blame elsewhere...usually on an innocent victim.

I've never cheated on anyone in the 43 years I've been on this planet...

Have I been accused of cheating? Yes.
How did it make me feel? Pissed.
How did I feel when I found out HE was the one who had been cheating all along? Betrayed.
 Joel246
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 31
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/12/2010 11:03:26 AM
Hasn't happened to me but it's very interesting to see how many people were accused by people who cheated themselves. Very telling.

I would find it deeply insulting to my integrity, and a blow to the trust in a relationship that may be irreversible. Once you become suspicious, jealousy, insecurity and all the other negative traits that destroy relationships are soon to follow. I think I would outline to my partner once very clearly that I would not cheat and that I would break up with them if I were unhappy enough to consider cheating, and if they continued to ponder the line in any way after that, it'd pretty much be over.
 HuluAddicted
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 33
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/19/2010 8:32:34 PM
Only once have I been accused of cheating. He had been pulling away for a few weeks and then just went insane, making accusations. Of course I wasn't cheating...I have never cheated on anyone. But he didn't want to believe it. So I let him go. I figure, if he's freaking out and I'm not doing anything....he must be doing something that is making him feel guilty.
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 34
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/22/2010 3:21:39 AM
People who accuse of cheating are normally looking for justification for their own cheating.... They don't need to feel guilty about their own infidelity if they can convince themselves that your doing the same.

I suggest looking at the relationship a bit more closely.

You have been warned!
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