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 AUTHOR
 FunGuyNJ2010
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 1
It's Just Not WorkingPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Well as much as I would love to post one of those "Thank You POF" testimonials because I met the love of my life on here, it is not to be. Not even close. Here is a brief summary of the past two months on this site:

1) I sent out initial messages to about 45 women and probably received about a 20 percent rate of response which I know is well above average for a man on here. However, pretty much all of them pulled the all too familiar Jimmy Hoffa disappearing act after anywhere from 1 to 3 emails were exchanged. Furthermore, I attempted to open the channels of communication by sending them relatively lengthy and inquisitive messages, only to receive barely two line replies which said next to nothing. Too many people seem to think this is Twitter and that they are limited to 140 characters per message.

2) I had about 35 women initiate the contact with me, again well above average for a male on this site. But it was mostly a barrage of "hi, how are u?", "do you want to chat sometime" and similar moronic one liners which I chose to ignore. I mostly did not follow up on these leads because their profiles were about as brief and told you absolutely nothing about the person. Believe it or not, I was actually looking for more than just an easy lay on here so some details would have been nice.

3) I answered the approximately 8 women who wrote me nice messages and had decent profiles, but only two of them ever wrote back a second time. Why bother sending me an email in the first place if you aren't interested?

4) One of the women who actually wrote back to my initial message VOLUNTEERED her phone number after a few emails were exchanged and encouraged me to call her. I called twice within a three day span, she didn't answer the phone either time (which is pretty much the MO for women these days, at least in the NYC area) and never bothered to give me even so much as an acknowlegement of my two messages. I can assure you that I am NEVER crude, perverse or obnoxious when I call women. Perhaps I should be, maybe they would call back once in awhile. WHY THE HELL GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER WITHOUT ME EVEN ASKING OR HINTING AT IT AND THEN YOU COMPLETELY IGNORE ME WHEN I REACH OUT TO YOU?

5) Another one of the women who responded to my message to her said in her first (and only) response that I seemed like a "genuine guy", she really liked my profile and then asked if I wanted to meet her for a drink. Obviously any woman who says this in her first email to you is either a major****ease or the female equivalent of Christian Bale's character in the film American Psycho and I never took what she said seriously. Just playing alone with what I knew was another lost cause, I wrote back to her and was completely ignored (again).

6) I did get together with ONE woman from this site, one of the two who wrote to me first and actually followed up after that (see item #3 above). We had dinner last Saturday, spend about three hours together and I said that I would reach out to her during the week. I called her on Monday night and - surprise, surprise - she did not answer the phone. Incidentally I have probably called her about a half dozen times over the past two weeks or so and have yet to get another other than her voice mail system. The last message I left was four days ago from the time of this posting and not a word back from her. I thought we had had a good time together. Apparently I was wrong...or at least that was not her version of it.


I am sure there are many of you who can relate all too well to most, if not, all of this. This effort has been dubbed an "exercise in futility" by many others on here and I could not possibly agree more. Unfortunately, the situations I have described above are not only specific to this and other websites like it, it is a sign of the times in which very few people have any manners or common courtesy and that is an absolute shame. Look ladies, I know that you get inundated with emails from jackasses and pervs who just want to get in your pants and by no means do I advocate that sort of thing, but there are far too many of you who are really not any better. Maybe you don't play the blatant sexual pervert card per se, but I can't tell you how many profiles I read where the pictures were all quite risque or taken in a bar setting where the person was obviously three sheets to the wind and the About Me section was absolute nonsense. For those of you who might actually be looking for something serious, these clowns and the other assorted idiots are ruining it for you because men such as myself get tired of dealing with this kind of crap and eventually leave.

I have definitely said enough...more than enough, in fact. Best of luck to those of you with good intentions who are staying on here because you are sure going to need it.
 Genuine_Gentleman_For_You
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 2
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 2/13/2010 11:52:43 PM
You have only been on here for a short while. And you are statistically doing a lot better than most guys who have been on this site for several years. Try to tough it out longer. With the amount of contacts you're making, it should only be a matter of time when you find the right one for you. But how much time? I don't know. Afterall this is my third time on this site. And I didn't have any luck during the first or second times. And so far, this time around is the same as before. Hmm. Maybe I should be leaving this site instead of you.
 HelloFla
Joined: 2/6/2010
Msg: 3
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 2/14/2010 9:54:50 PM
Stop writing to hot looking women.They own this site,lol.

Some young un e mailed me......w/ links to her pay per view site.. ....
Bars are looking pretty good.
 FunGuyNJ2010
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 4
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 2/16/2010 5:14:08 AM
And you are statistically doing a lot better than most guys who have been on this site for several years.


Perhaps initially, but the end results are pretty much the same - one date and then a rude blowoff.

Afterall this is my third time on this site. And I didn't have any luck during the first or second times.


Me too. That's why I think I am ready to throw in the towel for good. Obviously the third time is not the charm.

Maybe I should be leaving this site instead of you.


I think anyone with decent intentions should leave this site since we are apparently not going to have our needs met on here. There are too many jackasses of both genders who are ruining the whole experience.

Incidentally I see that Markus just added that new Will Respond feature. I guess he realized he had to do something to try to keep all of the frustrated men from jumping ship. I question the accuracy and reliability of the metric being employed here especially since two of the women who showed up on my list did not respond to the messages I sent them. However, the people on this list probably reply to 1 percent of their emails instead of 0 like many women on here so, relatively speaking, they are the most likely to write back.
 honda12345
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 5
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:10:12 AM
you arent alone bro. the little bit of seriousness i had here is gone.

find someone out in the real world...this place is for egos.
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 6
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:43:42 AM
its hard to imagine why you're having trouble, funguynj2010, you're very good looking i might add. :) its hard to believe you're not taken. too bad you're not from toronto. :( you've been here for a year i can understand your frustration too.
 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 7
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 2/25/2010 6:50:51 PM

Obviously any woman who says this in her first email to you is either a major****ease or the female equivalent of Christian Bale's character in the film American Psycho and I never took what she said seriously.

I don't understand this one. Was there something other than she wanted to actually meet you sooner rather than later that caused you to think she's psycho?

While I understand your frustration (I've been doing online dating on several sites for 5 yrs), my advice is to stay on the site but do more off line to meet women/make pof less of your total plan. In other words, lower your expectations of the quantity of contacts and conversions to actual dates on to relationships. That is NOT to say lower your expectations of the quality/compatibility of women you're looking for.
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 8
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 2/25/2010 7:02:48 PM

While I understand your frustration (I've been doing online dating on several sites for 5 yrs), my advice is to stay on the site but do more off line to meet women/make pof less of your total plan. In other words, lower your expectations of the quantity of contacts and conversions to actual dates on to relationships. That is NOT to say lower your expectations of the quality/compatibility of women you're looking for.
I wouldn't rely too much on the net to find love, i rather do the offline meetup groups like those in meetup.com, alot more easier and signing up for those activities... Hey, make friends as much as possible and network.
 FunGuyNJ2010
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 9
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:37:42 AM

its hard to imagine why you're having trouble, funguynj2010, you're very good looking i might add. :) its hard to believe you're not taken. too bad you're not from toronto. :( you've been here for a year i can understand your frustration too.


Thanks so much for your kind words, I greatly appreciate the compliment, but obviously most of the women I have written to do not feel the same way. I wish I was from Toronto too, I only got to spend a few days there, but that and Hamilton were two of my favorite Canadian cities and I have traveled throughout most of the country. I'm sorry you are frustrated too, that seems to be the norm on here except for the select handful who allegedly find the love of their lives.
 FunGuyNJ2010
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 10
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:49:07 AM

I don't understand this one. Was there something other than she wanted to actually meet you sooner rather than later that caused you to think she's psycho?


OK, I meant that in a somewhat facetious and sarcastic way although I don't think it is the wisest move for a woman to suggest in her FIRST email to a man on a site like this that the two of them meet for a drink. Of course it is all a moot point because she turned out to be just a tease, but I would think we should at least communicate a few more times via email and/or phone before suggesting an in person meeting. I don't want to make more of this than it is, I was just pointing out one more bizarre experience I have had during this latest POF stint.



While I understand your frustration (I've been doing online dating on several sites for 5 yrs), my advice is to stay on the site but do more off line to meet women/make pof less of your total plan.


Absolutely 100% agreed. You will never find me on POF on a Friday or Saturday night because I am always out and about somewhere. The problem is that the so-called traditional route has not been working out so well lately either. I am not a bar person and the "singles" events that are advertised are always attended by an exclusively older crowd. I participate in activities that I enjoy (i.e. working out, sports, night school classes, etc.), but there haven't been any potential prospects for a long time.


In other words, lower your expectations of the quantity of contacts and conversions to actual dates on to relationships. That is NOT to say lower your expectations of the quality/compatibility of women you're looking for.


Good advice! I hear what you are saying but, like a lot of people, I have lost my patience with the standard bs that goes on on this site. The quality has been very difficult to come by - about 90 percent of the women's profiles I have read are very off puttng and do not bother reaching out to them. If their profile is shorter than a haiku or they have multiple pictures of their cleavage or of them in a bar totally smashed, I know that it would be a lost cause sending them a message and I have no interest in those types of women anyway.
 logicalempire
Joined: 2/28/2010
Msg: 11
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 3/4/2010 4:06:16 AM
After several yeears on this site, and it not working, I decided to take a little break.

However, upon return I found nothing has changed.


I have lost my patience with the standard bs that goes on on this site.


You aren't alone. I've been on this site SO long that I've come quite accustomed to all the "lines". Seen it all, yes, the disappearing acts, the phone (non) answering, the
"see picture and run", you name it. The ego boosters as well, yes.BS.


While I understand your frustration (I've been doing online dating on several sites for 5 yrs),


I am up to my 10th.
 FunGuyNJ2010
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 12
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 3/5/2010 4:58:21 AM
All of this would be comical if it weren't so pathetic and aggravating. Yesterday I wrote to another apparent hypocrite with a decent profile and a headline that read "I'm Looking To Meet New People!" This morning I log on, check my Sent Msg folder and what do I see as the status for the message I sent her? Yep, Unread Deleted. This definitely sounds like someone who is really serious about meeting people, doesn't it?

Obviously another one who didn't like the "face to who they would be talking to"
 FunGuyNJ2010
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 13
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 3/8/2010 5:25:37 AM
Swampfox: Yes I am still around (although most likely not for much longer) and I have been on and off here as well. It's just this latest disastrous stint that has lasted two months. It seems almost everyone has the exact same experiences which seems to beg the question of why we are on here anymore. I just cannot believe the apathy of the overwhelming majority of the women on this site. It is totally obvious that the gender roles have completely switched because it is us men who are completely frustrated by the lack of success in developing any kind of long-term situation while the women are incapable/unwilling/[insert favorite adjective here] of writing more than two sentences at a time and just plain and simple don't give a damn.

I was supposed to have a date with one of the lovely ladies of POF yesterday, but she texted me two hours before the scheduled time to cancel because she was too hungover from the previous night to get her sorry ass out of bed. Just one more class act to add to the list.
 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 14
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:18:39 PM
I was supposed to have a date with one of the lovely ladies of POF yesterday, but she texted me two hours before the scheduled time to cancel because she was too hungover from the previous night to get her sorry ass out of bed. Just one more class act to add to the list.

Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. You didn't give enough facts to know what's really behind this.
How long have you corresponded or talked on the phone before deciding to meet?
Who first contacted whom?
If you contacted her, what was it about her profile that attracted you?
Why was she drinking the night before? If that's her common routine it's one thing. If she just got a promotion at work and she was celebrating something good happened to her for the first time in a loooonnnng time, it's another thing altogether.

Yup, she could be a sleazy bar wench. But you could be an angry testosterone-fueled bull who only looks at the profile pic and then blames the woman for your faulty picker. When one does not experience desired results, look for the common denominator and change it. What's the common denominator in your string of bad picks?
 FunGuyNJ2010
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 15
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 3/9/2010 9:32:14 AM

How long have you corresponded or talked on the phone before deciding to meet? Who first contacted whom?


She contacted me first. The only way I even get to the point of being cancelled out on is if they write to me initially. As just about every other guy on here can attest to, if you make the first move, it is about as successful as trying to sell MP3 players to the Amish. We emailed for about a week, but never spoke on the phone because when I called her, she didn't answer or call me back.


Yup, she could be a sleazy bar wench. But you could be an angry testosterone-fueled bull who only looks at the profile pic and then blames the woman for your faulty picker. When one does not experience desired results, look for the common denominator and change it. What's the common denominator in your string of bad picks?


I understand and respect your opinion. Believe me, I have struggled to find that "common denominator" in the hopes of putting an end to this constant frustration and futility pertaining to the dating scene. But I get even more confused when there are thousands of men on here who have EXACTLY the same complaints as I do. I'm not saying that I couldn't benefit from making some tweaks to my selection criteria/attitude/approach/etc., but there is more than enough evidence to support the theory that these problems are not always the fault of the man.
 FunGuyNJ2010
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 16
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 3/9/2010 9:35:07 AM

wow isn't it amazing how instead of possibly accepting that a female could be in the wrong this one immediatly tries to blame the guy


Of course...but I wouldn't expect anything else. If we think anyone lacking a Y chromosome is going to be even the least bit sympathetic to our plight, we are just kidding ourselves.
 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 17
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 3/9/2010 11:59:00 AM
If we think anyone lacking a Y chromosome is going to be even the least bit sympathetic to our plight, we are just kidding ourselves.

No, you're kidding yourself that it's only a male problem; that women don't also experience the 'no shows', last minute cancellations, unread/delete, etc.

I specifically stated it could have been the bar wenches fault. Two years ago I was stood up on New Year's eve by both my first choice (he didn't return the call for where and when to meet) although we'd agreed to meet and my back up (he'd left it open to get together if my other plans fell through).

I've been stood up while waiting a the restaurant. I've been stood up at the last minute as I was getting ready to leave the house.

But, yup, women don't know anything about being stood up. Women control all the shots. Women have it easy we just pick among dozens of men flooding our inboxes.

Grow up.
 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 18
It's Just Not Working
Posted: 3/9/2010 12:50:24 PM
care to explain that one?

No. The reasons are:
1) there are plenty of threads that already discuss that ad nauseum
2) there isn't anything I can say that will change your mind
3) I can only speak for myself, anything I say about someone else's motives is hearsay (notice above I did not attempt to speak for the bar wench, I asked questions - they're 2 different things)
4) I have never done a read/delete or unread/delete. I've responded to 100% of people who wrote to me. That includes the 400+ emails I got from my ad on craiglist. (it took a couple weeks but I did reply to everyone). I may or may not reply to a second email if they continue after I turn them down on the first reply
5) I refuse to buy into your presumption that it's only a female behavior and that men don't do it also. FWIW - my boyfriend got WAY more emails on pof than I did when we were both still looking.
 Lowtones84
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 19
How I know its not working?
Posted: 3/10/2010 8:06:16 PM
Three years and near zero messages.

I've come to accept people go with what gets them off and thats all there is to it.
 logicalempire
Joined: 2/28/2010
Msg: 20
How I know its not working?
Posted: 3/11/2010 12:45:58 AM

Three years and near zero messages


What you wrote...except change 3 to 7.
 justsomeoneelse
Joined: 3/13/2010
Msg: 21
How I know its not working?
Posted: 3/30/2010 4:25:39 PM

wow isn't it amazing how instead of possibly accepting that a female could be in the wrong this one immediatly tries to blame the guy


Yep. That's raptor language for you

Sure, before I met my gf (thankfully not here), I used to get lead along. Women would coincidentally "change their mind" at the spur of the moment. Sure, I made the effort to
send mails here and not read/delete. Sure, I'd travel distance to come to the girl (none of them, ironically, would meet me even 1 kilometre away from their house). Sure, they'd ask
me to go there, and as soon as I got there it would be "oh I told you not to come today, I am having my house fumigated."...right, five minutes ago you weren't saying that.

Of course, the story would get changed around, with a few excuses to make her seem perfect and the me to be the worst guy in the world. Then she calls a week later to ask me
why I hadn't gone out there. Then to ask for money for her 4 kids from 5 fathers.
Go figure.

But of course, it's the guy's 'fault *sigh*.

Have fun.
 justsomeoneelse
Joined: 3/13/2010
Msg: 22
How I know its not working?
Posted: 4/1/2010 1:15:39 PM
I was merely quoting someone else. Your pathetic attempts don't interest me nor do they impress me.

But I will humour you

http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/is-it-wrong-for-a-person-to-have-two-fathers

And one could be the stepfather.

I'd love to stay and chat, but some of us have better things to do than pick out random things in posts (which aren't understood) and put them down to stir trouble.

Bait me all you like. I'll be doing something worthwhile.
 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 23
How I know its not working?
Posted: 4/1/2010 6:02:26 PM
^^^ Anyone else catch the irony?
 rhettsbutler
Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 24
How I know its not working?
Posted: 5/16/2010 12:50:26 PM

My problem is different than yours OP. I have no problem getting response, dates and even women write to me first. My problem is the meeting, i can't find mutual chemistry. It will either me liking her and her not liking me or visa versa. I have been doing online dating on and off 9 years and nothing. I'm going to a different country in 2 weeks to meet someone and if it don't work i'm deleting my profile for good..

well Michaell, your profiles still here so I guess it went ok.
All I can say to anyone who is still looking is don't give up. I met my fiance on here over 2 years ago. I was also pretty skeptical until we met. If it can work for us it can work for anyone. Good luck.
 BillDeruki
Joined: 6/25/2010
Msg: 25
How I know its not working?
Posted: 7/3/2010 10:06:42 AM
The OP in this thread is spot on. Here is my advice guys.

If you are looking for hookups and sex, just stick to the local scene where ever you live. Lots of easy skanks to **** and chuck all over the place.

If and when you get to the point that you want something real and permanent then forget sites like this one and forget American women all together. Were in a global economy now dudes. Unless you want to be saddled with yet another overbearing, demanding, porky, unrealistic, baggage train then look abroad. I went through the whole thing of looking at all of my choices on sites like this and let me tell you it's a sad situation. Any woman with all her teeth and not a total blow pig thinks her private parts are spun of gold and her offspring are put on this earth for you to love and support. In pretty short order I became weary of this and decided to expand my horizons. I started to chat with women in eastern countries and WOW what a contrast. Eventually I met and married a gorgeous, slim, college educated woman from the Philippines. Since she was a virgin when we met, she won't be "knowing" dudes anywhere we go. My wife will be 30 this fall and I am 51 and have been together three years now. She is not a mail order bride so don't let anyone discourage you with this bitter, envious nonsense talk. We genuinely love and respect each other and I never dreamed life could be so good. If you're worried about what someone at the grocery store will say then for all means be captain save-a-ho and settle for what's hanging around places like this. If you want something substantial then investigate what I am telling you. It's real and it's beautiful. There's lots of scammers in that arena too but finding a real one is at least possible. It takes time and it takes a bit of money to pursue a foreign woman but the ends very much justify the means. Divorce rate among marriages like mine is around 14%. I think that pretty much sums it up.
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