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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > make it (her) go away!!!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 2
make it (her) go away!!!Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
After telling her to stop and it's over in a very plain and direct manner:
e-mail: do not open, delete
messages: do not accept
card and snail mail: return to sender
phone: ignore
msn etc: block

If she continue: then you will have to take step up your barricade, and be not so nice about it (rest. order).
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 3
make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/17/2010 11:42:39 AM
She doesn't sound like she's doing much any more, I'm not sure why you're having this reaction, based on your post. A Val card and you're freaked out? You didn't have to even open it, much less acknowledge it--she has no idea if you even GOT it, she doesn't live in your state.

But you know what? People only have such violent reactions to things if they still have feelings (not necessarily love, could be hate). I mean, really? What do you care? Ask yourself WHY you give a crap what she does any more?

Stop talking to her. No communication. Throw away any cards you receive without opening them. No reply texts; if she texts, delete it. If she calls, ignore it.
Really.

She might have a tissy fit over it, too, but do not react. Do not "defend" yourself.
Just shut up.

Tell your friends you've had enough of it, too.
They can help out by keeping you two apart. No more "Jim reports". If she's in town, they can let you know and then you can avoid her.

Oh, and you cannot be nice about it. Nice is overrated, anyway.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 5
make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/17/2010 12:06:10 PM
I can't believe this is a serious problem.
You said she moved to another state.
She went away.
Why are you opening up mail from her?
Ignore her...how hard is that? Unless you
are enjoying the drama?
Send snail mail back...check the caller ID
and don't answer when it's her. Tell your
mutual friends you're not interested and
don't send messages her way via them. When
they talk about her...change the subject.
Block her on email...etc etc
Not too hard to figure out.
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 7
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make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/17/2010 12:31:15 PM
I'm not sure of what the law is in California but in Louisiana you cannot get a restraining order unless the person is threatening harm or has harmed you in the past. Even so I believe that others have already given you the best advice. Ignore her completely. Don't worry about being nice. You can not be nice and still not be an a-hole. You can have her number blocked depending on your phone type and your service provider. You might be able to install software on your phone to block her calls and texts or you may have to pay a fee to your service provider. Blocking emails is completely free however that doesn't stop her from creating a new email addresses and contacting you. In those cases, as soon as you realize who it is, just delete the mail without responding and block the new address. If you ever run into her because of the mutual friends, be polite but keep things cool and distant. Answer her questions with as few words as you can get away with and walk away when you can. Remember that any show of emotion towards her will be taken as encouragement, even anger, as why would you be upset unless you still had some feelings for her would be her reasoning. If your friends question your behavior towards her there is nothing wrong with you stating that because you don't want her to be hurt you are keeping your distance so as not to give her the impression that there is any chance of a relationship. Instead of being the bad guy you are protecting her feelings.
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 10
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make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/17/2010 12:41:38 PM
I see I took too long to post and you already checked into the restraining order. To block unwanted calls through Verizon, I found the following at eHow.

1. Go into your Verizon Wireless Account on-line. "My Verizon" (Please make sure you have an account all ready or you just created an account)

2. Then Go To "My Services"

3. Choose the SPAM Control: There you can add up to 5 phone numbers that you do not want to contact you. This also prevents these #s from text

Press APPLY then you are done. They block these #s for 3 months at a time. So you will have to repeat the steps in 3 months.
 MysticalAngel429
Joined: 11/7/2009
Msg: 20
make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:56:35 PM
O.P You can actually block her from calling your Verizon phone! It will cost you $4.99 extra dollars a month but from the sounds of it, it would be well worth it! It called Usage Controls. Perhaps this is something you might want to look into?
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 23
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make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/17/2010 3:00:21 PM
Given your own description, there IS no way, otherwise she would already be gone. FIVE YEARS OF THIS? I would have requested a restraining order against someone like that after the first month or two.
 ginnywl
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 27
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make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/17/2010 3:54:31 PM
Wow!!!! sounds like my ex daughter -in-law she cheated and cheated on my son then finally moved in with her lover, then he took her back 6 times (they have 2 kids) he has moved on she calls his girlfriend and went to her parents house and told them all kind of lies about him, and she tells everyone they're getting back together. when his gf is at his house she bangs on the door and calls her every profinaty imaginable. she is a nut and he has to deal with her because of the kids.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 28
make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/17/2010 4:12:32 PM

I can't change my phone number or email address because I would lose business as customers would not know how to contact me. I cant change my email address for the same reason, and I'm not moving either.

After 5 years, if you have ALLOWED her to take up space in your head, your relationships and in any other way? This one is on YOU! Sorry OP ~ if you truly want someone to leave you alone, you would change your email and your numbers. You can send out a mass email to clients, you change your business cards, advertising information, you get a protective order, you have a lawyer send her a harshly written letter, you DO change your numbers long before the 5 year mark and you stop being "friends" with those "friends" you have that take requests or talk about you. All the excuses in the world do only ONE thing: excuse yourself right to the point where you currently claim to be. JMO
 Super_Eve
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 29
make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/17/2010 5:17:51 PM
^^^^ That actually took less than one minute...
 wings on my butt
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 30
make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/17/2010 8:19:37 PM
I am sorry to say this but in your opening post you have made so many excuses as to why you can't get rid of her that it kinda makes me think that maybe you like the obsessive attention?If you really wanted to you could change both your number and email address. You would just have to let all your customers know. It's a pain in the behind but you can do it if you really wanted to and if you were serious enough. Other business survive number and email changes just like yours can too.
 HuluAddicted
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 31
make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/17/2010 10:24:01 PM
Get new friends who won't give her the "Jim Report". Move and don't let anyone you currently know...know where you're going. Fake your death. Join the Witness Relocation Program. Have a sex change.
 Tomahawk52
Joined: 1/31/2010
Msg: 32
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make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/17/2010 11:16:35 PM
To jim782002,

Buddy, all I can say is good luck. Maybe next time you date a girl, you read her through and figure out whether she's got those 'desperate stalker' signals or if she's normal and laid back.

I think it's time you become a man and stop crying about an ex-girlfriend harassing you. Figure it out. She's not trying to kill ya, just giving you unwanted attention.
Since you don't want it, don't take it. And any chance you get, tell her to F*CK OFF.

I'm not gonna give you any piece of advice, because chances are it's YOUR FAULT that she strapped herself onto your leg and can't let go.
 MamitaMorena
Joined: 11/6/2008
Msg: 33
make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/18/2010 1:21:08 AM
Unfortunately restraining orders are per locality, county and state, not national. A restraining order or order of protection (two different things) for say New York, means****squat in Massachussetts.

However, I do agree with alot of posters here. Stop feeding into her behaviour. Psychologically, and subconsciously, you're fostering her mentally irrational belief that you and her still have a connection, although unwarranted. By not replying to ANY of her communicaton, ignoring calls etc., further drives the point of her unrequited love being undesireable. This is similar to how a parent should ignore a child having a temper tantrum. Eventually, that child will give up his behaviour as it is not reaching its desired effect. This is quite similar to your situation. You're giving her the attention she desires, albeit negative. In her skewed sense of reality she thinks "Hey, at least he's paying attention to me. He MUST STILL love me!" As insane as it seems, it's a psychological fact.

I hope this helps.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 34
make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/18/2010 8:25:22 AM
I didn't read all the posts here...but to those of you that are calling it
stalking...did you read the part where she lives in another state and the
part where the cookies was 2 years ago and the other part where she
has tapered off but he's annoyed by the random cards she is sending?
There is no problem here.
He doesn't have to have any contact with her at all...he doesn't even
see her.
He's just annoyed that his new girlfriend is having to see cards coming
to him from out of state.
How to build a mountain out of a molehill.
I think he likes the drama...he likes the fact that someone is infatuated
with him to the point of making it an across the border you're bothering
me with your emails shyte.
Good freaking grief.
There are people that have REAL problems with stalkers...and you're
not one of them.
But kudos to the attention.

 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 35
make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/18/2010 8:38:10 AM
it's funny how you people don't read the entire thread and you just post post post
I have completly ignored her for well over a year now.
her email goes directly to trash folder,
her IM is blocked
I dont email her
I dont answer her calls
I dont reply to text messages
I dont send mail back, because its the same as answering the phone and sayng "F you dont call me"
I'm not a victim , I just want it to stop.


You're done ****ing people who tried to help you? because we read what YOU wrote:


I've tried to be nice, I've tried to be mean, I've tried to be logical, I've tried to tell her in person, I've tried to express this on the phoen in email in instant message


..tried to express on PHONE..in EMAIL...in IM...

dhu!

so stop whinning, grow a pair of testicules and get a restraining order since you do not have the personality, brain and masculinity to be able to stand to her.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 36
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make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/18/2010 9:27:00 AM
I don't see how this is so intrusive beyond you letting it. If you don't want to talk to her delete her texts and e-mails and any other attempts at communication. Generally speaking even the really whacked will leave you alone if you fail to respond for long enough.

Each time you do respond she learns that it takes 51 attempts to get you to talk to her.
 RugbyIrish
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 37
make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/21/2010 2:11:54 PM
You want to know how to make her go away and be nice about it?

Grow some balls dude. You cannot get rid of a girl like that and "be nice" about it. Tell her you have a gun and you will treat her as a trespasser if she comes on your property. Or get a restraining order...
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 39
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make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/22/2010 12:42:47 AM
You're in IT and you called your phone company once - five years ago - and it never occurred to you that maybe as technology has changed it might have become possible to block calls? Have you not heard of caller ID, getting a machine and screening calls? These things have been around for a long time.

I agree with the rest - you have way too many excuses. It's not that hard to change your email, mail, or even telephone number. And if you let your gfs know that every now and then a crazy person still keeps in touch, most should understand.

She's not well. So you can think it's time for her to stop all you like, but that is a rational thought and you're not dealing with someone rational. Your wanting her to wise up won't make it happen. Take the rest of the suggested measures to end contanct and then thank your lucky stars that all she does is call or send a card once in a while.
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 40
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make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/22/2010 3:37:29 AM
Why not get the restraining order and sue for the mental stress? that'll sort her out!
 Obieezx11
Joined: 9/6/2007
Msg: 41
make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/22/2010 4:07:47 AM
stay mean put a retaining order on her then after the year has past go back to court and have it put on her for life.

end of story my friend because number 1 she stays away or number 2 she brakes it and goes to jail there for shes staying away from you your told her in everyday possible what the nice way more can you do...
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 42
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make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:49:45 AM
You cannot get a restraining order because someone is being annoying. They will only grant them if they feel that the person is a physical threat to you. Even when you do have a restraining order, law enforcement is very reluctant to get involved in domestic disputes. I know this from personal experience. My ex threatened to kill me, would show up at my home, stole my car, smashed in the windows, followed me around, and of course lots of phone calls ranging from annoying to threatening. Nothing was done to him until one night he kicked in my door, beat me and my son and then held us hostage for over an hour while he ranted and raved about how everything that was wrong in his life was my fault.

Even if he wanted to go that route, unless she threatens physical harm and he can prove it he will not be able to get a restraining order.
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 43
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make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/22/2010 2:28:16 PM
Harassment laws vary from state to state. OP has already stated that the woman has not threatened him physical harm. He isn't worried about his safety he is only annoyed. In California he would have no case for a Civil Harassment Restraining Order.
 bumponnalog
Joined: 7/14/2005
Msg: 44
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make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/22/2010 2:54:33 PM
Jim,
sometimes when s**t happens in life and we've done everything we can to get rid of it and it's still there (which it seems you have or will have when you do the Verizon block), the only thing you can do is refuse to give that s**t any more of your attention. Turn your attention to other more important, positive things in your life. Sooner or later the s**t will pass - eventually time will take it out of your life. Yes, it seems to be taking an awfully long time! Lesson to others - might be a good idea to set up a separate email acoount only to communicate with onliners (or people you really don't know). If they turn out to be crazy/obessive/etc. at least it won't screw up your business email. As for the cell number, if it bothered me that much I would get a new cell # and notify all my current/old business contacts of the new number. It's time consuming, yes, but how much is this bothering you?
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 45
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make it (her) go away!!!
Posted: 2/22/2010 3:57:34 PM
My ISP allows me to block email addresses. Go to the website and find out if there's a "block senders" list you can add her to.

Ignore her. Get caller ID so you can avoid her calls.

Don't worry about being nice. Just tell her look, I want you to leave me alone. Totally and completely alone.

At least if she's in another state she's unlikely to show up on your doorstep unannounced.
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