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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?      Home login  
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 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 3
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I am much more in tune with dating and enjoying the one I am with in the "here and now" without any great expectations of something long term to each of our deaths....

Each adventure starts with a single step, and that includes those we join or allow to join us as we travel down paths of living, learning, and hopefully enjoying.

I see no reason to think that the person in front of me has to be the last one in my life, or the only one, unless we are going to be exclusive, and even that does not mean forever. I would rather have multiple relationships over the years that fulfill my expectations and desires, then one long term relationship that reminds me of why I decided to be single once again.

I prefer to look at it this way...........I want to enjoy the one I am with for as long as we are meant to be there together equally, and the ultimate goal is to go to bed together with a smile on our face, and wake up with that same smile because it has been a pleasure to know each other and enjoy one another in as many ways as possible.......

cd.........
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 6
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/17/2010 4:12:11 PM
I'm still hoping that the next time will be the last....

 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 7
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/17/2010 4:22:28 PM
I like to approach a date as though I am reading a new book for the first time.
I really don't think dating to find the right one works, you have to kind of have a wait and see, it would be nice attitude.
I think when your stuck in the "this will be for long term mode", your basically going to be too picky.
Not that you want to settle for someone who will make you unhappy, but if a person thinks back there were zig zag curves in every relationship.
Sometimes you have to decide what things you can overlook in a person and what things will be an uphill battle.
If you think that there will be someone that fits the bill perfectly, than you will never see the pearl. I would rather have the pearl that is polished by life and time than the diamond.
I try to have a attitude of discovery, I find people facinating.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 10
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/17/2010 4:56:36 PM
~OP~ I go on first dates with intentions of dating. I date with the intention of a potential relationship. I'm about sick of those first/last-date-combos.
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 11
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/17/2010 4:56:57 PM
I'm not dating at the moment, taking some time to evaluate my own priorities, hopefully by the 4th of July I'll declare my independence.. maybe hookup with that special someone, if I'm lucky..yes someone to do anything and everything with
and yes she'd look good in black accompanying me to Aunt Gertrude's funeral..
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 13
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/17/2010 5:08:32 PM
Im fairly simple...I dont date someone I wouldnt sleep with...I dont sleep with someone I wouldnt want to be in love with...cause yanno shit happens!
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 14
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/17/2010 5:38:35 PM

I am much more in tune with dating and enjoying the one I am with in the "here and now" without any great expectations of something long term to each of our deaths....

Each adventure starts with a single step, and that includes those we join or allow to join us as we travel down paths of living, learning, and hopefully enjoying.


...I couldn't have said it better. I have grown accustomed to my singleness and am not in any rush. But that doesn't mean I don't want what everyone else does. To meet someone and fall in love. So yes, I am still seeking that ever elusive relationship...but where we take it is something both him and I will have to decide.

...mae
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 18
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/17/2010 10:00:40 PM
because i am new to this area, i'm pretty flexible. i make friends and if the sparks fly, so be it. i'm interested in people, different lives and experiences. i like to know how they think and what they feel. some i find attractive, until they keep talking. some, i have not noticed at first, but then they start to evolve or manifest before my very eyes! this is in the course of group meetup or just a "date". some end up as just friends, some disappear and twice since my divorce, it's gotten to where we both gave it a whirl. i'm a contradiction. but under the analytical thinking and under the earth mother (my two different personas), is a die hard romantic and a pretty passionate person. but i guess, i like to keep the latter in check and think first with that big head of mine-- as well as to feel/sense a person beyond his "persona". sure, i want a mate. but, i also want a life, friends, experiences.... i leave it to the ABOVE. when it happens, we not only both will know it, but it won't be so damned hard to keep it going.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 19
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/17/2010 10:27:19 PM
Age is Irrelevant

I never intended to mate, but I've found women that I've been comfortable with for a period of months or years, so I'm happy for those times. But for me it wasn't about mating. I have no kids.
 Handsomelaughs
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 23
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 6:20:52 AM
I can say with confidence that, people date because they haven't found that right person. I mean, who would "date to date?" Being with someone special beats the shit out of "dating." In other words...........when you find the right person, stop! LOL!

Have a great day.

Tom
 lonelydavid77
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 27
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 8:27:50 AM
Difficult to answer when you are not successful at getting "dates"! But going to functions on a regular basis, gets one involved in meeting people more for the company than actually persuing for the annual mating ritual !

This year has been a bit different, planning for retirement has placed the "date to date" or "find a mate" on hold, at least until after the road trip that has been planned. Once that is over, perhaps the thoughts of finding a mate and or date will become a priority once again.

At our age, I think having regular contact with a group of people lessens the urgency that we felt when we first signed up on any singles web site. We get involved in doing other things that are presented, or participating in forums, and it seems to appeaze us for the short run, but eventually, whether male or female, we need that one on one that intimacy provides.

Almost making us sane once more so that we can endure the hot summer with friends, but when the long nights of winter sets in once again, we pine for that soft caressing touch of fingers running over those sensitive spots all over our bodies as we lay snuggled together in bed, then we are horrified when we hear that they finally found the remote and we should go back to sleep!
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 28
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 9:14:27 AM
I have been forceably dragged backwards -- kicking and screaming and clawing and biting -- to the intellectual conclusion that an endearing, enduring relationship will never again happen to me in my life. Emotionally, however, I STILL hold out hope.

How did that intellectual conclusion happen?

Because I could find little evidence of women in the group I wish to draw from for a mate -- women my own age, the women I've known and loved since we were all 13 years old -- share any particular notions about having a "mate". There are some very attractive, very interesting women in that group, but almost none get breathless talking with me. Some, the thin ones in "little black dresses", eagerly suggest perhaps a glass of wine "in a little bistro" where wine goes $45 to $375 a bottle, plus food, or some place where meals go $95 per person, plus $55 per person wine service charge, plus coffee, plus dessert, plus 20% gratuity, plus taxes.

Therefore, looking for a mate is more or less chasing an unattainable goal, if a mate is defined -- as I do -- as a woman at least more or less my age. Never gonna happen GI!

That leaves, for all practical purposes, the options of "dating" or going without company. The woman my age going to be upset with this statement, but younger women are FAR less costly "to date" than women I've now known since we were all 13 years old and very eager. Yesterday, I had a lovely hour and half long conversation in a Barnes and Noble bookstore coffee bar with a quite attractive 29 yo woman, at the end of which she said she hoped to see me again.

Was it a "date"? Not really. But I spent a $1.75 for coffee, and got to look at her red hair, blue eyes and warm smile as we chatted. If I were a counting man, that's less than two pennies a minute, lots and lots and lots less than $375 for a bottle of wine.

"Dating" or "mating"? Sometimes it's a practical matter.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 29
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 9:51:48 AM
Neither, and both, OP.

You pose extremes, and neither extreme applied to me (past tense, as no longer seeking). I dated for the pleasure of dating, but was always on the lookout for someone who would inspire lasting love. I would neither probingly grill and drill, nor be so offhand as to indicate no interest in the person I was dating - I was always very interested in them, regardless of where it might lead. Eventually I did find lasting love, and the quest was thoroughly enjoyable.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 31
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:31:05 AM

Some, the thin ones in "little black dresses", eagerly suggest perhaps a glass of wine "in a little bistro" where wine goes $45 to $375 a bottle, plus food, or some place where meals go $95 per person, plus $55 per person wine service charge, plus coffee, plus dessert, plus 20% gratuity, plus taxes.

Yesterday, I had a lovely hour and half long conversation in a Barnes and Noble bookstore coffee bar with a quite attractive 29 yo woman, at the end of which she said she hoped to see me again.
Was it a "date"? Not really. But I spent a $1.75 for coffee, and got to look at her red hair, blue eyes and warm smile as we chatted. If I were a counting man, that's less than two pennies a minute, lots and lots and lots less than $375 for a bottle of wine.


Gee thanks, WaywardWynde, for reducing dates to monetary transactions. No one held a gun to your head to date women who insist on expensive restaurants anyway. Most women, including those over 45, are perfectly fine with a simple coffee date for a first meeting. If a woman suggests otherwise, you can easily choose not to date her. Problem solved.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 32
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:33:21 AM
Well, I have never felt different - whether my eyes were wide open or wide shut - when contemplating about the opposite sex; it was always about the best friend ~ companion ~ lover. All in one and forever.
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 34
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:59:33 AM

Most women, including those over 45, are perfectly fine with a simple coffee date for a first meeting.


Climbing fifty feet high to the crow's nest, image-stabilized binoculars in the hand, to scan nearly hundred square miles of water, horizon to horizon fore/aft, port/starboard, finds only the occasional wooden rowboat to be found on even the longest of passages.

If one is looking for a rowboat (or "pumpkin pie" as another thread used the term), one is best served by going where the rowboats (or pumpking pies) are.

When I was in the selling business (my corporate career), it was often said, "Anybody can sell ice cream on the 4th of July, but God himself can't sell ice cream on the beach on the 15th of February."

Yes, there some rowboats (pumpkin pies) out there of vintage, but it's more like the beach the last Wednesday of October.

For women who float a vibrant rowboat (or know the aroma of fresh pumpkin pie) this is a GOOD thing, for they have precious little competition. Trust me, a vibrant rowboat is treasured by all those stalwart mariners out there. Old mariners with miles of blue water under the keel far and away prefer an old wooden rowboat to a "clorox-bottle" looking plastic dinghy.

"Houston, there is problem."
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 40
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 7:17:50 PM
I used to date to find a mate.
But now, in the midst of the winter, I'm more practical.
I tend to go out with strong women, who can push me in my car through the snowdrifts on the way to the opera.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 42
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 7:42:28 PM
Am I dating with the expectation of finding a mate? Nope. For me, its about getting out there, getting to know someone, enjoy life's experiences, finally letting the chips fall where they may.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 43
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 8:06:14 PM
waywardwynde: this is coming from a brooklyn jewish girl (lost in CA). get out of the east side and away from the poodles, go downtown (not including wall street) and i would HOPE there are still some real interesting people who would not demand so much per minute. i am not talking about the hookers either!

now, if i've been away too long and my nyc is becoming corrupted, then take the tubes and go across to hoboken or newark or hackensack. do not move to southern CA! from what pof forum friends have told me, there it will cost you big time.

ps also try meetup dot com. usually folks who are interest driven!
 sanddallor
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 44
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 9:58:58 PM
1965 Ford Custom 500...lol

I don't care to date just to be dating. When I go on a date with a girl it's usually because I think there may be relationship material. Otherwise I might take a gal to lunch just to get to know here better, but that's not really a date...
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 45
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 10:37:46 PM

Climbing fifty feet high to the crow's nest, image-stabilized binoculars in the hand, to scan nearly hundred square miles of water, horizon to horizon fore/aft, port/starboard, finds only the occasional wooden rowboat to be found on even the longest of passages.

If one is looking for a rowboat (or "pumpkin pie" as another thread used the term), one is best served by going where the rowboats (or pumpking pies) are.

When I was in the selling business (my corporate career), it was often said, "Anybody can sell ice cream on the 4th of July, but God himself can't sell ice cream on the beach on the 15th of February."

Yes, there some rowboats (pumpkin pies) out there of vintage, but it's more like the beach the last Wednesday of October.

For women who float a vibrant rowboat (or know the aroma of fresh pumpkin pie) this is a GOOD thing, for they have precious little competition. Trust me, a vibrant rowboat is treasured by all those stalwart mariners out there. Old mariners with miles of blue water under the keel far and away prefer an old wooden rowboat to a "clorox-bottle" looking plastic dinghy.


Uh?
 DeliveryRN
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 46
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:23:21 PM
The response to this question has a lot more to do with what our experiences have been over the last 5o years (give or take) than our age. I was married for 29 years so I do not date to mate. I am on a dating site and date, because I like men. When I am out with a man I live it in the moment, enjoying the pleasure of getting to know someone. By the end of the first date we usually come to a decision if there will be a second and then it goes or stops from there.
I feel compelled to say that I do not date for a free meal or expensive wine. I can buy my own. It surprises me when I read about these women who allegedly use men for fine dining. If a man is experiencing this more than once I would suggest the problem is more in his choices, than a reflection of the general female population. I actually find eating on the first few dates to be more of an interference than a pleasure.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 48
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/19/2010 5:50:28 PM
Both and neither. I just like ro have aomeone alive to talk to once in awhile. That part is for fun, if/when it happens. However, it's impossible to consider anyone as a potential mate without actually meeting them first, no matter how many emails or phone conversations one has. While I do have some fine email correspondents that I think might be a good match, they are all too far away to even consider visiting to meet, so I get friends, if nothing else.
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 49
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/19/2010 7:09:22 PM
It's not an 'age' thing, as far as I'm concerned, It's a 'personality' thing.

Some people, even right from the start, date to find a mate...others date to date; Same goes for people of all ages. I'm sure some change their focus as they get older, but some don't...I don't think there's a hard fast rule. I've always dated to find a mate...sometimes I wish that I dated more just to date...but that's not who I've ever been.
 DeliveryRN
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 52
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/19/2010 9:30:15 PM
S V X, why do you think time is running out? Nothing in your profile or pictures would lead me to think you were starting to "go bad" or close to an expiration date.

I would like to restate the wording of my previous post, to one that is more accurate which is , I do not date to mate, but I do date with hopes of it evolving into a meaningful, extended , non-limited relationship.
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