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 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 2
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People Who Can't Be PunctualPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Some people do not see punctuality as a reflection of their level of caring for other people, or something they need to do in order to like stay employed. My mom is a punctuality freak, my dad liked to piss her off by showing up about 5 minutes before they needed to leave to go somewhere. He was always home when he had to be he just liked making her a nervous wreck by playing it down to the wire.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 4
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 9:10:31 AM
I have a friend who was eternally late and she even admitted it was because she didn't want to be kept waiting. Grrr. I finally wised up and would make plans to meet her or pick her up a half an hour before the time I actually planned to arrive.

But as aggravating and rude as that behavior is, there's actually hope. Both that friend and another friend who was constantly nagged by everybody for her tardiness are prompt these days! They're both mothers now and I wonder if that had anything to do with it but whatever the reason, it took a lot of years but the miracle finally happened.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 6
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 9:23:28 AM
Punctuality is a matter of politeness and of respect. It is also a good indicator of someone's organization, communication and integrity as the person made a commitment, an engagement; if upon reception a person can't be certain to be on time, he/she simply have to say so in the first place to the sender or say that he/she made previous engagements if something happen in the mean time. As per organization, if a person is overwhelm with stuff, they might be inclined to re-organize their life, drop a few things...and keep an agenda on them at all time.

I cannot take seriously or even respect someone who has given their word to be present at a specific hour (especially that I make sure that the person have plenty of advance warning time when setting it up) and then show up late. It is so simple to know and organize your own world and time, or even to take steps and measures, if you know yourself, to counteract your own "weakness" (oversleeper etc etc).

Of course, it is also not dramatic if there is no repercussions for the person to be late (for example, been late to a party is nothing) and also there is always emergencies that take priority over it. So again, it's a case to case basis.

Am never, ever late for anything as I plan ahead and thrive to respect the word I've given, but am sure as Hell planning to arrive extremely late to my own funeral, even to not show up at all if I can! ;)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 16
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 10:24:27 AM

<----- Military brat. Punctual is important. Excuses are not... and normally inadmissible.

Same here. For me on time is early, and late is on time. My dad was a Marine, mom was navy.

If I have to be somewhere at 5:30 - I shoot for 5-5:15. If I'm running late I might be two minutes off the original time. Why? I like to get somewhere before everyone, sniff it out and get situated before people arrive.

I was more of a late person when I was younger but then I realized it was a passive aggressive thing I did when I didn't want to be somewhere. I once worked a job with a woman who I dreaded seeing everyday because she was a major drama queen. I couldn't get to work before 5 minutes late to save my life until they fired her - then magically I was able to get there 10 minutes early without effort. *shrug*
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 21
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 11:51:40 AM
I was a sliding in at the nick of time person for quite a while I think in rebellion (this made sense when living on my own ) for the years of getting absolutely everywhere at least fifteen minutes if not a half hour before we were due because of anal retentive lady.

It was so frustrating dealing with the kid gumming up the works with respect to punctuality when they were little, I think I relearned budgeting plenty of extra time and I can also wend my way through traffic in a way that seems to allow me to bend the laws of physics.

I don't like to be kept waiting, I try not to do the same to others.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 26
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 1:55:21 PM
Some. It runs in my family, in a way. My dad has always been absolutely hooked on wringing every last thing out of every minute of his time. Most of the way he does it, is to carry a book with him, or a puzzle catalog, so he can busy himself if he gets stuck in line or such. It ALSO means he tries to fit three hours worth of last-minute stuff into ten minutes.
For YEARS I copied him, until I finally drove MYSELF crazy. I'm still not great at timeliness, I'll fail a bunch (a certain person who sees this might smack me in the back of the head from 3400 miles away, if I'm not truthful), but I HAVE stopped trying to pile up chores to "use up waiting time" like I used to. No way I would be TWO HOURS late to pick someone up, unless I was trapped in a surprise "spontaneous parking lot" on the Beltway.
Part of what still plagues me, is that I have a wonky sense of time. Some people can mark time without a watch, others can't. I can look at my watch, put water on to boil, and come back in what I THINK is a few minutes, only to discover I've burned the bottom out of another tea kettle.
Anyway, I would NOT recommend you go with the nasty assumption that it's passive aggressiveness or laziness. I mean, it certainly COULD be, but if it were, you should see a bunch of other indicators of it as well in other behaviors. Are there people who really can't help themselves? I'm sure from all the OCD stuff I've read of and witnessed, that there certainly must be. I've known of people who had OCD obsessions that included that they ALWAYS had to arrive a certain amount of time late to everything.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 27
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 2:36:36 PM

I would hate to think that people would think of me as disrespecting them...If it is something that is scheduled like hockey game or plane pickup I am there as I am aware of the importance of it...... meeting for coffee welllllllllll that's where it comes in.

Puckbetty, I think I had that attitude but look at what you wrote, a plane that cannot be missed, or a game with tickets that were paid for, but the simple time of your friends isn't important enough to make the effort to get there on time, because you know they will understand. If yours is truly 10 minutes they have obviously learned to play your game but doesn't that give you license to be really 10 minutes late by being 20 minutes late?

I was this way when I was younger I think in part sort of to rebel against my years of enslaved punctuality that was really way overboard at the hands of my mother. I think I finally realized one day and probably while trying to deal with toddlers, how much more difficult I was making my life than it had to be. A couple of years later someone told me my children were always there on time and ready to participate, I was like wtf, when did that happen?

Think maybe if you really don't want to be disrespectful you need to perhaps place the same priority on want to see people as have to be there.
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 4:26:28 PM
thats why I set my watch 10 mins early.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 30
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 4:43:27 PM
My father was always late and my sister and I made different decisions out of it. Hers was "I will NEVER be that inconsiderate" and she is chronically on time. Mine was something like "If dad can do it, I can do it too. F-you" and I was chronically late.

As an adult, I worked very hard at getting on time. I really only began to get a grip on it when 1. I realized there was a subconscious F-you attached to it and 2. I had a kid and it took a ridiculously long amount of time to get out of the house.

I'm much better at it now. (My sweetie is very good at being on time and also good at nudging me along for his own sanity). The issue now seems to be not doing transitions well - Imagine that, you have to stop whatever you're absorbed in before you can move onto the next thing! And *always* thinking I will travel on the "ideal plan" where every street light will be green and traffic will always move.

I build in 15 minute WTF time which seems to mostly handle not being able to find my keys and stuff like that. Now, when I mess up, it is less frequent but usually more spectacular.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 32
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 4:54:56 PM
I'm one of those people who usually arrive early. No, I can't give you any insight.

I had a girlfriend who was always late. It drove me nuts. If we had to be somewhere at a certain time, I wouldn't tell her what time we needed to be there, I'd tell her what time I wanted to leave. Because I couldn't be honest with her, we once missed a plane because I made a mistake. If both of us had had the information about when the flight was, she probably would have caught my mistake.

I do think it shows an incredible lack of consideration for other people's time.

When I was married, my husband and I often went camping with another couple. The woman was routinely an hour late and since we wanted to arrive at our destination before dark, my husband began to tell them to arrive at our place an hour before he actually wanted to leave. After being an hour late at least a half dozen times, this woman finally showed up on time one. I was stunned that she got angry that *we* weren't ready to leave when she arrived! She routinely kept other people waiting for an hour or more but when she was the one who had to wait, she got angry.

Any more, if I find out someone is routinely late, I make my plans so that they won't inconvenience me. I'll meet them at the destination and if, for instance, they aren't there by the time the movie starts, I go ahead without them.

I really don't know what goes on in their minds.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 33
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 5:00:37 PM
I value other people's time as much as I value my own,,,which is high.

And yes,,,,I did laugh at the "pressure" comment because someone arrived "early". You have to be kidding right????? How do you feel "pressured" when someone arrives early which in fact means,,,they are not wasting YOUR time if you have to wait for them to arrive. I actually stress out waiting,,,,and waiting,,,,and waiting,,,,and waiting for something that I set up a week beforehand.

My job revolves around my scheduling,,,and for those that decide to not meet the timeline we BOTH agree to,,,,there is hell to be paid. They are usually not "late" a second time around,,,without at least a heads up of some kind. "Emergencies" do happen,,,,but have you noticed that certain "types" have at least one or two emergencies in a day?????? You find out fairly quickly those ones create their own "emergencies" and "drama events", thus their lateness,,,,at everything.

Unacceptable.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 35
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 5:10:18 PM
Regarding feeling "pressured" by people who arrive early: I don't buy into it.

I work by appointment. If a client shows up late, I give them five minutes and the rest is deducted from their appointment. I'm not going to mess up my schedule because they were late. I make exceptions for extenuating circumstances. If a client arrives early, I accommodate them if I can do that comfortably but I don't rush. I have a comfortable waiting room where they can sit, relax, and read while I prepare the room, make a phone call, or have a snack so I can keep my energy up. When I teach a class, if students arrive early and try to talk to me and distract me while I'm preparing for class, I politely tell them I need to concentrate on preparing for the class. No one has ever taken offense. If I arrive early, I do what I can to make sure I am not creating a bother. I sit in a waiting room or in my car if that's what it takes. No big deal.

I use a time at home and at work for when I am filling in time before I have to leave for somewhere. I've burned teapots and pots, too, because I've gotten distracted so now I have a whistling teapot or I set a timer to go off to remind me of the time.

If you are late for the plane, it takes off without you and you are the one who suffers. If you make your friends wait, then you expect them to suffer and that is not okay.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 37
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 5:23:03 PM
yes, chronic lateness often is a passive-aggressive expression.

no need to buy in. make separate transportation arrangements and such. make sure you're the one holding the tickets. i've had friends and gfs who couldn't be on time. i got tired of getting angry about it and just started leaving for parties, concerts, workshops, etc., without them. yes, there was griping, but eventually they learned, and i no longer allowed the problem to be mine.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 39
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 5:45:02 PM

I'd be in my bathrobe finishing up getting ready and it made me feel like I had to rush. Obviously, that's pressure. Talk about controlling! And more than that, invasive.


Really???? All THAT from being 10-20 minutes early???? I imagine people could pretty well have a heartattack if someone was a half an hour early. And I used to think I was stressed. At least,,,tonight, I'm not anymore.

Do ya think you maybe under "pressure" or you feel "controlled" or "invaded" because you are constantly running a "little" behind,,,,alllllllll the time???? Not being a smartass,,,okay maybe a little bit,,,,but I am asking the question with some seriousness behind it.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 43
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:11:53 PM

I build in 15 minute WTF time which seems to mostly handle not being able to find my keys and stuff like that.

I think these sorts of things are at the root of why most people are tardy: they lack organizational skills. They're not adding in that 15 minute buffer to their prep time and they're not keeping items (like keys) in the same spot so they're always easy to find. It certainly makes me wonder how a couple where both people are disorganized manage to work together.

As for early arrivals, I think it's just as rude to be early as it is to be late when arriving at someone's home and when that happens to me I'll either wait in my car or go get gas or something. It really depends on the situation as to when it's acceptable or possibly even preferred and I would gauge that by whether or not a person might be inconvenienced by my early arrival.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 44
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:25:17 PM

something until the appointed time


Ya mean appointed "minute" do you not???? In this little city I live in,,,,it's a bonus that someone is able to fight thru traffic,etc to be able to get to meet up with someone a little earlier than a lot later. I guess for first date/meet I could see this as a problem,,,but with someone that you are dating,,,,I would think a good talk would solve the situation. If you told me that being early was a problem for ya,,,I would make SURE I would be a good half hour late at the very least(which means it would be a LOT longer),,,to solve your "pressure", "controlling" or "invasive" problem. I'm cerial here.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 47
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:51:25 PM

People who are chronically late are always like this. It's the selfishness in them. After all it's only their time that matters.

Well, that might be your experience, but it doesn't match mine. When I was always late I was very forgiving of those who were also late. 'sides, I could go to that happy dreaming place while I waited for them... no problem, there's always lots to wonder about if one had a spare moment or ten.

Kudos to the person who noticed the chronically on-time people are often as much control freaks as the chronically late people. It really is a mirror image of the same problem.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 50
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:45:33 PM
Punctuality is a matter of politeness and of respect.[/quote ]



I agree wholeheartedly with this statement. I am a busy woman and if I have made a date or an appointment, then you can bank on me being there on time, if not a minute or two early. It is a matter of respecting others and a compatibility issue for me. I could not do my job, have raised my kids alone, and have the time for socializing that I do if I were not a good time manager. Few things irritate me more and I will not ever date anyone again who is perpectually late.

I try to be right on the appointed time when I am going to someone's home. I will not go early because they may need the extra few minutes to finish up. It all boils down to being a respectful person of others' time and showing them that you value them as well as appreciate the opportunity to be together.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 51
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:07:01 PM
I am a teacher and the bell waits for nobody. The good taxpayers of my state expect me to be ready and organized when their darlings walk through my classroom door. The administrators expect it and if a teacher is late, someone else must cover the class and how fair is that?

I was raised by parents who expected us to be punctual. If we have family gatherings and the time to eat is noon, if someone is late, then they are just late. The whole family will not wait on them to arrive, whenever that might be. If it mattered to the person who is perpectually late to eat with us, they would get there on time. It is really that simple, IMO.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 52
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:10:52 PM
Sometimes it's total lack of organization, (a fault I have) and sometimes it's resentment at having to go somewhere at all, (also a bad trait I have but once I'm there I'm usually happy about and I actually hate being late because I do not like being the center of attention, good or bad) and for some people it's a way to seek attention, just like drama lovers, etc., it makes them get negative attention but attention none the less.

I'm so disorganized that I am like a chicken with its head cut off when I am getting ready and it's all I can do, get ready, I can't accomplice other things at the same time, but I am rarely actually late, just rushing and getting no where then sweating that I am late, etc. I drive myself crazy but most people aren't awear that I was almost late.

Someone who can be over 2 hours late after having all day to prepare then call you and say they will be a little bit late, leave you sitting for over 2 hours, etc....rude beyond reason. A person would have to work at being that late and have to have little concern for your feelings at all.
 LG2727
Joined: 1/20/2010
Msg: 55
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:17:22 PM
It is simply a lack of caring about wasting other peoples time. I have found these people will be the first to scream when others waste their precious time. My daughter was one of them, but when she started working for me and going by appointments and someone would be late or cancel at the last minute, you should have heard the complaining! I told her now she knows how it feels when she does it to others and it is very rude to say the least.
 aliveone1
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 56
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:22:04 PM
Confessions of Tardiness:

It's simply bad time management skills. I used to have the same problem. I think it is more common in people who tend to be dreamers or have an artistic temperment. We get lost in thought when we should be getting ready. Time just seems to escape us.

It took a lot of work on my part to get better about it. It was a problem I had had my entire life. I would miss the bus most of the time in elementary school and have to be driven in. In highschool when I was driving myself there, I got 30 detentions in a row one time just for always walking in to class a few minutes after the bell. It wasn't until I began working at a place with a time clock that I started pulling things together. But not before I almost lost my job over it!

It affected my social life too. My friends told me years later that they would tell me to meet them about half an hour before they actually planned to be somewhere so that we would get there around the same time.

It took me years of consciously planning all the moments leading up to my departure before it became easy to get somewhere on time. I would even write down my schedule so I could refer to it. I started laying out my clothes for the next day the previous night. Now I have taken it a step further than that, and I wear basically the same outfit EVERY day! I bought at least 8 of everything (an extra set for laundry day). So, that saves some time. I now wear short hair which is styled the same way every day. All this in an attempt to be able to get out the door faster. I also bought A LOT of clocks so that there is now a clock basically every where you turn in my apartment . It's practically a collection. It is in fact! Some of them are pretty unique!

So, don't think that people who are always late don't realize that it affects the lives of others, and that we don't feel bad about it. It does feel like it certainly can't be helped when it is happening. Perhaps you might be able to suggest some tips to your S/O to help him to improve his time management skills.
 LG2727
Joined: 1/20/2010
Msg: 57
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:25:12 PM
I tried telling my daughter to be an hour earlier then I wanted her, but then she showed up 2 hrs late. I have a friend who comes to my salon, she is always late for her appt and being that she is the last of the evening really ticks me off. I just started cancelling her if she wasnt there on time, do that enough, they will start showing up on time.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 59
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:59:35 PM

When I arrive early to pick someone up, I take a walk or something until the appointed time, unless I've called and they've said it's okay to come early. What's so hard about that? Nothing, that's what.

I agree that picking someone up or coming to their house early is one thing. Meeting at a restaurant or coffee shop or movie theater or something that's a public place I go in sit down and order something while I wait - I even bring a book or use the time to check e-mails. I doubt that bothers anyone.
 krookie
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 63
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/23/2010 6:03:36 AM

I've developed coping skills over the years...


This is what intelligent, respectful people do. Kudos to you Calray. And, it's too bad that you, and others, are made to feel bad.

However, that being said... For those of you that just say, "Meh, it's who I am!". Sorry, doesn't cut it. If you know it's a problem, then fix the problem! If you know it takes you 15 minutes to drive there, plan on 30. If you know you have an hour to be somewhere and it takes 30 minutes to get there, you do NOT have 30 minutes to read a book.

It IS as simple as that kind of planning. And that just doesn't sound like something difficult to do. I have to say that I do think it's about respecting others. If I'm going to an appointment with anyone or for anything, why in the world would I ever think that my time is more important than theirs?

I can't remember if I've EVER heard someone say "You know, I went to the doctor's office yesterday and had to wait 2 hours past my appointment time to get in. But, I didn't mind. It was a FUN experience!"

I think anyone can justify anything they want to in their own mind. However, expecting a different outcome based on the same behaviors... Well, the saying applies here, too.
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