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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it over?      Home login  
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 3
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Is it over?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
OK, you're 30, you have like 50 more years on the planet, relax, sounds like he is comfortable enough with the relationship to not need to spend every single moment with you, not a bad thing.

If he really is pushing you away, you haven't really seen evidence of it. He spent an extra day with his dad who lives in bfe whom he rarely ever sees. You will be gone for like 3 days, you think it is a huge deal to not see him for a couple of days?
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 4
Is it over?
Posted: 2/23/2010 4:52:42 PM
Hey Junkie,

Rather than letting this man control your relationship (and essentially controlling you as well), why don't you take the initiative. Why whould YOU put your heart on the line, when you know he's not sure he wants this relationship.

I would suggest that YOU decide to take a few steps back into a more casual relationship (like perhaps dating non-exlusively). Tell him when he knows he's "ready" and wanting a more serious relationship, that you can discuss it again. Maybe you'll end up in a relationship with Mr. On The Fence, maybe you'll end up finding some wonderful man who IS ready and whom you really enjoy.

Either way YOU are taking control of your own life, heart and decisions rather than being a passive, potential victim. Being in charge of yourself and your own destiny is always a great thing!

Good luck!

Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 5
Is it over?
Posted: 2/23/2010 4:54:23 PM
You're a Leo so only feel comfortable when in charge of the relationship and often need reassurance of your #1 place in your guy's life. (I know this cus I've dated Leos)

Easy enuff.

But if the guy is also a cardinal sign he will do just as your BF is doing.
Create distance and cunningly try to control the relationship his own way.

To make this succeed you are going to have to step outside your Leo throne to give him space and let him control some aspects of the relationship. Lots of communication will help.

Or if that is too frustrating....find a mutable or fixed sign that will let you rule and will worship at your feet. Which is what most Leo women eventually do.

so either:
submit to him.
or rule another.

Tis an age old Leo quandary.
Good Luck with it.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 6
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Is it over?
Posted: 2/23/2010 6:41:22 PM
Move on. Keep dating him if you want but don't consider it an exclusive, committed relationship and act acordingly. As in, use condoms, take birth control like it's your job and don't turn down other dates if you would like to go out with someone else. In other words, you are only casually dating this man, no reason to pretend to be in a relationship that he isn't in with you.
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 8
Is it over?
Posted: 2/23/2010 7:57:43 PM
i'm going to be very honest with you. My bf of five months broke up with me 2 days before valentines...all the signs were there, lack of interest, me always texting/calling first, me seeing him. I ended up getting hurt. So, I want you to ask yourself, "am i happy?" It doesnt sound like you are. It sounds like you are wanting more from him. Please break up with him before he breaks your heart.

Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 9
Is it over?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:00:17 PM

pretend he is innocent until proven guilty

BAD BAD BAD ADVICE!!! if you're pretending about anything, you are NOT in a relationship! Also, trust your intuition, you think somethings up, you can bet for damn sure it usually is.
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 10
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Is it over?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:37:28 PM
"Am I being neurotic or is he pushing me away?"...and/or the better question might be: does this person know what they are doing? the answer to which seems to be "no," which in turn suggests a limited chance of long term success. just to be realistic
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 11
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Is it over?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:48:13 PM
We don't allow people to be busy anymore, do we?

And now I find out that I won't be seeing him until at least next Monday now cause he has 2 "guys nights" this week, watching hockey tonight and playing hockey tomorrow night.

Our house gets scheduled around hockey, so I don't find this alarming at all.

I can't tell you if he is cooling his jets from lack of interest or if it is just poor timing of circumstance. I *can* tell you that people move away from pressure. You'll know more in the next week; be cool and don't drive it in any direction. Let things unfold in the fullness of time.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 14
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Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:03:21 AM
It isn't over from what you've said, HOWEVER:
What you describe him doing sounds like passive resistance (the staying an extra day, scheduling his time to avoid you a bit). In this case, it matches perfectly with what he's said, so it's not that bad a situation, IMO.
In any relationship, especially as we get older, there can be a period just after the initial rush, where our fears of picking wrong pop up and make a mess of things. If one or the other person panics and runs because of this, everything is over. However, since it IS a natural part of a budding relationship, if both are patient and work calmly through this, AND it isn't a protracted period of time, then things can turn out just fine.
That's a long-winded way of saying I think you should give both him AND yourself some more time. It reminds me of a kid who planted his first seed in the ground, but was so anxious about whether or not he did it right, that he kept digging it up over and over, and so tremendously slowed down it's progress to bloom.
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 17
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Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:31:19 AM
Its a brand new relationship...He went to visit his dad this past weekend, telling me he was going to miss me (especially seeing as his dad lives in the boonies where his cell doesn't work). So he stayed at his dad's for an extra day, knowing that I am leaving for a long weekend this Friday.
You're projecting. He didn't stay at his dad's place so that he couldn't talk to you before you left for your holiday. Maybe he stayed there an extra day because he hadn't seen his dad for awhile? You say it's a brand new relationship; do you really want a man to put a life-long relationship with his father on the backburner so that he come home to see you, a woman who he barely knows, for a day before you go off on a holiday without him?

This dude might be pushing the OP away, but it's more likely that the OP is neurotic.
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 19
Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:13:21 PM
This may be hard to do if you really care for this guy. But, I would pull back a little to see his reaction. If he's not making an effort to spend time with you, then he got what he wanted without have to say anything. He may find himself yearning for you a little more.

The "unsure" part that he talks about is just a way of preparing your and cushioning the blow for you if/when it ends. Personally...................I don't think he wants to be in committed relationship with you. I'm really sorry to say that. But I am a man, and I have a pretty good idea how we think. are a very attractive 29 year old! What are you worried about?

Good luck,

Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 21
Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:20:40 PM
Your expectations are unrealistic given the circumstances.

He already told you he's "unsure", so what more do you need?

Stay if you really like him that much or end it and find someone who is ready for a relationship.

Why is this so difficult to understand?

You're a woman........supposedly you should know these things.

I'm OK with going slow and not necessarily talking every single day. But when I try to abide by that he thinks that something is wrong or that I'm being distant...hence my confusion when he backs off too.

If you match his distance by backing off you will lose him permanently to another woman. You can't play "the game" of matching his behaviour with yours because you are two different people with two different perspectives on the relationship. You don't play games with adults, it never works.

I guarantee, if you want him, you will need to be patient. Otherwise, it's time to move on.

Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 28
Is it over?
Posted: 3/2/2010 11:32:21 AM
when a guy would rather be some were eles than with you its over.if you stay you will be no more than a when i want my bootty call.but since your brain hrts my guess is you will continue .good luck with that.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 29
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Is it over?
Posted: 3/6/2010 9:19:29 PM

Let HIM wonder what's happening to you, once he has a dose of his own medicine he won't like it very much...two things can happen after this...A) He leaves you...which means he was never into you to begin with or B) He gets a taste of his own medicine and hopefully will change his behavior

op, i hope you're ignoring this 'advice.' when a partner can justify acting on a revenge motive, they are not fit for a relationship.
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 30
Is it over?
Posted: 3/6/2010 9:26:27 PM

^ The thing with that is that it has never gone that far and he has made it clear that he wants to wait. So no booty calls for me...not that I would be going down that road anyway.

What do you want?

That is the question.

Leos tend to want relationships to run their way, and in this case, you want to be the center of his world.

Depending on what type of guy he is, you may be asking the impossible.

If he's a Beta/Submissive, he may be open to it, but an Alpha would never do that.

Hopefully he's not a Dominant or you'll be waiting forever...

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