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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?      Home login  
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 terry430
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 1
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?Page 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I'm not talking about calling a hundred times a day. Or that we are upset at the other, everything is fine.

I'm talking about seeing it ring, seeing it's you calling and deciding not to answer it for no good reason except they did not feel like talking at that time. To me common courtesy would be if you just do not want to talk at that time to answer the call and say, "can I call you back later I'm doing xyz".

But to see your SO call and then call again an hour later and still not answer the phone. Then when they actually do call back they tell you they just did not feel like talking at that time and do not understand why your upset.

I look at it like this, the phone rings I see it's my SO and say to myself "**** her, I'll call back when I feel like it" and then expect her to be okay with that. I see it as rude behavior.

What is the deal breaker?
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 2
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:04:13 PM
I think you are way to sensitive and are making enormous mountains out of tiny little ant hills. Not everyone enjoys having a phone surgically attached to the side of their head. Sometimes we don't feel like talking.Sometimes we just want to lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling. Sometimes we don't want to answer the phone and explain for an hour and a half to a overly emotional person that we just don't feel like talking right now and that yes we love them but no we just don't feel like talking.
 TallChick61
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 3
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:04:33 PM
Personally, I wouldn't have an SO that I "didn't feel like talking to", on a frequent basis.

If it's just a phone thing, okay, learn to deal with it. But if she demonstrates the same attitude more than occasionally, I might re-evaluate the big picture.
 terry430
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 4
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:10:03 PM
I would okay with an answer of the phone saying, "can I call you back later", I'd say okay no problem.

It like passing a friend co-worker in the hallway and you say Good Morning Bob and they look at you and keep walking without saying anything. That is rude. Same thing by seeing who is calling and you are saying "Hello" and they say nothing. Rude. Is there not some courtesy phone manners?
 Handsomelaughs
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 5
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:12:26 PM
If she doesn't want to talk.............answer the phone and say something to that effect, politely. Not answering is ignorant and a clear sign of disrespect. It also tells you where you stand in her life.
 terry430
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 6
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:13:38 PM
She does this occasionally, sometimes no call back for hours for no reason at all, except did not feel like talking at that time. I understand if someone is working, on the other phone, taking a shower, walking the dog, forgot the phone at home, etc. Those are things that prevent you from answering the phone. Just because you do not feel like talking, just answer it and say so. That's all.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 7
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:14:20 PM
Is there not some courtesy phone manners?



No a phone is in some ones home. Passing someone in the hallway at work is entirely different. You are in a public place and are expected to behave socially. The person at home may be sitting on the toilet, having a bath, cooking dinner, babysitting a neighbors two year old, watching tv, having a discussion with your sister,curled up in a ball in the corner crying.... Who the frig knows and why are you letting such a silly thing bother you. Obviously if someone does not feel like talking then they don't need to pick up the phone to explain it to you otherwise they are then talking which is something they didn't feel like doing to begin with.


Good God prevent me from ever dating someone who flips out about someone who does not answer the phone every single time they call.
 terry430
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 8
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:15:15 PM
" If she doesn't want to talk.............answer the phone and say something to that effect, politely. Not answering is ignorant and a clear sign of disrespect. It also tells you where you stand in her life. "

I thought so too. disrepectful.....
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 9
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:16:32 PM

Not answering is ignorant and a clear sign of disrespect. It also tells you where you stand in her life.

I agree... if your SO doesn't have the time to even answer your phone call or getting in touch with them, what's the point.
Had an ex who was a constantly a gamer, it was hard for me to get hold of him in other times of days. Arghh. I hated calling him when he's pretty occupied with his games. It was really frustrating to deal with. When there are times that I feel I needed to talk to him, I can't even get hold of him. >_<
 msdemeanor70
Joined: 10/11/2009
Msg: 10
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:18:38 PM
I hate talking on the phone. My ex knew this, but insisted on calling me a couple times a day just to chat. I hate talking on the phone when I have a reason to letalone when I have nothing to say.

Sometimes...
I am cooking. I could answer, but I don't.
I am watching good show. I could answer, but I don't.
I am readin a book. I could answer, but I don't.

Whatever the reason, it is a reason. Maybe not one you like, but there is always a reason. Sometimes, I am just in a crappy mood and don't want to take it out on whoever is on the other end of the phone.

I've tried your suggestion of "can I call you back ..." It never works. They say "Oh, it will only take a minute." Or "Guess what happened at work today." Or, my personal favorite ... "What's the matter?" Nothing is the matter, I just have nothing to say and would prefer not to sit here with a phone to my ear listening to dead air.

So, my point OP is don't take it personal. We aren't all phone people. So long as they are calling you back, don't stress over it. When they stop answering and stop calling, that's when you worry.

Hope it helps.
 HuluAddicted
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 11
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:18:38 PM

Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?


No because there are times where I don't feel like answering and talking either.

It is, however, a deal breaker if the person is always calling and never leaves a voice message.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 12
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:26:30 PM
There are times when people in general just don't feel like talking over the phone.

Other reasons could also contribute to a phone call being ignored. Frankly, I wouldn't just keep on ignoring my s/o if he were to call.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 13
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:30:52 PM
If that bothers you....
I'm thinking she doesn't pick up to spare herself drama about other stuff.

Sometimes peeps just don't want to talk.
or explain themselves.

Let it go.
Don't be needy.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 14
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:34:26 PM
"Then when they actually do call back they tell you they just did not feel like talking at that time and do not understand why your upset."


The problem here is that you have a DUMB SO!!
Is that the best she can do? To tell you,she did see you were calling but she just didn't feel like answering ??
What a dumb piece of $hit!

You two obviously have different phone habits.
She'll never change and you'll always feel disrespected.
Find a new SO, at least one that has a better excuse when not picking the phone.


Thanks, stray cat,She not a he, got it, Opps! :-)
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 15
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:43:26 PM
^^^
um...the OP is a dude typing about a girl.
But easy mistake to make.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 16
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History
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 9:18:42 PM
I don't think it needs to be a dealbreaker. I hate phoning, and I don't even have a cell phone. I find the idea of always being available by phone invasive. I think people actually with you should always get priority and in public, I find it a bit rude when people talk loudly on their phone or have their phone ring loudly.

I admit, I like the fact that I can trust my boyfriend to pick up if he can, and it makes me feel very secure that I can usually easily reach him if I need to. On the other hand, I am not the type to call a lot to just randomly chat. And if it takes him a while to return my call, I just assume that he is busy with something and has a reason. It is nice to hear the reason, but if you don't generally give your partner the benefit of the doubt at first, then it will just lead to mistrust and resentment.

I guess I would feel badly if I knew someone I cared about was purposely avoiding my calls because they didn't enjoy hearing from me. But if she is still dating you, and you are in regular contact, you shouldn't have to worry about that. If you are insecure about how she feels about you versus how you feel about her, trust me, freaking out about the phone thing is not going to help. It will drive her away if you deal with this unreasonably. If this is the only thing that you can identify that bugs you in this relationship, and you are seriously considering breaking up over it, you two are probably not a good match anyway (or you are not ready for a serious relationship).

To me, not feeling like talking is an acceptable reason. You always have the option of leaving a voicemail to let them know what you need to talk about.

It just depends on how worthwhile you feel the relationship is, in general. I have broken up with someone that I felt did not give me enough of their time, attention, and priority so that I could find someone who did. It doesn't really come down to an absolute minimum amount of attention that I need. It also has to do with how I feel that person values their romantic relationship in their life. I could get the same small amount of time from my current boyfriend due to unforeseen circumstances, and yet he could probably still make me feel important in his life.

You need to ask yourself whether you think you are being overly needy or not.
 *sass*
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 17
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 9:24:28 PM
Well you have to give her the fact that she is being honest. She could have easily made up a hundred different excuses that wouldn't be quite as brusing to your ego...

If she had said she was in the shower you wouldn't be mad at her, but she gave you the respect of being honest and you are.. ?

If it happened regularily I would wonder what was up with the person, but it wouldn't come close to a deal breaker and it wouldn't make me mad, lol.... but then, my deal breaker is the opposite, someone inundating me with too much contact.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 18
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 10:31:21 PM
You need to find someone with your same phone habits.
When I have a BF, I might call ONCE a day, maybe ONE text.
That's it, my life is not that eventful neither do I feel the need to tell other people play by play what I'm doing.
Twitter is just a hedious invention! Who cares if I am at smart and final buying frozen vegetables?
Other people want to know "how are you doing" 15 times a day!
What am I doing? same thing I was doing 10min ago when you called me and i said I was working!
Find someone like you, otherwise nobody is happy!
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 19
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 11:21:43 PM
Probably just a matter of priorities...one is an option, the other a priority...or one is into it more than the other. Assuming you are talking about on a regular basis. There are times I don't feel like talking to anybody. But it's not a regular thing, and not really all that often.
Having common courtesy is important, and so is respecting boundaries and personal space. If they don't feel like talking once in a while, it's not really a deal breaker to me. All other things being equal..and you have a reciprocal relationship,etc.

I was trying to think back...and I can't remember in 5 years ever seeing my bf's # and not being happy to talk to him. Unless we were fighting, but we didn't do that much and usually handled it in person. A few times I was running late (yeah, I do that)..blew off the call until I could get on the road to wherever I was going ..and called him back. I also won't answer my phone unless it's work & I'm on call when I'm at dinner, shopping,etc as I find this rude.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 20
Is it a deal-breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 11:39:11 PM

Well you have to give her the fact that she is being honest.

*laughin'*

True. Although I'm not so sure it's a good idea to be quite so blunt!

The way I see it, the telephone is there for its owner's convenience, not the caller's. No one's obligated to pick up if it isn't a good time for whatever reason. There's nothing impolite about that (unless it's a specifically pre-arranged, scheduled call, which would usually only apply in business anyway).

But there's also no reason she can't, upon returning the call, just say, "Hi, got your message(s), what's up?" and leave it at that, without saying "I didn't feel like talking at the time."

Unless you're grilling her about why she didn't answer, and telling her how rude you think it was. That kind of thing tends to garner a response that doesn't include tact.
 tjl2280
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 21
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:09:36 AM
answer the call and say, "can I call you back later I'm doing xyz".... See that's the problem she can't call you and tell you she is doing xyz because xyz is some dude named Bob. Yes if someone ignored my calls all the time it would tell me that she doesn't want to hang out, it would make me feel I was bothering her and she gets mad when I call. She is probably the type of girl who always texts you because she doesn't want to bother to talk to you on the phone. Tell her how it makes you feel and if she doesn't give you the attention that you need then kick her to the curb.
 KillingForCupcakes
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 22
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:28:46 AM

I hate talking on the phone. My ex knew this, but insisted on calling me a couple times a day just to chat. I hate talking on the phone when I have a reason to letalone when I have nothing to say.

Sometimes...
I am cooking. I could answer, but I don't.
I am watching good show. I could answer, but I don't.
I am readin a book. I could answer, but I don't.

Whatever the reason, it is a reason. Maybe not one you like, but there is always a reason. Sometimes, I am just in a crappy mood and don't want to take it out on whoever is on the other end of the phone.

I've tried your suggestion of "can I call you back ..." It never works. They say "Oh, it will only take a minute." Or "Guess what happened at work today." Or, my personal favorite ... "What's the matter?" Nothing is the matter, I just have nothing to say and would prefer not to sit here with a phone to my ear listening to dead air.

So, my point OP is don't take it personal. We aren't all phone people. So long as they are calling you back, don't stress over it. When they stop answering and stop calling, that's when you worry.


AMEN! It's nice to know I'm not alone.

I've worked in call centers for way too long to want to spend every available minute on the damn phone with anyone.

Add to that the fact that the person calling also texts me to death AND has nothing to say when I do answer the phone other than...."sooo whatcha up to?" and it's enough to drive me bat sh*t crazy! How can I miss you if you don't go away sometimes? How can I have anything to talk about you when we are together if you are hounding me all day long to see what I'm doing and if anything interesting happened while I was at work etc? I've even had one guy that would text me so much that I would get 2 or three messages in a row while I was still trying to answer the first one! And then I get the petulant response of "Well if you don't want to talk to me just say so" or "I get the hint, you don't want to talk to me" when I don't respond quickly enough. OH EM GEE....GET OFF MY ASS!!!

When I have something relevant to say I pick up the phone and call...when I know that the person calling just wants to shoot the breeze I tend to let it go to voicemail. If you can't be bothered to leave a voicemail it must not have been that important IMO. And yeah, if you leave a vm that says something to the effect of....hey it's just me...I was just calling to see what you were up to....odds are I'm not gonna rush to call ya back. That's just me...I can't handle being with someone that needs constant contact all throughout the day.
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 23
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:56:57 AM
when i have a boyfriend, we are in tuned. until i am involved with somebody, i don't give flying fish when "the phone rings" and sometimes if i feel like it,i won't check my voicemail for days. GEEEEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!! what is wrong with you OP?
she isn't your woman!
lovestruck in the head BOING!!!!!!!!!!
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 24
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 2:19:23 AM

But to see your SO call and then call again an hour later and still not answer the phone.

Why is the SO calling back an hour later?? If anybody makes multiple calls to me in a short period, the caller better have some time-sensitive reason for it. I guess I should also ask if you're leaving a message after the first call? I know some people think that calling and hanging up necessitates a return call. But I'm not one who checks my missed calls since it's my assumption that if someone wants me to call back, they'll leave a message.

Not everybody feels the need to pick up the phone every time it rings. And it's been my experience that the sort of people who do are usually the ones who answer their call waiting while talking to me. Unless the person was expecting an important call, that drives me nuts.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 25
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 3:40:00 AM

I'm talking about seeing it ring, seeing it's you calling and deciding not to answer it for no good reason except they did not feel like talking at that time.


You know she sees it is you how? Does she have the phone in the bathroom or out in the yard or maybe her hands are in the sink.

Do you even know she has caller id? Sounds a bit paranoid to me.


To me common courtesy would be if you just do not want to talk at that time to answer the call and say, "can I call you back later I'm doing xyz".


No, common courtesy would be to stop letting the phone ring 15-20 times as she must be busy or not in the mood to talk. That is just irritating.
I am not obligated to answer my phone ever and it is not rude. My phone my descretion to answer and make calls as I please.

I don't answer junk mail just because I get it there either.


But to see your SO call and then call again an hour later and still not answer the phone. Then when they actually do call back they tell you they just did not feel like talking at that time and do not understand why your upset.


So you do keep calling over and over. That is not cool.
She did not feel like talking, maybe it had nothing to DO with you. I hate chit chat when I am not in the mood. Don't smother her or you will lose her.


I look at it like this, the phone rings I see it's my SO and say to myself "**** her, I'll call back when I feel like it" and then expect her to be okay with that. I see it as rude behavior.


So you have a camera and mike at her house and knows she says "**** him?
Wow you seem to have some issues plus a clairvoyance that could come in handy with lotto numbers.

Grow up op, She has every right to NOT answer her own phone and not be at your beck and call. You are not that entitled are you?

Hope that helps
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