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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Always use HER car,but HE pays 4 everything plus gas?      Home login  
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 4408joseph
Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 1
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Always use HER car,but HE pays 4 everything plus gas?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Just curious on everyones take...

Dated a phish from here 2 summers ago who had a brand new car 50-75 mins from me.

I have my own business and have older beat up work trucks, dump truck, crane,etc.

We dated for about 3 months.. Every weekend went somewhere..Lots of times 2-4 hours drive one way... We always took her car. I actually did 90% of the driving.

Depending which direction we were going whos house we'd meet at..

I'm old school, in which I pay for everything, meals,tickets,gas, whatever.

But I always made sure as we were getting ready to part to make sure her car was freshly filled.

Now she thought that was fine, and sometimes even thought it wasn't right as we'd get in her car on empty.

That was never an issue with her.

However when discussing with some other female IRL friends, about 30-40% thought this wasn't right..

Your thoughts?
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 2
Always use HER car,but HE pays 4 everything plus gas?
Posted: 2/24/2010 6:23:52 AM

However, relationships are supposed to be 50/50 so it would have been gentlemanly if you drove at least half the time, regardless of her having a better car.

But then I suppose she should have coughed up her half for all their dates.

As long as both parties are happy with the arrangement, that's all that matters. I think this is a good example of compromise in which you didn't do everything equally but there was a fair exchange.
 TooShadows
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 3
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Always use HER car,but HE pays 4 everything plus gas?
Posted: 2/24/2010 6:31:54 AM
Well,I don't think you should be paying for everything. It's something you have to talk to her about. One of you can pay for the gas and the other for the date,dinner,etc. I'd say she was certainly using you to keep her tank full,if you were filling it from empty. She should have been topping it up before the date and then letting you fill it after the date,to replace the fuel used. That would have been much more fair.
 *november babee*
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 4
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Always use HER car,but HE pays 4 everything plus gas?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:24:53 AM
personally ive never been comfortable with a guy paying for everything, even when ive dated guys who make alot more money than i do ive still at the very least made an offer to pay for some small part of the date, and i dont mean a half hearted attempt at it, i mean a proper im getting the drinks this time, or the popcorn or whatever..

however..
if you are happy to pay for 100% the dates, have the means to do so, and your date is happy to accept then i dont see how its anyone elses concern what is right or wrong....
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 5
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Always use HER car,but HE pays 4 everything plus gas?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:47:01 AM
If you are comfortable paying for everything including her gas then that is just how YOU do things. Personally I would not have accepted the gas money.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 6
Always use HER car,but HE pays 4 everything plus gas?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:25:05 AM
That was YOUR choice, OP. You both agreed to the arrangement, and apparently that arrangement bothered/bothers you, or else you wouldn't have went to your friends to get their opinion on the situation.
 4408joseph
Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 8
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Always use HER car,but HE pays 4 everything plus gas?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:45:47 AM

Why in the world world you care if some IRL girlfriends of hers (30-40%) thought that wasn't right?


Actually these were MY friends. Mostly not singles.. It started my curiosity when one(single) said he11 no.



If you and the lady were happy with those arrangments, I would not give a toss what anyone else thought. Do what works for you as a couple, and dont worry what anyone else thinks.


Yep,my thoughts to a degree, However, I date in the cyber world, I'd like to know others thoughts. You know everyone is not straight forward and up front at the beginning of the relationship. I was taken a bit back when I started throwing this question around.


personally ive never been comfortable with a guy paying for everything, even when ive dated guys who make alot more money than i do ive still at the very least made an offer to pay for some small part of the date, and i dont mean a half hearted attempt at it, i mean a proper im getting the drinks this time, or the popcorn or whatever..


I understand.. Don't get the wrong idea from me either.. These are dates in MY MEANS.. Which is a 40-50 dollar dinner.. You want to start going up and over my means, then you are more then willing to pitch in. FYI.. She always paid the tip, and might add it was a GOOD one. |

Anyways, I've probably covered the dating 95% of the time in my life..

Sure I've gotten women that insist on paying or chipping in. Some even offer more then once...If I planed the date I already know it was in my means. If the date changes up, or we do something up and above what I planned, then I would(and have) accepted..

This is just a question basically about the car (transportation thing)

Here's a twist... Suppose all the guy owns is a motorcycle? Oh better yet... Lives on campus(young ones) Or he lives in a BIG City????
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 9
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Always use HER car,but HE pays 4 everything plus gas?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:50:50 AM
Therein lies the key to all of this...........that you enjoy treating for a round or two, dinner, etc.......

To many, to often, will either not pay, or make some small attempt to reach for their purse, but the time to do that seems to take much longer than my time to reach for my wallet. I am one that usually says, no problem, I will get this one, and you can get the next one, or the next time we are out and about together.

Unfortunately, far to often, when the next time comes, the same thing happens as the first, or they seem to not remember that we had worked out that it was their turn to pay. I have seen this happen over and over and over again, and that male part of me does not want to make a big deal out of what should be, and not to insult anyone, so, I seem to pay much more often than what our conversations stated long before.

I know the difference between those that really want to pay their fair share, and be equal in the dating process, and those that do not, and can pick up on what their real intent is, within the first few dates or meetings. If one wants to play that game, we will not see each other to often, or there needs to be other ways to offset my paying for most of the times out, like you cooking dinner, renting movies, buying wine when I come over, etc., and not just every so often.

cd..........
 4408joseph
Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 10
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Always use HER car,but HE pays 4 everything plus gas?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:58:22 AM

You both agreed to the arrangement, and apparently that arrangement bothered/bothers you, or else you wouldn't have went to your friends to get their opinion on the situation.


Naw, doesn't bother me in the least.. Actually the conversation came up a year later with a GOOD friend.. As we known each other 25 years I was surprized.

Again not bothered, just trying to keep up with the current dating world(cyber wise)


OP: You allowed this, so why did you discuss with some friends? No one forces us to do anything we don't condone. You claim to be "old school", so this should be a non-issue.

Personally, when I'm dating a man or on a date, I do enjoy treating for a round or two, dinner, lunch or whatever other expense. Does not mean everyone is receptive to this.


I understand .... and "we" were fine when we dated..

Not so much a who pays for the date thread.

I was curious about the car issue. I just put in that I pretty much am covering everything not to think I was using her(them)

Fact is, you rack up several hundred miles on a car for the weekend.. The 40-50 dollars does NOT come near the expense of operating a car...
 4408joseph
Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 12
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Always use HER car,but HE pays 4 everything plus gas?
Posted: 2/24/2010 9:22:39 AM

don't think if you were filling up her car on a regular basis that it was right for her to arrive for a date with an empty tank.


We both live in the middle of no where hour apart. The couple times it was empty was meeting her house and going that direction..

She NEVER showed up at my house empty...

It was all good. She was very nice and appreciate.. We were just headed different ways in our life.

Maybe I put too much information at OP. Maybe should have left it with the header?





 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 13
Always use HER car,but HE pays 4 everything plus gas?
Posted: 2/24/2010 10:05:22 AM
artemis, there is no problem. The OP is asking for opinions, not complaining. Jeez, get a grip on yourselves posters!

I think it's fair if you're taking her car for you to pay for gas. I don't believe you need to pay for everything in your relationship, if you do, I agree with the posters who suggest she should be showing her appreciation in thoughtfulness in some way (special meals, etc). However, if you are happy to pay, and the lady is comfortable as well, I see no reason the two of you shouldn't live whatever way makes BOTH of you happy.

What works for one couple, isn't acceptable for another couple, but there's room in this world for all those types of couples. There's no need for one couple to change a relationship that works for them because another couple who have a different relationship disapprove.

Nutt
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 14
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Always use HER car,but HE pays 4 everything plus gas?
Posted: 2/24/2010 10:16:48 AM
My thoughts?

My thoughts are that I'm wondering why you're even thinking about this after almost 2 years, and are evidently not seeing her anymore.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 16
Always use HER car,but HE pays 4 everything plus gas?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:28:36 AM
I get comments similar to this from women who know about my relationships every once in a while.

I don't think there is anything wrong with it unless you are taken advantage of, however, you really have to not go overboard with paying for everything. Don't want to make her feel like property because sometimes you might get a grip like, "You can't buy me".

When I've dated women who have lived further away I have filled their tanks from time to time but not every time we went out. Most of the women I dated were poor so there really were logistical things that needed to be worked out.

Keep in mind, you need to date someone that can come half way in the relationship. Even though you are old school you can't run the relationship yourself it is not going work.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 17
Always use HER car,but HE pays 4 everything plus gas?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:39:15 PM
I think it was very sweet of you to think of this and do it, and that your friends who object have some kind of personal agenda about it.
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