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 AUTHOR
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 2
R*pe is ruining my sex lifePage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
First off, OP, I want to sincerely apologize about your incidents involving being rape. I have never been in such a horrible situation, but I will do my best to give you some advice.

You state that you don't know who to turn to in order to get help for your current burden, and situation. Have you ever thought about seeing a specialist? A counselor perhaps? Someone who could give the help and treatment you need to overcome your current burden?

I'm not sure how much help people in public forums could be, but we can always try to give the best advice possible.

I wish you the best and I hope you can, or better will overcome what has affected your sex life. Though I have not been in your situation, I do understand in a way where you're coming from.

I see that being raped could cause some severe insecurities, and what not among those who have been raped.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 3
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:37:32 AM
Good counseling!!!

You need help to sort your feelings out, and a chance to open up and talk about what happened. Until you do this, all you end up doing is hiding what is, and rejecting what could be.

Good luck.

cd......
 justpat1974
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 4
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:38:03 AM
Please--- you need to get help from a professional. I am sure what you are experiencing is very normal. But this is a free dating site.
You need to take this to people are qualified to help you.

Try a local sexual assult hotline-- they will have the resources to help you.

Best of luck to you.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 6
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:46:32 AM
Op.

NO ONE HERE CAN HELP YOU.

CLEARLY: you need (and should have done it right after it hapenned) : go see a professional (and specialized) psychologist for that: the more you wait, the deeper you sink your root.

This is what you really NEED.
 MysterRite1
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 7
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:48:26 AM
Sounds like you need a more complete emotional/physical healing before a serious relationship.

Honestly, and this is just a thought, try getting to the point where you are comfortable getting your girly self-pleasure on, jilling off, getting to where you can do so relaxed and enjoying it to the fullest.
Then you may be able to share such an experience with a trustworthy significant other!


Seek Yahuwshua first,
Loran
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 8
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:49:40 AM
I dont live in Scotland but I have to think that there are some sort of sexual violence crisis centres there. I dont think there is a time line of when you have to use their services by in relation to the attack. Do you have access to certified therapists or phychiatists with your health insurance? I dont know how you medical system works. Your family Doctor should have the ability to set you up with a liscensed practitioner.
 De Adra
Joined: 8/29/2009
Msg: 9
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:57:09 AM
There are some really good websites for rape counselling and some include forums for victims trying to heal and move on with their lives. You might be able to glean more constructive advice there. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. You’re probably going to have to go through a full grieving process before you’re able to deal with a healthy sexual relationship. You’ll get there.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 11
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:06:30 AM
OP,
When you come to a public forum for advice, there will always be comments made that might offend you or cause you to get upset.

To be honest, commosens is correct. As I've previously pointed out, we can only offer advice, but we can't "fix" your current burden.

If you have seeked professional help, and it hasn't worked for you, perhaps it wasn't the type of professional help you needed.

You are stunning by the way.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 12
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:07:53 AM
OP, sorry for your situation but Commonsens' comments were spot on. Strangers on a public forum aren't the people to turn to for this. A professional is.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 13
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:09:48 AM
What?!?

You ASKED for ADVICE, YOU received neutral ADVICE for your specific case, nothing more, nothing less.

if someone house is on fire.. i will not say or patronize (placebo) the person " ooohh poor dear, nice kitten here, how are you...".... ill say directly : YOU NEED TO CALL the FIREMAN, because if the person want to get solution, that exactly what they need to do.


so your little reply here, you can stuff it (now THAT attitude).

Thanks Rushluv and alooo, but I think that the OP is smart enough to have realize her mistake here (we will see...EDIT: seams like NOT...and no education also.)


Edencap well: hum Psychologist..not psychiatrist.
To make understand the diff between the two: Water and glass.
Psychology is to water, the content (emotions, perception , traumas etc etc)
Psychiatry is the glass, the container (the brain, chemical imbalance, neuro deffect etc )
 edencapwell
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 14
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:13:00 AM
Op.

NO ONE HERE CAN HELP YOU.

i agree with this 100%!! unless someone here is a doctor/psychologist, then we cannot help you. you definitely need to seek psychiatric help, keep looking for a good doctor that you feel comfortable with. i'm afraid you will never be able to move on unless you talk about what happened to you with a licensed professional. there are many great doctors/therapists out there, you just need to find the right one. maybe look for a woman if you are more comfortable with a woman vs. a man. btw, i like your pics, your very pretty. good luck!!

p.s. why are people voting to delete this thread?? she's NOT looking for pity, she needs help. sheesh give the poor girl a break already!!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 15
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:14:31 AM
Really, what you need is help by a particular type of professional. If anything you need to post not in this type of forum, but a blog that understands your issue. Also you need to address this as soon as possible. Best of luck to you.
 edencapwell
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 17
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:20:17 AM
Edencap well: hum Psychologist..not psychiatrist.
To make understand the diff between the two: Water and glass.


umm...i work in mental health and guess what? we have psychiatrists who are MD's working there who see patients. there might be a few psychologists but the majority are psychiatrists. we also have social workers who are MSWs and LCSWs so i know what i'm saying. we also have some nurses and APNs.
 Lovekraft
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 18
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:24:47 AM
Ah, to unknow the know. That is one of life's greatest challenges - how to sort through troubled pasts in order to emerge stronger.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 19
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:25:32 AM
But of course! The course to Psychiatry IS via psychology with the add on of medicine! (if i can express myself this way)
So yes, a psychiatrist can do the general work of a psychologist (but NOT verce versa), but a psychiatrist do not have the training nor the experience that specialized psychologist have, just the "generals" !!!


in this case, there is nothing wrong with her brain, no neural defect, chemical imbalance etc etc it's is pure content! yes a psychiatrist can deal with her, but to be effective it must be dealt by a specialized psychologist in rape and sexual violence!

Like an electrician is an electrician, right? I will not deal with a residential one for an industrial work....specialization make all the difference.

Commonsens..PhD.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 20
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:27:28 AM
I am sorry that you had those experiences as well.

You don't indicate whether you have ever gotten counseling, gotten into a support group or found an online community of people that can provide you with support about how they got through things.

Have you told a man that this happened when you were young, you are trying to not let it continue to affect you but this could happen. I would think a decent man would help you to get out of the flash back. Maybe that particular encounter is down the tubes but I think that as you realize that a guy can be trusted and isn't going to run even if you inadvertently punch him, you instincts to react to the trigger will lessen.

Again, I would suggest contacting an organization that deals with rape victims so that you can speak with trained professionals and people that have survived and survived well.
 A_Forum_Lurker
Joined: 4/24/2009
Msg: 21
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:31:43 AM
OP wrote


It has been suggested from a friend that i see my doctor but i dont see what help that will do. There is no medication in this world to make this go away. Its completely phsycological but who would help with this kind of thing.



I have been to councelling regarding something else and it was uncomfortable and i felt patronised. It didnt seem to help much.


There are good counselors and there are bad counselors (remember somebody had to graduate at the bottom of the class). Find a counselor that you are comfortable with. There are counselors that specialize in dealing with what you are going through.

You are correct in that your doctor can not directly help, but he/she does have the resource to help you find the appropriate counselor to deal with your issues.

Making referrals to the appropriate specialist is one of the primary responsibilities of your doctor. I would recommend that you start there.

PS – As hard as it is, the fact you acknowledge and are addressing this issue is a good sign. Hang in there and good luck.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 22
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:33:00 AM
OK, OP, first, this happened just a few short years ago so realize that you aren't experiencing anything that is abnormal.

I would imagine that Scotland has the same things generally we do, rape crisis centers and hotlines that will be staffed by qualified rape crisis counselors. It was nearly 30 years ago now but I took a course to be able to work the rape hotline where I grew up. The people that man these lines are often rape survivors and even if they are like me, people that wanted to train and help, my course was like 19 hours of class time and literally about a foot stack of information so that people can as best they are able not having had the experience, understand what someone is going through and help them through it.

With the counseling experience you had previously, unfortunately just like any other profession there are bad or inept therapists. You either experienced one of those or it was a personality clash that the therapist didn't fix. Don't base your judgments on counseling on one experience and recognize that assuming that it is not another patronizing person, you need to let yourself be a bit uncomfortable so you can really sort this out and come out a happier person on the other end. Kind of the exercise adage no pain no gain, you may need to reopen that wound a little bit so that it will heal and won't continue to hurt you indefinitely.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 24
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:37:25 AM
We understand that you are in search for some good advice, but realize that the majority of our advice will fall under the same pattern. Notice how the majority here has told you to seek professional help.

You will end up getting an awful lot of that advice. I can sense from your posts in this thread, that you are a smart girl, so in that case, do what you feel is best for you.
 Diagoro
Joined: 2/11/2010
Msg: 25
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:38:50 AM
Sounds like you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... there is treatment for this: counseling, and light therapy. I just googled "light therapy PTSD" and found some info on it, but there is another newer treatment for PTSD, which is related to light therapy that you might want to search for. Regular light therapy involves being exposed to a special light box daily, but the other therapy involves being exposed to a flashing light box while thinking about the trauma (if I remember it correctly. Either that or you aren't supposed to think about the trauma?? Not sure...). My point is that there are treatments for PTSD :)

You would do well to educate yourself about PTSD, and take it from there...

-D.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 26
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:40:53 AM
getting out there and dating is a big step, so you must have already considered you were ready for that situation that once you started dating someone, that they would want to be sexual with you. If you aint ready for that, you should walk, ney, run to a professional with clinical training and speciality training in this area.

rape and domestic violence are not a reflection on you, but of them. At least here in America, most rape is committed by an acquaintence, family member, trusted known person, it aint (except for rare cases) the shadow lurking perv that jumps you in the park. * even though that is the stereotype iconography with rape.

take a deep breath, claim each day as your own, and welcome to the site.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 27
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:43:01 AM
no problem Seniseviyorum.

I do not specialize in rape and violence psychology , but that's is what you need to go to, to end it once and for all.

It will take time, it will be painful, it will be hard (I never patronize, I always say things "as is" so people know where to stand or base themselves.); but you will get trough it in the end.


good luck.
 dunrich2
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 28
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:44:48 AM
Tramau is funny, and it effects people in different ways.

I knew a girl, very close to her as well, who was violently assaulted and was kept captive for 2 days. This occured about 30 some years ago.

To her, and all of us who knew her, she seemed to handle it quite well. She was able to over come that it seemed, and even had a long term relationship and 3 children.

But, what seemed to be so, wasnt really the truth. Another tramautic event occured 20 years later.

She found all the stuff she thought she had dealt with 20 years prior and over came, had simply been buried and 20 years later came to the surface again.

Jusat pointing out, that even some who think they have dealt with traumatic events like this, are sometimes mistaken.

I am sure, there are kind men out there who would understand and care. But its still a good idea to seek professional help in my opinion.

I know that sometimes, they can come across as patronizing. Thats a common complaint I know from the ones we had in the Forces a few years ago. So maybe try another one till you do feel comfortable?

Best to you OP. As a father of Daughters, it is one of my biggest fears.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 30
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:55:22 AM

For example if I am touched in the wrong place or way then i completely freak out and burst into tears. I sometimes will push away, kick and punch until the lad is as far away from me as possible.


Please stay away from dating until you've had some help working things out.
Just as you didn't deserve to be raped...no man deserves to be treated that way either.


Thanks for that. No need to apologise, i was just unlucky (twice lol!)


"lol!"?
Unlucky is not winning the lottery.
Being raped twice by people you knew and trusted is more than unlucky.
I'm sorry this happened but if things keep 'happening' to you then you have to question why.

Read The Gift of Fear and visit http://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/

The rapes may have happened years ago but clearly you are still in crisis.


Anywhere else would be full of young, immature teenagers who tend to not take important issues seriously, which is not what i am aiming for.


SeniSeviyorum, you sound like the one who is not taking important issues seriously enough here.

You need professional help from people who understand exactly what you have been through. I wish you well.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 32
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 11:19:09 AM
So sorry this happened, and it's quite understandable how you feel!

The only way you can counter the idea of sex being "dirty" is to counter it with another idea = of how you WANT it to feel. For me, I want it to feel soft and silky-!
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