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 AUTHOR
 Dropz of Jupiter
Joined: 9/27/2008
Msg: 1
HelpPage 1 of 1    
Mental Health

I am looking for some constructive advise on how to get some enthusiasm for life

I am not depressed, been there and done that. I just seemed to have lost all vest for life and the best description of me – existing but not living.

I suppose a bit of history would help –

Age 43
Married at 18
Three children
Separated after 19 years – people change, what can you do? Was abusive relationship for the last couple of years and was relieved when he left. Very sad for the children though and he also left them too with hardly any contact since. Was depressed for a while which started a couple of years before he left, and very lonely as 6 years before we had moved to another country and have no “friends” only acquaintances and no family at all. But I had my children, pets and horse to care for, work but no social life. Horse had to go, L, lack of time and money, pets all eventually died, L, can’t bear to have another and lose again, and job didn’t pay well so I retrained and gained a more suitable better paid job.
A couple of years ago met a lovely guy, fell madly in love and he seemed to adore me. Unfortunately this guy hid a very dark secret and the control and possessiveness lead to dramatic events and I was lucky to escape alive. Nevertheless, I was determined that this would not break me and threw myself into my job gained a good promotion; I did not go down the road of depression and beating myself up and have just got on with life – well more like just existing.

I go to work, look after my kids, clean the house, garden etc. And that is just about it. I don’t want for anything, not that I am wealthy just happy with what I have. My children are in school/college and lead a full social life. I am often home alone and don’t really leave the house unless I really have to. There is nowhere I want to go or anything I want to do. I only “do” and “go” when I have no choice really. I have no interest in anything except the TV or Internet, the news mainly. I have even lost interest in reading books. Everything is such an effort. There is nothing that defines who I am, I just am.

I feel that my life is just wasting away and I don’t know how to stop it or where I am going. My answers to many questions; what would you like to do, where would you like to go, what will you do when your children are independent, what are you interested in, would you like to move back to your home place etc etc ????????? Answer – I do not know.

I was always a very decisive person, no grey areas for me; very energetic, adventurous, and knew who I was and where I was going.

Please, please do not state that I am depressed.
I am not depressed.
I am grateful in everything in my life, my gift of children, our health, the roof over our heads, my job and my warm bed to rest in every night. I don’t hate or worry much at all anymore, I live simply, give a much as I can and do not have expectations of others. I just feel numb and lifeless but still have a sense of humour which seems the only thing that gets me through the days.

Any advise to help me start living would be very appreciated.
 Dropz of Jupiter
Joined: 9/27/2008
Msg: 2
Help
Posted: 3/1/2010 6:03:39 AM
Twlightslove

Thanks for your advise. I have tried making changes; I had my hair cut last Friday and it is really nice and I felt like I'd made an effort but at the end of the day it honestly didn't change anything for me. But I will keep trying. I live in the middle of no where and there is very little to do but I like the sound of learning a new hobby but start to feel all panic about what and having to make choices. I have tried to join groups but always feel an outsider and don't belong.
I have been this way for almost three years now and only because my children are worried about me that I must make changes.
It's a beautiful day here today, real spring time and I am going to get out and force myself to go for a walk. It could take a while.........
Thanks again.
Help
Posted: 3/1/2010 11:26:02 AM
I 'faked it til I made it'.

After years of doing this consistently I got to a point where I was actually high on life. Now, that high comes and goes but I went, in stages, from massive depression and near suicidal to being the most content person I know.

If we smile enough, eventually that smile becomes genuine and natural.

I found a gratitude journal and board help as well.

Good luck!
 Dropz of Jupiter
Joined: 9/27/2008
Msg: 4
Help
Posted: 3/2/2010 12:43:30 PM
Thanks everyone for all your helpful advise.

"faked it til I made it" - Well I certainly am faking it! Hopeful my smile will be real in the future.

I am going to take the fish oil and vitamin D, I already take St Johns Wort since my depressive days which were very different to how I am now. It used to take all my strength to heave myself out of bed everyday and I relied heavily on prescription meds. Have been so low that suicide was the only thing constantly on my mind and it has been a real battle with it. I never want to go back there, ever.

"Can't be bothered" and "I don't know" are all too familiar and I do feel a failure in life on many levels and I think deep down I don't want to fail and suffer more knock backs incase I break altogether. I am also aware that I cannot continue as I am - numb.

I used to be a social person and got on with nearly everyone I met so yes, it is unusual behaviour for me to keep so isolated.

I love the idea of volunteer work, does anyone know where to start??

Managed to get myself out for a walk yesterday and its a start, was back at work today and it was great to be busy and getting on with things.

Thanks again, all really helpful.
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