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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)      Home login  
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 dreamin247
Joined: 12/23/2009
Msg: 2
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
no way. kids always come first and will always be in your life. AND for the record, people do not change.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 4
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/1/2010 4:43:17 PM

Remember, I am saying that you have already fallen in LOVE with your new partner.


Couldn't...wouldn't happen in a million years. I couldn't even like anyone that doesn't like my kids. Infants, toddlers, grade school, teenagers...young adults or adult outside my home...wouldn't matter.

In fact...I give them less than a 50% chance if they don't like my dog.

I would live alone...and die that way before letting someone come between me and my kids in any way.

That is sure to happen if they don't like them.


will the relationship last


With the guy/gal...or with your kids.

Both...not likely.

The kids would most likely grow to resent you both. Find the fasted way out of your home and life.

It's not unusual for kids to have issues with the new person in the house. Sometimes they have reason...sometimes it doesn't matter who the new person is. But not so much the other way around.

This is a setup for a tragedy.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 5
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/1/2010 4:55:06 PM
This is why you should be finding out how the other person feels about children BEFORE you make him/her an important part of your life. If the person has a problem with seeing your children as a reminder that you have a past, they probably shouldn't be dating anyone, ever. Everyone has a past. Accept it and get over it. Then again, I'm assuming this person wasn't a virgin when you got together. If the person doesn't like kids, why would you even start to date them in the first place? And if they have a problem with YOU having kids, why would they even start to date you?

I let men know upfront that I have a child. If a man has a problem with the fact that I've got a child, then he shouldn't go out with me in the first place. I then take time to get to know the person before I introduce them into my child's life (at 9, she's only met one person I've dated). When you have a child, it's SO important that you find out the other person's views on children from the get-go.

That said, in your situation: your child comes first. If the other person can't accept your child, WHO IS A PART OF YOU, then they truly don't love you in return.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 6
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/1/2010 5:03:17 PM
no way. kids always come first and will always be in your life.

This is true. Just look at how many couple turn away from each other during their marriage and focus a ton of their effort on the children. They only give their jobs more attention than anything else. It's difficult to put much effort into a relationship when other things always take precedence. People typically don't change.

And when you think about it, why should single parents look to get into another relationship if their children should come first? Shouldn't they wait until the kids grow up and leave home? Taking things even further, should parents be allowed to divorce before their children are grown. Shouldn't the parents stay together for the sake of the children since they should always come first? THESE WERE RHETORICAL QUESTIONS TO CHALLENGE COMMON BELIEFS!
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 8
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/1/2010 6:00:40 PM

Would you think of spending your life with such a partner thinking he/she might change with time

Women are known for thinking they can change a man and/or they can change a man by way of good sex and apple pie. Why they do this is beyond me. Your children are an extension of you..... god forbid you have grandchildren.

One reason being the kid(s) remind him of you sleeping with kid(s)'s other parent. Second reason being not getting full attention from the partner.

^^^ Maybe you (or whoever) should stop dating those with child-like mentalities.
 KarmicEvolution
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 9
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/1/2010 7:15:26 PM
Not a chance... simple as that
 jenn8131
Joined: 11/7/2009
Msg: 10
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/1/2010 7:26:06 PM
I would avoid dating this person like the plague. My ex said he never wanted to date a single mother because they had too much baggage and that he couldn't love another man's child. In the end he couldn't even love his own child. What does it say about a person who is incapable of loving a small child?

I would never date a man that didn't want to be around child. I never would have dated a man that didn't want children before I became a single mother.

If the guy doesn't have room in his heart for my child there is no room for me because I am a lot harder to love then my child who is just my little angel... and I know all moms say that about their children but in this case its true...
 SaraCuteMama
Joined: 1/28/2010
Msg: 11
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/1/2010 7:28:20 PM
no the love of a family comes from all the people in it be a blood family or a blended family please do not make a broken family, as others posted this is a very good way that your children will resent you...you will lose more than how much you believe you love this person!!!

its a complete package if they cant accept it they are not worth your time!!!!!!
 ValkyrieHJR
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 13
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/1/2010 7:43:22 PM

I would live alone...and die that way before letting someone come between me and my kids in any way.



I have to agree....and one of my biggest fears is being alone for the rest of my life. I would rather live out my biggest fear and be alone forever than let someone into my life that does not like my kids. The next thing you have to ask is why they are suddenly telling you, after a year of dating, that they don't like your kid. Why did they wait so long to say that? Or was the person asking about hiding your kid hitting the nail on the head. You have to be very careful about who you choose to fall in love with. You cannot change anyone. People don't change unless they want to. And even then, they just bury what they really are under the surface. You may think they can or will change, but it doesn't happen. And the few people that are the exceptions to that, it takes a lot of personal effort, and time to make those kinds of changes.
 seperate1
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 14
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/1/2010 8:05:59 PM
you can love them, you just can't be w/them; its the equivalent of being w/someone who is your perfect match except for one thing, which is a deal breaker.

love them yes, be w/them; no.
 bliss.stars
Joined: 6/12/2009
Msg: 16
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/1/2010 9:41:38 PM
i've come back to this thread over a dozen times now trying to figure out how to keep my post short and simple....

i quickly fell in love with my ex - he was awesome with my son, how could i not adore him?
i quickly fell out of love when he admitted he was jealous of the time i spent with my son.

i turned into a momma bear when he called my son a selfish brat and a wuss, saying it was because he had no male authority - i literally blacked out and kicked the shit out of him.


NEVER WORKS. you're an IDIOT if you would even THIIINK it could.
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 17
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/1/2010 10:23:08 PM
OP i do not understand.

you do not have kids.


so are you saying you do not love your ex gf's kids and she dumped you?


when you have kids yourself then you will understand.


not a chance in hell.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 20
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/2/2010 3:17:12 AM
No, and I wouldn't if my kids were grown. I love my kids, I like them, I will continue to spend time around them and eventually their grandkids as well. I could not possibly remain with someone long term that I knew was "suffering" through time spent with the people I love most in the world.

Having already fallen in love would make it more important to leave. It would be painful to watch entities I cared about interacting/not like oil and vinegar. When I met my ex-husband, my best friend hated him and he pretty much hated her. Yeah, where do I sign up to be in the middle of that?

I do believe that you need to care for your partner for the reason that this is what you have when you are done raising the kids but the fact still remains that the children are always going to be in your life and generally a big part of it. It's not like they grow up and you never see them again. My stepson would still be a part of my life even without the half siblings, kids do not have a shelf life.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 21
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/2/2010 4:58:09 AM
"This is why you should be finding out how the other person feels about children BEFORE you make him/her an important part of your life. "

A person can have kids, love kids and be a grate parent, but still hate your kids. I have dated a few women that I liked but their kids were just no fun at all to be around for me or my kids. Spoiled, lack of discipline,rude, needy, mental well sometimes kids are bad kids or no fun to be around. One more reason not to put off meeting the other persons kids for to long. I see some dumb posters here in the forums going on how no one will meet their kids until they are sure it is going to be a long term relationship or even not until wedding bells are in the air lol. Until there is family interaction that is a big jump to make; to big for any one with a brain. Telling someone that you don't like their kids, parenting skills or anything like that kills the dating too. Hard to go back to hooking up from time to time once you let the women know her kid is a pain in the a$$; they all ways take it personally and may be they should, because it is all most always tied right into to them as a parent. The women I was honest with and let know I did not like being around their kids because they were not well behaved, never wanted to go out again.
Instead of owning up to the fact that the kid(s) are not well behaved they lash out at anyone that does not think the kids are perfect even when they are throwing trash on the ground and running around like a wild animal. I am amazed at what I see parents letting their kids do. I saw a mother at the grocery store just look at her son as he smashed a loaf of bread and did not say a thing or tell him to stop. When I said something she looked at me like I was the bad guy. I followed up with your little brat just smashed that loaf of bread, how about you put it in you cart and pay for it. I could tell she to was think of some momma bear sh1t, but thought better of it and put the bread in her basket and walked away. If someone does not like your kids, it just might be because your kids are not vary likeable, not because they are bad people.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 22
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/2/2010 5:44:02 AM
Nope. A mothers and childs bond is precious and scared and nothing would ever come between it. If they didnt like my kids,i would be out of love with them quick. There are so many men in the world, why on earth would i settle for one that wasnt right for me and my family? I would just move on and find a man that did like my kids. Or just be single and have a FWB on the side for some late night funtime.

Also, though my kids are my life and their well being is my number one priority in my world, my men have NEVER felt neglected or unloved. My husband got royal treatment from me, as does my current bf. Massages, blowjobs, hot awesome sex, stripteases, hugs, kisses, home cooked meals, dates, taking to them about their job and how their day went, fluffing their pillows before bed, etc, I have room in my heart to love both my children and the man in my life, and will make sure that all parties recieve love and attention and affection, but if the man and kids dont like each other, nope, time to move on.


NEXT.
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 23
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/2/2010 8:23:13 AM
When my SO and I got together, I never expected him to adore my children. Hey, there are times they worked my last nerve! (and yes, I love and adore my kids, but come on - have you ever met a prebubecent/premenstral/adolescent teenage girl?) Anyway - in the beginning, during the getting to know you stage, he laid low, she hung back - but with time, they've developed a real relationship. He encourages (bribes) her to get good grades, they horse around, he's even developed a protective streak when it comes to 'his girls'. HOWEVER - and that's a big HOWEVER - if at any point in time he had said anything to the effect of 'I don't like your kid.' or 'Your kid's a brat, I can't stand her.' He'd have been history. End of story.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 24
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/2/2010 5:54:22 PM

Since most single parents say that the potential mate will know their kids only when things get serious (meaning, when there is already love), yes, there is the possibility that you are in love with somebody and when he/she meets your children, they won't like him/her.

This is one of the reasons why I do want my kids to at least meet and spend some minimal time around someone early on. If there is going to be some huge personality conflict with the kids that obviously isn't going away, I would rather find out and have the choice to move on to someone more suitable before I have uber deep feelings for someone.
 misanj
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 25
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/2/2010 9:24:18 PM
I don't think I could be that much of an idiot not to pick up on fact that my kid was of no interest to the person I allowed myself to fall in love with... nevertheless, no, I could not be in love or anything else with such person.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 26
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/2/2010 10:36:02 PM

A person can have kids, love kids and be a grate parent, but still hate your kids.


The OP, however, posted that the man saw her children as a reminder that she had sex with another man when they are intimate together. We aren't talking about the complexities of blending families here. Of course there may be problems once the man has met the child(ren), HOWEVER, if someone has a problem with the very FACT that their partner has a child FROM THE GET-GO, then why would anyone with kids date them to begin with, and vice-versa.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 27
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/2/2010 10:45:20 PM
Then this is not a problem of falling in love with someone that doesn't like your kids, it is a possessive whackjob that expects that a grown woman of a certain age would still actually ba a virgin, because um kids or not, that's the only woman that wouldn't have had sex with another man, hellooo. In the absence of children, what does he imagine, a sort of collage?
 ThatsNOTmybaby
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 28
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/4/2010 7:54:45 PM
WOAH...hold on.... he's dating YOU, not your kids aka some other man's kids!!! Did u ask him if he like kids?? He may like kids but want his own and NOT just be a "step up" dad to someone else kids!

If u know he don't like ur kids, leave him alone!! Simple!! Some women kids are spoiled brats and bad azzez!! That's why I WISH women would THINK with HEADS and not their HORMONES before they have children with deadbeats and then expected the new guy to be cool with the products of her bad choices!!
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 29
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/4/2010 8:05:22 PM
I don't know any single mother who just "expects" a man to be cool with her children. (I find it despicable that you would even refer to them as "products of bad choices".) I don't expect ANY MAN to accept my child, HOWEVER, if one doesn't want to, then I won't date him. If a man WANTS to accept my child, I would date him, but it's certainly not something I EXPECT every man to do.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 30
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/5/2010 4:20:25 AM
"I don't know any single mother who just "expects" a man to be cool with her children. " I do and they are the only single mothers worth dating. The ones looking for more are big red flags. The ones that are not looking for you to take care of their kids and just want enjoyable together time for all (cool with their kids) can be fun to date. When I date I expect the women I go out with to be nice to my children, but they have no responsibilities for them. When at the beach it is my job to feed them, give them sun screen, keep them safe when in the water and do fun activities. A date that think this same way about her kids is one I will date. If she is looking for more, well it's like she thinks she has more to offer then she does because I am not buying. When they are self confident and are not looking for a man to help and can do it on their own, then they are an equal to me. Some of us like dating equals.
 himynameisSarah
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 31
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/5/2010 6:58:55 AM
How bratty are your kids? Do other people not like them as well?

J/K No, you should never date people that don't like your kids. My child is me made over, so if the guy doesn't like him, he isn't going to like me. I mean, there are women in the world who choose men over their children... 15 years down the road they are in prison or abusing their own kids.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 33
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/5/2010 7:01:58 AM
At the beginning it is hard to adjust to other people's children. Your parenting methods, disciplining methods and general behaviors are vastly different. You cannot help comparing. But as time has gone on I have to say they have grown on me and I simply adore the two of them. Are they different from my two? Of course, but I appreciate the differences.
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