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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How to bounce back from an abusive relationship?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 2
How to bounce back from an abusive relationship?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
This is a perfect opportunity to take it to the specialists. Find yourself a good counsellor that you can trust.
To put this forth on an online forum is really not the place to find your answers.
 ~Sexiest User~
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 9
How to bounce back from an abusive relationship?
Posted: 3/10/2010 6:20:32 PM
Hey OP,

Here's a pat on the back...Congratulations for getting out of your abusived relationship to save your sanity and life.
I truly understand how important it is for you to end from an abusive and controlling relationship.
The abuser is seldom likely to change.

Time and find Support:

Adjusting to new reality takes time. Change is difficult even if it's beneficial...It's even more stressful when it's traumatic. Refrain from believing unrealistic expectations such as, "I need to be strong, I need to move on and heal."
Respect your own personal healing time. As you're healing ask for help (counseling) friends and family are eager to help.

There are great sympathetic people around you who would love to help you through this...You have taken the first step, so now open yourself to advice and realize this is not an ending to your life.

Confiding our hurts and feeling to a trusted friends help the healing process. Our excessive emotional burdens lighten when we have compassionate ears to listen to our hurts and pains, help you get unstuck and support your healing process.

Forgiveness is the key to healing:

One of the most difficult to do is forgiving and sometimes even to ourselves. There is nothing you can do now to change the past, but you can affect your future. But vital to the quality of our life.

To forgive doesn't mean to overlook inapropriate behavior. Abuse and hurtful behavior patterns can be forgiven, but not tolerated...Instead learn the lesson inherent in this situation.
Learn and gain and attitude to avoid the tragic event in the future...Forgive yourself, but be an experience astute (avoid)

I know what I say is easy and a bit hard to do...But you can do it...give yourself plenty of time to heal.

Your best revenge is living well.
And taken care of yourself.
Do not let anyone steal your joy.


best of luck
lea in west tn
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 13
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History
How to bounce back from an abusive relationship?
Posted: 4/19/2010 8:01:56 PM
Hitting a women? Glad I didn't see it, I am known for cold****ng any guy I see hitting a women. I had 4 sisters. When my wife tried to choke me in a bipolar rage, I laughed at her, unfortunetly my dog who was sitting between my legs did not like it, he bit her face and put a 8" gash along her chin line, we started divorce 4 yrs later.

Get out dear, get out, no man has any right to hit a women.
 Ms_6Cs_QT
Joined: 3/4/2010
Msg: 16
How to bounce back from an abusive relationship?
Posted: 5/11/2010 9:06:22 AM
When someone is in an abused relationship they do feel as if their heart is being ripped out of their chest continuously over and over because that's just how much abuse hurts.
It's hard for other people that have not been in those experience to easily say, well you deserved it because you took it and did not stand up or fight against it. Or stop whining because you're just making it up for attention. For those that say that, sorry but who are you to say this is bullcrap, and whatever? You were not there, you did not see, you did not experience, you did not witness what happened between those two, nor what happens behind closed doors, so why or how dare you say it's all crap?!

First off, you Poetic Ashley did not nothing at all. No man has a right to beat a woman or hurt her emotionally, verbally, sexually, or whatever. He has a choice as a man to make a choice whether to abuse or not to abuse. And he made that choice on his own to try to get you to be like him, control you and put fear in you into his ways. And you did everything you could to change, to make him better but realizing in the end..it wasn't going to happen.

Congradulations! You've taken the first step in admitting there was a problem and actually asking for help and getting out. I agree with the others in getting help, and talking to your supportive family and friends to help you heal through this.

It will take time, it won't happen overnight and even after months you'll still have those flashbacks in your mind. Sometimes it's easy to forget the abuse, and sometimes it's hard to forget it especially if it's still there.

I was in a very bad abusive marriage for 11 years! I tried to leave numerous of times only to be "FORCED" to "work out my shit" with him because of the family, and the children that we had. It went to a point in where he was basically draining me out, I got severely sick and he had no care and the abuse continued, of verbal, emotional, mental, physical and sexual. When I realized it was not only me that was going through it, but the kids, and even witnessing him kicking our 1 year old daughter I was fed up at that time and vowed to get out when I could.
And did....

It's been 2 years now and still the memories are fresh in my mind because he constantly tries to intimidate me, and since he's not in the country and hiding somewhere, the law says he can do whatever he wants since he's out there. Yet, once he comes back on soiled ground here, than they can nab him for it.

But, it helped me in talking about it, and having a lot of support from my family and friends, and I mean the support in friends you can trust, and that will help you through it.
Not the ones that will continue to blame you or shame you into feeling like you're worthless kind of support. You don't need that negativity, you need more positive.
Yet, a lot of people told me I should forgive him for putting me through hell. I said, why should I forgive him? By him knowing I forgive him, he'll just keep doing it, and he was to me, and to the kids cuz he knew we wouldn't do anything.
Now, he'll just do that to his new illegal wife...but hey that's not my problem, but hers.

Anyways.....only way to really bounce back is to get yourself involved in some distractions...... taking up a new hobby, working, going to the gym, feeling good about yourself, treating yourself to a spa treatment, or shopping, getting your hair done. Something, anything..just to pass on to heal.
If I can get through it, I know others can too. I see how awful I got 2 years ago, to how I am now and what I've accomplished and I'm a lot stronger now than I was before, and my ex knows it, which is why he's terrified and hiding out....

Good luck and best of wishes to you.
 sinlov
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 17
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History
How to bounce back from an abusive relationship?
Posted: 5/13/2010 2:02:16 PM
Therapy is good . Hot grits are better.. (Haven't you seen Big Moma's House) LOL
Just joking. Therapy, and friends. Some friends might even say I told you so. We never listen. But leaving was number One. Educating self on how to spot signs, what to say, and self protection. Bullies hate silence. Just leave and don't look back, there will be another eventually. Good Luck.
 Ms_6Cs_QT
Joined: 3/4/2010
Msg: 19
How to bounce back from an abusive relationship?
Posted: 5/13/2010 4:44:36 PM
it's been two years for me...
and still the memory of flashbacks are there...

even though i want it behind me and move into a relationship..im also afraid that they might be like that... and no one really knows if that will happen now or in the future.
does that mean I should just wait or just take that chance and hope the person is better than the last one?
 ~breathlesshush~
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 20
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History
How to bounce back from an abusive relationship?
Posted: 5/14/2010 8:37:20 AM

it's been two years for me...
and still the memory of flashbacks are there...

even though i want it behind me and move into a relationship..im also afraid that they might be like that... and no one really knows if that will happen now or in the future.
does that mean I should just wait or just take that chance and hope the person is better than the last one?


You're not ready. Your post says that in black and white. If you still think that way: "What if the next guy abuses me too?", you definitely aren't ready to start a relationship.

I know that isn't what you want to hear, but it's the truth. I too was in an abusive relationship for 8 years. He is the father of my two children, and as such will always be a part of my life. After we left, I decided to take the time to heal and figure out why I allowed someone to treat me so poorly.

It's been almost 4 years since I left. In that time I have dated only one man, and that lasted about 8 months. I chose someone who I thought was the complete opposite of my ex. And in most ways he was, and he never hit me, and for the most part, he was good to me. But, over time he tried to change me, and he made me feel "less than" about a lot of things.

As soon as realized that I was buying into his assessment of me..I knew it was time to walk away. It took me awhile to see it as he always called it "constructive criticism" and would say it wasn't "personal". HA!

So, it's been almost a year since that one ended. Haven't dated anyone. But I'm not worried about it. I have learned from my mistakes and will NEVER let a man treat me that way again. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than be in a relationship with someone who blatantly disrespects me, in any form.

Give it time, and focus on other things in your life. The old adage is true, time does heal all wounds.

Good luck!!

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