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Joined: 11/6/2008
Msg: 1
Mail Order or Monastary?Page 1 of 1    
A slightly warped, yet delightfully twisted diatribe on the Single Life.....

For those on my friends list that actually talk to me this little journey into my perception of the single life will come as no surprise. The rest of you might be taken a little off guard.

At 43 yrs old I never really expected to find myself single without even a single volunteer to change that status so as many of us single people do, I spend some time thinking about why that is and what I could possibly do to change it.

Grocery Stores? Ummm....never worked for me. The most I get is the little old lady who wants me to pull down the Wheatena for her off the top shelf!

Church? do you broach the topic of intimacy with a Bible Thumper? Babble in Tongues and tell them it was the Holy Spirit telling them they should have sex with us? Somehow I dont think that would turn out well!

Bars? Possibility but convo gets REALLY difficult around the time that they either barf on you or they pass out and it leaves you wondering if it was the alchohol...or if you just bored them to sleep!

Internet? I dunno...but personally I find many pretend to be what they are not hiding behind their computer screens and keyboards.


What does that leave?

Seems to me I find myself with a bit of a dilemma. Essentially...two choices...

Monastary or Mail Order...

Lets take a moment to pontificate on the Pro's and Con's of each....


I just dont see the upside...I dont like the Hair Cuts...and I like Sex Waaaaay too much for a life of Celibacy

Of course it's free room & board....but still not a good option for me...

I'm trying to keep this Gender Inspecific so for you ladies... A Convent. But lets face it....Ever wonder why they call them Nuns? It's cuz they aint gettin NUN!

Mail Order?

Well, at least you get what you pay for!

Let's face it....we have all been paying for it one way or another! Whether its, Emotionally, Financially...or Mentally. God knows...I almost paid for it with my Sanity a number of times!

I heard a joke a while back...

Whats the difference between a Wife and a Hooker?

Answer? The Hooker gets $20....the Wife gets Half!

Hope that didnt offend anyone....but ya got to admit...not only is it funny....but there is a grain of truth there as well!

The down side? Chances are the Mail Order thing wouldnt work out since they usually are just after the Green Card Anyway....

Besides....with my luck they would either get lost in the mail, they would send me the Big & Large Model, or the Post Office would completely ignore the Handle with Care Sticker on the packaging...

Besides...I don't speak Russian...


Now that I managed to get this off my chest I wouldnt mind hearing some other single peoples take on the single situation. Fess Up...Be Honest, and share whats on your mind...

Just for the record, I don't mind being Single. I am ok with me... It's just that the conversation and the sex is soooo much better when I have a real life participant...
Joined: 11/6/2008
Msg: 2
Mail Order or Monastary?
Posted: 3/24/2010 7:25:41 PM

This was written VERY tongue in cheek! I am VERY happy with myself...this was just a means of making people laugh...

Oh...and the other "choices" you mentioned? NOT EVEN AN OPTION! lol

Thanks for the Advice though!
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 3
view profile
Mail Order or Monastary?
Posted: 3/25/2010 4:59:13 AM
Well the gay thing does offer the advantage of doubling your wardrobe and never having to put down the toilet seat.
I'm all for any guy turning gay the way I see it, I move one more slot up in the rotation.
Joined: 11/6/2008
Msg: 4
Mail Order or Monastary?
Posted: 3/26/2010 9:22:23 AM

Let us know how that works out for ya!

Personally...I'm not quite ready to be dropping the soap just yet!
 cajun dreamer
Joined: 12/22/2009
Msg: 5
Mail Order or Monastary?
Posted: 3/26/2010 11:04:30 AM
Well... its a toss up when you are single... you have all of the free space you could ask for.... no one steals the covers... or fights you for the remote... there are no arguments over tv programs or who ate the last of the ice cream.... and all of that can be good.... except.... I miss those things... I have married friends who tell me all of the time... I wish I was single.... and I look at them like Y??? Most of us would love to have someone in our lives... someone that at the end of the day... reguardless what happend... you have someone to go home to...
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 6
Mail Order or Monastary?
Posted: 3/26/2010 11:21:17 AM

find your calling in life first, then it won't matter whether you are single or married...everything will take care of itself once you are part of something far more encompassing than yourself.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 7
view profile
Mail Order or Monastary?
Posted: 3/27/2010 7:42:37 AM
I'm happily hetero. I was saying I don't understand guys freakin out over gay men. For every gay male couple out there there should be two more females avaliable.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 8
view profile
Mail Order or Monastary?
Posted: 3/27/2010 7:45:54 PM
I'm secretly in denial. I'm really on here to collect guys shirtless profile pics for the spankbank. The collection is growing nicely.
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 9
Mail Order or Monastary?
Posted: 4/7/2010 5:40:14 PM
Just remember "buyer beware".
Joined: 2/6/2010
Msg: 10
Mail Order or Monastary?
Posted: 4/7/2010 7:30:57 PM

What about the lezzers.have you subtracted them....and why do you keep tellin everyone your not gay....

Why would he want to date a lizzards? And who's not gay?

Internet? I dunno...but personally I find many pretend to be what they are not hiding behind their computer screens and keyboards.

I'm good with that so far....sometimes I SuperWoman and some other times...well, I'm just a Witch....depends what side of the bed I woke up that day.
Awh, good times!

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