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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Paying for teen's birth control      Home login  
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 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 2
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Paying for teen's birth controlPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
My mom paid for my birth control until I was of age.
I asked her to take me to the dr, she did....she carried the prescription in her purse for a few months before she filled it out. By the time she did get it filled I was already pregnant.
Worst thing about the whole scenario (besides my lack of ability to use my head) was that I reminded her weekly to fill it out for me.

While I understand you wanting to teach her the responsibility, I wouldn't personally take the chance :)
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 4
Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/7/2010 9:09:51 AM

The problem is now I'm doubting myself. Should I stick with this plan? or just toss in the towel and pay for it??

I say it depends on whether you are doing it as a deterrent or as lesson in responsibility. Either way it helps when the parent actively engages the child to impart to them why they feel that way. Now if your reason is a lesson in responsibility, some teens in learning to take responsibility will learn of ways to obtain birth control free of charge (along with additional education of course).
 Hands of gold
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 6
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Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/7/2010 10:36:54 AM
I like the post about you buy it and she pays you back. That way she will always have it. Pregnancy is not something you want to teach your child a lesson with, the stakes are too high. Some kids refuse to learn their lessons.

I am going through similar issues with my teenager. I desperately want her to be independent and in charge of her wants and needs. The cell phone is the big issue right now. I purchased a phone and plan for her, but she went way over her minutes, and made a poor choice that resulted in my not paying for her phone anymore. She is over the top (as teenagers can be) and feels I am doing her wrong by not paying for the phone.

My first mistake was to pay for the phone in the first place. She had no respect for the cost and showed no appreciation for the privilege. She will be driving soon, and I am not going to get caught up in the supporting her driving needs. If she wants a car, she will have to pay the cost of gas and insurance, although I have an old car that I am going to give her when she can afford it. I think when kids are responsible for their own purchases and finances, they will make choices based on their own ability to pay, and only buy what they truly want or need. When Daddy steps in to pay, luxury becomes an option, and spoiled is not far behind. It is totally against the lessons I want her to learn before she becomes an adult.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 7
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Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/7/2010 11:15:11 AM

If that is your stance, buy it for her - see to it she takes it - and pays you back. . . that way the worst case scenario is she owes you $480 for a years worth of bc. Consider the alternative.

Ding, ding, ding.

I think it is a wise choice because hellooo, if she cannot afford birth control can she afford to have a baby? Kind of something for her to really think about because my daughter's theory is that any sexual encounter could result in a pregnancy. She does not believe in abortion and would not give the baby up ergo she abstains.

She is actually on the pill but because of the medical need to regulate her period and has been since she was 15. She had periods every 2-3 weeks, that lasted more than a week with heavy bleeding and we waited a couple of years to do it because of the issue you bring up, that it isn't good for a developing girl. Cramping wasn't even an issue, and that is the only way it is covered under our insurance, nice huh? Before I had the equipment removed my doctor had to tell them it was being prescribed by medical necessity to get it approved, nuts.

Anywho, kids think there are grown, sex may be part of what they believe their grown-up life should include so it is not remotely a problem for you to require her to pony up the money just as you may for gas or things like car insurance. It depends primarily on your attitudes about money in general. Also with this issue, if you don't approve of her choice, you shouldn't have to facilitate it beyond making sure she behaves safely.

Where I see a problem is when she's short and she asks you to pay for it (answered by the quote above). You have already said that you wouldn't let her not have it which I get but how do you keep her from manipulating you on this?

Why can't they just go away and come back when they are like 25?
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 8
Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/7/2010 11:47:15 AM

I'll check into Planned Parenthood. I'm not familiar enough with them to know what they offer or to whom. Thanks!

Wouldn't it be a better learning experience if your daughter looked into it or at least the two of you do it together?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 9
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Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/7/2010 12:54:29 PM
When I was in college I took myself to Planned Parenthood. I think even back then the pills were either free or based on a sliding scale/income.
 JaxFlorida
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 11
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Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/7/2010 4:05:32 PM
The OP said her daughter has 2 part time jobs. What is she spending her money on? Surely they pay more than $40/month. The daughter knows the consequences of NOT using birth control.

I can understand protecting children but in this case she is old enough to know better than have no protection.

The daughter should be responsible to pay for birth control. Again, what else is she spending money on?
 Blakkardaberry
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 12
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Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/7/2010 7:02:04 PM
Its nice to think that a 17 year old is responsible enough to be able to handle there own affairs but the reality of the situation is how important is it to you that she does this. In her prospective of invincibility and that stuff only happens to other people these of course are generalities of youth thought not necessarily of your daughter. Think to yourself whats the worst that can happen then plan your response around that. Somethings as important as bringing a new life into the world should not be placed in the hands of a 17 year old thats just my opinion. We like to think that at 17 our kids are grown but the reality of the situation is they have a lot more to learn than we think.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 13
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Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/7/2010 8:15:46 PM

Somethings as important as bringing a new life into the world should not be placed in the hands of a 17 year old thats just my opinion. We like to think that at 17 our kids are grown but the reality of the situation is they have a lot more to learn than we think.


Ah, but bringing a new life into the world is potentially placed into the hands of any 17 yr-old who is sexually active. I completely agree with your last statement. We seem to be awfully quick to (push) concede that kids "grow up so fast", while failing to realize (acknowledge, imo) that the exposure to those things which are beyond the realm of emotional comprehension to a child or teen doesn't equip them with the tools to deal with them. Exposure does not equal maturity.

Having said that, and not really disagreeing with you entirely, MYI, I do think that in the case where a parent chooses to financially contribute to the prevention of pregnancy, they may well be doing so to protect their own best interest, rather than showing concern or even thought for the lesson in responsibility to the child. The growing number of grandparents raising their grandchildren is evidence.

What I glean from the original post is that this kid is responsible and mature for her age. Having her pay for her own birth control doesn't seem excessive, neither does stepping in if needed and frankly I am happy to hear that she feels comfortable having this discussion with her mom.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 14
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Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/8/2010 4:33:06 AM
The best birth control is using more then one. Condums should be in the mix, not only for birth control, but to help pervent STDs.
http://www.ehow.com/how_4875071_cheap-birth-control-pills.html
http://www.usnews.com/health/blogs/on-women/2009/3/11/cheap-birth-control-once-again-for-college-women.ht
I would look at some of the ideas in the above links for cheap or free birth control pills. It does not have to be $40 a month. I would offer a 50/50% split with your daughter on the pills, but would give/provide her with comdums for free. Better safe now.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 15
Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/8/2010 10:29:59 AM

I would encourage you to pay for and ensure she is taking her bc regularly until she is at least an adult.

Although it could be assumed as obvious, when exactly is someone considered an adult? Is it by their legal driving age? Legal smoking age? Legal voting age? Ability to join the armed services? It surely isn't when they are old enough to have sex responsibly, so when is it?

People use the ubiquitous term "until they are an adult" almost flippantly and of course that level of maturity is dependent on the person's maturity. But how does one gain that maturity when their parents insist on taking care of all of their needs even when the child could possibly manage the situation if only they had someone to guide them through the situation rather than isolate them from it?
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 16
Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/8/2010 12:14:10 PM
^^^^^^

So what actually happens at that age which seemingly magically makes someone an adult? Is it an arbitrary age? Is it just a legal constant, if so is it only the law which makes someone an adult? Is it life experience? Is it when they finally move out on their own and their parents feel that they have little or no more "control" over their actions? Is it fiscal? Is it when they can finally pay their rent and bills on their own? Even if it is any of these things, how the hell can any of this help someone make appropriate decisions pertaining to their sexual activities?
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 17
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Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/8/2010 1:08:37 PM
personally, i have had a job since i was 13, at that age i worked every day with the exception of monday, sometimes tuesday,since that age, i bought everything for myself, i even paid for my own private school, sometimes i would help my mother by paying one the the bills
both my sisters, had jobs at 15, and 16, and bought all there own cloths, and payed for there education, cars, gas everything
when i turned 16, i was employed at the hospital, i made very good money,it was a union job, most of my co workers where the children of doctors lawyers, one was the son of the minister of external affairs
the work did not effect my education, i was a great student, nor did it have anything to do with my social life, i was popular, had a girlfriend, was a star on the swimming team
i think buying everything for our kids is a real problem, what are they going to do when they are adults and real life, and bills hit them
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 18
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Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/8/2010 7:17:01 PM

The best birth control is using more then on


Only in part because we often disagree, the truth is it doesn't matter who posted the above. In reality, the best birth control is abstinence. Yes, I realize that those who choose to be sexually active know this (or should) , but... that's the fact....just sayin'
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 19
Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/8/2010 10:19:08 PM
Cmonster, I don't like to argue semantics......

But that's just the thing, there are parents who define it as semantics in order not to put any actions around it. They'll say that they'll "just know" and whenever most times when asked if they had discussed it (being an adult) in detail with their children, very few ever had. You gotta wonder how the kids will ever know what's expected of them if no one makes the effort to teach them. So there are the parents, waiting for what they feel is the inevitable; the time when they as parents have no "legal" control over their children so they just hope for the best. Are the kids any wiser? More times than not they're just rebellious because they're old enough to be.

Some of us just don't have our heads up our ass expecting that our "children" will make good decisions and be prepared when those hormones strike......

But isn't the job of a parent to teach them how to make decisions where they are capable of handling the outcomes? I will admit that it is easier to just hold off until you can't legally control them anymore.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 21
Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/9/2010 11:30:30 AM
CMonster, I know what you are saying but to equate the decision to pay for/provide bc for teens with lazy parenting is IMO just wrong. We do know our children and if we don't put on blinders about who our children are, we do know what they can handle and when. Having not been a parent yourself, perhaps that is why you seem to have difficulty grasping this.

Actually I have two grown stepchildren who I helped raise from their toddler and teenage years so I do have a bit of insight into this. The difference is that at the time they were growing up parents were expected to teach their children to be self sufficient during their teenage years so that they could manage their lives well when they left for college at 17 or 18 years of age.

Other than providing a home, food, school supplies and clothing each fall, teenagers had part time jobs to pay for any of the 'extras' they deemed necessary. Since you weren't raising children the time when kids were expected to have more responsibility may be the reason why it seems be a sensitive topic for you.

Most of the parents I know have actively raised their children but I have met a few who are so busy controlling every aspect of their children's lives that their children can't make a decision for themselves and a few who let their children run wild. I don't understand personally the rationale for this style of parenting but to each his own.

Given that the times have changed and the individual morals of young adults have changed dramatically I think it's imperative that parents impart fiscal responsibility to their children to survive in these economically strained times. Controlling their child's lives as parents have been doing since the mid to lake 90's hasn't really proven beneficial like alluded to.

That control has created a generation of young adults who either feel entitled in being taken care of by their parents or having unrealistic ideals of how their lives after school should be. This is why there's so many adults with college degrees coming back home to live with their parents. It's not just because of a shortage of jobs but an over abundance of their expectations of what they feel that they deserve.

I have had many discussions with my son about sex and responsibility. He knows the risks and he knows what my sexual values are and I hope he shares them...time will tell. As I said though....when the consequences are so huge, as a parent, I feel I would be remiss in my duties as a parent if I didn't make it easier for him to be prepared....do you remember being a teenager?

My teenage years was great. Between preparing to move away to go to college, sports activities and my job I kept quite busy. I dated but made sure that I took all of the necessary precautions when it came to sex since I knew I wasn't in a position to be accountable for anyone beside myself. There was no way that I was going to create a situation where I had to get married and/or take care of a family. That was one area where my parents didn't worry about at all, they insisted that I knew how to be self sufficient and accountable for my actions.

CMonster wasn't attacking you or your opinion or criticizing anyone, he was initiating some provoking thought.

Thanks for recognizing this Nutt!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 22
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Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/9/2010 11:44:04 AM
Is she still in high school, does she have a job, is she taking advantage of you???? I would think the reasons would help in answering this question. How sexually active is she, maybe she the boy(s) should chip in together to pay for it. It's hard to say without more info.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 24
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Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/9/2010 4:08:56 PM
"People who don't share your opinions are NOT morons"

Yes calling some one a moron makes you just like a teen lol. I been told that is the biggest put down in the hood these days. Please that is considered, friendly in the forums. And some times the shoe just might fit. Credibility regained.
 happygal_28
Joined: 9/25/2005
Msg: 25
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Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/10/2010 8:06:11 PM
I think the fact that you are able to talk about this with your daughter and handle a sensitive topic without harsh judgment is proof of your good parenting. As the mom of a 15 1/2 year old, I read this thread with great interest. We are not there yet but we will be one day.

I think you are making a great choice by expecting her to be accountable financially. $40 a month is a reasonable fee for a working teen and the lesson in responsibility for one's self is priceless! I also think that you paying up front and her paying you back is wise because then there is no reason for her to lapse in getting the bc. Your idea of saving that money for her education later is a good one! I think when we get to this point in our family, I will do this. It seems to me it would be a nice surprise reward for her and an acknowledgment of the maturity of her actions.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 26
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Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 4/13/2010 7:50:19 PM
Don't, for the love of... don't put her on Depo. It has been known to impact on future fertility.

I went on the pill at 16, not because I was sexually active (I was actually in a celebate phase at that point) but to help with cramping. My parents had a drug plan, so it was covered.. and I can't remember if I paid for it (unlikely) or they did (more likely). When I left home and came off their plan, I know I paid for it then.

The patch seems like a reasonable form of bc at this age/stage in her life. Be aware that at least with oral contraceptives, antibiotics can impede the function of the pill... and I've been told OTC decongestants can as well (they thin the mucus at the cervix). Not sure how antibiotics affect the patch. I'd say they wouldn't, but I would still encourage my daughter (if I had one) to use a back up method like condoms if she were to be taking any antibiotics for any reason.

As for doubting yourself... being a parent is full of doubts. Stick with it if she can afford it. If she can't, you can either offer to cover it and she pays you back, or go half on it with her. Find something that works for both of you.

Do you know if she's sexually active or not? If she is, then perhaps she should cover the full cost herself. If she's not, splitting it or you paying for it isn't a horrible idea... especially if she's on it for reduction of cramping (which can be miserable and horrible to deal with).
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 28
Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 5/4/2010 10:42:34 AM

I think it's time you sit down and talk to your daughter AND her partner in very frank terms> "I want to talk about your fVcking and its consequences"

A tad blunt but it's an import enough topic to merit some means of grabbing their attention.

They should both contribute to the cost of BC as they both retain a freedom of action that will be permanently lost with pregnancy. $20/ month is something most teens can swing.

If they're hiding the facts of their sexuality from the parents, they're more likely to hide from it themselves. When it's all out in the open, they will be more likely to treat the subject seriously between themselves.

Makes sense to me. Knowledge is power and there is something to be said to the point that if they are timid about their sexuality with their parents, they could be just as timid about it with each other.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 29
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Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 5/12/2010 5:16:32 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7guOxgtU_4

Hamell has a good song about teaching our kids about personal responsibility. We need a plan for those inquiring minds. When you think about if they want birth control they are ahead of the pack on personal responsibility all ready. Me I am going to lie.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 31
Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 6/29/2010 12:06:29 PM
Someone must be happy about finding such a good deal. Children seem to become very resourceful when they have fiduciary stakes of their own.
 TX9
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 32
Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 7/8/2010 2:35:55 AM
If I had a daughter and she had a job to pay for B/C I would make her pay for it because she's old enough to make her own decisions and she has to learn that her actions will cost money and if she doesn't want to get pregnant the its b/c or no sex and if she chose to have sex with no b/c or any protection and she gets pregnant she would have to live with her actions.

I was raised up if you don't want to have kids then use protection or don't have sex and if you get a female pregnant then you have to pay for your actions.
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