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 thatusernameistaken
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 1
Post Divorce Last NamesPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
How many divorced women out there still use there ex husbands last name?

Why would you still want to use their name after the divorce is finalized?

What would make you change it, if anything?

I personally find it odd that a woman would still want to use her ex's last name after a divorce. Hell, tons of women nowadays don't even want to take it in the first place anymore.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 2
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Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/8/2010 6:16:39 PM
I would of much rather went back to my maiden name but was told it will be less confusing for the children and I to share the same last name.


I think you will find that the reason most women keep it is because it is the name their children have..
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 3
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Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/8/2010 6:38:04 PM
My kids have that last name, it is a hassle to change everything over, my identity is not determined by my surname, I will change it if I marry again.

I was married for two years in my early twenties and I didn't change it back then either because I figured I was going to get married and have children and it would change again anyway.

I have now carried a different last name for longer than I wore my maiden name, it would seem ridiculously retarded to me to go back to my maiden name because I haven't been that person for a very long time.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 4
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Posted: 4/8/2010 7:26:24 PM
what they said!
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 5
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Posted: 4/9/2010 3:43:27 AM
Just got my divorce finalised... been exactly half my life with that name plus I share it with my daughter. Simple.
 texasbaby
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 6
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Posted: 4/9/2010 4:31:52 AM
When I was married I never took my husband's name, just a personal choice.
My adult daughters had their Dad's surname and the younger children, which I adopted, after I was divorced, have my maiden name. It has never seemed to confuse any of them.

tb
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 7
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Posted: 4/9/2010 5:20:10 AM
My cousin's last name was Johnson and she married a man named Johnson, wonder if she changed her name back.
 lynaudio
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 8
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/9/2010 5:59:18 AM
For centuries men have been conditioned with pride to carry on the family name. Women accepted their maiden name was temporary. It's just not a big deal.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 9
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/9/2010 8:11:26 AM
My ex wife kept my name.

Its because my name is stronger and better and goes with her first name better than her maiden name.

Also- because she is Mexican and her work background is professional my last name opens doors for her more easily than her Spanish last name does.

on paper, she looks like a white woman.
 gurlie73
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 10
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/9/2010 9:14:14 AM
There is alot of reasons women keep their ex's last name: because of the children you know less confusion...or in my case...it would of cost $200 to go back to my maiden name. Me being a single mother I can use $200 for something else...like my children!
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 11
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Posted: 4/9/2010 10:15:57 AM
I went back to my maiden name because I always preferred it but the Ex used to hound me to change it because I was not worthy of his family name any longer. Can you say psycho-man?
 Butterfly~Effect
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 12
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/9/2010 11:12:51 AM
As a guy the last thing I want is to be constantly reminded of her ex husband


Then you are a very insecure man.

Sometimes changing the name is that difficult...especially, if the children are all under the same name.

Personally, I kept mine.....it's easier than my maiden (my maiden was long, ukrainian and hard to pronounce). Also, I don't have a bad relationship with my ex....we get along fine and because of the kids, will be in my life.

If a man is that insecure about my being friends with the ex....or insists I change my name (without giving me his) then why would I want to be with him?? Someone else's insecurity is not my problem....and I wouldn't make it one.
 myblueshadow
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 13
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Posted: 4/9/2010 11:30:18 AM
What I find ironic are the men who adamantly insist that a woman will take his last name when they marry, but then insist just as adamantly that she change it back when they divorce. I don't see many men so willing to change their last names, but want women to do it several times.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 14
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Posted: 4/9/2010 11:36:40 AM
I use the last name I was born with, I also changed my kids' last name to mine as their father's last name is actually his step-father's and that guy was a known pedophile whose last name I didn't want. I'm keeping my maiden name, I see no reason to change my last name to someone else's if I were to marry again, I like my last name.
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 15
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/9/2010 11:47:24 AM
I took back my maiden name QUICKLY and HAPPILY!

I did talk it over with my sons' and they didn't mind at all.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 16
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Posted: 4/9/2010 12:31:22 PM

What would make you change it, if anything?



I wish I would of changed it during the divorce but now it would be too confusing changing my name every where. I've had the same last name as my kids for so long they would wonder why the sudden change back to my maiden name. If I ever get married again I would change it then.
 sosdd
Joined: 12/14/2009
Msg: 17
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/10/2010 8:14:05 AM
It is too much effort to change everything. My son told me I would always be related to a _____ even if I did change my last name.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 18
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Posted: 4/10/2010 11:58:47 AM
Changed mine back to my maiden name and also changed my daughter's name to my maiden name.
 happygal_28
Joined: 9/25/2005
Msg: 19
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Posted: 4/10/2010 3:33:13 PM
It was definitely worth the cost and the hassle to change back to my maiden name. It was an incredibly happy and meaningful moment to get that married last name forever off my ID! I did it on the advice of my young children who thought it made sense "to be who you were born as" (out of the mouths of babes). They didn't care at all that we had different last names, which had been my biggest worry for them at the time.

Since remarrying, I now use my new husband's name on most things but haven't gotten around to the health card or drivers license because these things cost money and time off work to get done. It will happen eventually though. However, my professional email has my maiden name and that wont be changing because it is just too hard to do after working under that name for 10 years... It does feel really weird doing this, like I have 2 different identities LOL.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 20
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Posted: 4/12/2010 1:57:48 PM
I'm happy my ex reverted to her maiden name - the less I have in common with that nut case the better!

If my SO and I marry, she'll probably keep her ex's name, to have the same last name as her kids. It doesn't bother me in the slightest - I would think keeping it would bother her more since he was a piece of work, too.

However, the cost of changing isn't insignificant. We looked into it out of curiosity, and the various documents, her multiple passports, green card, licenses, certifications, etc., etc., would cost nearly $1000 and 6 to 12 months of time to change - not to mention loss of professional name recognition. It's simply not worth it.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 21
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Posted: 4/13/2010 5:54:18 AM

How many divorced women out there still use there ex husbands last name?
*raises hand*


Why would you still want to use their name after the divorce is finalized?
Um... because it would cost me a ton of money to switch it back to my hyphenated maiden name, it wouldn't be the same as my children's last name, and it's not really that important to me. I know who I am and who I'm not.


What would make you change it, if anything?

Funny how I don't remember it costing me anything to change it to the married name when I got married, but changing it back to my maiden name will??? What would make me change it?? If someone else footed the bill.

And it's a big giant pain in the ass.
 thatusernameistaken
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 22
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/13/2010 3:24:15 PM
Just to let you all in on why I first posed the question.

My ex has kept using my last name since we separated a year and a half ago, then when the divorce finalized in January I thought she would change it but she didn't. I recently saw some school forms where she was still using my last name so I figured I'd ask her what her plans were. She said she wasn't changing it for similar reasons to what some have said here, money and kids. I told her that as far as I am aware the costs are negligible (as pointed out by other posters as well).

She then went on to say she is never changing her last name again. Which prompted me to go "huh?" as she is getting married this summer. Turns out she plans on still using my last name even when she marries this new guy.

I thought that was wacky so came to PoF for some colourful input, and once again, you have not failed me.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 23
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 7/8/2010 1:26:14 PM
My name change when i married cost all of 15 Bucks for the new drivers license, social security doesnt charge for the new card with the new name. Im considering going back to my maiden. I think it might help me move on. I am no longer a 'mistress of', which is what Mrs. Means, all i need is 15 Bucks and my birth cert and the husbands death cert. If it had been a divorce i would have changed it right away. Im ok with having different names than the kids. Some dont like to roll like that but it doesnt bother me.
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 24
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 7/8/2010 1:31:55 PM

She then went on to say she is never changing her last name again. Which prompted me to go "huh?" as she is getting married this summer. Turns out she plans on still using my last name even when she marries this new guy.
Are you sure she's not just saying that to mess with her head, since she's probably offended that you're pushing the issue? I can't imagine a woman wanting to carry one man's name while she's married to another.


I kept mine after the divorce, to match the kids. We never discussed it, it was never an issue between the ex and I, although I planned to have it changed after my youngest graduated. Had the paperwork and everything, but then one day, out of the blue, the new gf called me ranting and raving, and demanded that I stop using it immediately, out of 'respect' for her, and to 'honor' their relationship, and because it was 'hers' now ~ even though they aren't married, and he tells me it's unlikely they ever will be (For the record, he was appalled to learn she took that liberty)

Guess what? Now I won't be changing it until next year, after my wedding.
 sosdd
Joined: 12/14/2009
Msg: 25
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 7/9/2010 8:57:59 AM
It cost me to get my permission paper for my name change! It was about $15. Not real expensive, it was notary and filing fees. But then you must add in the numerous copies of the paper, the envelopes, and stamps to inform everyone under the sun about the name change. Purchased a car and they used my former name! So now I have to get that corrected and shell out more notary fees...ugh... pain in the butt.

I felt pushed to do it when my ex had the child support lowered. He even had his salary decrease by $100! Yeah, it is nice working for yourself. You can lie about how much you earn. I really felt a need to separate myself from being related ever to him.
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