Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > is it a sickness?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 uniquemiss
Joined: 8/25/2009
Msg: 1
is it a sickness?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
is it considered a sickness if someone does something on purpose to ruin their own relationship? they say they dont know why they do it they just do.
is it because they can not handle even the thought of having a successful relationship? are they too paranoid and think of pain and failing?
is there a medical term for this?
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 2
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/8/2010 8:18:20 PM
too vague!
Explain?
 uniquemiss
Joined: 8/25/2009
Msg: 3
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/8/2010 8:20:33 PM
to keep cheating or wanting to cheat(posting ads online to find sex successfully or unsuccessfully)
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 4
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/8/2010 9:08:42 PM
Oh for pete's sake, everyone is only listening to what you wrote instead of “hearing” what you wrote. But once you take a more mature and grown up approach to your question, you very quickly come to see that it is not a sickness at all.

It sure seems to be that what he ultimately wants is sex, more sex and even more sex; that's all. He may be fooling himself in thinking he wants a relationship and others may also fall for it but, once you can see that, the mystery is over.
 lostsoullooking
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 5
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/8/2010 9:13:17 PM
OP one possibility is the self-destruct syndrome.

The person feels inadequate and not worthy of a successful relationship so they start doing things that are guaranteed to crush any budding friendship or more. Their actions are done to fulfill their own opinion of themselves.

This in turn can cause you to scratch your head wondering what you did or say that set them off. You did nothing wrong it’s the nature of their beast.

Bottom of the barrel medical advice:

Take two doctors and call an aspirin in the morning!


lsl
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 6
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/8/2010 9:37:02 PM
OP, the person you are describing is of weak character and lacking a moral compass. Labeling it only provides an excuse for him, instead of taking responsibility for his own actions. A total cop out. He is an a$$.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 7
view profile
History
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/8/2010 9:52:15 PM
Yes, there are people who are mentally sick and do sabotage themselves, but unless you are their srink I would not venture in to 'fix' them and 'save' them, you'll only get the shitty end of the stick. That is unless you love drama and pain and being an emotional attention seeker enabler/maniac.

What there are more of, are people who don't give a flying fluck and get off on doing these things and the outcome that results. Either way, what would be the point of getting involved with them unless you wanted to be an active participant in the game?
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 8
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/8/2010 10:11:41 PM
cdnfinanceman,

Actually, I prefer Mr. Dr. JP! kidding of course :)

I'll tell you if you knew me, you would know that I am the first person in line to joke and kid around but, when it comes to things that are more serious, I give it the attention they deserves. This question did cry for some common sense but, the responses that were posted did not seem to fit the bill... according to me. So, I thought I would at least shed a bit of common sense!

And how can I analyze someone I've never met? Well first of all, I do not analyze others but rather, I simply hear what they say. By simply hearing what it is they say, you can sure tell a lot from that person.

Even with you, only based on what you've said, I hear that you are a very realistic person who does not tend to believe in things simply because others tell you they are true. Just like me, you want proof and only then, will you gauge to see if you believe in it.

I will take a fair bit of convincing for you to believe in something that cannot be shown with tangible or materialistic proof since you are a very rational and logical person. You are also a head-strong person who will say what you think and believe in, especially if you don't agree with what's been said by others.

You generally live life as what society says is the way it is and, you don't tend to question it very much. If something happens, you just accept that it happened and don't bother too much with it after wards.

How did I do?
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 9
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/8/2010 10:20:18 PM
I tell ya...its a falicy that someone cannot handle the "THOUGHT" of having a successful relationship.

Its the wish of the damned...of the dumped.

We all wish for it to be something we can put our fingers on. Something we can "label" the dumpee with to make ourselves feel more worthy than having accept the fact that the dumper is "just not that into us"

Is it possible.????

Sure it is.

Is it probable?

Most of the times.

no.

Only when it relates to the one time that I was "technically" "let go"
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 10
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/8/2010 10:36:18 PM
bipolarintense,


I've learned not to assume since, you will tend to draw false conclusions on erroneous facts. I don't know why you seem to think that I think that “someone who cheats doesn't lie about it” since, I never even touched on that.

When OP had said that the guy was purposely ruining the relationship by placing ads for sex (the 3rd post you mention), it is obvious that his relationship does not have a very solid ground to grow since, all he really wants is sex.

I would 100% agree that it's more likely he's telling the woman he wants a relationship so he can have sex but, to make the leap and think that he having a medical condition about it? Now that's stretching it way too far. Why would you even think that he then lies to her about some profound medical condition to explain his cheating? Where the hecl did that come from?
 jamie9562
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 11
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/8/2010 10:46:15 PM
maybe he's just not that into you,,,,

and maybe he likes having sex with lots of women,,because lots of women will have sex with him..

maybe this is how it's been since the beginning of time and it will never change

maybe at this point you should stop asking a question you already know the answer for every-time your MALE dog starts humping your leg

maybe you should finally come to the conclusion that we,,as sexes,,do not think and or feel the same way about intercourse and what it means to us.

maybe it's time for us guys to just admit...a lot of us,,,,,perhaps not all......just want to have sex ..alot....more than you could possibly imagine or physically keep up with.and the only thing stopping us from shagging everything in sight is the fact that most women are not giving it up that easy,,,.(yes i know there are nympho women ,,i am talking over-all percentages)

maybe really hot guys figured out early in life how easy it was going to be for them to sleep with multiple woman ,,and being men,,they did

maybe you should go find an ugly guy that will worship you and never cheat on you...

or maybe we should just drop this whole thing and try to coexist as well as possible..this is as good as it's ever going to be,,,

the war between the sexes...has been fought already....the aftermath........

the less fussy women,,are rocking there socks off,,,

the women with impossibly long lists of requirements,,,,,are raising there 3 kids ,,and waiting patiently for the same,,tall..dark..and handsome guy who is currently making the rounds on various websites,,,,he will get to you....

and then you will write this blog:)
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 12
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/9/2010 4:06:24 AM

Oh for pete's sake, everyone is only listening to what you wrote instead of “reading” what you wrote.


Hmmm....what I find quite interesting is that everyone has assumed that the person with the "sickness" is a he. I changed hearing to READING because well hell...did anyone notice that she didn't say he? Could it be that the OP is referring to herself? Notice that there was no gender given in either posting...yet because a woman posted this, did everyone assume it was her guy or a guy?

I'm gonna look at both sides of the cheaters coin...cause as sure as shyt there's women out in the world who are doing exactly what the OP described.

OP--as others have said there's no "sickness" involved and people running into a freaking "sex rehab" clinic as a way out are copping out and trying to get away from the media. In real life he or she would get their asses told off and either put out or taken back with warnings and other crap.

Dr. JP...the floor is yours.
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 13
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/9/2010 4:45:28 AM
Hmmm....what I find quite interesting is that everyone has assumed that the person with the "sickness" is a he.

I noticed the "they" too, as did you ...that's two of us "reading". It's not unusual for people to fill in the gaps when making judgments/blanket generalizations on the forums, alas, this isn't a sickness, just irrational.

It all depends on whether the person is "self-sabotaging" happy relationships as a pattern (usually involving many relationships over many years) pathologically or sporadically because of a personality/character deficit.

It can be a sickness, either a reactive/developmental one or arising from endogenous (wired that way) factors. There are many psychological conditions where infidelity is a diagnostic criteria in the DSM-IV, too many to list.

Or, it could just be a sign of emotional immaturity... especially if youth is a factor.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 14
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/9/2010 5:23:19 AM
If you had said the person purposely tried to ruin the relation and the means be other than cheating, I would think they have a fear of relations, or just didn't want to be in it any longer and instead of just breaking up, they changed on purpose, so to let the other do the breaking up.

But, you did say cheating, and doing it over and over...No, not a sickness, but lack of character, will power and caring enough about others feelings, etc. Though I guess a person getting caught again and again might try to blame it on a sickness to try to keep the other one, or put the blame on it being a sickness rather than admit they are an asswhipe.

At the same time a person who stays with someone who cheats and keeps on cheating might have a few character flaws too...like too insecure to leave when they should, or whatever.

Some might forgive cheating once, others will not...but to forgive it over and over, few would ....even if it was a sickness, which I can't see.....I can't imagine staying with a person who does that.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 15
view profile
History
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/9/2010 5:38:23 AM
It's called late teens or early twenties, you are asking for a commitment from a man-boy that is not interested in it.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 16
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/9/2010 5:43:51 AM

Hmmm....what I find quite interesting is that everyone has assumed that the person with the "sickness" is a he.


I guess it because a woman posted it, many would assume she went thru getting cheated on, or because many subjects posted have some kinda blame for the man screwing things up....lol.

But, later its described by the OP as posting ads on dating sites to successfully or unsuccessfully get sex over and over....ah, a little different than actually doing the act maybe, maybe not.

So, with that I think we can eliminate the OP, looking at her pic and being a woman...its doubtful she would be unsuccessful...and we can eliminate TigerWoods, we all figure, he had success too.

But, maybe part of the problem lies there...see Tiger had this squeeky clean good guy image, which got blown, because of his public excapade....of course, instead admitting he is an asswhipe, he blamed it on a sickness, so naturally since he is a public image and in a sense, they set the presidence of which others follow...we might assume, others now, will blame their lack of charactor on being meerly a sickness too...that they too will be forgiven and all is okay...

Some figure what Tiger does in his private life is cool, and life should go on for him as usual...but, its not a private matter now..and to me, leaders and role models have a responcibility of setting a good example, or at least paying a price for what they do wrong.
 myblueshadow
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
History
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/9/2010 6:27:19 AM
Yes, those can be symptoms of a mental illness, however, mental illness is not an excuse for bad behavior. Even with an illness, everyone is still responsible for the choices they make. While a diagnosis can EXPLAIN a behavior, it can not EXCUSE a behavior.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 18
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/9/2010 7:16:58 AM
afashionlady,

You are correct that she never said “he” but for the purpose of this Question, we implied that he was a he since, if he was a she... nah, let's not go there!

I still fail to see though what difference it would make if he was a she. Even if she spent much time looking for sex, the situation in this Question would not change. So why you are making such a big point of it's a he/she, I just don't get.

Not following your heart in making your relationship stronger and stronger, to make it achieve the goal you have in a committed relationship, to love your partner and share with them what is happening in your life, is completely bias of if you're a he or she.

Besides, you can look at the cheating coin from both sides to split hairs thinking it will make a difference but, it is still cheating which brings us back to same thing.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 19
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/9/2010 7:17:26 AM
cdnfinanceman

No I don't read fortunes either, I just hear the things they say. I never said

you accept things just because someone says so

what I did say was


does not tend to believe in things simply because others tell you they are true


So we are agreeing on the same thing hence, you proved me correct!
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 20
view profile
History
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/9/2010 7:51:46 AM
There is such a thing as sex addiction but I imagine in most cases, it is someone that is not accountable for his choices.

As far as the sabotage? I think many people do this, or refuse to get counseling because they are afraid of looking at their own stuff. I also believe that there are some people that do not try because if they really tried and the relationship failed, they would have to look themselves in the mirror and couldn't readily blame the other party.

If someone is telling you they don't know why they do it just do, it's time to leave, they will not change and whatever is bothering you already is only going to get worse.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 21
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/9/2010 8:10:18 AM
Hmmmm...purposely "throw a wrench" into a relationship. This doesn't sound like any health condition I've heard of. lol

It appears this person has no interest in maintaining a monogamous/LTR with another. It's all about them, and fulfilling their needs/wants.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 22
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/9/2010 8:19:51 AM

is there a medical term for this?


I am sure shrinks have many terms and the drug companies make pills to sell for it.

SEM Stunted Emotional Maturity..Here have a Loverena $ 250.00 a month.

I call it GTFU.


We live in a society that labels everything with a sickness or a disorder instead calling it for what it is.


Well said.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 23
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/9/2010 7:42:28 PM
I think he is still looking for a different female.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 24
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/9/2010 7:52:41 PM
Sex Addicts Anonymous ® — Home
The homepage of Sex Addicts Anonymous a 12-step organization helping men and women share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may ...
Meetings - Is SAA For You - For Women - The Twelve Steps
saa-recovery.org/
 Twilightslove
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 25
view profile
History
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/9/2010 9:51:44 PM
Hmmm....what I find quite interesting is that everyone has assumed that the person with the "sickness" is a he. I changed hearing to READING because well hell...did anyone notice that she didn't say he? Could it be that the OP is referring to herself? Notice that there was no gender given in either posting...yet because a woman posted this, did everyone assume it was her guy or a guy?



From the OP's profile page:

I'm looking for a 1woman man, not a dirtbag who sleeps around.


I'm going to assume she is speaking of a man like others here have assumed.

I feel bipolar intense got it right when he said the guy is f.....g a$$hole.

This man knows why he does what he does and he believes he has every right to do what he does. At the same time, he wants to make sure he has some waiting at home in case he doesn't score.

Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > is it a sickness?