Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Frustrated, Do I, Don't I?...Opinions Appreciated.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Frustrated, Do I, Don't I?...Opinions Appreciated.Page 1 of 1    
First, you have some more of your OWN mind to make up. You apparently haven't worked out what you want from the other players in this.
About this "mutual Friend", who the guy you have lit your shorts on fire for also knows. You haven't explained where he fits in, and why his opinion matters. Is he by chance at least AN official boyfriend of yours? That's the only reason I can think of why you'd have to take his concerns into account.
The fact that you have "a weekend away planned together" with the mutual friend (?) suggests this is so. IF that is so, then the honorable thing for you to do, would be to break things with the "friend" before you jump the other fellows bones. "Going with the flow" means pretending you are NOT responsible for your actions. If you go that route, you will have to accept BOTH that someone will be upset, AND that they will no longer respect you as being in charge of yourself.
If by chance you are thinking you can STAY friends with the fellow you are currently with(?) while you test the gooey waters with his friend, I'd say ...don't bet on that working out.
Pardon if I've guessed wrong...I HAD to guess because you left information out.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 5
Frustrated, Do I, Don't I?...Opinions Appreciated.
Posted: 4/12/2010 7:42:55 AM
I don't understand the problem. You gave him your number and everything is going great. What is the problem? If you want to move faster, make a move. If you want to move slower, don't make a move on him.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Frustrated, Do I, Don't I?...Opinions Appreciated.
Posted: 4/12/2010 8:20:32 AM

Thank you to the two other posters for their input too. I'm not looking for love and I have no illusions that this is anything close, but I am also wary of having a wham bam, thank you young man experience with someone who is connected to my circle of friends...atleast until after the festival ...or during
So what's the point of your thread? If you want to be fb's then wait until after the "festival." If you want to be his g/f then you're sights are on the wrong man. If he wanted you in the traditional sense he would do it with respect and via getting to know you by courting you and it wouldn't matter if it was in the midst of this festival you speak of.


The issue I have with him is there's a teasing kind of banter going on from him and my sister which makes it hard for anything of any substance to be said while they're around.

He has your number and he knows where you live.. if he was keen he'd be calling you so you can say things "with substance" without the others there to tease you about it.

Personally and by your account of things, it looks like you're thoughts of him, outweight his thoughts of you but if all you're looking for is a shag.. that makes little difference.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 9
Frustrated, Do I, Don't I?...Opinions Appreciated.
Posted: 4/12/2010 9:33:31 AM
It sounds like he's attracted to you. Where's the female intuition?? ;)

He's been holding your hand, liking you, complimenting you... it's obvious he likes you. WAY obvious. How can you not see the writing on the wall?? Show him some obvious signs you like him. Up the ante in flirting. Mention that you'd like to hang out, just you and he sometime -- and he'll follow. He may be a little hesistant to make a big move on you if shy away due to thoughts of pouncing him (and he not knowing that). Make it apparent that you dig him -- and don't be afraid of any awkwardness... it's only awkward if you shy away from it.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 11
Frustrated, Do I, Don't I?...Opinions Appreciated.
Posted: 4/12/2010 2:52:20 PM

I know it all sounds pretty lame and juvenile, but guys, how do I deal with this?, do I say something or just go with the flow?



If you really like the dude make your interest known, at least get something set up where you guys can be alone, but since he has your number and he's not "trying" to make something happen then that compliment "any guy would be lucky to have you" is exactly that any guy but him. good luck.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 12
Frustrated, Do I, Don't I?...Opinions Appreciated.
Posted: 4/12/2010 3:05:27 PM
I don't get the whole "going out as a four-some thing", either he has the hots for your friend - and he's making plans with you to be closer to her, or he's gay and he wants your other male friend, or...

Well, if he's been holding your hand, complimenting you, offering you his coat... maybe he would like to 'go there' with you. Might just be a ride in the hay, or might just be more. Personally, if I was interesting in someone and was out with other people, and well, "the night ended abruptly and everyone went their separate ways" - I'd probably be not-so-subtly saying I wasn't ready, and if you were interested in hanging out a bit longer together, I enjoy your company, and well who knows what could happen, but I could 'give you a ride' (at) home later...

Well, ok, maybe not *so* suggestive on that last bit , but I'd present/create an opportunity for us to be *alone* together....
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Frustrated, Do I, Don't I?...Opinions Appreciated.
Posted: 4/12/2010 3:48:52 PM
Okay, given your update, I'm back to joining those who are mystified about why you are so confused as to post at all.
Basically, you want to jump his bones, pure sex, but don't want to have it BE just pure sex. That either means your confusion is actually a conflict between your horny animal side, and your "sense of propriety side," or you want a LTR with the guy, and are afraid that jumping his bones by YOUR initiation would hex that.
If it's the first choice, you're on your own. No one can decide your morals for you, they can only fuss at you when you don't follow THEIR morals.
If it's the second, then you are in standard, every day, take-a-risk-or-not dating land. It OS a great lesson for you in how lust will block one's ability to be sure what one really wants long term. If nothing else, you could learn to be more patient with future GUYS who say they THINK they love you, and then lose the fire after sex. It's a part of the human condition.
All I can say on the "go with the flow versus act to make things happen" choice is, that it's a crap shoot. While many people claim that having sex too soon causes almost every guy to think a woman is too easy, and therefore to be discarded, I haven't seen that to be EXACTLY true. It's more complicated, by HOW the whole "sex early" comes about, and whether he perceives your lust as being focused entirely on HIM, or on general male companionship. It is something to be taken into account, but it has to be balanced against avoiding PLAYING the guy. If you choose to wait simply as a ploy to "keep him interested," that can backfire just as readily as going the other way can. It can come across as leading the guy on, to no purpose.
I can't tell from what you describe what his level of interest might be. Those who are saying his "bulk dating" approach indicates LOW interest might be right, but it could also be that he's not as sure of your interest as you think, and is using the group gatherings to GET you interested. Could be one of those amusing scenarios wherein both people are aching to jump each others bones, but both think the OTHER needs wooing, so they hold themselves back. It's hilarious to those of us on the sidelines, which is why so many sitcoms and romantic comedies have that in their plot.
 kenpoboy
Joined: 9/22/2008
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Frustrated, Do I, Don't I?...Opinions Appreciated.
Posted: 4/12/2010 5:17:37 PM
LOL, lame and juvenile.....yes. ;)

Talk to the guy. Seems like you get along well, see where it goes. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. :)
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Frustrated, Do I, Don't I?...Opinions Appreciated.
Posted: 4/12/2010 7:06:21 PM

see where it goes. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. :)
Very true.. however; may I suggest to you OP, that you make very sure of what you actually and really want with this man before you do any venturing.. Depending on what you want should reflect on how you venture.. How you venture will ultimately determine what and, how much you'll gain..

Good luck!
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 19
Frustrated, Do I, Don't I?...Opinions Appreciated.
Posted: 4/13/2010 4:27:45 PM
1) he likes you.

2) He's probably alittle confused by your signals.

3) Banging a guy(even without wanting a BF) isn't hard.
Just speak up.
Tell him you like him in a sexual way and he'll take it from there.

But.....best let him also know he isn't BF material.
Or you may have a lovesick puppy on your hands after the sex.
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Frustrated, Do I, Don't I?...Opinions Appreciated.