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 QUIET WHISPERS
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 1
600 emails to get 5 dates???Page 1 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
So I belong to a Sci-Fi club that meets bi-monthly to go to the movies, then we go out to eat & talk afterwards. Not a singles group, some couples come as well as singles. Last night a male member told me he met a great gal from another (pay) site. He then told me that since his divorce, he's dated 5 women, but he had to email like 500-600 women just to get to date 5 women!!!

Is that what men go through? If so, wouldn't the efforts be less & the odds higher to do real-life meeting??
 sanyoman112
Joined: 3/21/2010
Msg: 2
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 7:35:57 AM
Doesn't suprise me in the least......took me about 100 emails to get 5 responses and a couple of dates within the past few months. lol


That's because women get bombarded by emails from men on a daily basis, I know of one that said she got 80 in one day.....some, esp. the new comers to the online dating scene, once they see how full their inbox is, they quit as soon as they joined.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 3
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History
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 7:54:00 AM
Absolutely, it would be easier and the odds better, but then one doesn't necessarily have access to the same women that way. One thing that makes the online grind slightly better, is that at least THESE women start out by saying they are here to date. Out in the Real World, they are not so labeled, so the odds of guessing who is actually available are fairly low.
Pluses and minuses.
 QUIET WHISPERS
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 4
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 8:06:08 AM
I think singles mixers or speed dating would be good, because you SEE the person 1st- online is more of a crapshoot- the up side is if you keep doing it, sooner or later, you will meet someone.

I get 2 emails a week, but I'm tired of dating right now, at least from online. I feel much more satisfied pursuing my own interests, oftentimes on my own. Other women can be such C*ckblockers. Oddly enough, I find myself ENJOYING the company of men much more than women for friendships. I am genuinely starting to like men as I understand them more
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 5
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 8:14:41 AM
Is it really that much of a surprise? I've read in these forums a gazillion times, from some men stating that they've sent out 100-300 emails and have received little responses in return.

Some men work overtime sending a ton of emails in hopes to catch a fish, but eventually there will be some reeling in.

Online dating is not a tool that works for everyone, nor was it designed to work for everyone.

Perhaps doing some traditional dating by getting out there in the real world, would give some of those people a much better shot.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 6
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 8:16:35 AM

If so, wouldn't the efforts be less & the odds higher to do real-life meeting??


More than likely,,,but as you and I know, as we grow and age we continually eliminate things in our lives that we don't enjoy doing,,,or don't find of interest,,,we also eliminate the possibility of meeting of those that do find those things interesting.

For me,,,I spend quite a bit of time in the outdoors,rain or shine,,either wading chilly waters, hiking, gardening,etc,,,which most females do not really enjoy. My chances of meeting someone out where I play is nil to none. But,,,because I do enjoy these things I would tend to have a hard time to change that so that I could "potentially" meet someone.
Quite the catch-22 scenario if ya think about it. But you will have a hard time explaining to me why a individual should change their lifestyle,hobbies, etc that they enjoy just so that "maybe" they could meet someone that they could "date",,,,,especially at my age. Isn't that one of the complaints from some????? You know,,,,a person changes for another,,,,,and then trouble brews shortly after when they go back to what they have done before meeting another??????
 vertical95
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 7
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 8:29:18 AM
That doesn't surprise me. One of my male friends contacted about a 100 women. He got a positive reply to his initial email from about 10 of these women. He ended up going out on an actual date with 3 of these women. Those percentages are actually higher than some of his friends / relatives who had also used internet dating sites.


 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 8
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 8:42:41 AM
OP, interesting thread, you bring up sooo many issues, some from here, some from dating in general, and life!!

As for 600 emails for 5 dates, sometimes yes, sometimes no. For many men, there is a twofold issue here. First some seek only sex, hence they will write as many as needed to get a "yes"! Others have the problems of content, short emails, long emails, poor profile or pics that don't excite women. Sometimes guys get frustrated, write hundreds of women(never understood this) in the end the woman who says yes, they are actually not attracted to(different interests, different tastes, maybe not even attracted to her) just to get a date.

IRL, you have a far better chance of your personality showing through. That will get you points no pic and a profile ever will. Plus you have the added advantage of knowing your attracted IRL and share at least an interest if your in the same place.

Alot also depends on your social network, what you like, how many people you interact with.

As for "I find my self ENJOYING the company of men much more than women for friendships" seems about right for (I think) 25% of the female population. Seems they give off something that makes it easier for communication, similar to men. Men find it easy to talk with them and vice versa. Those women seem to have an aversion to the "drama" many women enjoy, in the interaction between the sexes. They also don't view other women as competition, similar to men, and so they are at ease in mixed groups, no matter the outcome of the meeting.

Yes, tired of dating online, seems a common theme. No matter how successful you are as an individual, meeting and rejecting, being disappointed and the general problems we encounter, looking for one particular type of person, just right for us, is trying, if not downright exhausting.

Just some thoughts.
 QUIET WHISPERS
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 9
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 9:10:36 AM

Sometimes guys get frustrated, write hundreds of women(never understood this) in the end the woman who says yes, they are actually not attracted to(different interests, different tastes, maybe not even attracted to her) just to get a date.

agreed, seems like a poor payoff- why not focus in on the ones who have SOMETHING that interests them?


IRL, you have a far better chance of your personality showing through. That will get you points no pic and a profile ever will. Plus you have the added advantage of knowing your attracted IRL and share at least an interest if your in the same place.

also agreed, that is how I met the last man I dated, this was last fall, & even though it fell by the wayside after 2 pleasant months, I left the relationship on a POSITIVE note, I felt more confident as a woman, because I dated a man I met for real! The added bonus was that he was younger than me...because we met in REAL LIFE, when he saw me, he did not know my age, where I lived, etc. There were no boxes to check off! The venue we met at- I live 25 miles west of it, he lived 25 miles east of it, nothing was planned, we just met & clicked. Ironicly, we both had ads on different sites up at the time we met.


Alot also depends on your social network, what you like, how many people you interact with.
also agreed. I do not sign up for things or go to things because maybe men will be there that whole concept makes me want to puke. I wanna do stuff that I like or piques my interest.


As for "I find my self ENJOYING the company of men much more than women for friendships" seems about right for (I think) 25% of the female population. Seems they give off something that makes it easier for communication, similar to men. Men find it easy to talk with them and vice versa. Those women seem to have an aversion to the "drama" many women enjoy, in the interaction between the sexes. They also don't view other women as competition, similar to men, and so they are at ease in mixed groups, no matter the outcome of the meeting.
What I love about forums, etc. is that by writing & reading the responses of fellow posters, you can gain insight into yourself & other people. I encounter so much nauseating "drama" from my female co-workers, that it gives me a new spin on other women & men. Makes me more sympathetic to men, LOL. Since my man-hunting days are over, I am more at ease in talking to men, because I am talking to them because I am genuinely interested in friendship, rather than "snagging" a mate. There is no "fronting", I am being my authentic self w/ them...I feel so relaxed since I've been in this frame of mind.


Yes, tired of dating online, seems a common theme. No matter how successful you are as an individual, meeting and rejecting, being disappointed and the general problems we encounter, looking for one particular type of person, just right for us, is trying, if not downright exhausting.
my thoughts exactly. I'm tired of being exhausted, so I'm not gonna do it anymore!!!


Just some thoughts.
good thoughts! TY
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 10
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 9:40:06 AM
How many dates did he get from other options? Online dating is good as a supplement, not not so good by itself. And, did he cut and paste a lot? That tends to drop your numbers. Mostly I think if you're e-mailing 600 people to get 5 dates, that you're probably focusing too much on dating and trying too hard. That's gotta be awful time consuming.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 11
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 10:09:03 AM
You have to wonder how much actual thought went into those emails. You can tell pretty quick if the other person is just going through the motions and to me that would explain why so many people are getting a high proportion of one line responses, read deleted or no I don't want to meet ( the message being delivered in various ways )
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 12
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 10:51:46 AM
Some further thoughts!

"Think of how many people you see every day, every week, every month."

First off, I see dozens of people everyday, sometimes perhaps 100 women in 1 or 2 days. I don't think of dating them for the most part. They just like all the men I see, are just "passing people", if your focus is only to look upon EVERY woman as a potential date, God you must be exhausted.

When you go out, by all means, if you see someone, that evokes a strong attractional response or reaction in you, your a fool to not at least try and interact. For me, however, tht happens in say 1 woman in 40 or 50. Not that there are not women I find attractive, but that there has to be MORE than pure physical attraction. Stupid example, a woman I'm attracted to wearing boat shoes, or some kind of sailing associated clothing, probably means she shares that interest. She MAYBE worth more than a look, so I'd strike up a conversation and see.

Someone else mentioned "leagues" again(sigh), that's hooey, please don't try and tell me, you've never met someone who shares interests, somehow attracts you, but is not the "type" you normally date. Sorry if your checklist is so stilted that you need someone to be X height, X weight, blue eyes, certain ocupation, live in a certain area, drive a certain car, then why date online? Go to the yacht club, country club, or any of the other exclusive places that have such men, online will be a mixed bag at best.

As for the 600, I have had ths argument soooo many times, it's past boring.

IF there are 1,200 women in your region, IF your average and can speak, write and be a little witty. You should be able to converse with almost all of them. No they all won't find you attractive, BUT you should be able to communicate. I average a 60% response rate to my emails(caveat: I only write between 5 and 10 women a month, only those I find attractive and share some interests with). If you cut and paste, or say "how you doin", "wanna chat" or other clap trap, why would they respond?

Worse by doing that you accomplish 2 things only. First you oison your pool of potential daters, by writing everyone under the sun, without knowing what works and what doesn't. Second, if we are all honest(I doubt this one highly) out of 1,200 women, at most you would date 150, and probably only the 50 or 75 you share the most with, find attractive. Why bother past that?

For me it's more difficult, I need the mind to match the physical attraction. I'm in no dire need to bed a woman. So if all the package is about what I see and not whats inside, I'll pass.
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 11:57:39 AM
That's why I stick to meeting in real life. People on-line are too fickle.
 free_pizza
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 14
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 12:23:51 PM
Yes. You can only send out so many initial messages (thoughtful, polite with mention of things in her profile) to the same type of women that you date in real life -- and get repeatedly ignored -- before you decide that it's just not worth the time and effort. That's why my profile is hidden and I no longer actively use the site.

The irony. Many men worth having will stop using the site for the same reasons. That leaves women with a higher potential of idiots who are left from which to choose. Seriously, you women can obviously tell which messages are sincere attempts to communicate and which ones are not. By ignoring the sincere messages, you discourage contact from the types of men that most of you say you want to meet -- and you probably won't get a message from that special someone that you've been waiting for b/c he was likewise discouraged from making the effort.

Congratulations; you've created your own recipe for failure. (I say this somewhat tongue in cheek and do wish everyone success in their efforts -- I am simply commenting on the fact that many utilize tactics or etiquette that significantly reduces their opportunity for success).
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 15
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 12:29:32 PM
Wow. 500-600 women would mean not THAT picky.... so just 5 women? Well, what kind of Sci-Fi character did he look like, because I could see that for some guys!

With that said, I would say on a FREE site, and you're a "decent catch", it'd still take A LOT to not just email exchange, but to get a date, sure.... VS a popular pay site where the competition is less. Maybe the pay site he used, he didn't spell out his email in a particular fashion to "let them know" how to contact them if she wasn't a subscriber.

Increase the odds?
- Email them and put your email in there, in a fashion that doesn't get filtered out
- Make the pictures attractive (as -realistically- can be), and showing some expression
- Write an interesting profile -- not about Sci-Fi.
- Write women in a way they find interesting -- not about Sci-Fi (well, maybe 1 out of 500 may like that...)
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 16
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History
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 12:39:23 PM
If real life meet ups were that successful then it stands to reason there wouldn't be thousands of online dating sites, new ones popping up all the time.

It's like most things, whether it's applying for a job or starting a business...or online dating, there are a smaller percentage of those that will be successful at it. Doesn't mean the VENUE itself doesn't work.

FYI there are also regional forums here where they post events for local areas, it seems many are unaware of this feature.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 17
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History
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 12:41:07 PM

agreed, seems like a poor payoff- why not focus in on the ones who have SOMETHING that interests them?

the bulk emailers have already done that and gotten no response. so they move on to the less interesting ones, which for the unsuccessful guys on here generally means less hot.

example: i was yakking with a guy on here who bemoaned his lack of success, blamed it on female pickiness, and pointed me to a profile of a woman who'd blown him off twice, saying he'd been seeing on dating sites for years. she looked great but her narrative reflected entitlement and bitterness off the charts. i couldn't imagine anyone wanting to be around someone like that, but here this guy had even REPEAT contacted her.

If so, wouldn't the efforts be less & the odds higher to do real-life meeting??

i doubt many people turn to online dating who are getting what they want in the IRL dating world.

some do, though. based on some profiles, i suspect the successful IRL daters who come here are the supreme hotties. in those cases, they're not trying to increase their candidate pool - they're just looking for a tool to better manage it. and one look at a page tells them whether someone smokes, how close by they live, whether they have kids, etc.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 18
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 12:50:11 PM
The unfortunate truth is that for the most part the guys who have luck here are guys who have luck everywhere else. This isn't a prime place to date, it's just a place to find people you don't already meet in everyday offline travels. *shrug*

If your hobbies and activities are solo-based, your dating pool will be smaller. That's sort of the way it goes. So unless/until you do run into someone you have enough interest in to want to date, why force it?
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 19
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 1:01:04 PM

They are out of your league and you are aiming way too high.


This must be one of those times when the magic psychic ball comes into play. It isn't always about being out of someone's league.

What a rather large assumption, without having any proof to back it up.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 20
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 2:32:00 PM

i suspect the successful IRL daters who come here are the supreme hotties

For the record, I have to disagree somewhat -- I am clearly not a supreme hottie. Well, without my pigtails and red ribbon I'm not - lol (shudder) In all seriousness, I think it depends on what you mean by "successful". I think people who are 'successful' in some sense would still come online, as in they're not striking out so much IRL. I agree with what ya say in terms of 'successful' if you mean their own goals not being met (the 'too picky'), or more apt to be on here if they ARE striking out. I think online can be just another watering hole, which can be fun. The bar can be one, online can be another, the water cooler by the girls locker room can be another, and all can be fun to hang out at when you're single. :)

guys who have luck here are guys who have luck everywhere else

I totally agree. It's a more competitive environment on a free site, and in many ways it's tougher than particular bar (crowds) for many. Hence, guys who are good looking & successful IRL will do fine here. If a guy who isn't IRL decided to go up to 500-600 women to get a phone # at a bar (that he fits into), he would end up landing more than 5 dates -- I would find it extremely hard to believe otherwise.

It isn't always about being out of someone's league.

No, not for every read/deleted, I totally agree. However, even on a free/competitive site like this, if you're only getting a date from 1% or less of the gals you hit up, chances are you're aiming for out of your league. I will say though, that such a free/competitive site automatically ups a girl's attractive value, in terms of getting attention -- which would make it harder for a guy even in her league to land.

But if a guy was hitting up 500 gals who were (survey says) below their league, he'd get more than 5 dates.
 Nerdhead26
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 21
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 3:41:56 PM

He then told me that since his divorce, he's dated 5 women, but he had to email like 500-600 women just to get to date 5 women!!!

Is that what men go through? If so, wouldn't the efforts be less & the odds higher to do real-life meeting??


WOW poor guy. 600 emails for 5 dates? that's ridiculous.
I definitely don't have that kind of problem. if i send out 10 emails to 10 women 8 or 9 of them will go out on a date with me. the unsuccessful ones are usually rejected by me or are no replies..... but 600 emails & just 5 dates? holy cow that sucks!!
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 22
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 5:14:09 PM
From Nerdhead25 "I definitely don't have that kind of problem. if i send out 10 emails to 10 women 8 or 9 of them will go out on a date with me. the unsuccessful ones are usually rejected by me or are no replies."

Are you saying you get 8 to 9 dates from 10 emails or 8 to 9 dates from 10 emails to 10 women or 100 emails. The latter 8.5% is believable the former 85% not so much.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 23
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 6:37:54 PM
WOW!! Followed up on this thread, boy a bunch of the guys who get no responses should read it! Makes my 60% seem paltry! LOL

I'm gonna kinda go with cowboy. I'll rarely hit clubs, sometimes but it's not my thing. If I do it's more for fun, than meeting women. Oh and don't look for me in church, as though you didn't know! hahaha!

But yes, frankly I do well everywhere. I'm friendly, personable and able to talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime. To me there are no strangers, only friends I haven't made yet. So I can walk into a room of 30 I've never seen and leave knowing at least half of them.

My issues are I am looking for a specific type of woman. Independant, smart, interested in art, sailing and fairly liberal. While that doesn't sound all that difficult, it seems to be here in Hotlanta as opposed to NYC!

I also lack the social network I had up there. So I've tried harder online for that very reason. Sometimes it works, many times not. I get more than my share of dates, I think. I try IRL, when an event or something I'm into comes up.

I guess I'll have to try these POF meetups, wasn't really sure about them.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 24
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 7:00:34 PM

Is that what men go through? If so, wouldn't the efforts be less & the odds higher to do real-life meeting??



Is that what dudes go through? lol, according to scientist men supposedly are only successful with women about 25% of the time. Well "aggressive" males that is. Your friend's percentage is quite low, damn. Anyway this is the way the world's been working, you wins some, "lose" almost all the time.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 25
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 8:02:15 PM

No, not for every read/deleted, I totally agree. However, even on a free/competitive site like this, if you're only getting a date from 1% or less of the gals you hit up, chances are you're aiming for out of your league. I will say though, that such a free/competitive site automatically ups a girl's attractive value, in terms of getting attention -- which would make it harder for a guy even in her league to land.

But if a guy was hitting up 500 gals who were (survey says) below their league, he'd get more than 5 dates.


Your response was worded much better than msg #13. Good job. I must state though, if a man has sent out 300-600 emails over time, and has only managed to reel in 1-2 women, that is quite insane if I must put it nicely. If I resorted to sending out such a ridiculous amount of emails, yet my email percentage was 1%, I would quit online dating and realize that it is not for me.

I read these forums all the time, and I always read posts from men stating how they've sent out a huge number of emails but very few women replied. For the one's that did reply, it didn't go any where. However, I no longer believe in leagues, but perhaps these guys do, and if they are aiming too high, then perhaps they should try lowering their standards but not significantly.

Some say that getting very few responses, is better than receiving none at all.
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