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 WorthingtonGuy
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 1
Video games before RelationshipsPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I just don't understand how people can place a video game before their children and relationship. I unfortunately was in one of those relationships that also included emotional cheating.

She played a video game at least 15-20 hours a week, and would get so involved that EVERYTHING came second, that includes me and her kids. some days it would be so bad that she woke up around 7am and would log into the game, and log out when she went to bed around 9pm work days login in the morning and log out to go to work , then log in again after work until bedtime.

However that's part one.

Part two is that she met a married couple who lived a few states away, while playing the game and became friends with both of them, but more with the husband. They became such good friends over the course of a year, that when they weren't talking while playing the game, they would be texting when not playing, plus she would talk about him at least once a day every day. To top it all off when she wanted to go on vacation she wanted to invite this couple to go with us to the ocean in which she had never seen before..

Now does it make me selfish that asking me if the couple could go with us made me angry, full well and knowing that I had issues with the game, and how much time that she spent online and offline talking to this guy, upset me..

Either way in the end she chose the game and this online married man over me..

Point of this story is that if you get involved with a game addict, you are setting yourself up to be right back on POF.
 WorthingtonGuy
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 2
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 5:54:53 AM
I thought this was relationship issues section, and to the best of my knowledge this is a relationship issue..
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 3
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Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 6:14:49 AM
She had an addiction no different than alcohol or drugs. Personally I would not date someone that would waste more than an hour a day playing games.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 4
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Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 6:30:36 AM
Another case where you got to escape but the kids get left in the mess.
Too bad you can't get help for her children, she has no business
having them.
 WorthingtonGuy
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 5
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 6:33:35 AM
Believe me it was not by my choice. I had discussed with her to get help and go to a counselor, to join up with http://www.olganon.org/ (On-Line Gamers Anonymous).

All to no avail. The game and the other guy were more important.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 6
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 6:38:36 AM
Are video games any different than sitting in front of the TV for hours watching "your shows?" Or spending every sat/sun watching every football game that comes on?

Gaming is a hobby - no different than any other hobby. I find it strange that spending hours at a time reading a book is perfectly acceptable, but playing a game for an hour or more is looked down upon. Sounds a bit snooty to me.
 WorthingtonGuy
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 7
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 6:43:13 AM
The difference is that watching a football game is an occasional occurrence, and do people really sit and watch TV all day everyday ? This is an everyday thing not just a hobby which is ever now and then. I agree that games are fun to play every now and then, but when you put the game and your online male friend before everything else is not at all snooty.. The saying everything in moderation did not apply in this scenario.
 StatlerandWaldorf
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 8
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 6:48:56 AM

Gaming is a hobby - no different than any other hobby.


Any hobby can become an addiction. Some are more socially acceptable than others (these are 'soft addictions'), but if it's affecting the quality of your life and relationships, then it's not healthy, even if it's 'just a game.' As illustrated by our OP's situation.
 cherryyblossom
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 9
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 6:57:51 AM
what kind of video games does she play? i used to had a bad addiction to video games until about two years ago, when i completely lost interest in them because they were getting boring. now the computer takes their place in my life.
 WorthingtonGuy
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 10
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 7:02:59 AM
The game was Perfect World..

The game is advertised as free, but there is a catch to it.. If you want certain gear, or even to get married in game (which is what she and the above mentioned guy did) you have to spend real money.
I didn't even mention the amount of money she dropped in game either, one thing I over looked, only because she had found a version which is totally free.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 11
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Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 8:32:07 AM
well could this story be the same as men who watch sports,for hours everyday
i was in the hospital last month, i had problems with my knee
everyday, the men chose to watch sports, they knew every male player by heart, how good they where, really everything about them
to me this kind of obsession seemed homosexual,you could tell they did this at home too, because they knew everything about the players
i felt pity for there wives and children,dad is more interested in watching men play on tv
 Twilightslove
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 12
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Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 8:55:23 AM
Sometimes when people find their world disappointing they sink into the depth of fantasy (whatever that fantasy may be to them) and it is up to them to realize how much their fantasy world is affecting their real life. It will probably take some real life altering situations before she realizes that she needs to deal with reality more than fantasy. Unfortunately, these online games draw people in by expanding real life communication between the players and that makes these players feel justified in playing the game. After all, they are meeting real people, and just like your girlfriend wanting to meet this man and his wife for real there are other people doing the same thing everyday. The reality of it all though is that these rendezvous with other gamers has a way of destroying current relationships. They meet their fantasy gamer for real and start a romance, wrecking their current relationships only to find out months down the road that their fantasy gamer was not any better than what they had. I've seen this happen. It is just another play on the grass isn't always greener on the other side yet people run to try out the new grass anyways.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 13
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 10:10:34 AM

I find it strange that spending hours at a time reading a book is perfectly acceptable, but playing a game for an hour or more is looked down upon. Sounds a bit snooty to me.


OP stated that this woman spent hours playing video games. Plus, the average person reads about 1-2 hours a week which isn't bad at all. As least when it comes down to reading, people are doing something constructive with their time.

My sister has an s/o that spends a ridiculous amount of time on video games, and they don't go any where. Which has been a major issue and concern for her. If he was single, his addiction probably wouldn't be much of an issue but the guy is in a committed relationship where he should be committed some of his time to his lady.

I can see OP frustration, and I would hate to be in a relationship with a guy that spends much more time on his addiction rather it be video games, gambling, TV, etc, than he does with me.

OP,

No, you aren't selfish. You were apparently neglected and it's okay to vent and let out your frustration.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 14
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Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 10:16:44 AM
Was she involved in this game to this degree when you met her? I wouldn't be interested enough to even meet someone who spends every spare minute doing (or talking about) something that I have no interest in.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 15
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 10:24:50 AM

The problem isn't that you were dating a gamer, the problem was that you were dating someone so unhappy with their life that they resorted to ESCAPISM.


As a teenager, I would DEVOUR science fiction novels one right after the other. I could read three or four a day, easy. No one ever, ever looked down on me for it, in fact my parents actually encouraged it.

It's really not much different, except that I was a child and this woman is a parent with responsiblities. If her children and marriage have suffered, its time for professional help. I'd put money on the odds that she is suffering from depression or anxiety or some other socialization malady.
 WorthingtonGuy
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 16
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 10:42:12 AM
No when I first met her she didn't even know the game existed, however I played it as a recreation( possibly 3-4 hours a week (week is inclusive of weekends)). She started playing and became addicted, playing all the time and only leaving the basement to do what she absolutely had to do. I mean she kicked her own brother out on his birthday while he was visiting us, to go play the game. We had several fights over the amount of game play, and types of conversations she was having with her friends and the amount of time talking and texting her one male friend. She quit for a while but then started back up on the totally free version, and slowly increased her game play and wanted more and more "free time".

She does suffer from depression and has been put on meds, but doesn't want to seek professional help..
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 17
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 11:12:27 AM
You would've gotten more responses if the gender was switched, people don't know how to comment on a woman being addicted to video games. We as people are addicts, we can get addicted to about anything. Every thing from video games, soap operas, sports, porn, Twilight, Star Wars, movies, music, sex, etc. Not even including the usual suspects of drugs, cigarettes and alcohol.

There are many things that "fuel" the reason behind these addictions. Everything from just letting it get out of control to depression and we need a "exit" from our problems. It's hardly the 1st one its more of the depression. People have problems in relationships and life and we need that "me" time.

I personally play video games, mainly Madden Football, I play maybe 1 or 2 games a week. I used to be able to go through a season in a week. I was involved in my games. One day I just wanted to get out and do something that didn't involve just sitting on the couch to have fun and me time. Never went back to that again. Now if I have me time I play on the internet, write or read. Most of the sites I visit on the net are informative sites, I mean I've got down time with facebook and sports sites.

Oh well best of luck with the addictive partner.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 18
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 11:29:46 AM
Well I have had guys get mad at my addiction to the internet so I guess its kinda the same thing. I spend about two hours a day talking to friends and family all over the world on social networks. It makes them jealous that I would rather hear about their lives than spend that time with them. Thing is they are right next to me when I do.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 19
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 11:32:33 AM
I'm single and I dont have any children so I don't worry about my gaming and how it may affect others.

However, when I am at my sisters and watching my nephews as I frequently do, the boys are either right at my side playing along with me or we will pull out a board game that we can all play. Those boys know where my priorities are when I am responsible for them. Sure I don't have them 24/7 and its a lot easier for me to devote my full attention when I do keep them, but still.

The game I play is a medieval warfare MMO, I would estimate that no more than 5% of the player base is female. I would also estimate that no more than 10% or so are above the age of 30.

This makes me kind of a rare commodity in my game and I frequently am called on to be a leader because of it. If I have a scheduled event in-game (like leading 40 people on a raid who have taken three hours of their own leisure time to commit to it's success) I make damn sure I treat that appointment just like any other.

It may be just a game, but those are real people with real schedules who have made a time commitment to reach a common goal. They deserve an RSVP just like any other.

I just make sure not to schedule more than one or two of these events per month.

Worthington, I feel your pain. There is a woman on our voice chat channel that can be heard screaming at her children while we play. Let's just say she is not a very popular player. We all cringe when we hear her neglecting her kids right in front of us. Some folks are even bold enough to say things to her about it sometimes.

Not everyone who plays MMOs is an irresponsible parent, it plagues the community and most people are disgusted by it.
 WorthingtonGuy
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 20
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 12:35:15 PM
24 hours in a day
8 hours work
8 hours sleep
3 hours driving
=5 hours free time

This is just a basic breakdown.
but it kind of gives you an idea of how little time we have left in the day to be with our spouses, bf's/gf's and or kids.
 Kahukura
Joined: 5/3/2010
Msg: 21
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 12:48:14 PM
ONe of my exes used to do it. He loves Nascar and rfactor.

He and his buddies across the world, would set up times of around 3pm EST (6pm here) to do an online race which were 150 or so laps around a track, it took 2 to 3 hours depending how idiotic and impatient some of the drivers were and the number of cautions in the game.

I never minded him doing it, was a couple times a week and he would practice a couple times a week, no different than me going on Farmville on facebook once my son is asleep to play the farming game, we all need our own time.

About 3 years ago I was like your ex, totally engrossed in my pc, it was an escape, I was in an abusive relationship that was pretty much dead, so I would get up, go the the computer, only leave to eat, etc. go to bed. It was depression, I was so depressed about where my life was at that point, the only thing that kept me going was that. These days I get bored too easily and well don't stay at it long. She is probably in a depression of some sort, at least thats how it sounds. Everyones life suffered because of mine.
 WorthingtonGuy
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 22
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 12:56:14 PM
I guess though I was a good bf. I included her kids, and did things with them, tried to talk to her about things and have discussions, tried to make "date Nights", bought things for her, openly discussed my feelings , thoughts , fears, ambitions, etc. Tried to be the best to and for her that I could. My priorities were to my family. Making sure I put my time for them before anything else, BUT would take some time (again a few hours a week) for me.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 23
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 1:25:26 PM
There was a thread on this a few months ago. While the premise of your situation is slightly different the theme was the same.

Personally I hate using the word addiction for this, but I did on that thread. I had some experience with this, albeit at a slight distance, my daughter dated a "game zombie".

Now we could argue the merits of TV versus games, or watching sports versus games, what difference would it make?

The point I tried to make(to the shreiks, hue and cry of gamers) was that anything that interferes with life, is not good. Frankly we don't know you or her. Though whether it's attributable to depression, fantasy or the thrill of the game is quite irrelevant.

If you spend more than 10 hours a week on games, to the exclusion of work, meal preperation, laundry, housework, childcare, maintenance, relationships, and the other things that make a life full, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!

My daughter similar to another poster was an avid reader. She would sit reading, while I called him "xbox boy" would play hours and hours of games. They never went to dinner, he lost several jobs, due to showing up late, after playing games till 3 or 4 AM. He eventually failed out of college, because he missed so many classes, or failed to turn in assignments, cause we couldn't miss "World of Warcraft" or any of those shootem up games.

Ultimately they broke up, he moved back home with his parents, where he esconsed himself in the basement, playing games 24/7 or so it seemed. He would run upstairs between matches, make a plate of food, then run back down to continue the game. Further he hid several empty gallon milk containers there with him, so he could pizz in them and not have to take a bathroom break. The dishes piled up and a smell developed and his father asked him to move out.

Now he lives on high school friends couches. He owes over $70,000 in student loans for a degree he never received.

Now before all the gamers go "that's not me, that's not me" if your spending more than 10 hours a week, if your blowing things off you SHOULD do, to continue to play.

As I said, you have a problem!!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 24
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 1:47:37 PM
Addiction to video games and online in general is a real thing.
There are stories online about babies dying of starvation while
their parents raise virtual kids or just generally play online.

I'm not sure where the line is, but I think when any hobby takes
over your life, it could be a problem.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 25
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 2:04:45 PM
The point is - the OP seems to be blaming the game - or games - more so than the people involved. It's like blaming the gun for a homicide instead of the person who pulled the trigger.

Video games are simply products designed to sell and bring in profit. You can't blame the game for a person's addictive nature. If it wasn't video games it is quite possible it'd be something else she'd be "addicted" to resulting in the same behavior she displayed in the OP's first post.


Now does it make me selfish that asking me if the couple could go with us made me angry, full well and knowing that I had issues with the game, and how much time that she spent online and offline talking to this guy, upset me..

Why do you have issues with the game? The games not the one forcing her to log in multiple times a day, or playing several hours a day either. The game's not the one driving her desire for another man. Your anger is misguided. It is HER that should have issues with - not some computer product that has nothing to with her particular nature. Again, it's no different that someone being pissed at a gun manufacturer for the shooting of a loved one instead of directing their anger toward the person who actually pulled the trigger.


Either way in the end she chose the game and this online married man over me..

If it wasn't a married man online who's to say it wouldn't be someone she met at work? Someone she met at the grocery store? Someone she met at the gas station? If it's not a game she was addicted too - who's to say it wouldn't be something else?


Now does it make me selfish that asking me if the couple could go with us made me angry, full well and knowing that I had issues with the game, and how much time that she spent online and offline talking to this guy, upset me..

No it doesn't make you the least bit selfish. In fact you should deny this meeting firmly. You don't run off for a weekend with a couple of you've never met in person. That's not only unsafe, but seriously stupid. It's fine they're passing through your neck of the woods and want to meet up for a drink to meet face to face - but going off on a weekend? Retarded.


She played a video game at least 15-20 hours a week, and would get so involved that EVERYTHING came second, that includes me and her kids. some days it would be so bad that she woke up around 7am and would log into the game, and log out when she went to bed around 9pm work days login in the morning and log out to go to work , then log in again after work until bedtime.

Hmmm... if she's logging in and playing every moment she's not at work - then she's playing a LOT more then just 15 to 20 hours a week. 15 hours a week comes out to about 2 hours a day over a seven day period. So, which is it - does she play a couple of hours a day or are we talking more like 50 to 60 hours a week? There's a big difference. If you're going to make an accusation about someone being "addicted" to something like a game, make sure you have your times right. I'm not getting on your case, but a couple of a hours a day is not an addiction - not even close.

Also, you have to consider too that it might not be the game itself as the reason she's logging in. It may very well be the fact that she's logging in for the sole purpose of talking to this guy. Using the game as a cover to keep you and his wife in the proverbial dark.
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