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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > How long to keep a profile up?      Home login  
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 2
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How long to keep a profile up?Page 1 of 1    
If people set their profiles to "invisible" and Did Not post in forums I don't think anyone would know if the profile was still active. Maybe I'm wrong. So checking to see if someone is active or not may not tell.

Both should probably decide when the time is right to take profiles completely off. Not one sided.
How long to keep a profile up?
Posted: 6/19/2010 4:11:48 PM

If a guy and a girl start seeing one another, how long should the profiles stay up?

however long they agree to. agreement is the result of discussion, not assumption*. it's best to go into the discussion with a good idea of what you want, and what you're willing to accept and not accept if agreement can't be reached.

i've been with my SO for over a year. our profiles are still up, because we both like the forums, and still visible because we never saw the need to hide them.

I let him know I knew he was still on and that it bothered me.

did you let the resentment build and build until you finally blew up? if so, consider whether more reasoned discussion earlier on might have served you better.

*this is an assumption:
If he was that into me wouldn't he take his profile down and concentrate on our relationship?
 The Ogre of POF
Joined: 6/5/2010
Msg: 4
How long to keep a profile up?
Posted: 6/19/2010 4:30:53 PM
What is the relationship here? Are the two of you grindin' the uglies every night or are you meetin' up to play bingo & bridge? The word relationship is extremely vague and extremely overused. Example:

I have 3 daughters, an ex-wife, 2 good female friends, 9 female acquaintances, a mother, female employees, females I attend church with and even the female who cuts my hair. I have a "relationship" with each of these individuals and yet I logically have a profile up on POF also.

So, define relationship first and then reflect upon whether or not a profile on POF is proper based upon the type of relationship you have with this individual.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
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How long to keep a profile up?
Posted: 6/19/2010 5:28:54 PM
My good friend and colleague Sassy speaks on the marks, all of them. Too bad the relationship seems either to be over, or on hiatus over this.
I've seen that there are a number of similar expectations that individuals get into their heads during relationships. Almost every time something like this comes up, the whole problem boils down generically to the person making the complaint having made ASSUMPTIONS, and failing to communicate those assumptions.
The logical result of this, is that the other person feels (I think correctly) that you don't respect them as an equal, and/or as a person. You assumed that there was an obvious "rule" that no one in a committed dating relationship (not actually established, according to your post) should have any active presence on this site. There is no such "rule," and more than there are any other "rules" that every one knows and agrees to about dating.
Lesson for the future: learn to recognize when you are making assumptions. Bring those assumptions out in the open and discuss them as soon as you are aware of them. Preferably, realize that there are AT LEAST two sides to such issues, and more than one reason why someone might not want to comply with your expectations. To do less, means you think your S.O. is more of an employee, than an equal.
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 8
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How long to keep a profile up?
Posted: 6/19/2010 8:02:13 PM

Now he has quit calling altogether! Now I see his profile is down. If a guy and a girl start seeing one another, how long should the profiles stay up?

His profile's not down, he's just hidden and contacting women other than you.

Of course, we don't know how long it's been since this convo about the profile, what both parties said, how long it's been down and how long he hasn't contacted you if it's only been a day you might be over reacting.
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 9
How long to keep a profile up?
Posted: 6/20/2010 9:36:38 AM
I've twice since I came to PoF felt the need to remove myself from the dating pool. This was not dependent on their doing so, too. I simply felt that I didn't wish to contact or be contacted by others. Both times I told the person in question what I was doing, and why I was doing it, and offered not to if they felt it was premature. One did, so I didn't. The other was delighted, so I did. In neither case did I delete the profile. I did change the status field to not single/not looking, and hid my profile for a while so I wouldn't show up in searches. He left his up, unchanged and unchecked.

OPie, I think perhaps that you shouldn't have just let it go at the first month, but rather talked about it. By not doing so, you let your resentment build, and I'm certain that sense came across to him when you did talk to him again. However: it does sound as if he wasn't as involved as you were even after half a year. Given that he's simply stopped contacting you, without even the courtesy of a good bye reeks of a person capable of punishing behavior when ill pleased. On the whole, I'd have to say you're well out of this.

As to your original question, how long, how, and why profiles stay up is a question/problem (if it is that) for the two people involved. Failure to work it out bodes unwell for a long happy relationship.

Good luck.
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 11
How long to keep a profile up?
Posted: 6/20/2010 2:11:31 PM
If he wasn't on for the forums (which you can easily check).... and his profile still says "single" and it's a profile for matchmaking bait...

Then yeah, that's bad. I would say at the point where one's exclusive, they should invisibilize their profile, and if they're on the forums, set their profile to Not Single/Not Looking, and write in their message that they're off the market and just on for the forums.
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