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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age      Home login  
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 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 2
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our agePage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Do you think this is typical of people over 45 to feel like this?

I have no idea. I'm not the typical over 45 year old guy. My priority is getting a business started and I'd live in my office and put everything in storage, regardless of what anyone else thought, if that furthered my goal. What matters to me at my age is doing what is in my best interests, even if doing so is not what someone else thinks I ought to be doing. I don't need to live with a partner, but I don't have a problem with doing so if she is ok with my priorities. In other words, f*ck 'em. It's your life. Do whatever works for you.

I started out her looking for something along the lines of a FWB and deliberately trying to avoid a relationship, but I met a woman who was happy with the way I am, so I got engaged instead without having to change my life. I would have just kept with the FWB idea if that was my best option, so I see nothing wrong with that either.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 3
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/24/2010 10:41:46 AM
OP, I feel exactly the same as you. I'm 54 and had never lived alone until 3 years ago. I went from my parents house, to college (in a dorm), to married. When we got divorced, the kids were always around. My daughter left for college in 2000, and my son left for the Army 3 years ago -- I finally was alone.

At first I was kinda-sorta excited, then I was lonely and missed having the kids around. Now, 3 years later, I'm not even sure I want a man around permanently. I like coming and going as I please and not having to be "on" all the time. I sometimes go for an entire weekend without hearing another human's voice, except for the TV, which I can mute ...

That "friend with benefits" thing is starting to look like a good option ...

I do think what we feel may be a little out of the norm. Seems most of my friends my age are in a big hurry to get married -- they don't want to be old and alone. Personally, I would rather be alone than be with someone solely because I was lonely.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 4
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/24/2010 12:12:30 PM
"I do think what we feel may be a little out of the norm."

There are many people 45+ who have no desire to have a live in at our age.

I have a wide group of friends like me who haven't wanted to live with anyone for years. We are live happily on our own, and have happy single lifestyles.

If people want to think that isn't normal, and want to be married that is up to them.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 6
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/24/2010 1:18:02 PM
OP - for me, a happy relationship would include ending up under one roof. So, yes I do feel the need to live with somebody - because that for me means that I have found a happy relationship.

However, right now I enjoy being able to do what I want, when I want...I do have a 21 year old at home, but I may as well be "alone".

There are benefits to both, as well as negative points, and we all have our own personal preference. For me, I can't see that any real, or happy relationship would be conducted long term under more than one roof.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 8
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/24/2010 3:46:34 PM
Nutty J, I hear you!

I am on my own, have been for 7 years. Still have the youngest home, however he will be leaving shortly. Then ... the house is ALL mine!

How would I feel about another man living here with me? Hmmmm, I don't think I am ready for that.

I watch my married friends. There is always something. One pisses off the other, then they are having their disagreements, life is not perfect for them.

Me, I want to be by myself. At least for now. I can come and go as I please. I answer to no one. I feel no guilt if I want to buy myself something. I don't have to grocery shop for someone else, or make sure that they are eating properly. Now it is all about me. And I like it that way. Not a bad thing after putting everyone else before me for 52 years. This is a learning curve for me.

Maybe in a few years I might like having someone around. I don't know. This is another phase in our life, when we are done our mothering and can focus on ourselves. Enjoy it while you can.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 9
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/24/2010 6:12:43 PM
I used to think I missed living with someone for a few years after my divorce.
So I moved in with a girl 3 years ago.
Moved out after 9 months.

Don't miss living with anyone now.
:-)
but still nice to date.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 10
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/24/2010 6:45:47 PM

Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age

Nooooooooooooo.
Noooooooooo wayyyyyyyyyy.
Nooooooooooo thanks.
Nope.
No.
No.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 12
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/24/2010 7:18:10 PM
...I believe the longer you remain single, the more you enjoy your singleness. I love the freedom to come and go and do as I please, cook if I want, or not... and buy what I want without having to check with anyone. Travel...oh gosh, so many reasons to just date or maintain a more casual relationship.

Besides all that, I've become selfish over the years and I don't know if I would be any good at a live in relationship. I seriously think at this point in my life it's going to take a hellva man to make me want to change my mind.

Ok...now I've done it. There's no hope of ever getting a date now (lol)

...mae
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 13
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/24/2010 7:55:30 PM
Not if if means having to cook, clean toothpaste off the mirror, pick up dirty socks, arm wrestle for the remote, do laundry, and constantly have to put the seat down on the toilet!!
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 14
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/24/2010 10:14:34 PM
OP - I feel the same as you. It's luxurious to live alone. The house is so peaceful, you do whatever you like, listen to music, read a book, eat whatever you want. It's like Xmas every day. I think this must be typical of people at our stage of decay, smart people anyway.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 15
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/25/2010 5:15:30 AM
And I'm the exact opposite of you...I've never lived with anyone (beyond family). And almost 47 (don't know your age).

So what you're experiencing is BEING SINGLE love. You don't have to be typical, normal. or whatever. And who knows, you may change your mind later down the road. You've just become single really...so it's a completely new experience for you.

I'm like the good man who posted below you...not the typical over 45 yr old woman in any aspect. Never married, no kids...not because I chose it but because that's how life chose me at this time. There are times when I DO feel the need to live with someone because I've never done it.

Enjoy it and realize that you may, 2 more years from now, decide that a FWB isn't really want you want.

There's no such thing as typical over 45 yr old.
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 16
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/25/2010 8:44:03 AM
Too much time together can be as bad for a relationship
as too much time apart...you have to find a balance,
but living together doesn't necessarily have to be a drudgery,
it should be the coadaptation that binds your relationship not
destroys it..
As for Free At Last's grievance, household chores should
be shared equally, it's common curtsey to pick up after oneself
or replace the toilet seat & cover..Almost every home has more
than one TV so remote wrestling is an easily solvable problem...
There are certain benefits to living alone, like now I'm wearing only
my boxers my hair is a mess, haven't showered or shaved yet, if I was
living with my SO that would have been priority one..
 MizBex
Joined: 3/27/2010
Msg: 17
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/25/2010 9:35:26 AM
More people would remained married if they each had their own home.

It's a fact.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 18
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/25/2010 2:35:33 PM
Some of us have had good marriages then become widowed. After grieving, we have started to date again. After years of not finding someone we want to live with, we happily live alone. Some of us become so pleased at living alone, that we doubt after all these years that we ever would again have an interest in living with someone.

When we are younger, we want to nest. At this age, some of us don't see the advantage of ever nesting with another person again. Financially or starting a family wise, there is no reason, or desire to live with someone.

Possible it could happen with the right person. Hopefully in my case though, that person would prefer to live alone too.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 19
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/25/2010 3:26:15 PM

Casual relationships suit me fine really. Dont mind having a boyfriend or a friend with benefits. Do you think this is typical of people over 45 to feel like this?


Maybe my perception of this forum has been wrong (I won't argue) but it seems that the ladies, overall, have comdemned men for the concept of having a FWB relationship: he wants s_x without commitment.

Maybe it's a woman uses this phrase is what's taking me back. I'm not accusing OP or any other woman of being loose, please. But it seems like when a man uses it , it is always assumed he wants a one night event but when a woman uses it, the assumption is she wants a long term relationship with intimacy. Could one of the ladies "enlighten" me.
 Uncle Grumpy
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 20
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/25/2010 3:27:21 PM
So far the replys just reinforce my dating pool experiences. Plenty of replies, emails and a few that dated more than once or even for months. But for the most part no matter what they said, they have all been unwilling to seek a relationship and are content to live alone. They have their little dogs and girlfriends for company. Some want casual sex. Many prefer to spend most of their spare time on the computer playing games and looking for the "perfect" guy on the dating sites. I still contend that the advantages and benefits from living together outweigh the inconveinences.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 21
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/25/2010 6:17:53 PM
I've spent a good chunk of my adult years married and/or living with a woman. after being widowed for 5 years now, I can honestly say that I prefer being on my own. The reasons have all been stated ; SO much freedom and independence...I just love it.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 23
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/25/2010 6:57:55 PM
"it seems that the ladies, overall, have comdemned men for the concept of having a FWB relationship: he wants s_x without commitment."

Just because a women wants a relationship without living together, doesn't mean she wants a FWB relationship.

To me, you can have the same mental committment as you have in marriage without living together.

FWB to me, mean there is no committment. It goes on until one of the friends finds someone else that they are interested in.

My father had a gf for 30 years until he died. They tried living together, and didn't like it for obvious reasons. So they spent 30 yrs. in a committed relationship, where they lived at his summer home, and spent the rest of the year in their own homes.

Big difference between FWB, and a commited relationship where the partners maintain separate homes.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 24
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/25/2010 11:59:11 PM
I've lived on my own longer in this life than I've been paired. On the other hand, if we leave out the first twenty years, it's about fifty/fifty. On the whole, I'd rather be with the one I love. In blessed dailiness. But sometimes it takes longer than other times to get in (distance can certainly make a difference here), and recovering when it ends, whether that is by choice, against choice, or by death is it's own kind of aloness.

I don't on the whole get lonely. I know how to entertain myself, and enjoy it. But the truth is, under all, I simply believe that most of us are meant to live together. Some don't make it for one reason or another, but I absolutely believe that the desiderata for the human animal is a mate. In the house. Coming home for dinner. Asleep next to you. Sharing jokes and stories and visions. Would I trade that for the freedom to eat while standing in front of an open fridge? Nope, not on your life.

 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 25
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/26/2010 1:46:58 AM
I would only be interested in a committed relationship.. However we can live under two different roofs..

But from time to time we can share the same roof.

How about in Bali this winter..

thecatsmeoww
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 26
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/26/2010 4:04:44 AM
afraid i'm far too selfish too share my beautiful big bed with a live in partner...

besides,
i love living day by day doing what i want, when i want...
(and who i want)...
having a live in partner wouldn't work for me...
 callmelori
Joined: 12/3/2008
Msg: 27
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/26/2010 11:13:59 AM
I don't know if that's how people over the age of 45 typically feel. For me, I'd like to live with someone, I think. I don't want to marry again, but I don't think that I have to be married to be happy. If I did decide to live with someone, I would like us to maintain separate places at least for a while in the beginning. We might get sick of each other and need a break for a day or two or three. LOL That's actually my running joke. I tell my friends I could live with someone, but he'd need to keep his own place so I could tell him to go home when he was on my last nerve. Actually, I'm sure I'd be on his last nerve, too. :)

Lori
 lonesome wonderer
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 28
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/26/2010 2:35:29 PM
it's funny, my mom always told me that i need a man in my life...boy did i prove her wrong! i don't miss having a man in my life since i've been very independent about a lot of things (non sexual) and have been even when i was married, but i do miss having the companionship of a man. i've been missing the holding hands, sweet kisses, and gentle hugs. it's nice to be with someone of the opposite sex, and friends with benefits is out of the option for me. i'd prefer dating and if and when the time comes for the love making (not just sex) then so-be-it. i think it would be cool to have our own place to run to when we need a little time apart but that would be up to whomever i'm dating (no one presently). i'm not looking for marriage (been there twice) nor am i looking for a room-mate but down the line if that time should come......well, we'll both have a lot to think about.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 29
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/26/2010 6:00:55 PM
I am not sure how I feel about this question. I don't really feel that need, but it would be nice to find someone that was compatible and housebroken at the same time.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 30
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/27/2010 9:53:49 AM
I don't feel the need to have a man in my life 24/7. I've been flying solo for a long while and I do enjoy my solitude. I'd probably feel cramped if he were around 24/7 and 365 days a year.
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