Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Out of my league      Home login  
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 1
view profile
Out of my leaguePage 1 of 1    
Ok, this is probably going to sound terribly immature, but I surf POF and there are a lot of really nice girls and I don't bother to send a message or try to start something because I'm pretty sure they are... "out of my league".

Now according to most prime time TV sitcoms, it's just a social stigma that if I get over it there's a good chance that something might spark. Of course though that still doesn't make the sting of a deleted message any duller as I'm not one to IM a lot of people and I guess I'm kind of picky so when I send a message I invest more emotionally than some.

I admit I'm very new to the dating world and could use some constructive and supportive advice to how to over come these stigmas. I am ignorant and inexperienced and I understand many women are uncomfortable with that, heck it kind of scares me. I've been told by some that no one wants to deal with a guy who doesn't know how to handle a relationship, but unfortunately I missed out on those experiences because of school, work, and my own personal stigmas.

So what am I to do? Any advice, exercises, or inspirational examples are welcome.

P.S. I've tried other dating sites, and I can say the POF community so far hasn't been like the rest. Although I haven't had much luck I do appreciate the community as it appears most are truly out there to help, which gives me hope that this may work out for me. So I just want to say thank you in advance.
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 2
Out of my league
Posted: 7/5/2010 7:04:46 PM
Ah yes my friend, you sure seem to be at the pre-dating stage with the dating jitters and what not.

We've all been there while growing up, except for me of course cause I always had confidence... ya right :) It did take time for me to overcome meeting women and feeling “not too frazzled” and try NOT to look like a fool but as time went on, I eventually came to see that all they want to see in me is who I was so that they could learn about who that was.

So all the videos, audio tapes etc... you could get would all tell you relatively the same thing “just be who you are”! If you still feel uneasy expressing who you are in front of a beautiful woman, just think back to “she just want to know who I am”. So you might just want to tell her who that is!
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 3
Out of my league
Posted: 7/5/2010 7:26:15 PM
For you to be successful you need to be tough enough not to
get bitter when you face rejection - and you will (everyone does).
It happens a lot. From what I hear it happens more to men.
Part of the theory is that they tend to write the prettiest who have
overloaded in-boxes.

If you have a set of standards you have to accept that others have
the same right to theirs - whether you like it or understand it.
Just be patient.
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 5
Out of my league
Posted: 7/5/2010 8:51:00 PM
If a woman doesn't specify in her profile what qualities she's looking for in a man, I would suggest seeking out women who are similar to you in terms of physical appearance and body-type, fitness level, educational level, and hobbies/interests.
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 6
Out of my league
Posted: 7/5/2010 10:28:23 PM
There is no such thing as out of your league; just people who think they are. In the end we all eat, shit, breathe, sleep, and die. Nothing makes a person more special than another other than attitude.
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 7
view profile
Out of my league
Posted: 7/6/2010 12:53:44 AM
Cold hard reality is, your post shows you lack some confidence in yourself. That is probably your biggest issue. Plus since you're new to dating you're still afraid of rejection which will hold you back immensely.

Here's some advice, this whole load of bs about leagues, and what you see on tv about dating within your league and all that, get it out of your mind. There are no such thing as leagues when it comes to dating. Leagues are for sports, bowling, and measures of distance ;P. Cold hard reality is as long as you show some confidence in yourself, take care of your appearance, and at least show a little bit of fashion sense you can have pretty much anyone you want. It doesn't matter if you're a nice guy or not(sadly on the not :P). There are some out there of course that will be shallow and judge based on looks scale, but really, that's so highschool/middleschool.

Stop caring! Now that doesn't mean don't care about ppl's feelings or whats going on in their lives. That means you gotta stop caring about being rejected or whether or not you get replies.. Lifes all about taking risks, and the rewards that may come from taking those risks. Thankfully the risks involved in dating are far less severe than those with other things. If someone on here doesn't reply or deletes your message without replying trust me, it's not your loss.
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 8
view profile
Out of my league
Posted: 7/6/2010 12:55:56 PM
son........learn 1 thing.........the oly people who are "out of your league"......are the ones you yourself put there
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Out of my league