Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Occasional problems reaching orgasm      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 3
Occasional problems reaching orgasmPage 1 of 1    
I think its in your head. You are probably subconsciously shy about it.
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 5
Occasional problems reaching orgasm
Posted: 7/25/2010 7:00:16 PM
Shouldn't need to at all.
 Mathostx
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Occasional problems reaching orgasm
Posted: 7/25/2010 8:00:05 PM
Ok, couple questions. Is it a matter of you being emotionally attracted to the girlfriend, but not 100% physically?

Do you take any kind of anti depressants? Those were always a pain, could barely get myself off then, let alone anyone else doing so.

Are you always doing the same things or using the same positions? Like her always on top, or always in Missionary etc. I've had that problem, depending on the woman, if they were on top for example I couldn't get off to it.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Occasional problems reaching orgasm
Posted: 7/26/2010 2:14:28 AM
I think most of the people who posted here on this thread said the correct thing, gave you good advice, and that is you jerk off too much etc. and or you are too use to you own self stimulation and probably the thoughts you have during etc. I have been with men with this problem. I could not help them.
 A-Womans-Best-Friend
Joined: 7/29/2009
Msg: 13
Occasional problems reaching orgasm
Posted: 7/26/2010 11:05:11 PM
I have the same problem even more so, I never orgasmed during sex until I was in love and trusted the other girl 110%, I saw sex therapists and urologists but the realization of why I couldn't orgasm was the same as when I was couldn't pee in front of her in the same room at the beginning and the second she left the bathroom I went like a fountain.

Mentally Ogasming is a very vulnerable act and trying hard or putting pressure on yourself to do it will create anxiety that physically closes your urethra and stop you from ogasming or even urinating, even with pressure built up you will not open up and release physically if you can't mentally.

I think you had doubts going on in your head and had proformance anxiety to stop you from orgasming.
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Occasional problems reaching orgasm
Posted: 7/27/2010 1:58:17 AM
Obviously, since you are able to orgasm without problems sometimes; the "problem" is between your ears. This entire scenario screams of multiple issues; and I think you need to take a serious look at it from both sides:1/What do you need to do to orgasm? (nobody knows better than you what it takes) 2/Why can't you orgasm WITH HER?

How comfortable are you with your sexuality, and sexual preference?
You were a 31 year old virgin....WHY? You can masturbate to orgasm twice a day; yet with her, you sometimes need a 2-3 day turn around? there's something BIG there. Things to think about: Are you gay? Bisexual? Simply not attracted to her? Not comfortable with "what it takes" to get you off? ie, kinks, fetishes, or positions, etc. Do you feel guilty for some reason? Self esteem issues? Don't feel like she should be with you? Feel like she could do better? etc etc. Religious issues? "sex out of wedlock" yada yada yada.

While it is FAR more common with young men to have issues with cumming too soon; than it is having difficulty orgasming, that is a legitimate issue with many guys; the HUGE red flag for me is that by yourself -- twice a day; with her -- once every 3-4 days.

Your problem isn't with having an orgasm; your problem is psychological. The trick for you is to figure out what the mind f*ck is, and getting past it.

Good luck.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Occasional problems reaching orgasm
Posted: 7/27/2010 4:40:13 PM

Shouldn't need to at all.

Not necessarily... depends on the person's libido. I've been in a relationship for 2+ yrs and I'm still playing solo a couple of times a week. Sometimes it's a daily thing, sometimes more than once a day, sometimes once a month... just depends on where my libido is.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Occasional problems reaching orgasm
Posted: 7/27/2010 7:04:15 PM
I have to agree with those who are of the mindset that it's a mental thing with you.

But, seriously, what truly are your worries..are you worried about cumming to quick, cumming to little or to much, no distance, or not forceful enough, you think, on ejaculation? WHAT are you worried about..really.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Occasional problems reaching orgasm
Posted: 7/28/2010 3:42:37 AM
The best advice I can give you, go re read the, the first answer you received, which was from "itsallinthesoul" written 7/25/10 939 PM. Very well said and stated.
Just "stop using the palm sisters" (yourself , aka as jerking off). I don't have to say more than what was already written by this poster. This poster says it correctly, in my opinion, and states its, very well wriiten and said.
 Mathostx
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Occasional problems reaching orgasm
Posted: 7/28/2010 11:43:17 AM

Perhaps you should stop with the palm sisters. I would think years of reliance upon your own manner of release could be the issue. You've programmed yourself to cum in your own way and now that the novelty of intercourse may have worn off, you are finding it harder to orgasm while with her, or having her jerk you off. Women who have relied upon B.O.B.s can have the same problem......

Could be wrong though...not a man.


Sounds like it's more psychological. Honestly, I myself didn't lose my virginity till I was 29, and like him took care of myself every day up till then. Generally though, even if you can last a while by hand, when it comes to being with a woman it's a whole different ballgame, different sensations, emotional connections, wetness. Unless of course you're going all out and using lube while flying solo.

If you know that you not getting off is making your girlfriend frustrated, it will have a psychological effect on you as well, making it harder to get off because you're trying to hard. Same as it makes her think she's not good enough for you, or isn't pleasing you. What you needa do, is let go of everything, and just enjoy the time and sex. Don't worry bout whether you're getting off or not, let it go as it comes.

Now, it could be that you use a specific stroke or motion on yourself that causes you to get off easily when solo. Something she wouldn't know to do unless you were to tell her. Which comes to possible lack of communication when it comes to sex?
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Occasional problems reaching orgasm