Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating the non-party type      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 cherryyblossom
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 1
Dating the non-party typePage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Lately, people have been teasing me for not going to late night parties or clubbing till 4 a.m. often, claiming i am not getting the experience I need to "hook up" or date. I am not someone who likes to go to bars or throw wild parties at nightclubs or even at home unless there is a meaning behind it, like a birthday or anniversary. Random parties or clubbing often go too far and something bad is bound to happen. I usually like to be close to home during late night hours (there are a few clubs and restaurants that are open late in my neighborhood and it is quite active at night) and also like to get the full 8-9 hours of sleep each night because I get tired very quickly, which is unusual compared to other people i know. When I get tired, i get cranky, and when i get cranky, it is best to just stay away from me until I am fully rested or awake because I may do something that I will later regret. This is affects my ability to handle things that most people my age consider "fun" and do almost all the time. For example, some of my friends dragged me to an end-of-the-semester party earlier this year that went well into the night and about 2/3 of the way through, I got so tired and sleepy that my eyes turned deep red, I yelled at the party host's little brother for being annoying, and almost passed out while playing the Wii. The host made me spend the rest of the night asleep in her room. It was really embarrassing. Activities I find "fun" are usually done in the daytime, like running, shopping, or taking pictures of random things, but people seem "busy" during that time. What i want to know is have you ever dated someone who does not like to party all the time and/or wants to get enough sleep each night? Do you think this is a turn-off and what is your experience with them?
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 2
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/26/2010 7:43:46 AM
What Ive learned along the years is that some people are simply NOT the partying type.


Not everyone's lives revolve around the "scene"....and there are A LOT of other places, and or activities to involve yourself in, to meet other people. There is a hell of a lot more to life, than getting hammered at the club, or a dive bar. With that being said, along the years for myself Ive slowed down a bit...Im now 29 and do not frequent bars like I used to...


I personally do not like a woman that parties ALL the time. You know the type...the bar fly, up in the bar/club ALL the time. I prefer someone generally in the middle.....who prefers activities over a bar....and only SOMETIMES will head out to bars, and or clubs to have a drink with friends.



I honestly do not think its a turn off. People need to really understand that its different strokes for different folks with situations like that.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 3
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/26/2010 9:23:32 AM
I don't go to late night parties, nor do I club anymore. However, I wish I could get 8 hours of sleep.

Is it a turn off? Nope. Not in the least.

There are much more fun activities that can be done.
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 4
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/26/2010 9:52:49 AM
The first thing I did was check your profile to see how old you are...but it's hidden...so I going to assume you are in your early twenties, and going to school.
Anyhoo...everybody has their own level of energy...and priorities. I'm a firm believer that one should march to the beat of their own drum. In other words...who cares what everyone else is doing, just do what you want to do...when you want to do it.
I have two daughters going to college. One daughter is a complete party animal that can't stand to miss out on anything!! Her motto is "I'll sleep when I'm dead"....my other daughter is a sleep cat that requires at least 8 hours of sleep to be able to function.
Everybody's different.
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 5
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/26/2010 10:59:28 AM
What you are saying kind of relates to me. Part of not going to the clubs is the worry of the competition and part of it is just not into the party animal scene. But sure enough that is where the hot women are and even though they make some very good drugs to make you feel at home in those places, the drugs aren't legal to use. I thought that one day I would just throw my own parties and have extra rooms for the drunk women to sleep in. Have a few bouncers employed to throw out the drunk guys, etc. I will play hall monitor and warn people not to pee on the floor.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/26/2010 11:06:50 AM
OP - at 20 it is a little abnormal not to want to party all night and sleep all day. That's what I did, and pretty much most of my friends too.

However, there were when I was that age, plenty of people I knew who were not party all night types at that age. I think if you refuse to go to anything "wild", ever, people would consider you odd or anti-social - however, it doesn't seem that you do that.

There's no reason you have to go along with others, and stay until they are ready to go home. If you want to leave at midnight - just say "Man, I wish I knew how fun this was going to be...but I planned (insert excuse here) for first thing in the morning, I've got to go..."

If you are interested in a girl, make sure she has early morning classes/early morning shift for work!
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 7
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/26/2010 11:36:55 AM
I think you're a dream come true for a lot of girls!

However, I'm a little concerned about the lack of stamina described here. It's probably fine, but, just unusual enough that I'd ask your doctor about it. The occasional late night is not a problem for most 20-year-olds.

That aside, keep your eye open for, you know, "good girls." They'll love it that you're not a party animal.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 8
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/26/2010 1:06:46 PM
I've never been one for big parties or clubbing until 4. I can do big parties on a very occasional basis, if I have plenty of advanced notice so I can gear up for them. I've always been this way, even in my college years.

If you know that you get tired and cranky, you can go for a bit if you want to be social with friends and then make sure you have an out, so you can leave when you feel like you might want to start lashing out at people.

Or just don't go. There are plenty of other times to see people, and plenty of girls who'd be happy not to be dragged along to a party they're not into. I'd love to date someone else who wanted to be in bed by 11pm so we could see each other AND get a full night's sleep. I can't imagine how some people go to bed at 4 every weekend night, and there are others out there who think similarly.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 9
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/26/2010 1:34:56 PM

OP - at 20 it is a little abnormal not to want to party all night and sleep all day. That's what I did, and pretty much most of my friends too.
Why does it have to be abnormal? At 20, I liked to spend what little money I had back then on things other than beer/pot/party favors/club covers/etc. every weekend. I used to spend it on my pursuits.
Clubbing and partying is fun, in moderation, and there's nothing wrong with that mindset, at any age.
On this site, when I see "laughing" and "anything fun" listed as interests, it's obvious to me that they're party animals. It means they don't have any real interests, just boozin it up with friends.
Join interest groups or meet a girl in class.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 10
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/26/2010 2:08:41 PM
I dated a few guys when I was younger that weren't into going out all the time - I just didn't expect that they had to go with me when I went out. Nights I didn't see them were the nights I went out with friends clubbing, partying, whatever. I don't think you have to be into the same stuff if you're not joined at the hip.
 sarniafairyboy
Joined: 6/19/2010
Msg: 11
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/26/2010 3:51:06 PM

I've never been one for big parties or clubbing until 4. I can do big parties on a very occasional basis, if I have plenty of advanced notice so I can gear up for them. I've always been this way, even in my college years.

If you know that you get tired and cranky, you can go for a bit if you want to be social with friends and then make sure you have an out, so you can leave when you feel like you might want to start lashing out at people.

Or just don't go. There are plenty of other times to see people, and plenty of girls who'd be happy not to be dragged along to a party they're not into. I'd love to date someone else who wanted to be in bed by 11pm so we could see each other AND get a full night's sleep. I can't imagine how some people go to bed at 4 every weekend night, and there are others out there who think similarly.


yeah, I always kind of suspected that many young people do the party things just because they think "it's the thing to do"

Peer pressure -they do it because they're afraid others will think they're weird of they don't

everyone waiting for the first kid to shout:" HEY! the emperor has no clothes" situation.
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 12
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/26/2010 4:33:02 PM
i can fully undertsand where you are coming from OP.
i lose my vitality quick and can tire easy especially if i've had a long day and sometimes even if you would want to go out you are just never really up for it. I do like the atmosphere of the lights and music and of course girls running around but its all eye candy mostly anyway. the most attention i have gotten is been from males drunk and wanting to cause a scene. you really cant take the party scene too seriously as alot would know.
the girls have the whole look but u cant touch philosophy usually so i get over the going out to hook up idea very quickly.
it helps if u have a group of friends as well all know to go out and have fun with. it helps you re image entirely also.
the thing is with going out at night, everyone is usually drunk and some VERY so even if you might strike it lucky on the occassion then that doesnt mean you will be so fortunate the next day with the interest even knowing who the hell you even were.

get involved in things that interests you as been said above. going out late at night is not the only option to meet up its just one and i can see how its not appealing for some but can be for others.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/28/2010 7:05:16 AM
I don't think it's a turn off.

I'm only 20, just had my first year of uni... and while I enjoy partying/clubbing etc, I don't do it all the time.

One of the most interesting nights I had this year was watching Futurama in someone's room with a friend and his mates. They had a beer each, but I declined as I don't like beer. It wasn't a night of getting drunk, just a night of general enjoyment.

I do agree that it's different strokes for different folks.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/28/2010 8:23:38 AM
and when these party people are all worn, used up, looking 10 years older then they are, and have the appearence that they have been riden hard and put away wet a few to many times...

you will look fabulous and you will owe it all to your 8-10 hours sleep.

as for dating a partier, well it can be fun at first but eventually the non partier gets bored and annoyed and the relationship doesnt last
 snipehunter77
Joined: 6/25/2010
Msg: 15
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/29/2010 7:06:33 AM
Birds of a feather flock togeather. You gotta figure out who you are and embrace it. When I fly down to Cozumel for diving there are always two kinds of people on the flight. Partiers headed for Cancun and divers headed for Cozumel. So easy to tell them apart and to know which group is going to be more fun for you.
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 16
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/29/2010 9:21:54 AM
You're only going to miss out on drinking. People go out to drink. They like being stimulated by lights, colors, motion, noise, other people, while they are drunk. You don't like that, so don't go. Do something else instead. Anything the club goer says trying to invite you to come along is drivel. They will say anything. In a couple of years when they have been through a 12 step program and found religion, they will knock on your door trying to invite you along to their new cult.

Youngsters flock in droves to bars because they can finally be adults, out from under parental tyranny. They go to the bars and fail to notice or care that the only people in the bar are themselves, meaning other kids their age, and alcoholics who stayed on past their drunken rite of passage.

Selling drinks is a big business. That's why the club is there. It is a way to make money. Kids go clubbing because they can get smashed and pretend they are the cool people they saw on TV. What they really are is a bunch of drunken kids wasting their money at a bar. If it's a fun time, go for it, but if it's not fun, then don't bother with it. There are more people who don't go to clubs than there are people who do. The ones who go clubbing, as a group tend to have much higher rates of problems in life. It's not good for you, nor would you want to do it much or at all if you had anything fun and healthy to do instead.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 17
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 7/29/2010 5:11:41 PM

OP - at 20 it is a little abnormal not to want to party all night and sleep all day.


It is only "abnormal" for those that enjoy such things. For the others that don't,,,it's completely normal. Do NOT feel pressured by your peers to do something that you don't enjoy. If the clubbing isn't your thing,,,so be it.

From experince(and yes I do have some) all you're doing is saving a lot of money for the future or other things that don't come pouring out of your body in the morning. You won't have to enjoy a hangover and waste a day hiding under the covers. You won't have to look over to the left first thing in the morning and figure out who the hell is nappin beside ya. I got a few more,,,but you get the picture.
Do what you enjoy,,,when you want,,,with whom you want. You will find others that do the same. There is a lot more to a young man's life that bars and clubs,,,,no matter what you hear, read, or try to be persuaded to do.DON'T FOLLOW FOR THE SAKE OF FOLLOWING!!!!!
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 18
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 9/12/2010 5:09:37 PM

What i want to know is have you ever dated someone who does not like to party all the time and/or wants to get enough sleep each night?

I'm a night owl and even though I no longer like loud clubs, I still enjoy nightlife so I'm just not going to connect that well with someone who can't keep his eyes open past 10. And I can't imagine anybody would have a problem with somebody wanting to get plenty of sleep each night-- I HAVE to sleep 8 hours a night-- people just have to choose wisely about when they stay out late.

As others have stated, people your age typically do want to party. If that's not your thing, that's fine but realize you're missing out on an easy source for meeting girls and so you'll have to work a lot harder than your partying friends to find a like-minded girl.
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 9/13/2010 8:23:39 AM
I was never a party animal even when young, more like a party vegetable. I used to think of New Year's Eve as a good time to get a few hours of studying in.
 SilentInk
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 20
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 9/13/2010 8:53:30 AM
I am exactly on the same page hence I don't see anything abnormal about you. I rather live my life sober and enjoy every little moment than booze up and not even remember half my night. I am your age (23) and a lot of people think I am weird too since I rather do something else other than party. I really do not see this being a problem though.
 readthedamnprofile
Joined: 5/5/2010
Msg: 21
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 9/13/2010 9:13:37 AM
I don't think there is anything wrong with you not wanting to hit the bars, stay up late, and get drunk all the time. That is probably a good thing but, if you are lacking in energy to engage in activities that DO interest you at your age, then you might want to get checked out. Low energy levels, especially in someone that is still young can be a sign that something is not right.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 22
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 9/13/2010 9:25:06 AM

Anyhoo...everybody has their own level of energy...and priorities. I'm a firm believer that one should march to the beat of their own drum. In other words...who cares what everyone else is doing, just do what you want to do...when you want to do it.

Yeah.

And there's nothing "wrong" with starting now being who YOU are,
not who others are or who others want you to be.
In fact, it's a real good idea!
Look around.. you'll find there are a few others who are not following the crowd.
Maybe seek some of them out for friendship instead of the friends that love to party?
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 23
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 9/13/2010 10:04:47 AM
Only till 4am?....that's when you move to after hours club....

Anyway, it's perfectly fine and different types of girls serve different purposes.. Use party girls for one purpose, and then go hit on a librarian for your other needs.... Balance young padawan balance is the key to everything.... You don't have to stick to one kind....diversify ....


 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 9/13/2010 1:33:45 PM
Some people are "early birds" and some people are "night owls", and yes, some people are "early birds" even at your age. I've known some. Even when I was a big "night owl", I knew some "early birds" and dated one, and it was fine.
 third_ronin
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 9/13/2010 6:45:45 PM
Interesting post, as I am the "non-party type" now.

I did the party thing when I was a bit younger, and had a great time. As I got older, my beliefs and priorities shifted a bit. I am now an early riser (up at 0500), and I don't do the bar thing at all. I'm usually in bed early (2200) through the week. I have to get rest for my outdoor hobbies on the weekends (diving, hiking, camping, surfing, biking, etc)

What I have learned is not to compromise your interests (or yourself) by being who people want you to be. Don't compromise the activities you like to do, either. It may take a bit of time, but find someone that compliments you and your lifestyle. Check out local social clubs (no, not the bars) but things like photography clubs, jogging clubs, etc. It's a great way to meet like-minded people with similar interests.

That being said, keep an eye on your fatigue level. You are a young buck (not an insult, BTW), so you should be able to maintain high levels of activity.
Some friendly advice: Get your thyroid levels checked (simple bloodwork), and possibly look into a polysomnogram. I was in your shoes some years ago, and was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea (pretty serious sleep-disorder) as well as a hypoactive thyroid (makes you feel fatigued). With treatment, doing great now, BTW.

Just be yourself, and enjoy what you want to do. You'll find someone walking a parallel path.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating the non-party type