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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relati      Home login  
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 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 1
Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
whether it's a romantic/dating or friends. I know I've talked with people about this before, and I know how I am and it's important to me that my privacy is respected, I share a lot of common friends with other friends, and my conversations about my private life I want to be just between me and that person and vice versa. It's even more important, in a romantic relationship that our shared personal life remain personal. Again, I don't have any outstanding issues I'm looking for advice for, I just think it'd be something that may be a compelling topic for the forum.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 2
Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 7/31/2010 9:31:26 PM
"So yes I totally agree with you, that what goes on in a relationship should remain private"

I'm glad that it was brought up that it should be a given. What I have and many others, unfortunately come to understand that "givens" aren't. Like common sense it's not common at all. And I haven't encountered this personally...yet, I have known others who have, and it's a betrayal of the trust of the very nature of the intimacy of a relationship to hear about how so and so thinks and feels and is blabbering to everyone else but the ONE person who should be the one to talk about. I think givens maybe, perhaps should be categorized of the assumptions...and I think most know how that works.

What has happened that some common friends...haha they always write me first...what happened? We broke up, we're not together. That's enough that's all the info they need. I've also had common friends write and ask about another common friend. Well there's rumors or did you talk to her/him, so what's going on. Heh....I don't take the bait, I tell them if that's a friend that you care about then you need to talk to them about what's going on in THEIR life, whether I talked to them, already it's beyond their business, so if they care, ask them. It's another given, what we talked about and what they shared with me was within the given of trust and privacy and I wouldn't talk to anyone else, ever.

You always know who your friends are, when it's a very visible and public breakup, I don't abandon those friends, but I am very guarded about what I talk to them about.

That's HUGE to me, it's trust and respect, so if I need to tell someone it's a given...I don't. I live in Florida, so I can always talk about the weather.

I don't want to single out anyone, I may miss someone, but thanks to all of you, not just for agreeing, but for your contributions to the topic. I honestly don't believe it's a "woman thing" I have lots of guy friends, that talk to me, I know it's just as important to them, thing is this is a dating site, so ehh...sometimes the male aspect is more hesitant to post, many of the few new threads, I get more private emails than posts. I don't understand why they don't. It's okay, not gonna keep me awake at night trying to figure it out. Ehh men that talk...I know such a TURN OFF...I can't stand that!
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 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 3
Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 7/31/2010 10:08:05 PM
Privacy is subjective and means different things to different people. What one person might consider a breach of privacy, another might not. I think it's important to establish personal boundaries with each other early on in the relationship. I'm a doggedly private person with regards to certain areas of my life, whereas with others---not so much. I'm fiercely loyal to the people I respect and trust---if they confide in me about something important to them, I'm not going to betray that confidence.
 A-Womans-Best-Friend
Joined: 7/29/2009
Msg: 4
Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/1/2010 2:56:39 AM
Oh how I wish the girls I dated respected my privacy, but none so far have...
I had dates, female friends and relationships where my phone was taken and checked often, my computer searched amd email opened and my laptop logs all activity. And most of all what upset me was all friends and family of girls I was seeing at the time know all the intimate details from what went on in the bedroom to all the small things I did that bugged her but would never tell me, I had to hear from someone else.

I totally respected privacy of all my friends and relationships, I never gave any info about what went on between us, not to family or friends even when they asked I kept it totally confidential and privet just said it's only between us. Even when parents demanded to know where I was and who I was with I wouldn't even tell them.

I guess it all has to do with who is secure enough and can trust enough to respect the other persons privacy.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 5
Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/1/2010 3:11:03 AM
I think many, if not most, of us have common friends. With some you can talk more explicitly than with others. My friends and I know that what is said between two of us goes no further unless permission is given. None of us want everyone to know our personal business. If a friend betrays my trust, I know not to tell them something private again. But if it's something you are terribly concerned of others learning, it's best to keep it to yourself.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
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Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/1/2010 5:56:23 AM
There are levels and areas of privacy for each of us. I see some folks have alluded to this.
If you find that friends are crossing boundaries, the first thing you need to be doing is ESTABLISHING those boundaries. They are far from universal.
I am someone who is always trying to learn and share what I've learned, so I will discuss many things openly that some others would not. I do try to keep names and identities out of discussions, for the sake of the individuals I refer to, but SOME people will be upset with me just because I even mentioned a subject that they were sensitive about.
Another challenge for this area of concern, is that most of us have multiple loyalties to deal with: a close, long time friend, a family member, may need to know more about one's personal life in order to stay close, than someone else. Thus I might well feel that sharing my S.O. relationship struggles and details with my SISTER should be okay, but that sharing them with my coworkers is certainly not okay. My S.O. might or might not agree.
I've also dealt with people who used the privacy issue as a form of control, not JUST to hide things they knew were wrong FROM me, but also to prevent me from seeking any outside advice or viewpoint. So I think that 'respecting privacy' has to include caveats to protect the person who might need to SHARE information about you, as well.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 7
Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/1/2010 7:32:15 AM
I've always found that if I don't want people to know certain "things" about,,,,well,,,whatever, I just simpley keep my yap shut and don't tell anyone. Because,,,humans after all,,,,are human. As soon it's out there,,,,it is out there,,,no matter what ya think. The story or facts may come back a little different,,,but sooner or later,,,,it will come out, and about,,,,and even around.

If you want,,,you can test the theory. It's simple. Think of a story that contains a couple of juicy tidbits about you,,,throw it out there and wait. When it comes back around to you,,,,see how close it is to the original story. You may or may not be amazed of what you hear.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 8
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Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/1/2010 8:07:14 AM
Privacy is extremely important, it builds and cements trust.

There is always someone one trusts to talk to, but even then, I guard what I say sometimes.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 9
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Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/1/2010 8:17:16 AM

Again, no class.


bottom line is, no class



As for the above poster stating that some people don't have limits or boundaries, I agree. Why would you want to tell the world on a public forum about your sexual life... Totally tacky, and classless... What wonderful sexual experiences happen between two people should remain between those two people...


It's a sex forum.........people discuss sex.
Some people do it with no detail.......some do it with great attention to detail
so they are not misunderstood.
The poster that was referred to is a lovely woman that contributes greatly
to these forums. If she is asking a question......it is because she wants to learn.
If she is offering advice.....it's because she has knowledge to share.
She has never stated her partner's name, so it's not like you can walk up to this guy and repeat what she said here to him.

This has nothing to do with "privacy" and really isn't relevant to the OP's original
line of thought.
OP is talking about your real life friends and family sharing details you discussed in confindence with them.

dogging on someone else's personal choice to share details to either learn or teach
is what is tacky and classless.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 10
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Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/1/2010 1:09:05 PM

If I wanted to learn about the "reverse cowgirl", for example, I'd look it up elsewhere.


Why? There is a wealth of information right here. Real life experiences
and knowledge that can be alot easier understood because of the "common language" it is written in.

as for a potential date reading the posts.......at least he sees the real person behind the post. So what he finds out I love to give oral sex.....or I'm going through menapause.
He's going to find this out if we "click" anyways!


I don't want to appear tacky and lacking class.


but judgemental and condescending is ok?

So, you prefer to not give details of your private life......no problem.
There are obviously quite a few people that think sharing these details is helpful
to either themselves or someone else.
Good Lord.......isn't that what forums are for??!!
Like I said before........she ( or anyone that shares) is not compromising anyone else's privacy......only our own.
What you call "tacky".......most others just call open and not ashamed of their sexuality.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 11
Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/1/2010 3:46:58 PM
Frankly, I find sex to be a more entertaining topic than many of the banal ones found in "polite" company. And while I'd agree that detailed discussions of sex in front of your SO's grandma would be tacky and classless, I can't help but think it's somewhat appropriate in oh, say, a *SEX* forum (and why would a person whose bothered by such talk be reading that forum anyway)??? I suppose there are some people who learn all there is to know about sex through osmosis but for other people, discussions of sex-- which are sometimes graphic-- can be enlightening.

As for the OP's topic, you hope that somebody you care about will respect your privacy, especially on particularly personal issues and especially with mutual acquaintances but expecting your partner to never utter an unauthorized peep about you is unrealistic. I suppose if you want your partner to stay completely tight-lipped, you would have to address that but of course if the relationship goes sour there's always that chance that all will be revealed.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 12
Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship?
Posted: 8/1/2010 5:00:20 PM
Absolutely. Whether it's what's discussed in the relationship stays in it, whether someone doesn't snoop through my stuff nor I his, or people stepping back and allowing your personal life and/or your relationship to be personal to you, I agree on all fronts that privacy is a virtue.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 13
Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/3/2010 2:55:22 AM

really, have you read these posts?
Yep i read them too and found then quite interesting... Gotta ask though.... If you found them so distasteful why on earth did you keep reading???

OT.. Privacy is incredibly important to me. I don't like details of my life reapeated unless i'm doing the repeating. I ended a 30 year friendship because my "friend" (who i trusted implicitly with loads of personal info) decided to tell someone else about our conversations... I also don't tell a very close family member much about what i'm doing as i know she loves to tell her friends all about the personal lives of our family. I hate it with a passion, i feel invaded, so now i just keep my mouth shut..
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 14
Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/3/2010 3:45:05 AM
Yes I think it is, I like my privacy on occasion and I respect my partner's. I also don't want my partner getting into my private stuff without my permission (like e-mail, phone, etc.) and will not do it to them.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 15
Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/3/2010 11:14:01 AM

I kinda thought your private life was just that, private.

Then maybe they should do away with all the relationship forums because really, how many discussions in here wouldn't fall into the realm of "private life"? The people who are willing to discuss their sexual experiences in a public SEX forum may actually help other people who have questions or difficulties about sex. So I guess my opinion is that when someone isn't hurting anybody and is simply trying to help out others through dialogue in an appropriate setting, the people who criticize them are tacky and classless.
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 16
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Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/3/2010 12:02:41 PM
I pity the guy that dates my ex, she will know every keystoke and every website he will have ever visited, she will offer to clean up his slow computer download his surfing history and put a keylogger on it.

so yes to me, I respect your privacy you respect mine,
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 17
Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/3/2010 1:10:52 PM
This isn't a right or wrong, as many things aren't absolute.

It's more a matter of individual differences and preferences, some don't care about discussing their sex or other personal/private stuff, so for them that's fine. I think no matter what someone's preference is, the important thing is that the people in their life are respectful of that.

So, no I don't think that the forums should be eliminated at all and I don't think any differently of someone who's more open about their personal life than I may be. I can't speak for anyone else, so if anyone thinks differently of me or anyone else for treasuring their privacy to a great extent, then so be it. I don't want to change anyone else to suit me, nor would I allow anyone to do that with me.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 18
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Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/3/2010 1:26:48 PM
I so agree with my good friend "bucsgirl" about privacy!!

Share when you care to share, ask questions but do not expect answers, and respect the privacy of those around you...... I have never liked it when someone felt the need to check my cell phone history, or ask who is calling each time a call comes in, just as I do not like someone thinking that I should give them my password for my email accounts because they want to know.

If trust the there, why push someone in a corner and make them feel violated? I will not ask, I will not tell, but I will share my feelings with the one I am with, if they share theirs equally.

cd........
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 19
Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/7/2010 10:14:25 AM

Bucsgirl, I recently started a thread on here but someone that is still holding a grudge against me baited me, I took the bait and my thread was deleted because of his immaturity and 'get me back' vindictivness because of how I rejected him


Actually not what happened,,,but you believe what you must. Gotta ask though what oh what does this line say about YOU,,,and YOUR "private" state affairs that YOU advertise on these public forums for all to read?????


I look at it this way. What someone else thinks about me is none of my business and if I don't like you then I won't behave as if I do. period.{/quote]

Damn,,,ya just gotta learn to quit giving people ammunition.

Seriously,,,,if you don't want people to know,,,,keep it to yourself,,,,,to yourself.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 21
Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/8/2010 7:09:32 PM
"I think the idea that everything within the relationship should stay between just the 2 people (not a breath to family, friends, People Magazine) is a Western concept."

I very specifically said in the OP that's how I am, and further clarified that it wasn't a matter of right or wrong, that everyone's boundaries will be different.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 23
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Is respecting an individual's privacy something important in a relationship,
Posted: 8/10/2010 9:35:22 AM

Unless you are engaged or exclusive do you up the anti to have privileged information


I have often wondered about my own actions once...

I was with a man many years, "TRUSTED" him like no other. I fully felt no desire to snoop, investagate or even prod. Even when he would not add me on "Facebook", went outside to make phone call, got a cel didn't give me the #.
Then everything changed...
Living together planning a long life with eachother...he broke my "TRUST", broke "our" vacation to visit an ex, for she was in from outta country.
I was so broken and with heavy a heart, I "snooped".
Never feeling right and most very hard on myself for doing so...it ending in finding so much garbage, not from his past, ( which is none of my business) but all while we were together...sercret phone calls, 2 planned vacations together at her home outta town, leaving me at (with no word) Christmas to have dinner with her, motel receipts...but they are "only friends". I walked.

Met a great guy from here (L.D.R.) which can be hard on the TRUST" issues but never felt any desire to prod. He even gave me his pass word to everything...one day some posting were written outta very poor taste ( a whole other story ) but I felt I needed to intervene to save his face. Having the trust we did, I entered his password only to be crushed! He was sharing naked photos with an other POFer, many intimate letters...some even painted me in a bad light.
With heavy heart again...I walked in this case pushed delete.

So I guess in some ways snooping is the "light" in a doomed relationship...once "TRUST" is broken...

As for keeping one's secret if asked...no problem my head is full and even after the friendships are no longer , it's still safe with me.

Bottom line for me...
Don't go there unless you are ready to get burned!
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