Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do people not tell the truth upfront?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 faith2565
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
You meet someone, things are going great! You start thinking this could be the one and BAM, you discover they have been lying about several things.
Now, trust issues creep up and what could have been at least a good friendship now is over. Why do people lie instead of putting the cards on the table allowing the person the opportunity to decide if they would be interested in pursuing a friendship. Now, you are not even friends.
 faith2565
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/29/2010 7:04:20 PM
That is sad. I wish we had a radar and could tell upfront the difference.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/29/2010 7:45:25 PM
People are under the crazy illusion that if you get to know them you won't care about stuff they are either keeping from you or straight out lying to you about. It's nuts, but that's what they think will work (sometimes over and over again, despite it not working).
 Mathostx
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/29/2010 7:52:34 PM
I don't know, usually I get a gut feeling somewhere along the line, as to whether they're being on the up and up with me. Some times it's before meeting in person, some times it happens after. Depends on whether you end up noticing early warning signs or not. I personally don't see a point in lying about myself and what I'm after on here, so I know I haven't given anyone that problem. Though I've had a couple pull that with me.
 faith2565
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/29/2010 8:16:35 PM
Why they do it I do not know, but Yes people do get a gut feeling, but when you challenge them why do many still lie.
A person that does not tell the truth is a dangerous person in my eyes. If you can lie with a straight face, then what else can you do?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/29/2010 8:59:04 PM
Let's face it, many times lies work, even when caught, keep lying and people forgive and stay with them. This happens all the time. I know people who have caught their partner in bed with someone else and still believed the lies told to get away with it and have the other person say they LOVE their partner. Lying works often enough that people keep doing it. And if you do leave, well there's another sucker waiting to take your place. Sad but true.
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/29/2010 10:06:32 PM
so how long were you dating this guy?
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/29/2010 10:15:34 PM
Simple: people lie because they do not want to face the consequences of telling the truth.

It could be fear of rejection. Could be they want something and they perceive that telling the truth will stop them from getting it. Could be fear of getting caught doing something they shouldn't do, or something that might anger someone.

You may think it could have been a good friendship but you can't be good friends with someone who is a liar.

Ask yourself, were there signals you ignored? Sometimes, in retrospect, we see there were subtle (or not so subtle) signs that we let slide. Look for them & learn from them. If you do that, in time you will more easily pick up when someone is not being honest with you. Some people are very good liars, but often there are hints that someone isn't being completely straight with us. If you pay attention to that, it will help you in the future.

Good luck to you. Hope it goes better next time.
 jamie9562
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 9
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/30/2010 2:58:18 AM
life,,,,,,,social interaction,,,,,,,,is all a degree of lies....

you do it everyday all day long,,,,,we lie constantly
a pretty dress or a snappy tux are lies if the person wearing it is ugly,,,you are projecting something that is false,,you are creating an illusion...

pleasantries we exchange daily are lies,,,do you really care how someone is doing? do you REALLY think the new haircut looks good?
walking around with a huge smile on your face no matter what happens is a lie,,,your not happy,,,,a smile denotes happiness and yet many people use it to project a falsehood..
they pretend/lie that everything is just wonderful..

lies are an intricate part of life,,,,,,knowing which ones are more important than others is the trick...

EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET LIES DAILY!

this is not open to debate,,if you attempt to disagree,,i will call you out for the liar you are..

and it won't even be tough,,,,,just you disagreeing is a lie,,,,
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 10
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/30/2010 7:11:43 AM
"Is a dream a lie
if it don't come true
Or is it something worse?"
From "The River"-Bruce Springsteen
 stone-1
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/30/2010 8:52:06 AM

if you are willing to go by what I say, I can be exactly what you want. Would you sacrifice that kind of rare good fortune just to get truth

People lie because it works...

Rather than ask why people lie, ask why we would rather date someone that's too good to be true over someone that isn't all that exciting...
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/30/2010 10:01:25 AM
All interesting comments. The current series "Mad Men" explores this topic with the main character, Don Draper, Actually D!ck Whitmore. He hid his past from his wife fearing she would not love him if she knew his humble origins.
It turns out he was justified in his fears; she finds out and divorces him. Even though he actually is a smart ultra capable and effective man in the advertising world. Discovery of the truth about him made his stock plummet, as he feared it would.
He lied knowing he was so much more than his past, which he had no control over, but his present reality made no difference in the end.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 13
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/30/2010 12:43:23 PM
What did they lie about?

About their past? About exes? About being single or married? About their job? About their feelings? About cheating? About their taxes? About never breaking a law (yet driving over the speed limit)?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 14
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/30/2010 12:47:06 PM

uh oh, all you honest people can rest assured there is a good reason why you are single.

I can guarantee you that I've been single more often than not because I give it to people straight. Lucky for me (and a lot of other people), I don't see single as a bad thing.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/30/2010 4:22:38 PM

I state pretty clearly in my profile what I'm looking for, but that doesn't stop men who are outside what I'm looking for from contacting me.


You mean..I could actually find a nymphomaniac who owns a brewery, motorcycle dealership, bordello and travel agency? SWEET!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 16
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/30/2010 4:42:47 PM
Message 41 has gotten the closest answer.

If someone wants something in this day and age, they bend the truth(if they want it bad enough). And contrary what message 16 believes not ALL people lie EVERYDAY. Maybe the people he hangs with,,,but I do know a few that will stand up for their own convictions despite what will happen to them,,,or not. They are out there, just hard to find,,,even harder to hang around if you are one of those that tends to bend the truth a little, or a lot.

Personally, at 49 I find very little to need to "lie" to anyone about anything. Waste of my time and effort,,,and I actually sleep very sound at night.

There is a saying,,,isn't there, that starts sumttin like,,,," birds of a feather,,,,"?????????
 stone-1
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/31/2010 6:26:45 AM

Regardless what’s claimed once a lie is discovered trust can’t help but be compromised----the back peddling and “reasons” are somewhat amazing in how some people can rationalize their behavior

Some peeps don't bother to "back peddle".
I met a woman on here that stated very clearly on her profile that she didn't smoke... When she showed up, she smoked continously. After our date, when I checked her profile to be sure, I asked her why she claimed that she didn't smoke on her profile...

Her answer was to complain about my having gone over her profile with a magnifying glass!

The smoking wasn't the deal-breaker... I hate to say it, but the claiming to be a non-smoker wasn't the deal-breaker (it should have been), the deal-breaker for me was that she defended her lie by attacking me... I could see the future...
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 18
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/31/2010 10:06:30 PM

Theres a saying 'honesty is the best policy' - so very, very true.


Agreed, which is why I'm so confused as to how one could try to pass off disingenuineous as a legitimate term referring to a lack of sincerity. It seems rather disingenuous to me.
 faith2565
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/1/2010 6:16:29 PM
I did not know this would take off like this. I truly just wondered why people lie. zekestone you really did try to analyze it from different angles. You guys I probably miss out on a lot because I am honest.

I feel it is best to be straight forward. NO, you may not get what you want at the time, but you do not have to worry about what you get being yours.

I wish I did cheat on my taxes because I would not owe the IRS! LOL Now, my credit that is another thing. I have credit cards that I have not paid and yes, I do feel bad.

So, there are those of us that do exist.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/1/2010 7:11:14 PM
I am not surprised this took off like this, and just to add fuel to the fire....
The thread title doesn't mention lying, and while it is named as such in the opening post, the description seems more about full disclosure. What makes any of us think that we are entitled to so much personal information about anyone, before they are thinking about becoming seriously involved with us? That is vastly different from lying, if you ask me. Many details of my personal life are none of your business, until we get to a point in our relationship that I choose to decide that they are. Isn't that maturity, self protection, etc., rather than lying?
 faith2565
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/1/2010 9:04:07 PM
When I say tell the truth upfront I mean basic things such as marital status, basics like do you have a drivers license? Nothing deep.
Some people on line place old pics, say I am 6'0' when they are 5'7'.
Many people claim to own businesses or even be employed. Those are not things you should hide. You would be surprised if you tell the truth or be honest upfront. The person may not care that you are short, married, with no job or drivers license.
When the person meets you and your not tall or skinny, better yet young. When they find out you are unemployed or only work for the company you claim to own. Not to say the wife and kid show up or you get arrested for driving w/o a license.
Not, deep dark relationship talk. Just basics, then yes, trust is broken. What could have at least been a good friendship now may end.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 22
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/2/2010 4:19:20 PM
^^^The word "honesty" doesn't imply that we all want to hear random, irrelevant, unsolicited information. There's a difference between someone distoring information they were asked or are required to disclose before meeting, and someone just vomiting true information that has nothing to do with initial conversation.

If I'm asking something - I do want to know the truth, just as if someone asks me something, I give them the unadulterated truth. If based on that truth I decide not to date someone or to discontinue talking to them, it doesn't mean they should lie; it means what I learned from what I asked caused me to make that decision. Someone else may well decide that person's the right one based on the very same information.

Some people won't be a match for you based on your honest responses - that's the way it's supposed to be when getting to know someone. It's all about fact finding and assessing where you go from there.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/2/2010 6:27:50 PM
They are short sighted... or just plain don't trust themselves as far as I can tell.
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 24
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/4/2010 2:53:25 AM
Because they are afraid of rejection I guess. I have a habit of probably being too truthful.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/4/2010 5:22:51 AM
faith said:

I feel it is best to be straight forward. NO, you may not get what you want at the time, but you do not have to worry about what you get being yours.


One additional thing about not lying, you don't have to try and remember what lie you told to constantly be in that lie.

I have dealt with professional liars in my profession, they all slip up and forget which one they are telling, or get outside their 'script'. It's simply not worth it. Once you're in that lie, sooner or later you forget and mess up. Best not to even go there, and be straight all the time.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do people not tell the truth upfront?