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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Am I being a needy friend?      Home login  
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 Wise_Monk
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 11
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Am I being a needy friend?Page 1 of 1    
You have to also consider that there are women who like to be around men who give them approval of feeling attractive, even if they aren't interested in that man romantically. Just the feeling of being wanted is a thrill for those types (I think everyone likes to be wanted though).

When you mention the fact that she comes around and flirts, etc. it sounds like it could be the case here. What that means to me is that a true friendship may not necessarily be her goal, in fact I doubt it is. Think about it, she has to know you want her. I believe women tend to pick up on our signs of wanting them more than we do theirs (probably because we're not as subtle with our signs, lol). What friend would continue to come around flirting as you say, and talking about her relationships with other men knowing you want her? I couldn't do that to a friend. I understand completely that a person can be too shy to say what needs to be said, but it's been so long now. This is way past the expiration date, years past.

You have got to break this off and never look back.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 14
Am I being a needy friend?
Posted: 9/9/2010 3:13:19 PM
She kept asking me to be friends. I was reluctant to do so.

I would hope more than reluctant...

But I tried hanging out with her as friends.

Bad move. Bad bad bad move.

I felt like she was being flirty and giving me hope at times. I felt like because her bf works a lot she wanted attention.

Yep. She knows you want her, and you give her the attention. She's an attention-gal, and you don't want to ruin ANY chance in ever getting her, so hanging with her is your only choice, you feel.

The friendship looked like things were going okay, but then she started cancelling plans more within the last 3-4 weeks.

Yeah, because maybe she felt bad about it... and spending more time with her bf or opting for other more normal things to do... or just got too obvious & weird under the radar (which it ends up being).

Am I being a needy friend?

I wouldn't call it that -- you're not REALLY just a friend emotionally. You're being a guy who's chasing a girl who isn't into you.

Do I have the right to feel bitter from this experience?

No. You should feel bitter about things you DESERVED to have but were unrightfully taken away from you.... but that didn't happen You didn't deserve to have her... nobody 'deserves' to have anyone, let alone anything unrightfully taken away from you. You never had her.

She didn't screw you over... Although I would say her choices on being flirty and all that were not good, I wouldn't consider it a crime. But her actions were just as silly as wanting to hang out with a gal who isn't into you and dating someone, while trying to play CSI to look for clues on potential chances you so desperately want.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 16
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Am I being a needy friend?
Posted: 9/9/2010 8:47:04 PM
I don't know whether you have the right to feel bitter or not. It's simply that you do. She probably does want you around as a friend as we all want friends around when we are lonely, need someone to talk to or make us feel better. Friends are usually happy to be around and for us to be around for them. The difference here is that you want more and she doesn't. You've tried at least but she's insisted she wants you to be a friend. This is not going anywhere and even if you did manage to get her into bed one night when she's had a drink and is feeling less inhibited, she's still likely to return the relationship to its former basis afterwards.

I think you need to look outwards and away from this woman. Either leave her or decide for sure that she's just going to be a friend, then move on and find a woman who does want more with you. In your present state, you won't be open to other relationships as you are still hanging on at some level for the situation to change.

I know that men often think a woman is using them if she doesn't want a romantic relationship, but I'm sure there are women whose company you enjoy that you wouldn't necessarily want more with. Does it mean you are using them?
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