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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Give it up or see where its going?      Home login  
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 123tsss
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 1
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Give it up or see where its going?Page 1 of 1    
So me and this guy starts talking here on pof. He lives in a city 6 hrs away from me so finding time to meet up is kind of differcult. After 2½ month of daily contact, flirting and just everyday conversations, I had business in the city he lives so i get there and we meet up and the sparkle is just as awesome irl as it was over the phone. we had an absolutly awesome wknd. during this wknd we start talking about what will happen now, he says he "wants to make us happen". i know long distance rs would suck but it would only be for a little bit since im moving to his city bf the end of this year anyway, so this statment of his makes me thinking about that maybe we could work this out some how.
now to the issue...after i got back, it went back to the same thing, long late night calls and cute texting..i tell him that if we are to happen i have to know that he isnt dating anybody else. he says he dont. then i see that he has been online on his pof account. when i brought it up with him he said that he wanted to delete it, thats why he was online. which was obviously a lie since he went online 3 days in a row after that.
so why would he say that he wants us to happen but keep going online on his account? why would he lie about it when he knows that i can so easily see that he was online?
should i confront him once more about this or just stop worrying and see where it heading anyway?
most long distance rs i guess starts in the same city and then one partner moves away, but how do you even build trust in a long distance rs that starts of in different cities?
 oluvlyme
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 2
Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/21/2010 9:15:54 PM
So you've only seen this guy for one weekend and you're already head over heels for him? You're moving way to fast girly...put on the brakes. I must ask you, were you planning on moving to the city before you met him? Or are you just moving to be closer to him? Regardless, it doesn't sound like he's seriously interested. He can not possibly acquire feelings for you from just talking on the phone. That's not how it works. I would let him go...there are plenty of fish out here :-)
 lilcontrary
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 3
Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/21/2010 9:27:01 PM
tusse I can only say that I was in a ldr for 6 yrs with 700km between us. We took turns traveling to each others home to date. We were married 10 yrs plus one living together. Trust came naturally. I understand your concerns about your friend signing in on POF after saying you are exclusive. I will go on to say that I am engaged and still sign in to talk to other people on here. I guess I can only tell you to watch for other signs but, until he proves himself untrustworthy (and by some standards others here will say has been by not confessing the reading of his mail on POF ) don't look for trouble. In other words... give it some time. It will either come easy or fall by the wayside.

Mary
 123tsss
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 4
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Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/21/2010 9:27:24 PM
i was planing on moving there long before we started talking.
and i dont know about head over heels, but he did catch my attention for real.
its wierd though, because i would think that if we werent seriously interested in eashother, then why keep up this daily contact? i know at least i dont talk everyday to people im not interested in haha
but maybe you are right, maybe i should just let the weekend fling stay a weekend fling.

thanks for your response :)
 oluvlyme
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 5
Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/21/2010 10:18:12 PM
It's really hard to say tusse. I live in Texas and was in a long term relationship with a guy who lived in Florida. We lived in the same area before he had to relocate for a job. We kept in touch a lot, but it was moreso because we enjoyed talking to each other. He listened to my problems, laughed at my jokes, and was just an overall good person to talk to. I was doing my own thing, and I'm sure he was doing his. Although, neither one of us ever admitted to it. We broke it off of course. He may genuinely enjoy conversating with you, but I just don't want you to get hurt. Because talking on the phone means NOTHING! Since you are moving out there anyways, just see what happens. He may just be trying to have a bit of fun before you come out there....who knows. But unless you all are actually in a relationship, don't question him about who he is talking to on pof. If he wants you to know, he'll tell you. If you bug him, you'll chase him away. I wish you the best of luck :-)
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 6
Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/21/2010 10:22:54 PM
OP, you're pushing it way too fast. Why not keep things mellow for now, and if its meant to be, then see whats up with him when you actually live in the same area?


Im going to tell you right now, you "making sure he isnt dating someone else" is ridiculously too soon to be throwing THAT little gem around.


You dont know him. You two are NOT in a relationship. Right now, all you are doing, is TALKING.


First of all, he is also telling you what you want to hear....which is a bad trait for anyone, period. So beware of that.


You need to slow it down, majorly.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 7
Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/21/2010 10:55:28 PM
IMO it was too fast with the exclusive bit, and watch a persons action, not their words.

If you decide to continue to see him, I wouldn't bring the issue up again. You already asked and he answered. You made your feelings known and now he's making his known.
 readthedamnprofile
Joined: 5/5/2010
Msg: 8
Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/22/2010 9:02:52 AM
You spent one weekend together and you want him to stop exploring other options in life because you will be moving to his area sometime this year and obviously if you do, you two will end up together and live happily ever after? Are you serious?

You are stalking him online and he is lying to you. He is filling your head full of a bunch of nonesense about how things will be great once you move to his city and you are buying it on one level but questioning it on another level, and well you should.

Your "relationship" is over and it never even got off the ground.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 9
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Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/22/2010 9:20:25 AM
how do you even build trust in a long distance rs that starts of in different cities?


You don't. You treat him as a long distance pen pal for now and go on with your life. If you get a few fun weekends out of it or some late night romantic conversation then enjoy it while it happens.
You need to stop stalking his POF page and stop making demands. Try to get it through your head that until you are in his city, you have little to no chance of this relationship progressing. You cannot stop him from dating others from 300 miles away when you have only met once. Be logical!
 AnotherPinHead
Joined: 9/2/2010
Msg: 10
Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/22/2010 9:38:50 AM
OP you've started two threads, about two different guys, over the past several months. And the recurring theme is your insecurity. That's a lethal trait in all cases, but never more so than in an LDR.

My advice would be to stay in touch, but keep it very casual, ditch the daily contact. Keep your hopes in check, and remember why you're moving in the first place. Once you've resettled - definitely important to start establishing a new social circle w/o this particular guy in it - and if you want to see where it's going then great, pick it up again and see where it goes. Good luck!
 Pamperpooch000
Joined: 11/7/2007
Msg: 11
Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/22/2010 9:46:55 AM
The more you worry the more you diffuse the dynamics of the situation. Men want to feel excited, not like they are coming against the Spanish inquisition. This will diffuse any passion he feels for you, and passion is a driving factor in a man's labido. Just let him get on with his online flirting. He is testing you to see if you will bite, and so far you have done. Stop biting. Realise you are worthy of his love and complete respect and eventually he will come to realise you are special.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 12
Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/22/2010 10:05:17 AM
OP you thinking your exclusive with this guy is complete nonsense. You've had one weekend! That does not make an exclusive relationship! Slow it down and put your insecurities in check.

Lots of people here come here just to chat with friends they have made here. Lots come here for these forums. Why are you assuming he is logging into his POF to talk to or try and get other women? And since your not exclusive, is it really any of your business!?!?!?!

You better slow it down girlie if you think you've really got a chance at a great relationship. If you don't and you keep up the insecure trip, you'll lose him for sure.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 13
Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/22/2010 4:53:21 PM
He's hedging his bets.
So should you.

I'm on the guy team as well...
so don't fault him in that.
Having a "potential" girl 6 hours away
is like having no girl at all.

I say "potential" cus alot could happen
before you move. He's not gonna
put his life on hold unless yall can meet often.

LDRs are like plants.
They need alot of watering.
If you two can't meet much for a year's time,
then it's doomed.
sorry.

If you aint got alot of money or airmiles, best stick to local guys.
 Redlance71
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 14
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Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/24/2010 10:12:28 AM
Take a breather or give up. As a woman, you are at liberty to play the catch and release technique. Let him go. If he dissapears into the dim past, nothing lost. If he comes back to you, don't neccesarily take him back, post here first ;)
 Chill Pill
Joined: 6/5/2010
Msg: 15
Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/24/2010 11:52:42 AM
Maybe he is on ten other date sites too. Are you going to start stalking all of them?

I swear the worst feature here on POF is that others can see when you log on and off.

It's none of your business. If he wants to talk to 80 other woman here. It means nothing. It's talk.

I have 4 woman friends I talk to often here. I had a man that was so insecure that he would constantly accuse me of seeing others and I was just chatting with woman friends from the forums. He drove me crazy and eventually drove me away.

I don't want a Daddy telling me what to do and when I can sign on a date site or who I can talk to. I told him if I decided to sleep with someone else I would tell him and break up with him first.... but that wasn't enough. He still stalked me here and questioned every time I logged on.

I finally had to call it quits with him because I don't tolerate being falsely accused or called a liar or someone being a f&Cken control freak.

Ease it up or Give it up cause at the rate your going, it's going NOWHERE.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 16
Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/24/2010 3:39:37 PM
you made a huge mistake in asking for exclusivity from a guy you spent 1 weekend with who lives 6 yours away. now either he is lying to you outright or he just doesn't have the wherewithall to have a direct conversation with you about it and admit that he wants to at least "hedge his bets", as another person pointed out. frankly i see it as a problem either way, and both of you are just "off" here...... you are off for making a ridiculous request... and he is off for pretending to agree to it.


should i confront him once more about this or just stop worrying and see where it heading anyway?


if you "confront" him, then you put him on the defensive and there is also an underlying presumption that he owes an exclusive relationship to a woman he spent one weekend with who lives 6 hours away. he doesn't, but yes, his bad for agreeing with the plan. frankly, if i were in your position, i'd completely lose interest in somebody stupid enough to say something and then deliberately do the exact opposite, no matter what it was.... unless he were to come to you and say something like "look, i know we had a super great time and we talked about being exclusive, but after thinking about it, it's just something i'm not ready to do right now... but hey would you like to do something next weekend?" that i could dig... that i could respect. in the meantime, why would you even WANT to see where it's headed at this point? you asked how to establish trust with somebody who lives in another city, but even if he were to move in with you tomorrow, i think you've already have had a telling glimpse of his character. and it's a whole lotta meh!
 pirateheaven
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 17
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Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/24/2010 3:49:16 PM
I think it was wrong of you to ask exclusivity of a pen pal that you met once in another city. OTOH it was wrong of him to lie to you.

The fact that is such a BAD liar, indicates he lacks practice in this area which is a good sign. Instead of confronting him, why not just enjoy being a pen pal, allow that both of you will pursue other people and see how things develop without pushing so hard.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 18
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Give it up or see where its going?
Posted: 9/24/2010 5:12:37 PM
He lives 6 hours away. The fact in the real world is that this is a long shot at best until you live close enough to each other to see each other on a regular basis. Phones and e-mail and texting just don't make up for that. It is wayyyyy too soon for you to be expecting exclusivity. Anything could happen in the mean time. Your plans to move could change. You might meet someone else. He might meet someone else.

OK, he was online and lied to you about that. His bad for lying. But for the aforementioned reason, there is no reason for him not to be going online.

So he was online on his POF account. You were also online on your account. Who has the most fault here? Him for being online, or you for checking up on him?

By the way, the fact that he was online doesn't mean he's dating someone else.
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