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 Clark_Kal-el_Kent
Joined: 4/17/2010
Msg: 1
"Busy" with a time framePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I've been given the busy excuse, and I know it means not interested usually. Anyway,
I called the girl to setup our 3rd date (She told me she'd be back tues, but I called Thursday, but got a hold of her friday, I don't know if that info is necessary but anyway). So we talked on the phone (She actually called me back), she was a bit rushed because she had to work, we talked about our dates and then she said, "I got scheduled 7 days a week for 3 weeks straight, so think of something we can do then", so I e-mailed her 3 days laters (It was a our main form of communication and I told her, let's keep the lines of communication open), 5 days later, I texted her, how her week was. No reply from e-mail or text. As for work, she volunteers in the morning , as do I as were both trying to seek employment through our placements. So I know for sure she's quite busy, but I thought she'd at least text back over the weekend.

Anyways, It's been 2 weeks, since the last text, but I don't know if I should approach this anymore. I gave myself to the 1st week of October (Which is 4th, maybe 5th week), and if I don't get a response post this 3-week hiatus, I'll move on. Or should I try give one last call? (I was moving slowly, so I don't know if that effected her)
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 2
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/29/2010 11:01:37 PM
Write her off. Even if she was interested, she works too much to have time to date.

and if I don't get a response post this 3-week hiatus, I'll move on. Or should I try give one last call?

You should have given last call several weeks ago. Move on unless you like wasting your time.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 3
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/29/2010 11:04:09 PM
Well....at this point it wouldn't hurt.
You seem pretty realistic as to your chances.
(pretty slim)

I'd text or record a breif..."Hope things are going well, be cool to see you again"
type mesage and leave it at that.
cus she may be busy so no need to give her greif.
Or if she is not interested...you don't seem needy or lame.

Which is a good way to be in all circumstances.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 4
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/29/2010 11:11:00 PM
I agree with stray cat. Although you are moving slowly ( too slow IMO, but it's nice actually), it's not like she's making herself available.
As for not knowing if going slow is the culprit, why don't you ask people in the future about what they are looking for and what speed they are wanting to go at etc?
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 5
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/29/2010 11:19:47 PM
"I got scheduled 7 days a week for 3 weeks straight, so think of something we can do then",
OMG! Why would YOU want to go out
with someone that tells you that?

IF any woman you meet in the future is busy for the next three weeks
every night, just realize she is either an escort or a "dancer" and forget about her

Nobody who would want to see you is "busy" for three weeks straight, she could free herself for a lunch or a coffee etc. Unless she is out of town, this is a clear way to tell you , she is NOT into you.
 Clark_Kal-el_Kent
Joined: 4/17/2010
Msg: 6
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/29/2010 11:20:05 PM
She did say, for 3 weeks, it's understandable, but if it was me, on a weekend, after an 8 hour day, if I was interested in someone, I'd show it...

Your saying, one last text attempt on my "move-on" point? Even though I text and e-mailed already.

I do ask how things are going (They usually give me the no-connection excuse, which is true), but I didn't feel the same way here, I actually was going to ask her on our 3rd date (I should've on the 2nd), but now it looks grim too me...

If I do happen to manage to get a 3rd date, should I tell her my lack or No dating experience makes me move slow? Or should I mention that on 1st dates?
 Clark_Kal-el_Kent
Joined: 4/17/2010
Msg: 7
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/29/2010 11:21:27 PM
Before the phone call, she initiated everything. I thought she was worth the wait, but the no response has changed my mind.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 8
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/29/2010 11:36:26 PM
OP- when a woman says she is too busy...that means she is too busy for YOU.

barring her telling you "look- i'm gonna be outta town for 2 weeks" or "i will be in an induced coma for 2 weeks" translate that into

i'm NOT interested.

the busiest of women will have time for a guy she is interested in...OR she will communicate extremely clearly why she has something to do on the nights you suggested and will offer an alternative date when she is NOT busy.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 9
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 12:52:27 AM
For a guy I'm really into, I'll always make the time to get together. But I wouldn't necessarily be really into a guy I'd only been out with a couple times so I don't think she should be expected to shuffle her schedule around for you. And there have been times when I've asked guys if we could cease contact and resume in a few weeks because I knew I'd be busy or out of town (or because I knew their schedule was hectic). I'd prefer to not start something half-assed and appear to be a flake.

I know you asked to keep the lines of communication open but it's not clear if she wanted that too. Assuming this is just a temporary situation and not the way her life always is, I say you just wait the three weeks and ask her out again. But be prepared for the possibility that this was just an excuse and she really isn't interested in seeing you again.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 10
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 1:45:12 AM
If she were really interested she'd have found time to contact you within those two weeks... unless comatose/jailed/fingers falling off again (I hate it when that happens)

Oops, just read your post again... missed the part about her telling you she was working flat out for 3 weeks...(slightly integral, I know...*blaming it on the early hour*) if you and she agreed to dating after that time, no harm in keeping to the agreement. Call her/email/text when the 3 weeks is up and tell her you're looking forward to seeing her then let her respond or not and leave it at that.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 6:18:55 AM
I work full time, run a home and care for 4 children. I still have time for friends.
Let her make the next move and in the mean time don't stop trying to meet someone new.
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 12
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 8:10:58 AM
Well, at least you know what keeps her so busy: Wasting peoples' time by getting their hopes up.

Think of what you want to be happening. Compare that to what is happening. If the two are not the same, do something else.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 13
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 8:49:03 AM

Let her make the next move and in the mean time don't stop trying to meet someone new


Sound advise. I think she may have met someone she likes better than you behind door number two. She is giving herself 3 weeks to see where that is going. She has you on the back burner just in case that goes nowhere. If she calls you in a few weeks it means that didn't work out and she now has some time to kill. But this will only last until she again find someone she likes more than you.

If you can live with being back burner man, then just wait she will connect when she gets bored. If you feel you deserve better then lose her number and get on with your life.
 tinainhouston39
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 14
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 8:53:24 AM
I'm often amazed at how people make decisions based on others responses or lack there of. For me it's simple..is it something I can live with or not?? Do I require more attention or time? Does this feel good or not?? What I do know is what your getting is a good indicator of what to expect. So the simple question to ask yourself is "is it enough?" Why go on over analyzing things?? It is what it is...this is what this woman has to offer you...do you like it?? You can't control the actions of others just yourself. No point in trying to judge or gauge someone's interest by their actions...we all have our own ways...so essentially your judging her by your standards., based on your perception. Why not just ask her straight out if her interest in you is what it once was?? Or better yet just tell her your expectations and see if she can meet them. What's wrong with just straight out in-your-face communication?? One could speculate for days the meaning of others actions or lack there of...seems pointless and a waste of time....but that's just my 10¢…lol
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 15
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 9:58:31 AM
Frankly, I would move completely on, and forget her altogether. I mean you tried to send an email/text or whatever to KEEP at the very LEAST some lines of communication open while she is working...and she cant even return a little chit chat here and there? It doesnt have to be much, but to vanish for weeks on end....only to pop up later, and be like "okay im back, and ready for our date" seems kind of lame to me. I understand people are just simply THAT busy....but then one shouldnt be even dating if that is the case.


Is this a girl from POF? If so, then what is she doing here if she is THAT busy?
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 10:51:56 AM
I wouldn't even try to date someone who can get scheduled 7 days a week for 3 weeks. She's either lying to blow you off or she just doesn't have time to date.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 2:35:13 PM
you've been not just brushed off, but blown off. heads and walls. act accordingly.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 18
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 3:02:40 PM

No point in trying to judge or gauge someone's interest by their actions...we all have our own ways...so essentially your judging her by your standards., based on your perception.

I'm not sure why judging someone's interest based on actions is pointless. As far as I was concerned, a woman who did not act like she was interested, wasn't interested. Her standards regarding interest aren't relevant to me. If we don't have more or less the same idea of what constitutes interest, we won't be compatible in the long run, either. If two people have vastly different ideas about how each fits into the other's life, the relationship is going to suck for both parties.

Why not just ask her straight out if her interest in you is what it once was??

If she was interested, she'd find a way to meet him. She can say whatever she wants, but the fact is, she is not doing anything to back up her words.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 19
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 3:07:45 PM

Her standards regarding interest aren't relevant to me. If we don't have more or less the same idea of what constitutes interest, we won't be compatible in the long run, either. If two people have vastly different ideas about how each fits into the other's life, the relationship is going to suck for both parties.





This is rock solid, and can also be said for other areas, when dealing with someone you've met for the first few times. If more people took this type of stance initially, when concerning themselves with another....they'd be better off.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 20
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 5:34:46 PM

Write her off. Even if she was interested, she works too much to have time to date.


Yep - and the busy "excuse" is pure BS now-a-days with the technology we have at our disposal. I mean, really? You're so busy you can't take 15 seconds to type a one sentence text message?

If she was into you, she'd be blowing up your phone with messages or MAKING time to hang out with you - even if it was for nothing more than a quick 15 minute drink after work.

She's giving you an excuse. I guess the "I'm really busy" is taking the place of "I have friends coming in from out of town this weekend" as people's top choice now.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 21
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 5:50:01 PM
OP: It's time to move on. If a person is genuinely interested in someone, they make the time. You've already over-extended yourself.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 22
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 6:11:35 PM

You're so busy you can't take 15 seconds to type a one sentence text message?

Would you really be satisfied with three weeks of messages like, "Just want to say hi" or "Yep, still busy"? What's the point of that? This isn't some girl who just disappeared, she told him in advance that she'd be overwhelmed for a specific period of time and if he wasn't cool with that, he could have just said so.

So many people here seem to expect her to make time for a guy she's been on just two dates with because apparently they think allotting someone half an hour when you're dirty and tired is a great way to kick start a relationship.

It doesn't sound like the OP is passing up any other opportunities in the meantime so I don't see what he has to lose by getting in touch with her when the three weeks are up.
 tinainhouston39
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 23
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 6:40:10 PM
[No point in trying to judge or gauge someone's interest by their actions...we all have our own ways...so essentially your judging her by your standards., based on your perception.]

[I'm not sure why judging someone's interest based on actions is pointless. As far as I was concerned, a woman who did not act like she was interested, wasn't interested. Her standards regarding interest aren't relevant to me. If we don't have more or less the same idea of what constitutes interest, we won't be compatible in the long run, either. If two people have vastly different ideas about how each fits into the other's life, the relationship is going to suck for both parties. ]

Hahahah you basically just said the same thing I did...only I was a bit more efficient :) If you bothered to include some of the other statements I made you would see that we have the same points.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 24
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 6:40:33 PM

Would you really be satisfied with three weeks of messages like, "Just want to say hi" or "Yep, still busy"? What's the point of that? This isn't some girl who just disappeared, she told him in advance that she'd be overwhelmed for a specific period of time and if he wasn't cool with that, he could have just said so.


Depends on the person and the situation. I once dated a woman who had two young children, worked full time and was a full time nursing student. Her time was extremely limited. So, no I didn't expect for her to take away time from her kids, her work, her studies to get drawn into 2 hour long conversations with me. BUT - by her simply taking a few short seconds to say "hey just thinking about you! taking jr. to practice, cant wait to see you next weekend!" actually meant a lot. It told me that I was still on her mind, that she was still interested in seeing me, that she was still willing to invest what free time she did have.

In her case I knew first hand it wasn't an excuse. But, there have been others where I have had serious doubts and fully believed she was just full of crap and was using it as an excuse - so to the curb she went.

So, to answer your question. Yes, I would be satisfied with such IF it were on the up and up. The world doesn't revolve around me and my wants. Some times you have to make allotments.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 25
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 9/30/2010 7:06:44 PM
Would you really be satisfied with 3 weeks of message like " just want to say hi" or" yep still busy" what's the point of that?


The point of that would be to keep the lines of communication open. The OP texted her several times to do just that. He remembered her telling him she would be busy. But too busy to drop a 60 second text on him every now and then? Too busy to take a minute to answer a polite text from him? Nobody that's interested in someone would ever be that busy.


This isn't some girl who just disappeared


Of course she did. If you were interested in a man would you ignore him trying to reach out and connect with you for weeks? Would you not at least respond and let him know that you're still around and interested?. No matter how busy you are?.
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