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 HappyHappyGirlGirl
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 1
Ex is living with me and I still love himPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Well, the title pretty much says it all. My boyfriend and I recently broke up. I'm still madly in love with him. I know he still cares about me. Shortly after the breakup, he had to move out of his place on short notice, and since we're both fairly new to town, he didn't really have any place to go and moved in with me til he gets things figured out. My guess is he will be there a few weeks to a month.

So... guys especially, could you give me some ideas on how to recharge the passion and excitement?? Since he will be seeing me on a daily basis, I'm in a fairly unique situation to possibly turn things around. The breakup is still fairly fresh but was handled maturely on both ends, our sex life was great... and we have actually had sex regularly since he moved in. Am I letting myself slip into a "friends with benefits" mode? How can I keep that from happening? I really do love this guy, so any tips on how to behave would help tremendously. i.e. Should I hang out like we're friends? Should I date other guys and let him see it? He was the fairly jealous type while we were together but now acts like it doesn't bother him. Could his feelings have gone cold that quickly?? Ugh. I don't understand it.
 ruckus123
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 2
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Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 3:42:32 PM
Sorry to say but you are only a FWB. Once he is able to move out and be on his own, he will be gone.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 3
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 3:47:09 PM
Yes I think you've let yourself slip into FWB mode.........sorry....what will you do when he comes in and says he's found someone else and is moving out?

It's commendable that your helping him out in his time of need but IMO "actually had sex regualrly since he moved in" isn't going to get him to stay if there were issues before he moved in. You don't really mention what the reasoning was behind your breakup.....

But, to answer what you asked, do something unexpected that he likes.....
 ChillinChill
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 4
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 3:56:21 PM
So he broke up with you and then he moved in and your still having sex on the regular he just won't give you the title of being his exclusive gf anymore. Hmmm.
You are the FWB and the roomate.
If you don't want to be FWB that is simple enough, stop f&Cken him.

You have to turn it around quick and make him do the rejection or your gonna keep on doing it. You have to push some different buttons. Men are wired a differently.
You will go through the emotions of the break up and men usually delay that for sometime to get the itch out of their system. Then they deal with the emotions of the loss of the relationship. Your not letting him miss a good thing. He has his cake and some pie and some freaking whipped cream and your putting the cherry on top.

Yes, you should distance yourself from him as you find it appropriate. You don't need to get inside his head or figure out shyt. You need to create an agenda for yourself and AS HE WISHES as a single, young, attractive available woman. He gave you your freedom... ACT FREE.

Girl... get your diva on. Get dolled up. Look your best and step out without even telling him where you are going. Have some girls nites out and plan a sleep over somewhere... and no need to give him the details, even if your going to Grandmas house.

Buy a nice big dildo and if the sexual tension gets to hottttt... pleasure yourself so you don't act like a desperate woman like a piece of puddy for this guy.

Play the game by your rules and put him in his place. He doesn't want to be your bf. So don't give him the cake. Your giving up control and letting him have it his way... It maybe time to step back and take a stance and think about what YOUR WAY is.

You want to recharge passion? Ignore the shythead. Nothing like a challenge for a man with a big EGO. It sounds like you've found one. You think you have to DO something... you have to DO nothing and nothing for him. If he starts doing the rejection and not you he may soon realize that he is giving up something he really WANTS.....

Let him recharge the f&Cken passion and let him STEP UP.... he is the one that broke off, let him win you back. If he doesn't show you the effort, he is not worth it. Make him SWEAT.

Yeah... change your status here, create a few other accounts on other sites ( sorry Markus) and GO on a few dates, dressed to kill and leave that little boy drooooooling.

Let him come crawling back to you... F*ck that noiZe. He breaks off with you and your
just becoming a door mat. No way. Your setting yourself up for some drama, this sounds like a bad soap opera.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 5
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Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 4:01:39 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

What she said.

AND: Kick his ass out!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 6
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 4:25:55 PM
You've broken up. Act like you've broken up.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 7
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 4:26:34 PM
"He was the fairly jealous type while we were together but now acts like it doesn't bother him. Could his feelings have gone cold that quickly??"

No, it doesn't bother him anymore
Because now he is getting what he wants

All the benefits
None of the commitment

"Since he will be seeing me on a daily basis, I'm in a fairly unique situation to possibly turn things around."

Sorry, seems like you have arrived to the place of no return
 softy63
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 8
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 4:53:09 PM
When I first saw your photo I thought you may be in your early 20's and was going to respond accordingly. Then I read your profile. You look great for your age!! You have children and that alone usually brings further maturity to people.

Anyway:



Shortly after the breakup, he had to move out of his place on short notice, and since we're both fairly new to town, he didn't really have any place to go and moved in with me til he gets things figured out

Surely there must be SOMEONE he can live with besides you. I'm guessing he's your age or older and I would expect him to have a little more initiative.
Also how do you KNOW he had nowhere else to go? He may be lying and playing on your heart strings.




Should I date other guys and let him see it

Yes. Its your house, you're a grown woman and you can do what you want.

To save yourself from hurt I suggest you get him to move his using ass out of your house as soon as possible. He's a grown man, he'll cope.
 duckpie
Joined: 9/27/2010
Msg: 9
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 5:02:52 PM

Am I letting myself slip into a "friends with benefits" mode?

No.
You are ex with benefits.
This is going to be a yo yo relationship based on two kids keeping the candy away from each other, except for a small taste once in a while, to get what one wants from the other.


How can I keep that from happening?

It's already happened.


I really do love this guy

Really?
Then why the forum post and not talking to him about it directly like a mature adult?
Are you scared of what he might say? How can you be scared of someone you love?
Do you not have any idea of what he is going to say or do? How can you love him, and not really know him?
If you love him, doesn't that mean he knows you too? So if he knows you, can't he see through the games you are throwing out, and see through you hiding your thoughts and feelings for him?
Maybe I should start equating the definition of love to "you make me feel good and have stuck around for a while."

Ahhh, here are the choices

Should I hang out like we're friends?

Game #1. Pretend one relationship, put up a facade, while looking and investigating for clues for a guarantee or appropriate time to attack to get the one you "really" want.


Should I date other guys and let him see it?

Game #2. The "let's see if I can make him jealous. If he fears to lose me or not have me, then he will match the price I am asking to keep giving me what I want. I also get him to value me, if he chases me or gets jealous I know I am worth being chased and getting jealous for."


Could his feelings have gone cold that quickly?

Yes. If he is also the consummate game player (like attracts like socially).
He's already had you.
So anybody else that has you, is having his leftovers...no worries, unless you threaten to cut him off and (most importantly) he believes he won't have any chance to get what he wants from you.


could you give me some ideas on how to recharge the passion and excitement?

Are you trying to get him to recommit to your ideal relationship by using sex and passion as a weapon to get him to cave towards relationship responsibility?
Or is the question asking how to make your sex life less boring?


since we're both fairly new to town, he didn't really have any place to go and moved in with me til he gets things figured out.

That's what apartments are for.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 10
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 5:09:59 PM
So... guys especially, could you give me some ideas on how to recharge the passion and excitement??

Did you try the "come nekkid, fetch beer" recipe?

It works in most FWB situations, which is where you're at right now.
And once you are in such a humanitarian and giving mode, make him a sammich too....

Aw.... and give him the remote too...

 pamsfl
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 11
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 5:18:39 PM
Ah geez, please tell me that AT LEAST you are charging him rent! Let's see - free place to live, free sex and free to see and date whomever he wants. Why would he ever WANT to leave??? He has what most men can only DREAM of, and you want to know what you can do to get him to stay?
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 12
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 5:20:47 PM
something just does not make sense about this story. you are holding out something.

you both are fairly new to town....and have """great""" sex....

and this guy wanted to break up with you??


what are you leaving out?
why did he break up with you?
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 13
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 5:29:15 PM
^^^^
Yes, who broke up with who and why?

Knowing that may help as to how you should proceed.
But for now you are just a FwB.

So bring another guy around.
and don't sleep with your ex.
He can't miss what he still has.

As for you,
You can't make someone's feelings change.
So work on your own and try to distract yourself
from your ex. Get out there and meet new guys.
Wasting time with someone not into you,
will keep you from finding someone who is.

good Luck.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 14
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Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 5:31:47 PM
OP you are really confused. You are on an internet DATING website proclaiming you are looking to meet men for DATING, then proclaim you are cohabiting with your X with whom you wish to reconcile, wondering if is is your FWB now?? Is this a TROLLop post? You cannot be serious! I only wonder what broke the OP up with this dude. Without knowing that, I really can't take this scenario seriously at all. Sounds like he gets sex before he moves out, maybe after, all the while free to sex up other women at his leisure. Oh, I always advise the "get the X jealous" ploy in order to reconcile. That always works! NOT! I can only wonder why you let this dude move in with you after broke up. I also wonder why you set up an internet dating profile when you want to reconcile.

The OP sounds confused. I advise the OP doing something good for herself, work on her self esteem; after which she seek out a new guy and develop a healthy functional relationship.

Oh this isn't a FWB scenario--the OP and this dude are FBs at best.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 15
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Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 5:38:51 PM

Should I date other guys and let him see it?

so you'd consider using some poor sap off POF because you believe it's ok to run manipulation ploys on a man you're 'madly in love' with?

aren't you a prize.

clean up your own relationship shit before you start involving other people in it. get off POF.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 16
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 6:06:48 PM

so you'd consider using some poor sap off POF because you believe it's ok to run manipulation ploys on a man you're 'madly in love' with?....... aren't you a prize........clean up your own relationship shit before you start involving other people in it. get off POF

I can just imagine the guy she uses from this site appears in these threads and asks how he can re-ignite the passion with her (the OP).

Personally, I'd like to know how this great guy suddenly loses an apartment and is conveniently homeless? It does beg to ask how you both are out-of-towners yet only one of you have the ability to maintain a place to live?

How young is this guy?
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 17
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 6:40:18 PM

So... guys especially, could you give me some ideas on how to recharge the passion and excitement?? Since he will be seeing me on a daily basis, I'm in a fairly unique situation to possibly turn things around. The breakup is still fairly fresh but was handled maturely on both ends, our sex life was great... and we have actually had sex regularly since he moved in. Am I letting myself slip into a "friends with benefits" mode? How can I keep that from happening? I really do love this guy, so any tips on how to behave would help tremendously. i.e. Should I hang out like we're friends? Should I date other guys and let him see it? He was the fairly jealous type while we were together but now acts like it doesn't bother him. Could his feelings have gone cold that quickly?? Ugh. I don't understand it.


this is very vague and all you've done here is open up to the opportunity for some posters to belittle you about your situation and feel good about it.

ask why you broke up to begin with ? search your feelings and be honest with your self
and perhaps look in to some self esteem issues you may have lurking.
 pandusvenator
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 18
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 6:49:14 PM
Date other guys. But keep in mind that it really is a game then. You would be dating other guys and still in love with him. It will work but if you did get him back using this method you will eventually not want him.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 19
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 7:09:49 PM
OP- the whole idea of dating another guy to make the guy you want jealous...really does not work with men.

that's a game guys play with women, because it works a great deal of the time with women.



but guys, a quality, worthwhile man- would never go back to a woman after she had another man...not in any way other than a sex thing...

even that is a stretch ...
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 20
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 7:16:54 PM
OP: You have to share a lil' bit more than you have thus far.

Like why did you break up???? ...............................................................................

Oh, and I can't imagine that type of contacts you're having with how your profile reads. lol!!!
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 21
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 8:11:20 PM

Should I date other guys and let him see it


If this situation isnt the definition of drama I dont know what is. Please dont drag ANY other guy in to this mess. Let them spend there time and money investing in women who are 100% free and single. The only guy who date a woman in this type of situation is a desperate one.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 22
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 8:21:15 PM
^^ I totally agree.

That's not even an ex in the first place.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 23
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 8:25:54 PM
Prolonging living together and seeing each other isn't helping either of you move forward.
JS it sounds like you want him there to try to make it work, rather than simply having him there to help him out- not a good idea. A clean break is best IMO.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 24
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 9:08:11 PM
After a breakup you need distance what you are doing is just prolonging him having to deal with the reality of the breakup and he is getting what he wants for now. He needs to have time to decide if he want to have you as an exclusive gf again and he cannot do that while he is living with you and having a regular use of the goods.

The longer you continue doing what you are doing the less respect he will have for you. End it and kick him out. Good luck.
 Redlance71
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 25
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Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 9:18:46 PM
First of all, I noticed Mistress Chill had a fairly good post except she made the classic mistake of assuming he initiated the break up the relationship - but I can see exactly why she assumed this - You mentioned repeatedly you still love him alot and only compimented him aka the sex was great. So let me give you some advice of my own.

Get or borrow a pair and protect yourself at this point in time. You are a FWB, with the misfortune of having a past relationship with him. You will not be able to move on until you truly cut the cords.

How do I know this - I am in the process of an amiable divorce and my ex and he two children are still in my house for the time being. The difference is there is a set time limit, she helps with recurrent bills a little while saving up for her own place. I will concede that it cuts a bit too close to the heart when your ex is in close quarters with you(The divorce was her idea) but keep in mind he is your ex and you need to shut down all access to him, including any intimacy.

I won't tell you to go out and start dating others because it is obvious at this time you are not over your last relationship, that is poor starting posistioning for ANY new relationship. He does sound like's he's a bit full of himself perhaps, specially with the jealousy. Was he faithful to you...What has he done to deserve anything from you. There is a reason the relationship ended - do not be co-dependent! Set rigid restrictions, and for God's sake...

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