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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)      Home login  
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 shakababyz
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 1
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I've been on the fence about my situation and i would love to hear what others have to say. Whether is is encouragement or the fact of facing reality...

Months ago an acquaintance who i'm friendly with, but don't know all too well, said "You would be perfect for my daughter". She lives in California (i'm in Ohio), but you could F-book her and get to know her. So I did and conversation begun... very slow at first, but it progressed into a pleasurable experience. That led to email, text, and now talking on the phone 2-3x/week

She is originally from where i currently live and come to find out, she plans on moving back to Ohio as soon as a job opens up. I have completely fallen for her... We know there is a connection, we know we would date if she was back in ohio, we've even talked about some pretty deep stuff (kids, family, perfect Saturday morning, etc.) BUT we never said "Once you move back we will get together and our love life will be perfect" (you know what i mean! :)

I'm a 28 year old doctor and she is a 30 year old attorney and every time we talk i get butterflies. I recently sent flowers to her (which she absolutely loved) and I have no interest in dating anyone else at this time because i'm so excited about her.

So my question to you is Can you really wait for love? Should i just keep talking on the phone and hope she moves back ASAP or do i move on and accept all of my friends who are trying to hook me up?
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/17/2010 8:22:32 AM
Can you really wait for love? Should i just keep talking on the phone and hope she moves back ASAP or do i move on


How long have you waited so far in your life?

As soon as possible, fly to CA to visit this woman in PERSON !

If you feel the same connection after that, THEN continue your LDR infatuation but don't turn down any ideal local dates you may meet...
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 3
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/17/2010 8:25:42 AM
Sure, you can wait. That's your prerogative! I see a few potential pitfalls here, though, and they deserve serious consideration IMO.

One is that you may have no chemistry in person. It's true that you really can't tell until meeting.

Another is that it doesn't appear she has any definite time frame in mind for moving.

And, it's always possible that the feelings are so strong precisely because neither of you is available to the other at present. You're both very busy people by the nature of your careers. It may be a lot easier to have a virtual relationship than a real one.

Anyway, I don't think your options are mutually exclusive. You could go ahead and date and still keep contact with her, as long as everyone involved is clear that this is what you're doing.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 4
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/17/2010 8:30:28 AM
well- Some folks, many folks are too eager to get into relationships IMO.

lots don't have the sand to be comfortable enough with themselves and their own lives to not be in a relationship.

so- many times we get into relationships because the opportunity is there and the person fits decently into several categories.

and we are often times too willing to stay in a relationship that may not quite be there rather than ending that relationship and being single.


I would guess its not so much about waiting for the "love of your life", but I feel if we were more patient and more selective- all involved would do much better in relationships than we do do.
 scarlet tanager
Joined: 8/25/2010
Msg: 5
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/17/2010 8:43:23 AM
Don't let your emotions fly until you have met in person. Anyone who's had a few dates from online should know that. Nothing is what it seems through phone chats and online coversations. I'm not saying it will turn out against what you envisioned -- I'm saying neither of you really even knows how it will be when you finally do see each other in person. Hm .. I've had a few dates from online where there seems to be great connection/conversation online (yes, and this is with pics and everything) ... then when we finally meet, it's just not there in person.

I don't see what you are losing by keeping your options open until you have met in person and then after a few dates, mutually decide to go exclusive.
 shakababyz
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 6
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/17/2010 8:48:42 AM
[qoute]falling head over heels from a far distance is foolish. Just sayin[qoute]

Well that's what the other part has been telling me as well, but i'm thinking how could you feel like this about someone who is so far away? i guess time will tell....
 shakababyz
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 7
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/17/2010 8:50:51 AM
Like i said before, i've never felt like this before and that's why i'm so positive about it, but i completely understand where you are all coming from. She is coming home for Thanksgiving and we plan on getting together then.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 8
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Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/17/2010 9:47:55 AM
"but i'm thinking how could you feel like this about someone who is so far away? "
I think THAT statement illustrates that you have at least one of the problems common to folks who get into UNWISE LDR's. That is, you have a belief that the fact that YOU feel so much about someone you have yet to see face to face, is "meaningful," in some religio-magical way. You have given your OWN power of decision away to an unnamed, unseen, and unrecognized magical SOMETHING.
Watch out for thinking that somehow 'fate' has guided the two of you together. It's a NICE thought, and a FUN thought, and I too periodically enjoy fantasizing about such, but if it causes you to OVERLOOK problems that bode ill for the future of your relationship, or if it means that you stop being responsible for deciding the course of your life, you'll have trouble.
From what you've described, it might well be that this woman is a good match for you. Since you will finally meet around Thanksgiving, you'll be able to test out things like face to face chemistry. Face to face also, you might be able to find out if she's serious about moving back, and when. Many things will become clear. Just keep your head firmly under YOUR control.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 9
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/17/2010 2:07:31 PM
OP you are a Dr and she is an attorney so that would rule out either of you not having sufficient funds to fly out to meet one another in person (even if it's just for the weekend ) a time or two so that you can take that next step with an IRL meeting with one another. What else is stopping you - both too afraid to fly? too busy? or fear that IRL may be a dissapointment.? I would not get caught up in progosticating about the future until you have taken that step - why wait for Thanksgiving do it now if you are so inclined.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 10
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/17/2010 2:27:10 PM
"Can you wait for love?"
You are a 28 year old doctor
what else do you have to do, besides working 18 hrs a day, but wait?

You can't be in love with someone you haven't met
All those years in Med school and still you don't know THIS?
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 11
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/17/2010 2:38:22 PM
He's not a real Dr though just a bone creaker..... I just popped my back back into place - maybe I should pay myself the fee.

Most of my friends who are Dr's ( some are ever real Dr's ) had plenty of time to play at his age unless they were still doing their internship or started thier schooling late. He has no kids and probably no ex to worry about - plenty of time for a face to face with the possible girl of his dreams.
 shakababyz
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 12
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/17/2010 5:30:39 PM
I'm not a "Real Dr"? So when you take ibuprofen do you pay yourself the fee??? Because that's what most "REAL Dr's" do is write prescriptions. Please don't disrespect my profession because you obviously don't know what really takes place in my office.

I asked for your opinion with something else, not my profession...
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 13
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/17/2010 6:23:07 PM
paddy o lantern, i think that was a rude & ignorant comment. more importantly, it was *completely* irrelevant to this thread. nobody asked about the value or legitimacy of chiros, or even whether or not they are "real doctors". i think it's odd that you felt the need to so flippantly insult the OP. if you think chiros are something in the realm of junk science, then there is the "off topic" thread for you to start an argument about it... so have at it. i realize you are entitled to your opinion, but some opinions should be kept under your big freakin straw hat if you see what i'm sayin.

op, based on what you said, it seems this woman is worth pursuing. but remember to temper your excitement with common sense, rational thinking, and a few grains of salt. i know the temptation to throw yourself into this is strong, but long-distance relationships are extraordinarily difficult to manage, and this hasn't even reached the relationship stage yet. think of the day-to-day challenges that come with somebody who lives close by, and multiply that by at least 10 for the distance factor. you two should make arrangements to meet each other before she moves back to ohio, if you can. in the meantime, i think you would be wasting everybody's time to go out with anybody else that your friends might fix you up with, when your attention is clearly elsewhere. good luck!
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 14
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Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/17/2010 7:23:57 PM
I don't do long distance realationship. Nothing is real until you have meet the person and dated on a regular basis.

However, I do respect chiropractors. If people can't get their heads around the fact that they are real doctors, they do it at their own disrespect of their health.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 15
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/18/2010 6:52:03 AM
^^^^^ some peoples sense of humour reminds me of Alan in Two and a Half Men - the reference to Chiro's not being real Dr's was a joke - I'm not a real engineer - I don't drive a train. As for my personal view of the Chiropractic profession I know lots of people who find it very helpful it just does not work for me.

As for the OP's original post if he can't wait for love hop on a plane and find out if the two of them click IRL.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 16
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:01:53 AM
I thought dentists were the ones who are not real doctors
(from the hangover movie)

I can live without a chiro
but not without a dentist

So Doc, what's up Doc?
Are you taking that flight?
Find out if it is true love or not?
You only live once
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 17
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/18/2010 4:01:24 PM
shakababyz,

You are E-fatuated.
You do not love her.
You do not have butterflies for her.
You do not have a great connection to her.

You have all that to an internal image of her.
I'm not saying you're a fool.
Or she isn't legit.
Or that you two cannot be happy.

Everything CAN be as you dreamed.
Or not.

You cannot know till you see her.
Until then it is only fantasy.

Which is why I think you're continuing the online thing,
instead flying out there.
Maybe you're nervous you won't measure up to the online persona...
so you're trying to seal the deal the cyber way and hope that works.
it won't.

Meet her and go from there.
No one get's married sight unseen in email.
The longer you wait, the harder it will be.
Cus no one can one live up to the cyber fantasy prince image.
Best let her know the real you soon.

..but I'm thinking with what all you typed, it will go well.
So good luck!
 That Handy Man
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 18
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/18/2010 8:03:05 PM
Gosh, I thought you might be a smart enough guy to understand how life and love REALLY work!

The ONLY thing that matters is the woman's level of attraction for a man. YES, there are levels of attraction. Wait, yes, you called this "LOVE".

Your feelings are practically meaningless in this equation! Best to forget entirely about yours and focus on hers, lest you be in for a rude surprise.
 Cool_November
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 19
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/19/2010 12:03:53 PM
Your a doctor,you got the cash,use some of it to obtain your happyness.Fly out there every weekend.This whole thing can only go up.You can spend your week days thinking about her and walking around on cloud nine,then fly out to her for a climactic weekend of awesome togetherness.If it gets a little old,fly her to your place for weekends of awesomness.Do this and it wont be long till shes movin out to your neck of the woods like she said she wants to do.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 20
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History
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/19/2010 12:03:56 PM
OP, just as few replies suggested, go and see her. One weekend spend together could give plenty of answers. You have nothing to lose.
 foreverstacey
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 21
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/20/2010 5:16:18 PM
If something is meant to happen between you two, it will.. forcing it like this isn't exactly that healthy. And I'm saying FORCING it because you arent dating other people, youve never met her (as far as your post suggests) and you seem to have extremely high expectations for what COULD happen.. just let it happen. It will work itself out in the end.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 22
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/20/2010 7:00:29 PM
The world is full of stories of couples who have actually hit it off in person, then continued a long distance romance only to have it end disastrously on a subsequent meeting. So here you are in a situation with a woman you've never even met and you're putting your life on hold for her. The odds of success are way against you. I suggest you either hop on a plane to California ASAP or you put her on the back burner while pursuing women who are more geographically desirable.
 That Handy Man
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 23
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/20/2010 8:06:57 PM
The idea that "if things were meant to be, they will happen" is in my opinion a flawed way of thinking. Isn't that like saying if you go to Vegas, if you were meant to win, you will? Does, skill, knowledge and having a plan of action have NOTHING to do with it? I don't think romance is that different. How many "SOUL MATES" are fighting it out in court? The stupid, naive and uninformed WILL loose, more often then not.
 foreverstacey
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 24
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/21/2010 5:18:58 PM
I really think gambling and romance are different personally.

I suppose in a few ways they can be the same.. throwing all your cards on the table or going "all in."

But if I'm SUPOSSED to be with someone, wouldn't I be? I mean really think about it.. no amount of me running after them, or trying to force this person to be with me is going to make them want to be with me more.. it might make them run faster actually. With time and continuing to live my life, our lives may eventually cross and things might be different.. that to me is why I believe in fate. Whoever I'm with, they're in my life for a reason.. whether they stay or go, only time will tell, but they're there because they're supossed to be.. not because I forced them to be.
 Island home
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 25
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/23/2010 1:08:29 AM
Can you wait for love?
Sure can
Pays to have a few definite plans in place
rather than all wishful thinking
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