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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Dumped again I cant take much more.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 2
Dumped again I cant take much more.Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
When you depend on others for your happiness this is what happens.

Your crushed- no. You are crushed because she represented a relationship.

She could have been anyone- you would still be crushed.

Your taking being dumped way too personal. You were not what she wanted.

Does not make you a bad person- oh whoa is me, what is wrong with ME. It makes you not for her.

Go find someone who is and stop this "must have a relationship or I will die" crap.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 6
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History
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 9:39:44 AM
You need to take things slowly and not get all worked up over a gal you barely know. A few dates is not the same as getting dumped. Get it through your head that 99% of the dating relationships you enter into will not last more than a few weeks. So go out with friends, have fun and allow love to happen naturally. It cannot be forced.
Try going outside your comfort zone and check out a new sport or hobby that women pursue as well. Friends first can lead to a great love match.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 8
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 9:43:59 AM

i feel like i just cant do this anymore to much hurt

So then why do it? I can hear your answer right now “because I want to” but if you do try and you get hurt then, why set yourself up for disappointment?

But I do understand, you simply want a relationship without getting hurt, right? Seems easy enough but how? The reality of this is that you never know how they will end. You simply try it, do the best you can in making it work and if it does then GREAT and, if it does not, you learn what you feel you needed to learn and move on!
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 9
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 9:52:04 AM
Well,.. I always liked that "Ali McBeile" show where when she got dumped,. they showed her getting dumped in the dumpster, and you heard the garbage truck going "Beep-Beep-Beep-Beep" backing up just before she hit the dumpster...So now when they start talking about .."I don't think we mesh,..click, mix, etc etc,. I just start going "Beep-Beep-Beep-Beep" and walking away.. hey,.. if nothing else, ya gotta keep your humor.. So.. yer 42.. Happy B-Day.. Go have you a fling with a 21-25 yr old, get yer 2nd childhood "middle age crisis" whatever you wanna call it, started with a bang, and you'll probably be ok..What's that old song? oh yeah "She's Gone".. remember that one line,. "Pretty bodies help dissolve the memory.. And they actually CAN be, what she was to you..company..

The good life is what I need
Too many people stepping over me
The only thing that's been on my mind
Is the one thing I need before I die

All I want is a little of the good life
All I need is to have a good time, oh, the good life
All I want is a little of the good life
All I need is to have a good time, oh, the good life
The good life

I don't really know who I am
It's time for me to take a stand
I need a change and I need it fast
I know that any day could be the last

All I want is a little of the good life
All I need is to have a good time, oh, the good life
All I want is a little of the good life
All I need is to have a good time, oh, the good life

Hold on, hold on, I always wanted it this way
(I never wanted it this way)
Hold on, hold on, I always wanted it this way
(We didn't ask for it this way)
I always wanted it this way

The good life
All I want is a little of the good life
All I need is to have a good time, oh, the good life
All I want is a little of the good life
All I need is to have a good time, oh, the good life
The good life
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 13
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 10:16:54 AM
Demon your advice to shag a young women is not what many would consider to be sound among the non biker community. It is obvious this OP is not so calloused.

Well,.. guess maybe I'm unique .. Maybe he needs to get a bike then,.Just putting it out there like everyone else
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 15
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 10:33:45 AM
You are so worked up for someone that you have not even slept with?

Toughen up. And you know what. Do not slow down.

When you live life through pain avoidance eventually you stop feeling because you stop living. You will avoid risk, you will avoid relationships, and may as well avoid taking business risks, emotional risks or activity risks. Then what is left is to climb inside a shell and pity how horrible life is.

To feel you must learn what is to seriously be hurt. And realize that is part of the process. If you ever meet a winner and tells you that he or she has never lost, they are lying.

So go out there and date, get hurt, get over it and date again.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 17
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History
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 11:11:43 AM
^^^^I think a lot of the advice here has been true, but the harsh tone of much of it interests me. Someone dares to show a vulnerable spot, and suddenly everyone else is a tough guy. Maybe it scares them to be reminded of their own weakness.

I wonder how many of the people with the hard-nosed advice have never fallen for somebody faster than they would have liked, in hindsight. Yes, you learn not to let the heart lead the head by too much, but most of us have been disappointed at some time. And however much anyone wants to deny it, it hurts.

It's ironic to see women telling a man to keep braving rejection--go for the gold, and all that--when most of them seem unwilling to do it themselves. But maybe they think that's only fair, in view of all women have to offer us.
 Max Schnell
Joined: 10/11/2010
Msg: 19
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 11:32:47 AM

I wonder how many of the people with the hard-nosed advice have never fallen for somebody faster than they would have liked, in hindsight.

This isn't about who among us has never made a mistake, it's about calling a spade a spade.


Yes, you learn not to let the heart lead the head by too much, but most of us have been disappointed at some time. And however much anyone wants to deny it, it hurts.

The other thing this is about is how to not foolishly set yourself up for unnecessary disappointment and pain all because you had really unrealistic and unreasonable expectations in the first place.


It's ironic to see women telling a man to keep braving rejection--go for the gold, and all that--when most of them seem unwilling to do it themselves. But maybe they think that's only fair, in view of all women have to offer us.

That would be you projecting. Because frankly, there is no way in hell you have personal knowledge of what most women here are either willing or unwilling to do. So thanks for letting us know that most women have nothing of interest to offer you. Maybe you should put that on your profile. Ironically, I am sure most of them will find that kind of attitude very attractive.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 20
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 11:34:41 AM
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back out there again. I would also recommend revamping your profile. Your intended self-deprecating style of humor is working against you. I suggest spell-checking your profile first, then eliminating the sentence: "my image has been rated at 2.85/ out of 10 which means i need plastic surgery ;) thank god i dont take myself seriously lol." I realize you're trying to convey that you're a funny guy, however it actually comes across as a bit pitiful, instead.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 23
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 12:35:31 PM

If you were crushed after three dates with this lady then imagine how crushed you will be after 6 dates!!
Get yourself back on track and the rest WILL fall into place!!
JMHO of course.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ditto.

This goes much deeper..it's not the woman..it's you.
Now go talk to someone that can help you.ASAP.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 24
Dumped again I can't take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 1:02:56 PM
Though it hurts, I think you'll probably begin to feel better sooner than you might imagine, because you really haven't invested all that much time and energy here. If it's any comfort at present, that usually does make a difference for most of us in how quickly we get over something.

I agree with the advice to pursue other activities, as well... be social, keep yourself busy. Maybe take a class, learn a new skill or sport - that'll keep your attention well enough! When you've got enough other things going on and your mind is occupied, it's easier to keep dating a smaller part of your internal landscape, and not get over-invested too quickly. Being busy helps in feeling better after something like this, too.

Nothing wrong with taking a break, either, if you feel you've had about all you can take right now. It's probably a good idea.

Best of luck on your next try, when you do feel ready for it!
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 26
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 1:10:39 PM
OP dust yourself off and try again. Don't let yourself get in the dumps after being dumped. You know how martial artists kick bounce back up. You need to do the same thing and another important saying that is always installed in me is " get your validation out of life, not from women. " I could care less weather women are in my life or not, the point is I'm doing what's best for myself and that's what I find sexy at the end of the day because when you get to the old age of dying on your death bed, ain't no one going to go with you but you alone.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 27
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Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 1:36:04 PM

Certain behaviours committed over and over again are enough to destroy someones soul and continued falling too soon for people and getting hurt is one of them.


I agree. But I didn't see where the OP said anything about doing this other times. There's always a middle ground between letting your emotions take control and being too cool. If neither person showed much interest, I can't see why they'd keep going out together.

A lot of people think that if they're not having sex by the third date, things probably won't go any farther. How casual are they supposed to be about each other at that point, I wonder. The trick is just to have fun, get to know each other, and not take it all too seriously at first. I think, too, that it's only right not to act in a way you know is likely to lead the other person on, when you don't intend to keep seeing them.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 28
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History
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 1:52:13 PM

Ironically, I am sure most of them will find that kind of attitude very attractive.


You'd do well to concern yourself with your own attitude. I think most women can see what you're trying to do.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 29
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 1:57:05 PM
Okay,,,,the first thing you gotta do is REDEFINE (in YOUR head) what "dumped" actually means. Your subject line alone breeds selfpity, a losing attitude,negativity,etc. THAT's what everyone here is pointing out to ya,,,and yeah,,,it maybe harsh,,,but let's get real here,,,,,life can be harsh,,,,can't it???? Well, in the real world it is. Don't like it,,,then go run into your room and hide.

Like my Daddy used to tell me....."if you are afraid of losing,,,,you will never,ever win". So enough whining, and be happy you actually have had the opportunity to date with 4 different people since January. Holy cripes man,,,,,some people here have been a lot longer and haven't had that many dates TOTAL!!!!! Pat yourself on the back,,,and start putting things in PERSPECTIVE!!!! You actually got to get some kissing and cuddling in TOO!!!!! There are nights I would actually give my left nut for a little of that female companionship,,,,even if it were for a couple of hours.

Again,,,PERSPECTIVE.
 Max Schnell
Joined: 10/11/2010
Msg: 30
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 2:57:59 PM

You'd do well to concern yourself with your own attitude. I think most women can see what you're trying to do.


There you go again, but thanks for your overwhelming concern.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 32
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 4:22:44 PM
When you wear your heart on your sleeve,
changing shirts is always more painful than it need be.

The common denominator in your angst is that you fall too soon.

when you get better at this...
(and perhaps abit jaded)...
You'll go out with women and wait for them to fall for you.
It's OK to be romantic and be into someone.
Enjoy the process.
But just don't fall in love till she does.
And you'll be alright.

good luck!
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 34
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 4:51:30 PM
I don't feel he has to 'lower' his expectations ^ ^ instead, make them much more realistic.

OP: question yourself as to why you feel you have the need to 'fall quickly' for a female instead of taking time to actually know the person AND get to know yourself, too.
 Simon4567
Joined: 10/9/2010
Msg: 36
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 5:11:13 PM
bitter roots make sweet fruits

i got that wisdom from a paper cup 11 years ago
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 41
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 7:02:59 PM
What are you most upset about-- that you were rejected or that you can no longer be with someone you like? If it's the rejection, you have to learn to not take that too personally. When someone rejects you, it's because you're not what THEY want, it doesn't mean you don't have great things to offer someone else. What's important is that you feel good about what you have to offer and in the areas where you think you may be deficient, try to improve those. But don't let someone else's preference dictate your own self-worth.

If you're upset about no longer being with someone you like, that's all the more reason to not give up on trying to find someone. In your 40's, it's a tough task to find someone who's single AND interests you AND who you interest. Going nine months without finding a new special someone is nothing-- I don't think you'll get much pity from the people who may have gone years without being in a relationship.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 43
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 8:30:44 PM
It sounds like you have some holes in your life that you're trying to find someone to fill for you...the problem is that most people will recognize that's what you're doing and it makes them feel like DIRT! Beware the woman who goes along with this and fills your holes......chances are she has bigger/more holes and is using YOU as the dirt to fill hers!
Your best bet is to fix yourself, become emotionally independent...THEN set yourself up to become interdependent.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 44
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Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 9:20:43 PM
Lots of harsh comments here. I've felt this way before--but I was 20 years old in college. After I got hurt a half a dozen times like this, I've built up a veneer now--and learned that it isn't realistic to have ultra-high expectations after three dates.

Drew, would you rather had dated her for months and REALLY fall for her and then find out she's a deceptive flaky ditz? Look at it as her doing you a favor by freeing you up to find someone better.

The OP isn't a hard-core single like most of the forum-ites here. I cut him some slack. Now Drew, get your ass out there and look for your 5th woman to date since January. Good luck.
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 46
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 9:42:15 PM
what is wrong with the OP wanting real love NOT casual flings. Down here where I live in FL, I have found that most people want friends with benefits. to play with other while in a relationship, and there are many swingers. Honey, I think that you have just gotten involved with some loser ****es. Why don't you take time for yourself and not put yourself out there until you can handle meeting "just plain ole bad women". They are out there unfortunately and it will take time until you meet a woman who will stick by your side.
When you finally meet somebody, then you won't have to search anymore and you will have a partner. I wish there was a miracle solution to losers but you sometimes meet them until you find a winner.
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 47
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Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 10:00:19 PM
I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm in the same boat you are. Wish I had words of wisdom to share with you, but if I had wisdom I'd be with someone right now instead of on an internet forum at 1am.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 48
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 10:09:59 PM

This isn't wearing your heart on your sleeve. This is being desperate. A lot of people get the two confused.


So true!
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