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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Delusional Expecting to find "Love" at this age?      Home login  
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 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 1
Delusional Expecting to find "Love" at this age?Page 1 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
When we meet someone we always expect to find that spark, that initial attraction, that connects us and tells us that we can see ourselves with that person. We'd like to reach that connection on every level, but are we delusional to expect to find real "LOVE" at this point of our lives?

I was talking with a platonic friend, I met a year ago, from here, last night, and that's what he asked me, "What have you found missing in the men you've met so far?" When I thought about it I realized that it was that illusive feeling of "love". I'm looking to "be" loved and "to" love. Am I just being delusional?
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 2
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 11:13:03 AM
I wouldn't say it's "delusional" per se to think that love doesn't exist after a certain age. But it definitely is harder to make a connection. Once we've reached middle-age, there is bound to be some baggage and a couple of dealbreakers involved -- unlike when we were younger and relationships didn't come with ready-made problems.

The problems I have encountered, especially with on-line dating, is that I've not met one guy who didn't continue looking. And I'm sure there are plenty of women guilty of the same thing. It just seems impossible to keep someone's attention longer than a date or two before they get distracted by something they perceive as a better deal.

I first signed up on this site in 2005, met a guy shortly thereafter and was gone from here until 2009 after that relationship ended. And for the record, I found out he had an active profile the entire time we were together and even went on a few dates with other women. It was a long distance relationship, so I wasn't all that surprised. But when I came back in 2008 I couldn't believe that all the same men were still on here 3 years later! And now in 2010, 95% of those same men are still here.

If everyone wasn't so interested in waiting for the next big thing, there would be fewer people hanging around on here for years and years.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 3
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 11:14:20 AM

When we meet someone we always expect to find that spark, that initial attraction, that connects us and tells us that we can see ourselves with that person. We'd like to reach that connection on every level, but are we delusional to expect to find real "LOVE" at this point of our lives?



I didn't expect to find love after my divorce but I have. I also never expected the person I ended up with would be met online. I don't necessarily think the "spark" needs to happen right away though. There is no reason you are being delusional unless you have unrealistic expectations of the other person. I'm not quite 45, ok only 39 actually but my boyfriend would say it is certainly possible to find real love past age 45. He will be 51 next month and we have been together since around April of 2009.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 4
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 11:15:18 AM
Not at all.

I felt the same, actually. I thought I'd reached a point in life where I just wasn't going to find love again. Dated plenty of people, had fun, made friends, good times. But I just never felt the spark. Never felt loved or in love.

But then it happened quite unexpectedly. The right woman, right time, and suddenly I found myself feeling more loved and in love than I ever remember feeling before.

So, don't for a minute think it can't happen. Just accept how rare it is, and at our age ... well, we're tougher to fool. :)
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 5
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 2:05:00 PM

When I met mine, there was certainly the initial spark, but the illusive feeling of love? No, not at my age, what I found is a slow burn that continues to grow far after the initial spark. Maybe it’s an age thing or experience, but I don’t trust fireworks, there are far too many illusions behind that show. So to answer your question, no, I don’t think it’s delusional at all, I think it comes at this age with a bit more introspection and personal work with another, and it’s not always exciting fun. I only think it’s delusional if you expect someone else to magically bring it to you.



 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 6
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 2:51:54 PM
OP, the way I look at it is if it's reality it's not delusional. I feel the same way that you do. To have less than that would be false to the person I'm with, as well as myself.
I believe that we can find love at our age; further; I would say that age isn't the issue, per se, but that some people's perception of love has become altered based on their past romantic experiences.
Then the situation becomes one of finding like-minded and like- hearted people. Not easy, but they're out there. Look at it this way perhaps--if you feel this way,,,and I feel this way,,,isn't logical that others do as well? And some of these people may just be men?
;)
EDIT: Just read the above posts- there are two men who feel the same, both in happy ltr's after 45 years of age. I suspect there are others.

I've found a few great guys, OP, who felt this way- the timing was off.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 8
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 3:22:29 PM
Thanks for the re-affirmation everyone. I'm the proverbial optimist and also believe that I'm not 'unique' in my desire to find and nuture a loving relationship with a partner at this age. We read so many negative and jaded posting on these Forums sometimes it makes you wonder what's happening out there?!

Keep the positive experiences coming!
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 9
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 3:23:15 PM
Well, I'm one that is thinking there is no hope for me,
so no positive up-beat post from me, sorry.
I have become disillusioned... just about totally.
It would be neat.. but I can't see it happening.
Certainly not according to every male profile I happen upon.
I'm not what they're looking for! By no means am I.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 10
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 3:35:05 PM
OLP...^^^ there's always someone for everyone out there, and many say that they come when you least expect it. From your postings you display a quick wit and intelligence. There is definitly someone out there, looking just for you.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 11
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 4:37:56 PM
I would say you're subconsciously staying away from love to
protect yourself and not get hurt.
A lot of people do that.
(and don't realize it)

Get over that and love is just around the corner.
at any age.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 12
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 6:03:43 PM
Stray cat...I've honestly asked myself that, but I really don't believe I am. I really just haven't met someone that I've been on the same page with; but you are certainly right that we all may have many conscious and unconscious issues.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 13
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 6:25:53 PM

When we meet someone we always expect to find that spark, that initial attraction, that connects us and tells us that we can see ourselves with that person


Personally,,,,I never "expected" anything from anyone when first meeting them. I'm "hoping",,,but never "expecting". I may even "wish" the odd time,,,but my wishes have yet to happen. I'm not one to dismiss the possibility of it all, but I'm also not betting the house on finding " the",,,or even "a" one.
All I know at my age is that it may happen,,,or it may not. Either/or,,,I'm still gonna wake up every morning,,,except that last one.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 14
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 7:00:02 PM
OK, if that's not it....
then next up could be maybe being delusional in who you might find.
I have a theory...
and it's not an exact science...
but the more detailed the description of a perfect guy....
the more unrealistic the profile.

Take this:
The only way to impress me is with sincerity and honesty. I'm looking for an intelligent, stable man, with a ready smile, healthy mind and body and a kind heart. I offer nothing less in return!

Now see, you listed 7 things you need.
If I was looking for that in a woman I could find that with my eyes closed.
But as to us guys......
geez.
well 3 of those would be good.
4 .....rare.
all....in your dreams.
literally...you'd be asleep dreaming.
LOL

OK, I'm not picking on you.
Mostly bored and teasing.
So take most of what I typed as just fun B.S. not to be taken seriously.
But kidding aside....
I don't have a preconcieved notion of who I may meet.
I set the bar pretty low.
Not settling.
Just learned my perfect sexy princess who will coo sweet things to me while cooking in a thong and explaining string theory..... is...well... a tad unrealistic.
dammit.
and I so want to know about string theory.

So I figure a girl who can tie a string...
while maybe possibly fitting into a thong(even if her butt sticks waayyy out there)
and can cook toast....
maybe I can date her.
more than that....
perhaps is abit unrealistic on my part.

I'll just have to learn string theory on my own.
I guess.
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 15
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 7:10:59 PM
"The candy shop mentality."
Same for me...I'm not looking anymore either. I'd rather swim alone than waste my time on someone who is always
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 16
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 7:18:00 PM
When it happens for me, it'll happen...

Meh.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 17
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 8:15:44 PM
Take this:
The only way to impress me is with sincerity and honesty. I'm looking for an intelligent, stable man, with a ready smile, healthy mind and body and a kind heart


Right now there are likely 100s of men with most of those qualities within a 5 mile radius of you..

However, most don't look like George Clooney or Brad Pitt.. Maybe more like George Costanza from Seinfeld.. Still interested?

Are you going to go out where they are, bars or local social groups, take the time to mingle with them and spend time talking and having fun while you get to know their character?...

That feeling of "Love" you seek comes from within you.. None of those men can provide it for you...
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 18
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 9:39:08 PM
As we get older we have so much history we drag around with us, so much judgement. It's hard for us to open up to love the way we did when we were younger. I did start to fall in love despite this not too long ago; it was a feeling I'd almost forgotten. Thing is, the girl was only eighteen. She was just so full of life it opened my wicked old heart.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 19
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 9:39:38 PM
I'm in the "getting up there" group too, but I will testify that I still am as prone to crushes and falling in love as I've always been. What's changed with time, is that I learned long ago not to think that BECAUSE I was in love, that the feelings either dictated my response (I should MARRY that wonderful woman!), and nor did they have any magical powers to make the woman and I compatible enough to live together and be a couple. That's the detailed way of saying I'm more selective and careful than when I was young.
If it's delusional to keep looking until I DO find both a woman who I can be in love with AND who is in love with me, then I'm committed to that delusion. But really, I think the only folks I'd criticize as deluding themselves, or being unrealistic, are those who demand that "love conquers all..." the ones who come here or elsewhere, complaining that prince or princess charming should get off the horse, ignore all the things that they were ACTUALLY looking for in a mate, and "make all their dreams come true."
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 20
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 10:13:59 PM
Right now there are likely 100s of men with most of those qualities within a 5 mile radius of you..

However, most don't look like George Clooney or Brad Pitt.. Maybe more like George Costanza from Seinfeld.. Still interested?

Are you going to go out where they are, bars or local social groups, take the time to mingle with them and spend time talking and having fun while you get to know their character?...

That feeling of "Love" you seek comes from within you.. None of those men can provide it for you...


What's wrong with George? My father is an 80 year old look-alike...with a much better character and more intelligence! I should be so lucky as to find someone like him! Lol!

I'm certainly not an Angelina.... if Pitt or Clooney comes by, hey....I might give them a chance if they're " an intelligent, stable man, with a ready smile, healthy mind and body and a kind heart! "
( But on second thought, I don't think I want a guy who's prettier than I am! Lol!)

TALL-IQ2 if you knew me you wouldn't have to ask. Looks are at the bottom of my requirements.
Selfless love between 2 people really does exist....I have seen fine examples.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 21
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 5:23:09 AM

...From your postings you display a quick wit and intelligence.
Thing is, THAT isn't something that men put they're looking for on their profiles, lol!
I read .. over and over and over.. that they're seeking someone along the lines of who they were seeking 25 years ago (and I don't mean age).
I guess they figure what the heck, put it out there and maybe they'll get lucky.
It's their dream to find what they could find 25 years ago (and again, I don't mean age), so maybe on a dating site their dream 'girl' will reply.


Yeah but Purple, are they what you are looking for? I didn't think so!
You're right, they're not what I'm looking for simply because of their hoping to find what they could find 25 years ago.
I think, ohhh he seems interesting... then I read just one line about "sweet-sexy-active-alluring" (whatever! pick your choice of words), and I think nope, he's got his head in the clouds and I don't feel like dealing with that.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 22
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 6:56:49 AM

From my experience in life it has always been something that grew.


My experience as well..
So you can't hurry love
You just have to wait

Nativerock
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 23
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 9:58:18 AM
Not delusional whatsoever, and definitely possible. I found it, using a dating site of all things!
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 24
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 11:59:45 AM
The problems I have encountered, especially with on-line dating, is that I've not met one guy who didn't continue looking. And I'm sure there are plenty of women guilty of the same thing. It just seems impossible to keep someone's attention longer than a date or two before they get distracted by something they perceive as a better deal


I've noticed that too. I've gone on meet-ups/dates that I "thought" went fairly well only to discover that I was obviously not on the same page as they were...lol.

Just last Friday, I went out with someone and I really, really thought the evening went well. There were no awkward silences, converstaion flowed, we shared a few laughs. Easy breezy. He even kissed me goodnight (hmmm, maybe I'm a bad kisser?)

Anyhow, I sent a note the next morning thanking him for the evening (he insisted on paying for the shared pizza) And, in the note... expressed my enjoyment. That was it.

No acknowledgement of the e-mail what so ever. Even though I noticed he was on-line many times since recieving it..

I was irked...I will admit it. So four days later I sent another e-mail... I wasn't rude or anything. I just wanted to let him know that after meeting him, I was a little disappointed in his behaviour.... I would have expected better.

He still has not even opened the e-mail Aarrrgh!!!!! I never do stuff like this...wish I hadn't sent the last e-mail. I should have let it drop.

But....in spite of all the crap that happens in dating land....I still try to remain optimistic. I still am hoping to find that elusive relationship. Delusional....maybe. * Big sigh*


...mae
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 25
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 4:32:19 PM

Same for me...I'm not looking anymore either. I'd rather swim alone than waste my time on someone who is always


Perhaps the rolls have changed. Seems to me, when younger, the women were always fishing.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 26
Looking for love in all the right places.....
Posted: 11/11/2010 6:09:11 PM
...Msg 39. Wondered where you were going with all that. Loved it... Gives us all hope. Thank-you for sharing.



...mae
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