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 AUTHOR
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 4
HindsightPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Hindsight; is a wonderful thing. Without it we would not learn. There are no mistakes...only lessons to be learned.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes, it takes more than two or three 'runs' at something in order for us to understand, get it right and learn. You are ok!
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 5
Hindsight
Posted: 11/10/2010 4:29:11 PM
You're NOT the woman you were.
You're stronger, wiser now.
And won't fall for THAT again.

So I'd say you're ready.
Being abit jaded is often the first step to finding true love.
Keeps one from being distracted by the untrue kind.

good luck.
 parrotmama
Joined: 10/4/2009
Msg: 7
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History
Hindsight
Posted: 11/10/2010 7:32:17 PM
First, let me offer my condolences. It sounds like you ate a awful lot of heartache in this relationship. It's easy for those who are farther away from their own bad experiences to offer sage and somewhat cold advice...it sounds like it's still pretty raw for you. I know it hurts....and you are angry with yourself for investing so much effort into someone who wasn't worth it. There is a great song entitled, "Man I wanted" that has a line that helped me in a similar situation:

The only thing I'm missing
The only thing I need
The only thing that's gone
Is the man I wanted you to be

It's a case of mistaken identity. Sometimes they are very clever about giving you just enough to keep you hooked, hoping, wishing...ignoring the little voice inside of you that tells you the truth. The most painful part is knowing that you colluded with his deception.

So many people I read on the forums have learned these hard lessons and develop a hard distrustful shell of protection...which makes it less likely that they will be hurt again...and also that they will allow themselves to love again. Don't let that **stard take that from you. He's taken enough.
That just means you gave it your best. He didn't...
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 21
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History
Hindsight
Posted: 11/14/2010 12:14:57 PM
How do you get your dignity back? You are on a good start by acknowledging that the guy wasn't the right guy for you and moving on.
I know several women (and guys) that just don't get it. I know one woman that dated a guy for an entire year and never saw his place. She found out he was married.
Another woman, same situation. Found out he lived in prison and he was released on weekends. These same women continued to date these "men" because they see the potential for change for the better.
Life is a work in progress. You make a code to live by and stick to it.
We all make mistakes, there is no playbook for every situation we all may come in contact with. The trick is to learn from your mistakes, strive to be happy and don't be so hard on yourself
 evrybdy
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 25
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History
Hindsight
Posted: 11/15/2010 5:21:16 PM
great, great thread. I am going through something similar right now and these replies work for me too. I am hoping you are getting stronger everyday as I am. We don't need this kind of drama in our lives!
 AlphonseO
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 38
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History
Hindsight
Posted: 12/16/2010 2:44:11 PM
Good For You!!!!
Makes me feel better too just know that someone else can be strong!
Then I can Too!
I did give the ex a second chance just as you discribed your's wanting. The second time I broke it off, just two weeks ago has caused me more heartache and pain than the first time. I knew better and went back for more.

I'm throwing the rearview mirror away! Not Lookin back!
 AlphonseO
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 42
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History
Hindsight
Posted: 12/20/2010 9:01:50 AM
How very true^^^^^



Also consider that for the bulk of humanity, goodness in people is the norm, not the exception. I think that, as we stumble through life, emotional maturity takes a lot of leesons and tests and remedial training, and we often find ourselves at our worst with a loved one. Once two many mistakes are made, there seems to be no going back to that first blush of all forgiving blind love. Thus, good people behave badly, and it seems to skew the statistics that there are more bad people than good.

Two good people who are a bad pairing can make the other think they married a bad person, when that just is not the case.


I know the 2 year relationship I was just in was GREAT 95% of the time, but the other 5% or less of the time she seemed to be able to bring out the worst in me, she was so mean and nasty I could not believe I was with the same woman. Maybe some mental issues, There are mental inssues in her family. And I will admidt to her being able to bring out a side of me I am not proud of.
But I also think people are not willing to sit down, talk to one another, and work through problems. So many of use run at the first sign of difficulty, we want instant gradification. No one is willing to work for that perfect relationship.

Good luck to All

 AlphonseO
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 47
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History
Hindsight
Posted: 12/24/2010 11:07:01 AM
Kit28,

Good for you. So many times we lead with the heart and never engage the brain. I know what you are going thru. Throw the rear view mirror away and don't look back.
Why settle for someone that does not bring you true and complete happieness.

Good luck with the future.

Meery Christmas to all.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 52
Hindsight
Posted: 2/23/2011 5:08:55 PM
I hear your torment, pain and inquisitive nature... I was their.


Right now I'm really, really hating hindsight


Hindsight is actually a great way to look back at who you were back in the moment and see if who that was that got you burned today.


In hindsight, it was evident after 4 months the "infatuation" he had for me had worn off, yet I continued to try to "fix" it for another 8 months


What you're saying here is that you fell for the man you thought he was but not who he was really. When we come to realize who the really are or who YOU are, it hurts bad.


In hindsight I hate the woman I let him turn me into


Here is going to be a big eye opener for you but, HE did not turn you to another person, YOU let yourself be turned by him. One may say that that's a subtle difference but it is a HUGE difference. The first way puts the other person in a position of control over you but the second, puts you in that control so, whatever happens, you are always in cointrol of your life as we are ALL 100% responsible for what we do!


In hindsight I hope someday I can pull my dignity and the fond memories out of the pain I'm feeling right now


It's only once you can rake ownership of what you did and was responsible for that you can really start to heal properly!


So how do I get my dignity back?


By again looking back at what you were 100% responsible for and learning what changes in your life you want to bring.

How do I get over him? /quote]

By looking at who he really is and not who you thought he was. Then, by looking at who you were and who you are today!


How do I learn to trust my judgement again?


With confidence! When you become clear on who you are today, you will gain all that confidence back. One thing to do to become clear on that is to ask yourself “Who am I ?”. It will take you a loooooong time to answer but, the more and more you think and reflect on it, the clearer your answer will be!


How will I ever trust a man again?


The issue here is not you trusting MEN but, YOU allowing yourself to trust again. With this new found self (once you've answered that question), you will feel very confident and clear on what you're ready for!
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