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Joined: 6/17/2010
Msg: 1
Why am I not having any luck?Page 1 of 1    
I need some constructive feedback - please be gentle!

I've been on POF a few months now, and I have yet to go on a single date! I am getting mixed signals. It's usually one of a few different scenarios:

1) The guy will message me, come on strong, and then when I respond, never reply back.

2) They tell me they want to meet, ask me to call or text, and when I do, they act like they have no idea who I am or why I am calling/texting. (My guess in these cases is that they are either impaired, or indiscriminately contacting so many women that when I respond they don't recall contacting me.)

3) They add me to their favorites list, but do not contact me. When I message them, they reply; we may email each other for a few days, and they say they want to get together. When I ask what they had in mind, I get no response back. These gents are the ones who never bother to ask me for my number or give me theirs.

4) They call, we talk/chat/email, they ask if we can do lunch/coffee/dinner/a drink (fill in the blank), we even agree to a time and date, but they text or email me the night before or the morning of the date and say they can't make it, and want to push it back a week (or more) for various reasons. Of course, I don't hold my breath, and I never hear from them.

The question is: is it my profile? Is it typical for this sort of thing to happen? If there's not a connection, why do they even bother with the pretense that they want to go out?

Thanks in advance for your help!
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2
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Why am I not having any luck?
Posted: 11/21/2010 1:38:50 PM
1) What are your responses like? In any event, forget them. They aren't interested and often it's not really necessarily your profile as a whole. Anything can turn a person away including the fact that you like yoga. O___o

2) It's the latter; contacting more women than you. Essentially, you're just in line with other women for those men. They play the numbers game and keep accurate pie charts of their response rates.

3) Ignore the Favorites feature unless it's people you've sincerely known/have spoken to prior to them adding you. Often that list is just people that are 'fans' of you but have no intention in the universe of ever meeting you. As for them turning the other way then that probably goes in line with #2 in that they have other options.

4) They are flakes. The basic and most true principle or rule is that men will seriously make an effort to meet you if we truly want to. You have no idea how true this is. If we are really liking what you have to say and look like then we'll ****ing paraglide onto your home's roof if we have to.
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 3
Why am I not having any luck?
Posted: 11/21/2010 1:47:36 PM
I checked out your profile, honestly nothing stuck out to me....

But, part of what you're experiencing is just a fact of life when it comes to online dating - there are flakes, people who are attached but looking for "fun" (in real life, or just online), people who chicken out when it comes time to meet because they've lied or misrepresented themselves online, their level of interest changed after learning more through emails/IM/phone...

This crap happens to me sometimes too...just move on to the next one. When it comes to the re-schedulers, I'll play along the first time, give them the benefit of the doubt ONE TIME. If the same thing happens again(especially if it's the same date they had to reschedule the first time), I don't bother anymore - they're obviously not interested. *shrug*

My advice would be not to invest emotionally in any way until you're actually face to face with the guy, and start from scratch in that moment. Up to that point, he's just a guy you're emailing, and might one day meet in person.
 You go first
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 4
Why am I not having any luck?
Posted: 11/21/2010 1:55:07 PM
Sorry, I never had those experiences during my time looking. But, I was more likely to contact guys I found interesting first and follow up those than to wait for someone to contact me. Are you actively writing to men you find interesting?

There are many guys that get onto this site and get a 'kid in a candy store' mentality. They contact a hundred women or get lots of attention and figure they can play the grass is greener game indefinitely. This wears off after some time and then they get all disappointed.

Not knowing the content of your messages, we can in no way tell what happens from initial contact to cancelled dates. What you can do is be selective of the quality of men you contact or reply to.

Main photo should be just your cute little smiling face (Mom is cute, too, but let her get her own profile!).

The very last paragraph should be deleted (it's one of those obvious things that smart guys already get and dumb guys won't read) except for the very last sentence. It may help to be a bit more specific about what you like in a man.

Don't give up or get jaded - the one you're supposed to meet just isn't here yet.
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 5
Why am I not having any luck?
Posted: 11/21/2010 3:23:05 PM
I looked at your profile and nothing stuck out at me ...........
Joined: 6/17/2010
Msg: 6
Why am I not having any luck?
Posted: 11/21/2010 4:10:53 PM
Thanks everyone for your advice. I did change my profile pic, and took out that last paragraph. I need some more current photos, but I'm sorta camera shy!

Guess I will put some thought into writing about the kind of guy I am looking for. I didn't really do that because I thought it might put someone off that might otherwise be a good catch, if they didn't think they were the ideal of what I was looking for! There have been a few guys who appealed to my taste, but when I read what they were looking for, it sounded like NO woman could live up to their expectations, much less me!

I have contacted a few guys. Most of them don't respond, some are very nice and tell me they are seeing someone (then why didn't they hide their profile?) or that the spark just "isn't there".
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 7
Why am I not having any luck?
Posted: 11/21/2010 4:45:25 PM
I would get rid of pictures number 3 and 4 as they aren't clear. To me i wouldn't meantion that your life is full, some guys may think that you don't have time for them in your life. Other wise I don't see anything wrong with your profile. Everyone has their tastes, interests, etc.
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